Men’s Viewing of Pornography is Harmful to a Relationship
Friday, September 16, 2016 By Truth About Deception
The results of a new longitudinal study on the use of pornography and its impact on marital outcomes are not encouraging. Men who viewed pornography, especially men who viewed pornography at high levels (on a daily basis), were less satisfied with their relationships six years later.
As noted in the research, viewing pornography “was strongly and negatively related to marital quality over time, and this effect was robust to the inclusion of controls for earlier satisfaction with sex life and decision-making.”
The study also revealed that women’s’ viewing of pornography didn’t have a negative impact on relationships over the course of time.
The main takeaway? For men, viewing pornography can have a negative long-term impact on one’s relationship.
Source: Perry, S. L. (2016). Does Viewing Pornography Reduce Marital Quality Over Time? Evidence from Longitudinal Data. Archives of Sexual Behavior. In press.
Wednesday, August 31, 2016 By Truth About Deception
Lovers lie and sometimes they confess to doing so. What motivates a partner’s decision to come clean and tell the truth? New research shows that a confessor’s motivation isn’t always pure. One of the strongest motivations for telling the truth to a partner? The belief that the lie that was told was going to be discovered. It’s fairly clear whose interests are being served by such confessions – the person who lied in the first place.
Source: Kearns, K. D. (2016). Unsolicited confession of deception in romantic relationships (Doctoral dissertation).
Top Signs Your Boyfriend Is Cheating On You With Your Best Friend
Friday, July 15, 2016 By Nick Bastion
Your boyfriend cheating on you is a horrible thought. But your boyfriend cheating on you with your best friend? That’s the ultimate betrayal, on so many unimaginable levels that you cannot even begin to explain. I am going to take you through some of the major signs that indicate that he could be cheating on you with your best friend.
The Top 6 Signs He Might Be Cheating With Your Best Friend
He Has Called Her Pretty Before
Has he ever said anything about whether she is pretty or not? If he’s called her attractive in any way, this is obviously an indication that he could at least have some physical attraction to her.
Is She Single?
This alone is not enough to signal that he’s cheating on you with your best friend… but consider whether she is single or not. If she’s single, it obviously means there’s an opportunity to cheat. Even if she isn’t single, though, it’s still possible that some kind of cheating is going on. If she’s in a relationship, think about whether she’s happy in it or whether she complains a lot.
She Has Told You Something Complimentary About Him
Has she ever said something to you implying or overtly saying that your boyfriend is attractive? Maybe something like “omg you’re so lucky.” This is an indication that leans toward him cheating being a possibility. Again, this alone means nothing, but if you look at the other signs (specifically, his own behavior) you can start to put the pieces together and make a judgment call on whether it seems likely that he’s cheating.
He Asks About Her A Lot
Does your boyfriend ask about your best friend a lot? Like… Way too much? This is obviously a sign that his interest goes above simple curiosity. Think about whether he ever brings her up without you even saying anything. This is a sign that he could be cheating. I’ve actually written a lot about this, you can find more drop dead giveaway signs he’s cheating here right now on Vixen Daily.
He Acts Weird When Around You Two
Does he just act odd when he’s around both of you? Do you get a weird vibe when you’re hanging out that you didn’t before? This is a sign that he could be cheating.
Your Best Friend is the “Type” of Person Who Would Cheat
You obviously know your best friend (or at least, think you do). Does she seem like the type of person who would cheat or does it literally seem impossible?
The Top 7 Signs He Might Be Cheating With Anyone
He Hides His Phone From You
Is he being unusually secretive about his phone lately? Maybe he used to leave his phone lying around, but now, all of a sudden… he’s extremely private and weird about his phone. Maybe did not have a passcode before and now he does. Maybe his passcode was set to turn on after 15 minutes but now it’s set to immediately. Maybe he gets super nervous if you’re using his phone for any innocent reason.
He Seems Nervous Around You
Does he seem nervous and uncomfortable around you and act weird? Or does he almost go out of his way to be abnormally nice? This is a sign that he could be cheating.
He is Acting Different Than Usual For No Apparent Reason
Is he all of a sudden acting a lot different than he usually does? Is his behavior “off” in some way? This is a sign that he could be cheating.
He Doesn’t Have Sex With You Anymore
This is obviously a big indicator that might mean he’s cheating on you, check out this article for more signs. Unless there is something else going on in his life that’s causing him to lose interest in sex, then this is a big sign that he might be cheating. There are obviously other reasons that indicate that he might not be having sex with you anymore, but this is definitely a sign to consider.
He Makes More of an Effort to “Groom”
It’s normal for a guy to groom and do things like wear cologne, get a haircut and other good stuff like that. Different men will have different grooming habits. So think about his typical grooming habits and compare that to the way he is now. Is he all of a sudden putting a lot more of an effort into his appearance and grooming habits? If so, it could be a sign that he’s trying to impress someone else.
Is he all of a sudden spending a lot of money? He might be spending it on dates or drinks or whatever else he could be doing with another woman. So if he’s all of a sudden secretive about his finances and making an effort to hide things from you, it’s a sign he is cheating.
Following the revelation of an affair you may think that sex is the last thing on either party’s mind. However for some couples the sudden prospect of losing one another can see them becoming instinctively drawn to one another and engaging in the type of passionate sex that their relationship may previously have been lacking. More commonly, though, a sexual rift is formed. Intense feelings of frustration, disgust, betrayal and sheer hurt may mean that the injured party can never imagine being intimate with their cheating partner ever again. Each couple is different and their response to sex following infidelity will be governed by their own moral compass, feelings and desires.
Although rebuilding the relationship will be a joint effort, in the early stages it is important to focus on yourself so that you are mentally, physically and emotionally strong enough to move forward together. On a practical level, it is important that both you and your partner are tested for STD’s. This will not be a pleasant experience but it is necessary. The stress of such emotional upheaval can also take its toll on your body so take care of yourself by eating well, exercising and getting plenty of rest. Emotionally this will be an extremely tough time and many couples find that psychotherapy or counseling is needed to help them work through the painful emotions of such a betrayal. As the injured party you may find your ego takes a big knock and find yourself questioning your attractiveness and worth. Reject these thoughts and work on rebuilding your own self-esteem through self-care and even taking up new hobbies and pastimes to create and showcase your own achievements.
Be honest and practice empathy
In order to start rebuilding your relationship it is important to communicate fully and frankly with one another about your pain and your expectations. In the early stages this may be done through angry exchanges, emotional outbursts or passing the blame. Eventually though, you need to work on creating empathy and understanding why the affair happened and how you have both been affected by it since. Only when you can truly begin to validate your partner’s feelings and gain at least some understanding of what it’s been like to live in their world can you truly move forward.
The temptation to compare yourself to your partner’s lover is hard to avoid. Of course you will be plagued by thoughts such as ‘were they more attractive than me?’ or ‘were they better in bed?’ But this is a fruitless and destructive thought process that will only lead you into further torment. And with studies indicating that the majority of married affairs occur due to feelings of inadequacy, life challenges and depression, it is likely had nothing to do with your sex life anyway. If you want to move forward sexually it is important to concentrate on you and your partner and banish the memory of the other person from your lives. If you continue to have intrusive and reoccurring thoughts about the other person then speak with a therapist about the best techniques to effectively deal with them.
Do not feel pressured or rushed into embarking on a sexual relationship until you are ready. For some couples this may be sooner than others. They may find that sex is a way for them to physically express the emotions they are still unable to verbalize. For others, trust will need to be built and re-established before they feel the desire to be intimate with their partner again. Be clear with your partner about your feelings and listen to their expectations and hopes for the future too.
Work towards a new sexual relationship
Many people say that following an affair their relationship is never the same again. Indeed this may well apply to your sex life too. But in some ways it can be a positive thing. Moving forward with erotic recovery gives you the opportunity to be completely honest about your relationship and discuss elements that you feel could be improved upon. Together you can forge a new, more fulfilling sex life that is better for both of you. After all sex is an expression of love and if you are able to make it through the upheaval of an affair, your sex life afterwards should reflect the emotional dedication that you have for one another.
It is important to forgive a partner for cheating. Forgiveness helps people feel less humiliated, less suspicious and allows individuals to put the incident into context – rather than have it define the relationship.
While forgiving a spouse is helpful, it is not easy to do. New research shows that group therapy can be very effective at helping individuals work through a betrayal. Individuals who participated in therapy after discovering infidelity developed the skills needed to actively deal with problems in their relationships and they greatly improve their outlook on life.
Source: Kazemi M.S. and Javid M.M. (2015). Effect of infidelity therapy on improving mental health of betrayed women. International Journal of Psychology and Counselling, 7(2), 24 – 28.