As a Last Resort – Try to Gain More Information
Suspicion is often fueled by a lack of information.
Being jealous involves imagining the worst, but not being sure if your feelings are correct. For some people, the most difficult part of being suspicious is not knowing what the truth might be.
So as a last resort, one way to deal with jealousy and suspicion involves trying to get to the bottom of things. In fact, some people have a very difficult time letting go of their suspicions until they have enough information to make up their mind or until they have the answers that they are looking for.
But, the problem with this approach is that the quest for information usually takes on a life of its own. People seek out information, but they do not know when to stop, and their search only fuels their suspicion even more.
With this in mind, what are some guidelines for trying to get to the bottom of things?
To begin with, asking a lot of invasive questions is usually not a good way to go about discovering the truth. If husbands or wives, boyfriends or girlfriends, are trying to hide things from you, they are not likely to tell you about it simply because you ask.
There are much better ways of getting romantic partners to be more forthcoming (see getting others to be honest).
Second, many people resort to snooping. But, snooping raises some ethical issues (see is it ethical to snoop). But, if you do snoop on your partner, try to set a reasonable time limit—a week, a month, or whatever, given the issue at hand.
It is important to set a strict time limit and keep to it. Otherwise, your search will just lead to a never-ending quest for more information, which only fuels suspicion even more.
If you do not discover anything within the time limit then try to let it go. If you are still suspicious, remind yourself that you tried to get the truth and discovered nothing—you gave it your best shot and came up empty-handed.
On the other hand, if you do discover something, at least now you can deal with a real problem rather than spend your time worrying about what might be.
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