A book by a founder of this site.
Will Your Husband Or Wife Eventually Discover The Truth?
When trying to determine if you should come clean about something that has happened, the first set of questions to ask yourself are also the most important.
Can you keep it a secret?
Will someone tell your partner what happened?
Will your husband or wife, boyfriend or girlfriend eventually find out the truth?
If your spouse or partner is going to discover the truth – you MUST be the one to tell before he or she finds out on their own (see Afifi, Falato & Weiner). If your partner discovers the truth through other means – surveillance, third party information, or accidental discovery, the damage has already been done (see consequences of deception).
If your spouse uncovers the truth before you confess, it will be much more difficult for you to regain your partner’s trust. If you get caught before you come clean, now not only have you done something wrong, but you also tried to hide it from your spouse. Unfortunately, you have proven that you cannot be trusted to tell the truth when it matters the most.
If, however, you confess before your partner discovers what happened, the disclosure may still cause a lot of problems, but at least your partner can trust what you say. Having trust is critical when trying to work through problems. If you come clean before getting caught, your partner is much more likely to forgive you and work through problems with you.
Ultimately, telling the truth is critical, but especially when the truth is going to be discovered.