Are You Dealing With A Reoccurring Problem?
When deciding if you should confess to something you may have done, it also helps to consider about whether the issue involved is a reoccurring problem or a one time incident.
Typically, if what happened is only a one time incident, perhaps it might be best not to tell (for an alternative view, see lying limits choice).
Relationships, even in the best of circumstances, are hard to maintain. If you bring up every mistake you make, it can cause more problems than good in your relationship. In fact, research consistently shows that relationships work best when romantic partners see each other in a positive light (see advantages of self deception).
When partners or spouses start viewing each other in a more negative light, it is harder for people to get along and work things out. Some positive biases and good will are critical when trying to get along. Telling the truth about every little thing that happens, does not always help (see avoid tension).
But, if the problem at hand is a recurring problem, then it might be wise to consider telling the truth.
If you hide a recurring problem, it will never get solved and it is not fair to a partner – hiding problems from partners robs them of their choices and they ability to deal with the situation at hand (see lying limits choice).
If you decide to tell, it might be useful to read the section on rebuilding trust as well.