Snooping and Spying Secrets

Snooping and I am upset

I looked at my live in boyfriends phone last night. There is a text on there from this woman who he says is just a friend and business person. For some reason he felt the need to tell her he had been ‘hard’ on and off all day. She says ‘well I hope its from me’. She’s super ugly and looks like a guy. I am not ugly, as a matter of fact, I’m pretty damn hot so why would he say that to her? He talks about me to other woman too. Why does he do this. I feel stupid for even looking at his phone, but I did and its killing me. I know he would never cheat on me, but what is this with the texts? She also left xoxo on his Facebook page knowing he has a girlfriend. I moved up here to be with him and have no one else. I don’t know what to do since I crossed the line and looked at his phone....

Going crazy snooping on my fiance

I have been keeping a close eye on my fiance for about 3 months. I have caught her lying several times, most of them so little and stupid that I had to wonder why she would even lie about them and then further, if she would lie about little things, why not big things too?

I check her phone once every few days, and found two very inappropriate and questionable text messages. I drive by her work at lunch when she’s "too busy" at work to stop or "in a meeting", and see that she went to lunch with her boss...after she told me she was way too busy to stop! That made me want to die in a fiery car crash.

I check her internet history and email often, and found that she’s been receiving money that she told me she wasn’t getting...

I have gotten to the point where I question everything she says or does, if not verbally to her, then silently to myself.

I feel sick for being so obsessive, but it’s maddening...I want to stop but, I can’t...

I know I should leave her and that I’m making it worse for myself.

It’s curious why we do things like this to ourselves. I want to say its love, but, I know it isn’t...is it? It’s hard to imagine that love would be capable of blinding us so badly that the cruelty we inflict on ourselves becomes torturous and slow, almost surgical...

I want to cry I want to kill I want to die sometimes I want to walk away I want to run away I want to take away her trust and ruin it forever.

I don’t want anyone to feel like this, especially by her hand.

I hate myself.

Tracking him

I’ve been checking his email and tracking his phone every day.

Scared my snooping will get out of control

I have every password to every account (bank, phone, email, etc.) my boyfriend has. I found a piece of paper in his drawer with them all written down (not very hard considering he has the same password for everything). Will I ever tell him? NO WAY. Do I check them? Occasionally. But honestly I’m trying not to. It’s so easy to make nothing into something and become obsessive. I’ve been there and it’s not fun.

My insecurity is driving me crazy

I met a wonderful man over a year ago. When we hooked up, he was still talking to his ex-girlfriend and claimed it was on friendly terms. A couple of months after this conversation, he came over and left his Facebook account open on the computer. I went through his inbox and discovered messages between his ex and himself. One of the messages was the night after we first hooked up calling her sweetie and he told he loved her. I felt so humiliated, hurt and betrayed. It ate me up inside and eventually I admitted to snooping. He was very upset but we talked through it and continued with our relationship. He claimed that she was abusive yet and that he broke up with her. When I asked him what date they broke up, he couldn’t tell me and I sensed that they were together when we hooked up. He said that he thought we were dating from the first time we did the deed yet the messages were lingering in my mind. I asked him to stop accepting her phone calls and request for him to bring over the dogs as I felt really hurt. His ex would call while we were having sex, eating dinner together, having romantic nights out on the town, etc,. He did and has been very faithful since. We have had many conversations that have been reassuring; including ones that we talked about all the partners we had in the past. We also agreed not to talk to any of our exes.

Since then, I’ve found it hard to trust him. I have this fear that he will leave me for another woman just like he did with his ex. I was the one who in fact cheated, I contacted my ex, who was still a friend on Facebook (which was against fiance and I’s agreement) and we hung out after work one night. My fiance knew that I was going because he got the message I sent my ex and I lied to him about being late from work. I went to see my ex and told him that we couldn’t be friends any more. We ended up kissing and laying in bed together. Aside from the kissing, nothing sexual happened. My ex wanted to do the deed really bad but I said, we cannot do this and cannot be friends anymore. I felt really stupid and angry with myself that I went to see my ex. I felt that if I went over to his ex because I wanted to cheat before my fiance hurt me.

I believe that I know my worth yet I also believe that I am insecure. Before meeting him, I came out of a very abusive relationship and subsequent degrading flings afterwards. I know that I am beautiful, intelligent and have a wonderful personality but I feel threatened by women who are brunette, have olive skin and a wide smile. All of his exes looked the same and I am of a different ethnicity, have curly dark hair, etc,. I check his Facebook often and I feel like crying when I see an attractive girl try to add him as a friend. The women who try to add him are women that he has never mentioned, some from our city, who have no mutual friends. He ignores the request but it shows up as hidden and it concerns me. I feel horrible because he’s probably not adding women because he feels I’ll become jealous.

My fiance knows that I snoop through his Facebook. He hasn’t changed his password and for the most part, he has nothing to hide. Yesterday, I discovered messages that he "deleted" on Facebook that are now archived. I thought that he had saved them and there were really saddening messages between him and his ex from when we first got together. He admitted he was wrong for what he did and insisted that he loves me and only me. We had tried for about two months to have a child and now we are expecting a healthy baby boy or girl on the way. I’m afraid that he won’t love me after I have the baby because many women gain weight and don’t feel attractive. He tells me everyday that he loves me and thinks I’m beautiful

I want to change my behaviour and stop snooping. I want to trust him but I’m not sure where to begin. Every time I trust him a little, something happens that breaks my trust. I feel like I will lose my fiance unless I change my behaviour.

Reading his email and texts

My fiance and I live together. He is on my Verizon family plan. Daily, I check his texts, incoming and outgoing as well as phone calls. I also log into his Facebook page and read his messages. This is my secret. I guess one of his secrets would be that he talks to another girl that I’ve never met fairly frequently. He says they’re just friends, but how am I to know? When I’m able, usually when he’s sleeping soundly, I take his phone and read his text messages, though I’ve not been able to read any from her yet. He doesn’t sleep very soundly usually.

Keeping checking my exs email

I have been checking my ex-boyfriend’s email and Facebook account every day since we broke up a few months ago. We were togther for a few years and he strung me along, promising to commit and marry me, but it came out that he never intended to give up his bachelor lifestyle. I put myself in financial decline and moved out of state to be together with him (he encouraged me to move there). It was hell, I was neglected and so lonely. He never made an effort despite all I did for our relationship. I am furious that I wasted so much time on someone that’s so empty inside and void of emotion. I don’t know why I am checking his email. Its like I can’t stop myself. Maybe I am looking for evidence that he realizes what a selfish ass he is...well, that will never happen. I need to quit. The day we broke up, he signed up for two online dating accounts! I need to forget this loser and stop wasting time checking on his activities. Some guys are so emotionally unavailable, it is hard to see it when you are in so deep. I don’t want to get back together with him. I just have nowhere to put the massive anger I feel. So I check his email. Feels pathetic. I will set April 1 as my quit date.

Snooping has left me in a dilemma

I just need to get this off my chest and it may help me get over it. I’m obsessed with finding out the truth. My husband has a friend that has recently contacted him after being out of touch for a long time. My husband was excited about the contact. I was a little less excited about it since it was a girl from his past. So, I started snooping. I’m in no way proud of it, but I can’t seem to help myself. I’m insecure, and I know that’s what’s fueling it. I have confronted him about his messages to her. I’ve asked him if I were to read them, would any of them upset me. He said that they might. I was glad for that because there were some that were upsetting. There were some that his flirting went past the innocent point, and went into the realm of being inappropriate (innocent = dirty comments, inappropriate = inviting one over to prove the dirty comments true, even if it’s not practical).

I can’t point out the difference to him, and show him what I mean by inappropriate without giving away that I have snooped and read his private messages.

On the other hand, I have also sent her a message blaming all my issues on me, and asking that she not flirt with my husband, and she came back and attacked me verbally. My husband is aware of these messages, and said that he wasn’t happy with either of us.

I’m okay with that, because he and I have worked it out, but when I asked him whether she knew he was mad at her too, he said he didn’t want to talk about it anymore. He hasn’t made anything clear to her other than apologizing for me. To be honest, that really upsets me, but I can’t do anything about it because he doesn’t want to talk about it anymore, and I don’t want to admit that I’ve looked.

It’s just upsetting to know that she thinks that he’s apologizing for me, and that he hasn’t defended me one bit.

Snooping is causing problems

My wife admitted to having an emotional affair with another man. She told me that she ended it when in truth she did not. She became more distant and I could see that we were growing apart. I looked through her emails without her knowing and found multiple emails sent to him. I asked her openly if anything was going on and she looked me dead in the eye and lied to my face saying no. I asked her again directly if they were still talking and she said yes, but she has lied about the frequency and the content. We are both musicians and she has sent him songs that she wrote. She said that she has never sent him anything. On one day she sent about 5 songs. I have not confronted her again and I would like to believe her when she says that she will not talk to him and would like to turn this around but I’m not that I do. I don’t know how much lying is acceptable to take here. I feel bad for snooping and honestly I wonder if bringing it to light will really solve anything, other than just give her suspicions. I feel like the truth will just make her better at hiding things.

Obsessed with learning the truth

I have a secret obsession with my current boyfriend, he has done things that reveal he attempted to cheat on me. He swears he never did. I have no trust for him anymore. He tells me he loves me and we have a beautiful baby boy together. I know I am not what he really wants. The thing is I am always spying on him checking the phone bill and the numbers he is texting. I love him so much. I don’t know what to do.