Snooping and Spying Secrets

Caught husband looking at best friend online

For the past year I have been spying on my husband. It started last year when I was pregnant with our second child. He started to get very secretive with his phone even hiding it as times. When I did get my hands on it everything was erased from it. Then I started checking his emails and even put a keylogger on the home computer. That is when I caught him masturbating to pictures of my best friend and spending hours a day looking at other women, not just on porn sites but even on sites like flickr. He has foot fetish and he would spend time staring at other women in flip flops and pantyhose. I am ok with him looking at porn and other women but when I caught him looking at my best friend that really hit a little too close to home. The worse part is I can’t approach him about it unless I reveal I have been spying on him, and I can’t talk about it to my best friend because I don’t want to freak her out. We have a very healthy sexual relationship, we rarely go more then a day without being intimate. I guess I don’t understand why he has to spend so much time looking at other women on a daily basis.

Insecurity and jealousy lead me to snoop

My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and half. We had a rocky beginning to our relationship, mostly because of the circumstances in which it emerged (there was no "other woman" or anything like that, but it didn’t mean we didn’t have obstacles) and because of some insecurity and jealousy problems that manifested themselves unhealthily and led to many fights and a rocky start. We had known each other for months, however, and all the great things about him were better than the jealousy. One of the things that was especially charming was that (and this may be in part because of his insecurities) he was an exceptionally respectful of our relationship... even to the point of absurdity. He would hardly do anything that might in the least make me uncomfortable, but in return expected this ascetic behavior on my part. Trying to be an understanding girlfriend, I did my best (within reason) to make him happy and respect his wishes. About 5 months into our relationship, I moved across the continent to finish my studies. We talked every night and I would fly back to visit him as often as possible which was probably about every 2 weeks (it practically put us both in financial ruin). He still had a few fits of jealousy at the beginning, but these altogether stopped and he was even a little less of his ascetic self, which was a relief (no one wants their boyfriend sitting at home like a hound on the front porch). I finished my studies about 6 weeks ago and moved back in with my boyfriend. Since I have moved back, however, there just seem to be issue after issue of trust on both sides. I moved back and we had a fight about a picture I found of him and his ex. I tried telling him he could keep it, it was just annoying and unsettling to unexpectedly find traces of her every so often (I had found other things before). I tried to explain to him in a completely non-threatening way that she just made me uncomfortable and that I strongly disliked her (even though I never met her and she lives a 1000 miles away), but was met with a level of hostility anyway. I suddenly began becoming insecure about our relationship. My boyfriend leaves his email open and so at one point, I checked it. ugh, it hurts even typing that. I hate being this person. I hate that. I found an inappropriate conversation between the two of them which seemed like the first conversation they had in a long time. I couldn’t confront my boyfriend about it without admitting my own fault. Since then, I feel a compulsive urge to check up on him, but am trying really hard to stop. Then, one day, to do work, I needed a computer to do my own work and so borrowed his old laptop. At one point, in checking the history for a web page I had visited, I found out he was watching pornography behind my back. It would not have been so hurtful had our sex life been okay (which we’ve talked about and he says just feeling insecure because of weight gain which affects his desire for sex). I believe him and so the issue of the masturbation with porn was not so offensive as the hypocrisy considering how he had gone on and on about what it means to "be good to one another" and respecting the other person. I just felt as though there was a double standard since if I were caught doing the same thing or something like that, he would flip. I confronted him about it, and we got into a fight (and he does not fight fair) and actually, I left. We resolved the issue, but I told him my trust in him was shaken and he told me his trust in me was shaken (I was also at fault to a degree in the fight). I’ve been working hard ot be trusting, but the urge to check up on him still creeps up and so yesterday night, I checked his phone and he started having inappropriate conversations with his ex behind my back again. Just reminiscing about things, something about sending some "naughty" exchanges for birthday wishes. I also don’t mind keeping in contact with the ex, but I don’t like the inappropriate factor or that it’s behind my back. I doubt it’ll go any further than that, but it still puts a knot in my stomach. I feel awful for checking up on him. I am considering confessing my slip and being honest with him. I am afraid because I don’t believe he’ll be able to forgive me (especially if it means he’s in the wrong as well) and that’ll be the end of possibly the relationship with the man I love. The man risked his career and his life in this country to be with me. I don’t doubt his love for me and his desire to be with me. He’s a wonderful man and loving and caring and expresses the desire to spend the rest of his life with me. He’s made so many sacrifices for me that I believe him in that response. I just question his commitment to being "good to me."

Snooping on my boyfriend has put me in a bind

I’ve been monitoring my boyfriend’s internet activity for months and have found several instances of him lying and sneaking around behind my back. Problem is, in most cases I can’t reveal what I know without him knowing that I’m checking up on him. A couple of times I’ve brought stuff up saying that "someone" told me, but he continues to lie to my face. It’s a no-win situation. I wonder if I’m better off knowing these things at all.

Know my husband is cheating through Craig’s List

I know that my "fiancee" has received oral sex at least one time, and possibly more, from someone he met on Craig’s List. I found out because I saw a number I didn’t recognize on our phone bill, and I called and spoke with the person.
She told me everything. She is not the person who gave him the blow job, btw. She was supposed to possibly hook up with the other woman involved, but it never got that far. She has been very open with me and now I am trying to decide about confronting him or not. I am not sure if he will deny and that will be the end regardless. I am so distraught.

I have been reading boyfriend’s emails

I accidentally have access to my boyfriend’s email. He doesn’t know it. I have discovered he has been writing other women during much of our 2 year relationship...asking them on trips, giving them his phone number etc. He doesn’t know about this access yet.

Discovered by husband’s cheating ways

My husband has lied and I can’t get past it. He set up a special google voice account and gave only her the number to use so when he was overseas, she wouldn’t have international calling bills. He first said it was only business, then after the lovely google voice actually records/writes transcript of messages and they got emailed accidentally to MY phone, he changed his tune. But only to we are just getting to know each other?! The messages start with Hey baby, it’s me... It made me physically ill to hear the messages. It hurt me that he is intimate with someone other than me. And it hurts that he is defiant and angry. No remorse or contrition.

On top of that we are pursuing infertility treatments and we both had STD testing. He is positive for CMV and I am not. He thinks it isn’t a big deal?! I am a fool and he is a stupid, arrogant, narcissistic child who doesn’t know the truth if it was his own voice telling him!

We have a young daughter who deserves a ‘family’, but not like this. The deception, the breaking of marriage vows is too much. The denials are filled with anger, while I face the lies with anger?! His anger is not about what he did, but that he got caught.

He says he loves me. What definition of love is that? His own father says he only thinks of himself and is a cold calculating person. He thinks everyone else is the problem, not him.

He also thinks it is ok to have this harem of women that he sits around with and drinks. He even wrote of trying to get one of them drunk on purpose. He is in a position of leadership in his company and this is ok with him?
I don’t think I even know who this drinking, swinging man is, I know he isn’t who I married.

And the worst, it is my responsibility to clean it all up, i.e., figure out what is next on my own... He will just walk away and carry on... It is sick and twisted and there should be a place in hell reserved with his name.

I have been reading my boyfriend’s e-mail

I accidentally have access to my boyfriend’s email. He doesn’t know it. I have discovered he has been writing other women during much of our 2 year relationship...asking them on trips, giving them his phone number etc. He doesn’t know about this access yet.

Caught girlfriend cheating by checking phone bill

I caught my girlfriend cheating on me when I checked our phone bill. She had gone over our monthly minutes and that’s what caught my attention, I checked the history online and she would spend hours talking to this person for the last 7 months. Stupidly, I asked her about it right away and while she admitted it, she downplayed it somewhat, saying it was only a text/phone thing and they had never met in person.

I was still suspicious, but I had realized I tipped my hand. The text messages and phone calls ceased almost immediately but things still didn’t seem quite right between us. After a few days of snooping (for which I feel horrible for, but I felt there was no other way, I needed to know) I discovered her email password.

My worst fears have come true, they had been meeting several times. I work overnights and he would come over to our home when I was away, and she would meet him after she was done working. She had assured me she cut off communication, but they still plan days when I’m gone that they can talk to each other.

I don’t know what to do, I love this girl with everything, but this betrayal is almost unbearable. We have a small child together and I would feel bad for our son if I just up and left because of this. And I feel I can’t bring it up without mentioning my lack of trust, even though what she has done and is doing is far worse than anything I have done. The guilt of snooping and her unfaithfulness is going to kill me I fear.

Suspicion is killing my marriage

I can’t believe it’s come to this. My husband and I have been married for just over a year, and I’ve suddenly turned into the kind of wife I’ve always loathed.

We dated off-and-on for a few years before getting married...and we had quite a rocky relationship back then. When we finally got our crap together enough to realize that we wanted to be together, everything was perfect. To be honest, everything still is perfect...everything, that is, except me.

I’ve become convinced in the last couple of months that he’s cheating on me. Not physically, I mean he’s either at work or with me all the time. I don’t suspect him of having sex with other women, but I do know that he texts them constantly.

I’m not proud of it, but my suspicion has reached a ridiculous level where I’m always checking up on him...I even read his text messages when he’s in the shower. I’m looking for mundane conversations with these girls, and most of it is just that.

There’s one girl, though, who I know had a thing for him a while back...and he’s started texting her now too. She doesn’t live where we live now, but he’s always talking to her. In his text messages, there’s discussions with her that are only pieces of conversations, leading me to believe that he has deleted the rest of them. He doesn’t even have her name in his phone, it’s just her first initial...doesn’t that seem shady to anyone else?? By the way, there is never a single mention of me to any of the girls he texts. I don’t even think some of them know he’s married.

I don’t know what to do. I’m going out of my mind. I can’t talk about this to anyone because...honestly everyone warned me not to marry him and now I can’t face the fact that what we have – what I defended so strongly – could be failing. I don’t even want to admit it to myself, but I obsess about it and think about it all the time. It is literally killing me.

I’ve tried to talk to him about it...I’ve told him I don’t like him texting other women...so he sneaks off and does it in the other room. I want to call him out on this particular girl, but I can’t even bring it up knowing that the only reason I know he’s talking to her is because I went through his phone.

I hate myself for being this way, and I’m starting to hate him for his part in making me this way.

Reading my boyfriend’s text messages

I’ve been snooping on my boyfriend! We’ve been dating for almost a year. I feel terrible about it but I don’t trust him. Earlier this year I found out that he picked up another woman while he was out of town. I discovered this by reading text messages from a strange number. He continued to contact her for months after their encounter. I never confronted him about it. He has also been in contact with his ex. His messages with her are way more elaborate and interesting than the ones I share with him, they have inside jokes, talk about their other friends, kid around with each other, and this goes on often. From first thing in the morning sometimes to late at night, while meanwhile I am hearing nothing from him. He claims they are just friends. But they obviously still love the attention from each other and it’s almost like they’re addicted to each other. They also see each other often, but he hides it from me or lies about it to me. What am I still doing with this guy???! Where has my self respect gone?