Snooping and Spying Secrets

Sometimes I snoop or spy.

Snooping on my boyfriend’s phone

Monday, 07 December 2009

I looked at my BF text messages and he is in contact w his ex. He found out I looked and is mad at me. I didn’t have the guts to ask him why he is texting her stuff like "miss me?" I’m pissed at myself for sneaking behind his back to look in his phone, but in the same note, I found suspicious texts from an ex ! He is currently not talking to me, but the more I think about this, the more i think I wasn’t wrong to look because I did find out he is talking to her. We are supposedly in love, he has really never given me reason to snoop, but something inside me told me to. I don’t know what to do, I deeply care for him and I thought he felt the same.? Is his reaction one of guilt??? He claims he isn’t sleeping with anyone else. And as I said I didn’t have guts to ask who this girl is or why is she texting him, and why he wants to know if she misses him? I should probably just end it.

My snooping is getting way out of hand

Monday, 12 October 2009

My snooping is horrible it started with me because I found him with a mobile I didn’t recognize. I went on the net and it gave me the advice to look for evidence then confront him. I wish I never had. It has just been horrible sneaking up during the night shaking with fear when you open the mobile and see a text wondering if he’s working where and when he says he is. I feel unable to love him now because I’ve come to despise myself and the person I’ve become. Always suspicious even if the house phone rings thinking that’s her. That’s her trying to get to me. I’m practically paranoid thinking I’m being constantly deceived and now I’m cutting off friends because I don’t want them to know my suspicions. It has got to stop now.

Snooping on facebook

Sunday, 20 September 2009

I still continue "spying" by looking at my ex’s profile through a fake account and his girlfriend’s even though his profile is considered private. I even found out where he lives which is with his girlfriend. Drove by their place a while back but somehow controlled myself and stopped driving over there. I am even guilty of dialing his phone number and hanging up when he answers. I know we aren’t compatible with each other but damn it I can’t help but think about him. He changed his number but of course I have access to his page with his new phone number but haven’t called it. Funny how my so-called detective skills helped me find out where he lived by reading his girlfriend’s profile.

My suspicions are driving me nuts

Monday, 14 September 2009

I’ve been with my fiance for about 8 months now. We used to date when we were teenagers but lost touch for the next 15 years until one night when we ran into each other at a local bar and we’ve been together ever since, every day. Almost every waking hour together (he was unemployed). I am so in love with him and he always tells me, especially in the beginning, how I am everything he has ever wanted and he regretted hurting me when we were kids. He basically makes me believe I am the love of his life, the one he let slip away. I know that he loves me, there’s no doubt about that. But recently he got a job offer working out of state for about 3 months and really did not want to take it because of the length of time he would have to be away from me and his kids from a previous relationship, but recent legal troubles forced him to take it in order to make enough money to stay out of jail. I know he had no choice but to take the job but I have a hard time trusting him. Maybe it is because of the way he left me without a word when we were younger (and he was my first love) or maybe its because we were together all the time until suddenly we never see each other and it will be a while until we see each other again. I don’t know but I find myself checking his cell phone usage online. And when he tells me he is going to eat with the guys from work, my mind just goes into overdrive thinking he is out with a girl and just making up a story of why he’s not in his motel room (I do not tell him I am thinking that). I don’t want to be the jealous fiance/wife, but I don’t want to be ignorant and look stupid if he really is messing around. I keep thinking that even though there is no hard evidence of any wrong doing on his part, then why am I having this feeling? They say to always trust your intuition, but is it intuition..... or am I just paranoid?

Tired of snooping and uncovering lies

Wednesday, 02 September 2009

I found an email when my lover and I first started dating. Her e-mail was already up on her computer and I was curious about a credit card she had in her possession with someone else’s name on it. I saw the name in her e-mail queue and it confirmed that this person got the card for her and wanted it paid off.

Around the same time she was talking to an old lover that found her via facebook. I didn’t care and she told me about it immediately but she said they were like siblings. There was an e-mail from this person as well so I looked. The e-mail correspondence was about her wearing the same perfume she had been wearing for 20 years and had been given to her by this person. She reminded them of that, it sounded like "longing" and that made me upset.

I admitted my snooping, confronted her about the perfume (but not the credit card), she apologized, said it was stupid and she stopped wearing the perfume (I didn’t ask her to do that btw) and we moved on.

Fast forward: I was looking through some old photos b/c I wanted to surprise her for her birthday and I found instead buried in the picture box a receipt for a hotel in another city dated two weeks before we started dating. she always maintained that she and her ex had been platonic for nearly half a year before we got together and there had been no one else before me. Once again, I admitted my "snooping", she confessed they had been together but nothing happened. I chose to forgive the lie b/c she didn’t cheat on me. We weren’t together yet.

But the lies started looking like a pattern and I became paranoid. She’s a very secretive person in our relationship (i.e. doesn’t like to talk about childhood, has no close friends from childhood or adult life really, very mysterious life in general, etc) but appears to be very open, forthright and charismatic in public. Not quite jekyll and hyde but different enough for me to notice.

So, I looked through a bunch of her personal things and would discover facts about her past and then ask her casual questions to see if she’d lie. in some instances she did lie and now I know what she looks like when she’s lying. I know all of her "tells" and it makes me feel like crap (even though I have to admit I feel relief to know the difference).

I wish I could tell her she doesn’t have to lie to me and that I know this stuff about her. Yes, some of the things I’ve found upset me. She’s lied about how many people she’s been with or who those people have been. She’s also kept stuff from relationships she had 14 years ago but gets upset if I have anything from my past, even pictures.

But some of what I’ve found is inconsequential stuff and I feel like a jerk when I play this game to try to catch her in a lie. I think she lies b/c she doesn’t want to be judged which I can empathize with completely. but it’s wearing me out trying to keep tabs on her or draw her out.

I’ve been reading my wife’s e-mails

Sunday, 31 May 2009

I read my wife’s emails. I shouldn’t have. I was suspicious about her behaviour and had to know for sure. I found out that she had been seeing another man last year, a man who was a mutual ‘friend’. When I had asked her directly in the past she had said they were just friends. I felt betrayed. I had to confront her about it. I told her that my sister had found out about it. She didn’t believe me. Accussed me of reading her emails. I lied. Swore black and blue that I didn’t read them. I feel so guilty for reading them. She should be the one feeling guilty for seeing him and lying to me about it.

I’ve been snooping on my boyfriend

Saturday, 23 May 2009

--Such a long entry, but well worth typing out--

I am a gay male and have a loving relationship with my boyfriend of 7 months. He has been nothing but caring, loyal, honest, and faithful... except for this:

I installed a server/client software on my boyfriend’s laptop which lets me download any internet browsing history and view it on my laptop. I have never needed to do this until one day he secretly made an online dating account, which contains no personal info at all. I confronted him about this issue, and he admitted to making such account to "spy" on ME, since we both had our real profiles on that site. I believed him.

But ever since, I can’t stop digging into his emails, and searching through his browsing history. I feel like crap every time I do, because I really should trust him... but I can’t.

But back to snooping... I’ve been using this program to monitor what websites he goes onto for over a month now. From my observations, he logs into porn blogs to see pictures of "uncircumsized genetilia". I confronted him why he does it, and he says he "doesn’t like them" but "they look interesting to look at." I feel hurt and left out, because I am circumsized. The fact that he is looking at other uncircumsized genitals makes me feel like he would rather be with someone who isn’t circumcized, since it obviously seems to be his preference. I tried showing him how it makes me feel. He hasn’t admitted to stop logging into these sites, so I continue drowning myself in my sadness.

He also checks Craigslist’s "missed connections" and "men seeking men" personals. I confronted him about it, and he says that I would never understand, and that he only reads them for the entertainment. So, I told him how it makes me feel like he is "looking" for something, or someone, and that it makes me feel hurt. So he promises that he wouldn’t do that anymore... That’s when my software that I installed came in handy. A few days later, I see traces of Craigslist – and the porn blogs.

The other day, I went to take my dog out to walk for a good 20 minutes. My bf and I were also fighting at the time. When I came back into the house, he was on his laptop. I went onto mine, downloaded the data, and found out he was on Craigslist. I didn’t say anything.

One time, while he was doing "business" on the toilet and left the door open, I snuck my head through the door and saw him looking at the porn blogs on his cell phone, and I also seen text that resembled that of Craigslist’s missed connections. I know what I saw.

What makes me upset is that fact that he does this when I am not around. Which then makes me wonder how far would he go if I were to be gone for a long period of time. It also upsets me that he had "promised" not to do it, but he still does it. I erased the Craigslist bookmark on his phone this morning. See if he finds out.

Well, I’m not sure if anyone is willing to read this super long entry, but it sure took a lot off my chest just by typing it down. Maybe when the time is right, I’ll show him this entry. But I feel really guilty that I am snooping around and worried that I might be snooping too much. But my boyfriend’s internet behavior has led me to this, and I can’t seem to stop... unless he stops first.

He’s off work in 6 hours... I think I’ll talk to him when he gets home.... Wish me luck.

Snooping on my boyfriend and feeling alone

Tuesday, 23 December 2008

It’s not really a secret, but I have a bad problem snooping and always questioning my boyfriend of a year and a half. Girls get that intuition that something isn’t right. And until you find out what that something is, you keep worrying about it. That’s the case with me. I had found two different "dating websites" not even really dating websites -- kind of porn. Both I found separate times. But when I confronted him about it he told me I needed to stop snooping that he isn’t hiding something and that maybe one of his friends used his email for that. Even though all the information matched his. Like his address and such. The things on the websites were disturbing, like "MILF LOVER" and "I’m fun and blankable" like he was trying to find girls to get with. I had also found out that he was talking to a girl from Texas that he knew over myspace a year before me. Then he had started to talk to her more while we were in our apartment together. I found out over her texting him one night. I waited for a week or two then finally asked him because she told me he was telling her he was going to marry her some day and that he was going to visit her then she was going to live with him, things like that. He told me it wasn’t true that she was just some psycho in Texas. He even messaged her, called her and told her to stop lying. Not too long ago I found out cold evidence as he sat next to me. Shocked, he finally admitted it to me. After all it was right in front of our faces. And this was two days after I found messages from a girl around the same time he told the Texas girl these things. And those messages were saying that MAYBE one day he’d be with the girl he was talking to, if she broke up with her boyfriend, and then he was telling her that he was dating the biggest bitch of all, and that the only reason he was with me was our apartment lease. I had been hurt once before. What was I getting myself into? So that night, he had tried so hard to talk to me more about it to apologize. I gave in. I love him so much. He also told me that he went to a strip club instead of the hookah bar a week earlier, that he felt so bad for lying. What more could he be lying about? I had also found gay porn things typed into the BearShare I had once. My roommate said it wasn’t him. Which I do believe. Because it was around the same time I found him looking at just porn on my computer which it took him a whole day of him lying and blaming it on our roommate to admit that it was him. Just hasn’t admitted to the gay porn stuff. Now he has deleted his myspace. I have deleted mine. And the only thing I have is his email and password. I don’t see who he texts. Which bothers me. He used to always delete his texts. And I think he still is. I don’t know if he’s still lying... But I don’t know if I can believe that if some one can lie this many times, and hurt a person this then they can finally stop lying. Is that true? I’m hurt and alone.

Full of doubt after reading my husband’s e-mail

Monday, 24 November 2008

My husband and I have been married almost 4 years. About 6 months ago, I saw via the internet history on our home computer that he had been visiting a dating website. I asked him about it and he said it was just out of curiosity. Still, I wanted to know more. I made a lucky guess as to his e-mail passwords (he has 2 different accounts) and discovered a months-long correspondence with a young woman. Nothing "intimate" but worse (in my view) some kind romantic, "mushy" "soul-mate" type of things. That has stopped at this point. But I also discovered that, before we married, he had had an intense relationship with someone who now lives far away (another country, and that they have maintained contact since we got married. He apparently didn’t even tell her that he had gotten married until 2 years after the fact. She even asked him to have a child with her. He still emails her and tells her how much he loves her and that he will always love her, and he tells her that his life is miserable and he is living "in agony." And yet, he has always been sweet and attentive and loving with me, telling me how much he loves me. So now I find myself doubting and wondering what is true.

Question my boyfriend after snooping

Tuesday, 07 October 2008

I was dating this guy for a few months, and everything seemed perfect. He proposed to me, and I accepted. We were in a long-distance relationship, the first time I’ve ever tried it. I came to visit him and was using his computer, when I found pictures of him posted on myspace, where he was partying and singing karaoke with a girl. He had told me that he gave up this lifestyle because he wanted to settle down with me, but those photos were from two weeks ago. I confronted him about it, and we supposedly resolved it. No more lying, he told me. But just today he left his myspace logged on again, and I was a snoop. I found messages from his ex, saying she’s still in love with him, and messages from multiple girls, where he was flirting, and never mentioned that he was in a relationship with someone else. I’m hurt. I know people make mistakes, and I’m wrong to snoop, but what does it take to find a man who will be honest?

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