Relationship Issues Secrets
I’m keeping a secret from my loved one.
Slept with someone else in the beginning
So, I have a girlfriend I am with, but it started with a tricky beginning. She wouldn’t define the relationship (although we agreed to be exclusive). I hooked up with someone else that I know, but I felt so guilty whilst "doing the deed" that I stopped abruptly. Too late now. That was a long time ago and not much actually happened and since then the relationship has become a lot more serious. At first, I was not certain this girl would stay with me. She admitted that she kissed someone on a night out and whether that was the truth or not, I don’t want to know. She also said she went home with him but didn’t do anything sexual. I forgot about it for a while, but she asked just in conversation if I ever cheated on her. I feel like it wasn’t cheating because we weren’t technically together, but at the same time I feel so guilty that it’s keeping me up at night. I am absolutely in love with this girl and I can’t tell her because it would break her heart. Just to relieve my own guilt. It’s not worth it. I promised myself I wouldn’t do it again ever and I feel guilty for even thinking about other women. I have been cheated on before and it deeply deeply affected me because I did stay with her. And I did love her. I wish what happened between me and that ex had just stayed her secret (although I later caught her texting him which is why we broke up).
Hate my family
I hate myself for hating my family. I hate how I have to pretend to be someone else to speak to them. I hate how I tell others how I feel, and they tell me how much my parents talk about and how nice my parents are. I hate that no one understands.
Got off on cam
I have been addicted to the idea of being watched while masturbating for some time, and the idea of being unfaithful in a relationship, even though I was single and entirely against it morally.
Recently (last summer), I feel I’ve found THE ONE and she makes me so incredibly happy. I love our life together and our sexual life is great too. That’s why I’m confused why I did what I did.
One night, just over a month ago, I was alone, and my girlfriend was at her own house. I got horny, as most guys do, and ended up masturbating on chaturbate with girls watching me. I never saw them, as they were only typing, and I never showed my face on the cam. It felt terrible, even while I did it. It’s destroyed me inside and I’m struggling to deal with the guilt and shame.
I decided not to tell my girlfriend, as I know 100% this has changed me and I’m too angry, guilty and ashamed with myself to even entertain the idea of cheating again. I can’t tell my friends or family for obvious reasons... Even the ones I’m closest to and trust most.
Some days, I feel better... Other days I just want to cry, especially when my girlfriend cuddles me at night. She says she’s so lucky, but I know that’s not true. I love her so much and like I say, still can’t understand my actions. I just wanted to get it out and promise anonymously on my life that it will never happen again. I will do my up most to make this girl’s life so special, even though it’s a lie and I feel this will forever scar me. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to get this out.
Still desire my friend
I had a dream about an old friend of mine. We used to talk every day and now almost never. I thought I was in love with him. He came to my place once and we did not sleep together but what happened was one of the sexiest moments of my life and I’ll never forget it. I like to think he stopped communicating with me because he didn’t want to get too close. We would’ve been wild together and I think he knows that. I want so bad to see him. I want to hug him, and taste him, still, after all this time. That dream I had made it all come back, and I hadn’t even been thinking about home lately. I like to think he dreams about me too. I like to think he had feelings for me the way I did for him. Only problem is my boyfriend of 13 years and his wife. The heart wants what the heart wants, and so does the body. I want him so bad it hurts.
I hate my siblings and will never speak to them again. They left me to die alone, then called me a liar when I didn’t actually die. They did it multiple times when I had no way of helping myself. I would feel relieved if they passed away and. It makes me cry.
My attachment style has caused me to betray my husband
Throughout our marriage, I have put many things between my husband and I... many things before my husband. Sometimes those things were other men. I have never slept with anyone else or even come close, but on several occasions things went too far. Cybersex (twice) when we were engaged, an emotional affair (with a total of 3 kisses) when we’d been married 6 years, and a physical affair of 8 or 9 meetings (involved kissing and OM touched my breasts) when we’d been married 8 years. It’s a decade later and my husband doesn’t know. Nothing of the sort has happened since. I have been able to keep myself busy enough to repress the fact that I’ve deceived him. But recent changes have unearthed the whole pile of guilt. I am now in therapy for what my therapist has called "counter-dependent, avoidant attachment" issues. I am working on these. I love my husband, I always have. I’ve just been so afraid to get close. Now as I work through my issues I want to be close, but I am stuck. I am terrified of saying anything, knowing how it would destroy him and almost certainly kill the relationship I want to keep. And I wonder if it’s even worth it after all this time when I’m addressing the underlying issues. But I am wracked with guilt for not having been the woman he believes me to be. Is it enough that I am becoming that woman, or does the past kill the possibility of a future? I go back and forth. I have contemplated suicide, but deep down I feel that would be just one more selfish decision in a history of selfish decisions. I don’t know what to do.
Fuzzy childhood memories
I don’t remember much from my childhood. It was a terrible time though. My adoptive dad was an alcoholic, a really mean and scary one. I remember one time when I was around 5 years old, I was trying to get his attention and talk to him and I had been in the room for hours with him sleeping or playing by myself. Then I saw that he was looking at a bunch of naked people on the computer, I came up behind him and he didn’t say anything but he knew I was there. I stared a little longer at the people on the computer because I was confused. I didn’t understand what it was, I actually thought it was some sort of art or something. (We had artsy pictures hanging up all over our walls) I felt a little uneasy but that’s all the memory I have of that certain circumstance. I also used to pee my bed a lot as child until I was 12, I have a lot of missing pieces of time from my childhood from ages 4-11. He eventually re-married and I thought I had a new normal family. It wasn’t. There was a girl and her mother who came to live with us, the girl often used stuffed animals or a blanket to masturbate, we were around age 6. I had never heard of anything like this before and she said it brought her comfort. Her mom just let her do it and didn’t think anything of it. I don’t know why but she tried to show me and get me to do it. She did it in the same room as me a lot of times. I don’t know why I have these specific memories but I do, I also have some other ones but as soon as I try to think of more than one memory my mind gets all fuzzy and I start to forget everything.
Anxiety over losing him
Not exactly a secret I guess, but something I want to get off my chest. I think I’ve found the love of my life, and someone who I can see myself marrying someday. I can’t tell if this is foolish thinking or I’m being naive. I guess my "secret" is that I’m terribly afraid of ever losing him, or messing things up and not being able to repair them... I know that I would lose my best friend and the love of my life, and I don’t believe I’d ever feel close to the same way about someone else as I feel about him. I think this is it for me, and he’s it for me. It’s scary to have this much pressure I guess, on not wanting to lose my potential soulmate for the rest of my life. I never want to do anything to jeopardize our relationship, but this overthinking is stressing me out because he means the world to me and it’s scary to not know what the future holds.
Treated me poorly for a decade
The man I have lived with for 10 years (except for four months last year) has never let his phone out of his sight. He never answers when I call. The only time he did was when he wanted me to look bad at work. To this day he has never responded to a single email I have sent him. He has never made me feel as if he thinks of me in his future. He has never made me feel like a part of his life really. He talks about me like I am a distant acquaintance. Just a roommate and hardly a friend. During the four months I was gone I was with someone who included me in everything he did and his whole family treated me as one of the group. This is something that I greatly need as I have not had a family of my own to speak of ever!!!! I just don’t feel like he even wants me around at this point. In fact, I think this is all a joke. Being in a relationship I should feel wanted, right? I shouldn’t be made to feel like crap.
Felt guilty about talking to other guys
I went over to a friend’s house to vent, and had lunch with another for the same reason, while my boyfriend and I were broken up. The guilt was eating away at me even though I didn’t cheat on him and these guys were my friends only, simply for the fact he knows I spoke with them, but not that I was actually with them...
Then I started reading how everyone actually cheated on their partner and figured this secret is stupid and I can keep it to myself, especially because I was a different person back then. Hanging out with friends in a time of need. I grew out of needing someone else to tell me everything was going to be alright.
Gonna leave the past in the past and make my boyfriend happy while we’re alive :)
I fall alone
The lines between love and crushing on people has become so blurred for me. Every time I figure out the feelings aren’t reciprocated; my heart breaks a little time even if it wasn’t serious. Now that I am saying this, I am slowly falling for a young man in my accounting course and I’m scared.
Slept with a mutual friend
When my boyfriend and I were broken up I slept with a mutual friend. We both felt guilty and decided to end it. This friend and I no longer communicate. Recently, my ex and I started to date again. The friend is still a part of my ex’s life, though he lives in another state. I told my ex that I had dated and had feelings for other men and that I’d been physical with someone. My ex said he can’t blame me, that he wishes he didn’t know, and doesn’t want to know more. Do I need to tell my ex or is this something I can keep to myself?
More Secrets Revealed – see what secrets people keep.
Benefits of Sharing Secrets – read why sharing secrets can be useful.