Relationship Issues Secrets

I’m keeping a secret from my loved one.

Feel trapped in a co-dependent relationship

Wednesday, 16 September 2009

I’m in a relationship that really seems to be falling apart. I am typically one who has a real hard time feeling vulnerable and telling my feelings to someone that’s close to me. My girlfriend is very strong willed and outspoken, like my mother. She knows I was abused a great deal when I was little, emotionally, mentally and physically. I have done things for her or said things that I know would make her happy and pleased, just like I did for my mom. I hate myself sometimes for that. I feel my girlfriend is abusive in some ways by discounting my feelings and thoughts, which makes it even harder to open up. I feel resentful toward her and I tend to channel my anger toward her through my tone and not allowing her opinions to be fully expressed. I’m currently in therapy, mainly to try and regain my autonomy, to say what I think and own it with no expectations. I know I’m being selfish a lot of times when I want her to change but not addressing the changes needed in me. The changes I’m seeing that need to be made are to get out of the relationship altogether. I’m sad right now, and don’t know what to do. I’m currently out of work, I quit my job to get ready to go to college in a couple of weeks. Since I’ve been home alone I’ve been experimenting with nudism in my back yard, walking around the safer places outside of my house naked, enjoying the sun and eventually masturbating in the woods. Secretly I want to get caught and have fantasies of the neighbor coming over and doing me. Since I was a child when I learned out to masturbate I did it to relieve the stress I was feeling being at home. I know that’s what I’m using it for. I feel anger too and some self satisfaction when I’m doing it, like I’m getting back at my girlfriend. I even did it next to her in bed while she was sleeping. I’m angry, sad, scared, and it’s not working for me anymore. We are both too bullheaded and we don’t get along well anymore at all. She asked me 3 nights ago why I was pushing her away. I told her I was mad at her, she discounts my feelings, doesn’t really listen and I think she’s a callous bitch. Then I said I’m afraid to open up to her. I apologized for the name calling the next day, but since then, she’s also been completely shut off from me. I believe she’s hurt too. I have not been the best boyfriend by any means, but I’m afraid of losing any sense of self I have if I continue to follow her directions. I have difficulty making decisions without thinking what she would think about it, whether she would be happy with it or not. I don’t know what to do right now. I want to let her have her feelings and when she is ready to come to me. I can’t apologize for being true to myself though, either. I’m afraid of being alone. I don’t think I will be though, deep down.

My boyfriend still takes side with his ex

Saturday, 12 September 2009

There’s something eating at my relationship, and I can’t help but be afraid eventually this is going to be too much to handle... My boyfriend is still best friends with his first lover. While I know that he’s over her and completely faithful, I also know that she is in no way over him. It’s fairly apparent to most people--she isn’t very subtle about it, if she’s trying to be--but my boyfriend just hasn’t been able to see it. They spend a lot of time together, more than I spend with him, and I can’t help but feel like we’re competing for his attentions, constantly. The two of them have known each other for years, and there’s such a history there that she seems to come up in every conversation... It’s frustrating, so incredibly frustrating. Recently, she and I have been in an unrelated conflict, and he won’t take a side... I know that he’s just trying not to lose a friendship/relationship, but I hate the fact that he can’t back me up. On some level, I feel like I can’t ever be the one who’s most important to him, and no matter how much we discuss this, nothing ever changes... I’m so jealous, and I hate it, but I can’t help but feel angry....

Lied about going to therapy

Monday, 07 September 2009

I am not back in therapy yet, although I lied to my partner and said I already was back in therapy. I fully intend to go back as soon as next week. I just wanted to make her believe I am working on myself already so she wont give up on me. I have been doing self-helps on my own. But I lied about already going back to therapy.

My secret crush won’t go away

Sunday, 30 August 2009

I have a crush on another guy, even though I’m in a stable relationship. I’ll never act on it. He lives a long ways off, and would have no interest in me whatsoever; there’s a girl he broke up with years ago, that he never got over. And in the relationship I have, I’m happy. I don’t want that to end. I just have this crush. This attraction. I don’t really know what to do about it, and I can’t tell my boyfriend about it. Attraction. Basic attraction. I don’t know if it’s wrong, or if it only becomes wrong if I act upon it. I don’t even know that it’s genuine; it started while I was going through a very difficult period in my relationship. But I like him. I don’t know why I like him. I shouldn’t like him. But I do. And it hurts.

I have anxiety over boyfriend’s use of Facebook

Saturday, 29 August 2009

Facebook, how ridiculous that a secret I have anxiety over should involve facebook? My boyfriend and I do not have facebook accounts because of the drama it can create. However, recently I went on because I suspected he was still using his account to get in touch with people. I found that he was dishonest about silly things like hanging out with other women on one of his vacations with the guys, and he also told his ex-girlfriend that he missed her and wanted to hangout. It hurts to know that he did this behind my back, but what’s worse is that he felt like he needed to. Sometimes I think it’s not a big deal, and then I have moments where it seems as bad as cheating.

Men are confusing – are they straight or gay?

Wednesday, 19 August 2009

AT the gym I go to, there’s a mixed crowd of both gay and straight mostly guys. I have gotten in really great shape over the last 18 months, and have lost 30 lbs. I get cruised a lot by several men @ this gym. Even my trainer used to cruise me and he’s "100% heterosexual," according to him. I even asked him if he played around with guys, and his answer was an emphatic "No, I know what I like."

Recently, it’s begun to bother me more than usual. I’m really sick of people who don’t have the balls to walk up and say hi, especially since I’ve been going to this gym for many years. I’m not interested or attracted to hardly anyone I see there, but there are a few I’d do, and would definitely hook up with. The problem is, some of these guys come there with their girlfriends, and even continue to cruise me heavy when their girls aren’t looking.

I know this sounds like I may be narcissistic, but it’s true. Recently I was over to a female friend’s house to work on a design project, and her boyfriend of 12 years gave me the most intense stare, as if, he were cruising me. He had actually done it on another occasion a few years ago. I see him almost never so it doesn’t matter that much, but just how committed is he to my friend if he’s doing things like this when she’s in the other room? I don’t want to say anything to her because she probably already knows he has a wandering eye, and maybe he’s bisexual. Why can’t people just be who they are, be open and honest with each other about how they are feeling in the present, and discuss these feelings about sex and romance when feelings change. How can a relationship stay intact when one partner has a wandering eye?

I’m tired of being the object of the "wandering eye." I am sick of "straight" men grabbing their crotches and looking me deeply in the eyes, licking their lips, or whatever other gestures constitute "heavy cruising" in places like the gym. For instance, my personal trainer really confused the heck out of me when he was doing all that stuff. I did not want to deny him the pleasure if he really wanted to get it on with me. Now I feel like he was just trying to keep me as a client, which is just so obvious and cliche in "trainer behavior" (I’ve had many trainers and very few ever did this), that I refused to believe that was his only motive. He is engaged to be married as of a few months ago. Sometimes I think he will be one of those men who lead a double life, tricking with other men on the side while in a heterosexual love relationship. I confronted him about this stuff several months ago, and he acted like he didn’t know what I was talking about, but finally admitted he was always staring @ my crotch because it "looked like you had an erection." I’m above average in genital size, but nothing remarkable. In any event, he never would come clean about what he had done, started dating a girl full time, then moved in with her. He’s only 25 and seems to be internally conflicted, but outwardly wants everyone to know he’s "100% hetero." Since I stopped training with him, I have made even bigger gains in strength and size without his instruction. For a while, he used to run over to me when i was working out alone, even walking off from other clients he was training, to correct my techniique or give unsolicited advice. This whole situation was really out of control for a while and continues to make me wonder about this young man. Now, he’s leaving this gym and moving to another private gym nearby. I’m almost relieved he won’t be there anymore, but he’s still going to be close by. He also used to text me incessantly sometimes, as if he just needed attention, and it really drove me over the edge emotionally as I am still deeply attracted to this person both physically and mentally. However, I am 20 years older than him. I don’t see the point of these behaviors, nor do I understand how someone could represent being straight, yet appear so overly concerned about me at times. I started limiting my contact with him a couple of months ago, but this situation seems to have no real resolution. All this conflict beneath a surface of indifference I find disturbing.

Three of my ex boyfriends were married, living "straight" lives before they were either outed by women, or came out of the closet on their own. One had a 12 year old child when I met him after his divorce. We were together five years. My girlfriend’s Dad came onto me in a motel room when I was 17 on the way home from summer camp. His wife and daughters were in another room down the hall. He asked me to perform oral sex on him. Now I think the whole thing that happened has really messed me up. I don’t trust men at all, but what bothers me more is the women who buy into their lives. Women seem to be really naive about men. To me, men are mostly dogs. Especially now with the internet culture firmly in place, I could never trust someone to be a faithful partner in life.

My big thing now is being honest. People seem to subscribe to unatainable codes of behavior and then cover up the truth in order to serve an ideal which they can never attain. to me, the more truth we have, the less heartache we cause other people in general. How strange that people are so willing to lie and "half-truth" @ the drop of a hat. I don’t need that kind of crap, so I’ll gladly remain single. I’m happier that way.

Emotional affair highlighted problems in my marriage

Tuesday, 16 June 2009

I am torn about my marriage. I love the man I am married to, but feel that I am not in love with him anymore. I feel like our relationship has been stagnant and has not grown at all, and that I as a person have grown and he has stayed at the same spot in his life.

I had doubts before I got married, but decided that it was just cold feet and to marry my husband. His drinking has gotten worse, which has affected our sex life. Neither of us are good when it comes to communicating, and it has taken an extreme situation for me to even be comfortable with telling him everything I am feeling.

It was when he told me to give him a few days notice before I want to have sex, so that he doesn’t drink that I decided to explore an emotional relationship with someone, and I really enjoyed every minute of being with this person. It made me realize everything that is missing from my marriage.

I want to be with the person I had the emotional affair with, but I feel like marriage is an effort and to at least try to work on being honest before going to extremes.

I am lost and confused.

Moving based on a crush for someone

Friday, 15 May 2009

I have a crush on someone, they knows it, but they don’t know to what extent I am trying to win them over... It’s been a long distance thing for a few years mostly, with a few meets here and there. I do have a strong crush on this person, and even though my feelings arent reciprocated, they are comfortable with that. Now I got fed up of the long distance thing so decided the best way to get what I want is to go live close to them—but I dont want this person to know I’m so into them that I’m upping roots, so I made up a story about a good career change and that I already have a few friends there (lie!), and them being there is purely coincidental. I’m moving close to where this person lives in a couple of months and I’m going to keep up this act for some time as don’t want them to know that I’m so hung up on them that I want to try for something more this way. I’m so worried I’ll come across like a stalker almost. Though at no point through this have they said or looked annoyed at it, so I can’t be that evil! Though maybe if this person knew, they would get pissed off or take me even more for granted? That’s why some things are best kept a secret.

Used fake emails to drive my husband crazy

Thursday, 14 May 2009

I knew all along my husband was using a phisihing software on the computer to track me. I too had placed one on it when I first discovered his addiction to porn years before. I took advantage of that and created other email accounts and sent emails to me from those accounts. It tooks years for me to do. It is so easy to create email addresses and respond to them. He had an addiction to porn that he kept from me and denied all these years so I used emails to get even. Eventually, he left me. But, I got even with him, in the worst way. I revealed my lies, my truths, and my anger at him. I am sure he is going insane doubting me and our entire life together. I loved him so much at one time.

I have been keeping a secret – husband too?

Sunday, 10 May 2009

I cheated my husband 10 years ago and I never told him. It was a one night stand, but I was going to leave him at the time, but didn’t. I am still with him and I just caught him texting our babysitter, who is 25 years younger.

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