Relationship Issues Secrets

I’m keeping a secret from my loved one.

I have been talking to my boyfriend’s ex

Saturday, 13 September 2008

I have totally fallen in love with my current boyfriend. He is amazing. One night he was on my computer, while I was cooking us dinner. Dinner was ready he came over to sit down and eat. The next morning I go to check my email and he forgot to log out of his account. I never meant to snoop, it just popped up when I touched the mouse. There it was a letter from his ex-girlfriend written to me. Me? I was thinking. So I read it. It went on how great of a person he was..blah, blah, blah... But I sensed pity, and sympathy in that letter too. Something wasn’t adding up. And why did he never tell me about this letter? Well, I found her email address and wrote to her. Explaining my thoughts and concerns of the letter. She emailed me back her phone number. I called her. We were on the phone for 3 and half hours. Very nice, well-educated woman who had been through hell and back with this man. This man I have fallen in love with. Just my freaking luck!! She told me things I couldn’t believe. She has no reason to lie, and what she was telling me was starting to make sense. Now, knowing what I know I feel stuck. Should I give him the benefit of the doubt? My brain is telling me to run as fast as I can the opposite direction. I’m not one to judge others. I’m not and have never been perfect myself. I’m just not sure what to do. He has no idea I know most of his dirty little secrets. What pisses me off the most is, I’ll purposely ask a question I already know the answer to and he lies to me. Till this day my boyfriend does not, and will never know I spoke with his ex.

Talking to my wife irritates me

Sunday, 03 August 2008

My wife irritates the hell out of me. Her way of thinking is equivalent to an 11 years old girl. She may possible be one of the dumbest people I have ever met. Every time we talk I find myself becoming two to three percent more stupid than what I was before the conversation. She only relates to situations in her favor. There is no existence of rationality; she is clueless to fair treatment. Everything is "because I can," "because I want to," "whatever," or "don’t worry about it." There is no possible way to communicate with her. It is so frustrating. I normally find myself fading into childlike dreams of her getting hit in the face by a wrecking ball, while she’s ranting about some new allegations I haven’t even committed to yet. There’s always argument after argument about pointless events. For example, a friend of mine of years recently moved about 4 hours away from us. While we (me and my wife) were down in his neck of the woods, I was thinking of stopping by to see him. Just that thought alone we got into a huge argument. I didn’t go see him, never talked about going to see him; all I did was mention it after we returned home. And to top it off, it was impossible for me to catch up on ol’ times with him—because he was out of town at the time. Yet another few hours wasted of my life, trying to talk to this dumbass women. But the most amazing thing of all this, I never knew she was such a DUMBASS until I married her, and she had our first child. Way to go, lucky me.

-Lucky Me

I secretly want to destroy my boyfriend

Thursday, 24 July 2008

Here is my secret. I think I’m a little crazy when it comes to my boyfriend. See, I know I’ve got issues, BIG trust issues (I caught my dad cheating on my mom for the third time in their relationship, and when I told her about it, she refused to believe me. She said "I’m not about to believe anything until I see it myself." I tried to tell her that he hit us, too. He pushed me down the stairs and dragged my sister around by her hair... but she conveniently "forgot" about all those times. Wow, what a mindjob!!!)

So I developed this weirdness where the more I love a guy, the more I want him to mess up so I can kick him to the curb. And it’s almost as if I WANT him to cheat or do something stupid so I can enjoy punishing him for it.

I am COMPLETELY in love with a terrific guy right now, and it’s so weird and confusing. It’s like I have two personalities: one personality wants desperately to be happy and love him freely. The other relishes in the thought of him messing up somehow so I can have a reason to COMPLETELY DESTROY him.

I’m very mixed up. I think I want to hurt SOMEONE because deep down I want my father to pay for all the pain he’s caused us. And this poor fool who’s decided to fall in love with me is my nearest target.

I used to stick needles in my fingers as a kid. I stopped doing that a long time ago, but the impulse is creeping back up on me every time I think about my situation. I’m trying hard to be okay, but it’s getting tougher the closer my BF and I get to each other.

I prefer my husband’s affair to his alcohol/drug relapse

Wednesday, 02 July 2008

My secret is that although I am devastated by husband’s affair, I am proud of him that he chose another woman rather than a drink or drug. Thank God. My other secret is that I am mortified to realize how I inadvertently became cold and indifferent toward him after weathering years of his semi-annual kamikaze binges. I just felt shell-shocked, despite his repeated attempts at recovery. He is a good man, despite his problems. My final secret is no secret. I still very much love the man, I miss him, and I hope one day, maybe years from now, I get to be his girlfriend rather than his wife!

My boyfriend is addicted to pregnant porn

Thursday, 26 June 2008

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for five years. I thought that we had a pretty open sex life. We’ve watched porn together before. Masturbation is not something that we hide from each other or so I thought. For awhile my boyfriend had been staying up later than me and "playing video games." He’s an avid gamer so part of me really believed that this was true. I was concerned because he has insomnia and I wanted him to try to get on a regular sleep cycle. However, the other day I went to send an attachment through my email (a resume for a job) and some dirty things popped. Basically dirty names of files. I quickly realized that he had been downloading porn onto a zip drive from my computer and putting it onto his computer (his isn’t connected to the internet because he’s afraid it will catch a virus). This explains why my computer is basically fried. Anyway I realized he does it every day and has been doing so for a very long time. Not only that but he’s been looking at things like pregnant women having sex. He even goes on the websites on nights when we’ve had sex 3 or more times. At first I didn’t care that he was looking at porn... but I’ve asked him about it before and he’s always denied it. Once I saw the things he was looking at I was disgusted—it was really the pregnant thing that grossed me out. He has a pregnant coworker and he’s always saying that it freaks him out that there’s something alive in there. Maybe he just wants to screw her too. It’s making me question my entire relationship. If he’s doing those kinds of things and lying about it... what else is he doing? I just can’t believe he’s been lying to me for so long. I just feel disgusted. I don’t know if I’m ever going to be able to sleep with him again. Every time I look at him I’m reminded of the lying and I can just picture him jerking off to some pregnant woman. I was so mad at the time I threatened to tell his pregnant coworker and his mom about his pregnant woman fetish. I’m not saying that I think that pregnant women are gross or anything... someday I will be a pregnant lady too but to jerk off to that frequently is so disgusting to me. I really flipped out on him and I called him a freak and pervert. He didn’t have anything to say to me. I was so angry I just stormed out of our apartment (we live together... about 2 years). I don’t know what to do. I want to be able to work past it but when it comes down to it I don’t know that I’ll ever be okay being intimate with him again. I have serious body image issues and we don’t have sex too frequently (it’s kind of sporadic lately). Last year I was a full time student in an honors program, working part-time, finishing a thesis, field practicum (20 hours -30 hours per week) and doing the majority of the cooking and cleaning for both of us. When I came home I was exhausted. I had fourteen + hour days. I’m obsessed with my grades (3.9 overall and 4.0 in my major. He’s a college dropout who worked like between 30 and 35 hours a week... it varied quite a bit… sometimes only 20. Of course I was exhausted from all the stuff I was doing. Maybe if he’d been willing to help me I’d feel more like having sex. But when you’ve gotten home after an 8 hr day at your practicum, followed by 4 hours straight of class and a night full of studying.... seriously who has the time? Maybe if I started taking speed??? I was exhausted. Now I feel guilty, like this is my fault because of the way I look or just being so tired. I don’t know. Thanks for letting me vent.

Uncertain about whether to leave my husband

Monday, 23 June 2008

I told my spouse about three months ago that I was not happy with myself or the relationship and that I wanted a divorce (those words came later) after I reassured him that this was not because of him but me. And that I had fallen out of love with him, but I still loved him because of what we had together (2yo daughter). He said a few hurtful things and now our situation is worse. Now, I am in a situation and I want to actually try and work on the relationship with him, but I have someone else that I have been seeing and I am torn because I don’t want to hurt his feelings because he has gone through this whole situation personally with his ex spouse. I am torn every day as to what to do and I am afraid if I try to work it out with my husband and it doesn’t work then I will have sacrificed a potentially great relationship and be left with nothing.

On the verge of cheating due to boredom

Monday, 02 June 2008

I’m in a very healthy loving relationship where even some people envy it. We get along great. But being sexually deprived by the lack of chemistry in the bedroom has caused my mind to wander. It has resulted to heavy flirting with someone. I wasn’t looking for it but it’s hard to turn down sexual tension that is absent in my current relationship. I have cuddled with this person at night in their bed without having sex. I recently went to a party where this person would be. We conducted our selves well around mutual friends—none are the wiser. Just light friendly flirting. But alone it’s heavy and over whelming desire. We are both in long term relationships but we both lack the sexual activity from our partners that we draw out our frustration with each other. I’m trying hard not to cheat. We haven’t even kissed. But we have fondled a bit. I try to use me pent up sexual tension with my boyfriend but it seems to fall flat cause he too tired or some other excuse. VERY FUSTRATING! It’s hard not to fall under the sin of lust. I try to remind myself that this is temporary and that getting caught or starting an affair is be more harmful than having sex with someone I don’t love. And it’s not like my bf doesn’t know that we need to spice up our bedroom life. He knows because I tell him he needs to be more willing. I am trying to be patient. I have never spoken of this with anyone.

I know my husband loves his boss

Friday, 30 May 2008

I know that my husband is in love with someone else. He is in love with his boss. It is as clear as can be. I don’t have the courage to confront him about it. The consequence of him acknowledging the truth would be the end of our relationship. So, I pretend that nothing is wrong, but I wonder how long I can live this lie until the whole thing comes crashing down on me. Waiting for the shoe to drop, wondering how I will cope when it happens.

I think my boyfriend is gay

Wednesday, 28 May 2008

I think my boyfriend just might be or have been gay. There has been this guy calling his cell phone for the last month living messages and calling back and back. So I called and talked to the guy and he tells me everything about my boyfriend. But my boyfriend clams he doesn’t know who this is. I don’t know what to do. My boyfriend has lied to me before a few times and I am just clueless, shocked, and hurt about what to do this time around.

I am tempted to cheat and need some space

Friday, 16 May 2008

I was at a party some weeks ago when a woman I have known for some time started flirting with me, she started coming on to me and told me that I could do better than the woman I’m with now, and in some words basically said I could have sex with her. Part of me really wanted to, but I have been with my girlfriend for over a year now, and falling in love with her was the best time of my life, I didn’t want to ruin what we’ve got. What is confusing me is that I would’ve have had sex with her if I knew that there was no way of it getting back to my girlfriend. This girl text me the next few days, I deleted the texts afraid my girlfriend would see them and start asking questions. I haven’t told her yet because I know it will hurt her. Sometimes I feel like I have no free time and I’m not as free to do things I want to do. Sometimes I think of asking for a break but I know this would crush her and be the end of everything we have.

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