A book by a founder of this site.
Relationship Issues Secrets
I’m keeping a secret from my loved one.
Slept with other people when we broke up
My boyfriend broke up with me once and then we got back together. During our time apart I was very upset, I started sleeping with a guy my boyfriend knew and eventually my boyfriend found out about it when we were back in a relationship. I just felt like it was none of his business and that if he didn’t want me to sleep with anyone else he shouldn’t have broken up with me. Anyway, he asked me if it only happened once and because he was really upset about it I lied and said yes just once. I also slept with some other people during that time but he doesn’t know that. I’ve considered telling him the whole truth but when he found out just part of the truth he was distraught and made me feel like I was the worst person in the world. I thought he was really unfair, judging me for something that was none of his business, that happened when we weren’t together because he broke up with me. He made me think less of myself and because of that and the drama it would cause I don’t want to tell him everything now.
I will never find out the truth
Recently, I discovered my girlfriend of 5 1/2 years was in contact with a former lover, during the first 3 years for about a year and a half. And this person just so happened to be a married man. A married man she had an affair with during her previous relationship. When I came into the knowledge of this, I called myself playing the ‘nice guy’ and providing the opportunity for her to communicate without making any blatant accusations such as seeing him or possibly, having sex with him. When I finally decided to confront her and ask whether or not she had been in contact with this person in any way, throughout the course of our relationship, she lied and said, No. It wasn’t until I brought to her attention, my awareness of the communication between them. I’m left in position of whether or not I should give her a second chance, due to trust no longer being what it once was. My gut tells me, regards of what she says, there’s more to the situation than what she’s led me to believe. Considering the fact, while communication was going on, I had no idea. Once I did find out, nearly 2 years had past with no communication between them. I feel as if I should accept the possibility of something happening. Either way, I’ll never find out the real truth.
Infatuated with my divorce attorney
I am going through a divorce after 15 years of marriage and dealing with my husband’s infidelity. He is an attorney and is being aggressive with me so I found a good lawyer to represent me and he has done such a great job protecting me from my husband that I find myself infatuated with him. In my mind its as if he’s taken my husband’s place and when I don’t see him for a while I can’t stop fantasizing about him. I don’t want to feel this way but I’m so lonely and he makes me feel important. I know when the divorce is final I won’t see him anymore and I will suffer even more for it. This is so psychologically unhealthy and It’s wrong I shouldn’t feel this way. I wish these feelings would go away.
Double dating and lying
I broke up with man #1 to be with man #2. But man #1 came back and tried to win me back, so I dated them both briefly while I decided what to do. I lied to both of them about it. Finally I broke up with #1 and dated #2, then I cheated on him again... and had to break up with him because i couldn’t stand the guilt.
Not letting go
I’m in love with a married woman. We lived together 10 years ago. But then we had to live apart from some time and the relationship collapsed. She ended it and terminated all connection with me. Some years later she married one of the ugliest guys I’ve ever seen. I know it because she put the wedding and couple photos on a social network. She looked terrible in all those photos. She always was a very bright and luminous girl. Yet in the pictures she appeared like a sad and depressed woman. I only know some things about her because of Facebook, since we never spoke again. We ended in bad terms because she was angry with me and I never knew why. She is still married to the ugly guy, who looks like a retard, and they have a 4 year old girl. I’ve had relationships with other women. Yet, the more women I meet, the more I miss her. I’m dating a woman now, and when we have sex I always think about the one I love It’s strange, but the more time passes the more I feel that we’ll be together in the end. As stupid and desperate as this may sound I feel that she’ll divorce soon (she even kept her maiden name and didn’t marry in white, which is really against what she always wanted). The divorce will be very harsh on her and she will lose custody of her daughter. But that’s the price you pay for playing with your life. I just know one thing, though. In the end we’ll be together. Let all those who read this take heed. Regardless of how much time passes and how many people you meet/have sex with you never forget the ones you really love.
Letter from my dad
This is the letter I got from my dad, full of b.s., considering he still lives with his girlfriend:
This is an open letter to the three of you. Let’s begin with the fact that some of my choices over the last year have been beyond bad. They have been wrong. They were never intended to cause you or anyone else pain. They were a misguided attempt by me to cope with events in my life and my relationship with your mother. My friendship with another woman was for the longest time, just that a friendship and a person that I felt I could talk to find a way to re-connect with your mother. It is solely my fault that it started to be something more than that and it is and has been over. While I can blame this mistake on the stress of the job and the attendant travel, or the slow slide into drinking too much, my indulgence into other self medications, or even the poor relationship between your mother and I, in the end it was just a poor choice on my behalf. While your mother and I still have significant issues we are attempting to work them out and I would appreciate that you respect that because we are both trying. Again, I never meant to hurt or involve you into my mess but clearly I failed miserably. All I ever wanted is for you to be happy and if that meant sending you to the college of your choice, supporting your other choices, or setting you up so that you started your adult life free of debt then I did it and will continue to do it. I have never tried to just throw money at the issue. Everything I have done has been an attempt to give you a better start in adult life than what I had. Again, I am sorry and can only hope that at some point you will forgive me regardless of what your mother and I decide to do. Dad
Still having sex with my ex
I have been having sex with my ex since we broke up nearly ten years ago. He has been in a relationship with his girlfriend for the past 5 years but we still have sex on average once a fortnight. Longest we haven’t had contact is a month and a half in all that time. The sex is great, the company is great and although I struggle with lack of his company every now and then, majority of the time I’m happy. I find it empowering that he would risk his situation with me. His job gives him a bit of flexibility and we agree not to message or call each other on weekends or outside of working hours unless we already know the other will be available to chat/message, but find we can usually work around our schedules to find time to ‘catch up’ As far as our friends and families know, we haven’t seen, let alone spoken to each other in almost 8 years. If only they knew.... Although it didn’t work out for us as a couple, we can’t seem to quit each other sexually, we have tried a few times but every time one of us will miss the other, and we are right back in bed again.
Didn’t tell my wife everything about my affair
My wife knows MOST of the details of my affair. I couldn’t break her any more by revealing the specific details.
Letting go of a guy from my past
I’ve been going steady with a guy for about a year and a half now. We broke up because of a chain of events with a guy from my past. We got back together after a lot of hell, and agreed to set things straight. The man from the past was going into the military, I told him good luck, we chatted, and ended up telling each other we loved each other despite the him not fighting for me when he had the chance. I sent a letter asking how he was doing, but I then sent a letter saying that was inappropriate of me and I won’t be contacting him anymore. After that, one last piece of mail went out as a group activity, so I took part in it, keeping it cordial and generic. I feel terribly guilty about everything, though I tried to fix it. I hope that the man from the past won’t get angry, but I’m never reading any mail that I get from him. I know telling my boyfriend will be more harmful than is necessary, and I want things to last as long as we both want them to. I just need to get this off my chest.
His problems turn into my problems
I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now. When we first started dated, we thought it was going to be a more casual relationship. In the first few weeks, we felt more strongly for each other than we anticipated. I told him that I was not interested in seeing anyone else, then he confessed he was dating another woman. He said it was just casual because he thought she was dating other people. He ended that dating relationship right away, and we committed to each other. A few weeks later, I discovered that he was sexting with other women. He tried to minimize his actions, but I later found out this was a habit of his for some time. I also found out that he involved in another relationship that he said he was in the process of ending during the first few months that we dated. He has been unfaithful in other relationships and was unfaithful to me after we committed to one another. Since those early difficult times, he says he has been faithful. I just can’t believe him. He has lied, misdirected and minimized the truth. He has been completely open with his accounts, but I still cannot believe he is telling the truth. I constantly suspect him of secret accounts and carrying on with other women through his work email or other secret means. I am not proud of who I am now and the hate the insecurity that I battle while I am in a relationship with him. I don’t want to be a needy or jealous person but I cannot seem to turn off the insecure thoughts and the paranoid actions that follow. I can feel this affects my work, my parenting and time with my children, and my time with friends. I spend far too much time monitoring him or brooding about what he might be doing. I have started counseling to try to break this pattern of behaviors. I also feel angry with my boyfriend for all of his lies and lack of accountability. I feel like all he has to do is apologize and wait for me to get over it. Meanwhile, I agonize, suffer in other areas of my life, and have spent over $1,000 on counseling sessions to overcome the insecure behavior and paranoia. It seems like he created these problems, and I am left to pick up the pieces. I know I need to leave, but our families are now combined and I cannot ask my kids to go through a break up of our new family. Again, this infuriates me. Why do I and my children have to suffer the consequences for his bad behavior?
More Secrets Revealed – see what secrets people keep.
Benefits of Sharing Secrets – read why sharing secrets can be useful.