Relationship Issues Secrets

I’m keeping a secret from my loved one.

I cannot be trusted

Friday, 26 July 2013

My current boyfriend wants very deeply to be able to trust me completely, but he can’t. I am fundamentally untrustworthy.

Lying about my relational history

Monday, 10 June 2013

I lied to my boyfriend. We were together for 1.5 years, he asked me to move in. I had never made this commitment before to anyone. After 8 weeks, he decided he was unsure of me. After moving my whole life, storage building, change jobs, etc. About a month after I moved out, we began talking again. We had both been with other people. After a couple weeks of long talks about getting back together I wasn’t invited to a birthday party he was going to (wives and girlfriends were going). I was hurt and I knew he still didn’t want people to know we were seeing each other again. I went on a date and when I got dropped off, he came in for a minute. We made out, but when he left, my ex (talking to/ working it out) saw him leaving. He was furious and flew into a rage so I told him it was my roommate’s friend bringing her something. It took a while to convince him this lie was true but he believed me. A year and a half later, we are engaged and expecting a baby. This is the only lie I have ever told him and I feel guilty. It hasn’t been brought up in a long time and we are very happy now. Our relationship is very different and wonderful. I would never lie to him again and I know the truth would only hurt him. He claims we were together but I don’t feel we were. Why would I think miraculously 2 weeks after seeing each other again he could now commit? So I was not closing off all dating options. I feel bad for lying, but not for sparing his feelings. I know I would never lie again. He has no reason not to trust me and if I told him that would only make him question that.

Sexless marriage is not working for me

Monday, 20 May 2013

I have been married for 8 years. For the past 2 years my husband and I have not had sex. He won’t even let me touch him sexually. I began meeting with coworkers for drinks at a bar and met a friend of a friend. The spark was alluring. For 2 months we would flirt: simple things like touching arms when we would touch and hugs. The past 2 weeks we have hung out at parties and have had too much to drink. He kissed me on the lips and called it a friendship kiss because I am married. I want so much more. He makes me feel so giddy and sexy. He has the deepest, bluest eyes that I could get lost in. I don’t know if it will go on much longer. I don’t know if my marriage will last. All I know, is that right now, I would give anything to spend one night in the bedroom with this man!

Looking at escort ads

Monday, 29 April 2013

I have an addiction to looking at escort ads. I am totally embarrassed by it not only does it make me feel bad about myself it breaks my heart knowing that my loving beautiful soon to be wife has caught me doing it. It hurts her so much and yet I keep doing it. I want it to stop more than anything I have ever wanted in my whole life. I want to stop hurting her. I want to have her trust back and that total bliss that I normally have with her. If she reads this I am so very sorry baby. I have hurt you so many times and it was absolutely wrong of me to do it. Your moon bear loves you and hopes that you will forgive him someday.

I am in love with a compulsive liar

Sunday, 07 April 2013

I am in love with a compulsive liar. I have been friends with this man for over a year now and from the day I met him I knew I had feelings for him. When we first met we flirted a lot and were always hanging on each other, and shortly afterwards, I told him I liked him, only for him to reject me. It was difficult, but we actually became best friends after the ordeal. I met a man a little while after who is absolutely wonderful, completely truthful, and loves me unconditionally. I love him very much and we have been together almost a year now, but I still have feelings for my friend. Twist: My friend is a compulsive liar. I didn’t realize this until after we had become very close. It began with him being a master prankster. He would tell me overly complex and jumbled stories about jokes he had pulled on other people. Then he began to tell me about how he had a very serious anger problem where he goes into a white rage, blacks out, and then wakes up only to find many large objects destroyed and people injured, and cars flipped. After this he continued to say that he was a victim of scientific testing by the government and was put through exposure therapy to become a "destructive military machine" as he put it. One time he even told me a ridiculous story about how his ex girlfriend who’s name was, coincidentally, Ashley Simpson, killed herself by hurling her body in front of a moving train, and how and his friend John died of a heroin overdose, and that both of these events somehow cause him to not be able to express his emotions or trust people. I researched these supposed deaths to see if they were, by chance, even remotely true. They were not. I have ignored his lies over the year, pretending I believe him or at least not saying anything against them because I do not want to be rude or lose him, but I just don’t understand. He is an absolutely stunningly attractive man, plays bass and sings rather well(I have witnessed him do both of these things to know they are true), and is funny and kind and overall just a wonderful person, minus the lies. Why would such a great person feel the need to lie about their life? The most terrible thing about this whole situation is that, even through all of the lies, and even with a wonderful boyfriend, I’m still in love with him. I can’t get him out of my head. I have tried to avoid talking to him and we have gone months without being in touch, but I love him too much as a friend and just overall to let him go. When we see each other and spend time with each other it’s as though I completely forgot he is a liar, or maybe just that I want to forget, but I cannot. I hate liars and lying is my absolute pet peeve, yet somehow, defying all reason, it just doesn’t stop me from caring about him. When I am with him I have doubts about my relationship and sometimes want to simply end it all and just be with him, but I cannot allow myself to go through the pain of being with a compulsive liar. I have just gotten off the phone with him now, after him going into extreme detail about how he has "takeovers" and "breakdowns" as he calls them, whenever he gets intimately or emotionally involved with anybody or just when he thinks about his past, which are side effects from his brain being rewired during the governmental testing and exposure therapy he underwent. I believe that there is a morsel of truth to his lies, even if it is blown vastly out of proportion. I feel as though he probably has some sort of issues with being in committed relationships, and definitely has some serious insecurity issues, and hell, maybe he has mood swings sometimes that make him angry, even though I have never witnessed him seriously angry and certainly not violent. I feel as though he is simply taking minor issues he has and blowing them up in order to make himself seem more interesting or important, probably due to insecurity issues. I know that by ignoring his lies I am only encouraging them, but I also know that the only way to even possibly stop a compulsive liar from lying is to call them out, and if I do that, he will 1: be much to prideful to admit he is lying, and 2: become very offended and defensive about it. I do not want to start an argument that could end our friendship, but he is breaking my heart with what he does. He could be the perfect man, but he chooses not to be.

Confusing feelings about early childhood experiences

Friday, 29 March 2013

I have touched my younger sister while she was asleep once or twice when I was barely 12 or 13, and had a long physical relationship with a cousin even before that, excluding sex. My cousin and I don’t do it any more and my sister never acts like she remembers it now. Then I had a proper girlfriend by 15, and it was interrupted when another cousin of mine and I started a physical relationship, this time even confusing it with romance. I really loved my girlfriend but I had to break up with her, thinking I had to settle and elope with my cousin. But we broke off soon afterwards, and now, I am back with my girlfriend. problem is, I cant think of any way to shake off my guilt and I really want to confess and start afresh. But I am afraid it is too much for anyone to take, I am afraid she would leave me, or might never look at me the same way again. I haven’t even told her the reason we broke up the first time.

Prefer my male friend to my husband

Tuesday, 26 March 2013

I have been married 15 years. My marriage is boring and so is my husband- I lack the courage to leave. My best friend is a straight, single male whom my husband doesn’t want me to see. I would rather spend time with my male friend than my husband and will lie to do it. My male friend has not expressed affections toward me; my husband doesn’t believe that.

Considering swinging

Saturday, 23 March 2013

My wife’s close co-worker and I have crushes on each other... My wife comes home telling me of how she asks about me and even blushes instantly at seeing a photo of me in a speedo... Meanwhile my wife has encouraged a texting relationship between her friend and myself (which is strange because she usually quite overestimates any flirting in general with a twinge of jealousy; I’m just not much of a flirt in truth). We have been out on one double-date and us husbands hit it off while the wives were already close. Also strong were the commonalities between myself and the other woman. Like politics and styles of thought, whatever the cross-communication usually is over a double-date dinner. Now I am having thoughts about where this is all leading... Is my wife trying to tell me she wants to swing with this couple? It is a fantasy of mine (so naturally my thoughts go there even if no one else’s do) and I would definitely consider it equitable—I THINK would enjoy seeing the other husband with my wife knowing I was with this other woman that I know I like a lot. Clearly it must be on the table with my wife before any advances, but I don’t want to risk what could be a good compound friendship if that’s all it is to be. I also don’t want to miss out if this is our one opportunity to expand our horizons. I have heard commonly that a swinging lifestyle can make stronger marriages and force us to conquer jealousy, so I don’t think I’m being particularly self serving. For now I’ll just ride the wave and not upset the apple cart.

I am leaving him

Sunday, 17 March 2013

I have thought for a long time he is cheating me. Emotionally cheating mostly. I tried to leave but every time I start getting the courage he begs me to stay. I don’t want to be his puppet any longer. My apathy is love’s suicide. I am done and gone. He just doesn’t know it yet.

Situation is complicated

Sunday, 10 March 2013

I’m not really sure if this qualifies because there’s no definitive "relationship status", but I’m gonna put this here anyway. Two men, my Best Friend (who I’m in love with and hope for more one day) and my friend with benefits (who shall be known as Mr. Twisted). My Best Friend knows my dirty laundry, and in spite of all my mistakes he’s willing to forgive, and see the best in me. He has feelings for me too, but I believe he stays on the fence for two reasons – 1.) to see what I’ll do to fix things and 2.) he knows of Mr. Twisted, but not the entire story, and I think it bothers him. My Best Friend makes me feel as no man has ever made me feel—like I’m valued and accepted as a person, even though I’m not perfect. Emotionally, it already feels like we’re together, even if it’s not "official". Mr. Twisted was a former friend with benefits who ceased and desisted before I got really close to my Best Friend, then resurfaced recently. I’d given Mr. Twisted a chance at a relationship last summer, he didn’t take it, and long convoluted story later, it became a drive for power between us—who was the Alpha, and we would both literally try to dominate each other. Apparently I’m one of the best he’s ever had, though he certainly did not admit that to ME himself. My original thought pattern was, keep Mr. Twisted until my Best Friend wanted to be with me, but I’m starting to see how that’s pretty much my own mind trying to make everything convenient for my own needs, and that that’s not how it works. My Best Friend knows Mr. Twisted is back because I was honest about it—I figured it was better that I would be, considering Mr. Twisted had been tagged in a couple statuses on Facebook. On the other hand, Mr. Twisted was NOT supposed to know about my Best Friend. Even if Mr. Twisted was never going to ask for my hand, didn’t mean there wasn’t any kind of emotion there. Well, the other night, we went to a party with some friends, I saw Mr. Twisted across the room talking to a couple blonde girls who were obviously into him. I figured he was good for awhile, so I went off talking about my Best Friend to a couple people while blacked out... only to find that Mr. Twisted had been trailing me the whole night, making sure he was out of view as I spilled the beans. Apparently I was wrong about that distraction holding. Mr. Twisted started being really mean after that, and we argued until it got physical and we got kicked out of the party. Still caved in and had sex with him, loosely alluding to my Best Friend’s existence but not aware how I’d spilled my guts about him already. Mr. Twisted went and had a conversation with my roommate later... saying I’m his bitch, but as for my Best Friend, "... he can have her" and went on to say to her about me "if she gets with that guy I can still have you." My roommate’s not interested and told him no. I get on Facebook and find something along the lines of "you filthy casual" as a status update from Mr. Twisted. I could be wrong, but I can take three guesses who that’s about. Oh, and the physical fight with him put a giant gash in my hand that has to be wrapped, a story I have not explained to my Best Friend yet. I want to tell my Best Friend, maybe not all the details, but enough, and hope he understands I don’t even want Mr. Twisted around anymore... because unless I cut him off, my Best Friend won’t consider me, and if I don’t, he’ll never forgive me...

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