A book by a founder of this site.
Relationship Issues Secrets
I’m keeping a secret from my loved one.
Lying about an open relationship
I have been with my boyfriend for several years. It has been one of the most rewarding relationships I have been in. He is caring, open and honest and has told me a number of times he wants to stay with me "for the long run". A key ingredient in our relationship is that we have an "open" one. We have given each-other permission to have random encounters with other people. He was the one who initiated the arrangement and I agreed but I had never tried it and didn’t\’t know how I would feel. My problem is that I feel guilty each time I have an opportunity, whether or not I follow through, since it has been so much easier for me. He has gotten upset before about not telling him honestly about my experiences, but I have continued to lie about situations since. I hate lying but I feel I have to even though he has said it is not the sex that bothers him but the lying about it. I feel like I’m cheating even though I have permission and I feel like he will leave me even though he says he is perfectly fine with everything except the lying.
Uncertain if things will change
I have been dating this guy for about three months. He’s good to me and my child, but he says he doesn’t want a relationship right now because of his financial situation, but if it were different he’d be more than willing to commit. What I’m not sure of is once he does become financially stable will it change or will he decide to take that extra step.
Lying about my past sex life
I can’t seem to be honest about my sexual relationships before I met my current boyfriend. I have been honest but sometimes I’ll fudge the details so he doesn’t get mad. I don’t understand why he’s so fascinated in a part of my life I keep to myself. I have been so honest about it lately except for a couple details which started some major arguments. I am doing so much better with my lying. I tell the truth about everything except for some details of my sexual past. I hate myself for it and he doesn’t deserve it. I’m a horrible person and he’s an angel.
Keeping lots of secrets from my husband
I thought I was good person, until I visited this site. I now realize I keep tons of secrets from my husband. I wish I could share things with him. I feel really lonely because I can’t talk to him.
Suffering in silence
I have been with a man for 9yr, but he always used to come and go. This appeared to be when he was angry or very upset, he’d just walk out. I would always call him and he would always came back. Though he acted like this, I thought he was just stubborn. At Christmas we had an argument. I have now been told he is seeing someone else. I am devastated. I keep ringing his phone, trying to suss out when he is working. I cannot cope. I have no self-esteem, confidence left. I have become obsessed. I am so ashamed that I am like this. It is making my confidence drop even further. I didn’t realise the damage this relationship was doing, and now I cannot stop obsessing about him or his girlfriend. He didn’t even tell me he was with someone.
I found out a year ago that my girl of 5 years was seeing another guy from work. Its killing me knowing that she has been lying all that time. I have questioned her on numerous occasions about this and every time I get a bit more info out of her which has shattered my confidence and trust in her.
She says there was no sex involved just emotional support, but I recently got her to admit after a year of telling me nothing happened, that she did kiss him when they first got together. LIES LIES LIES.. It’s not the fact of what she has done that hurts, but the constant lying about it.
I have had 2 one nighters though during our 5 years but that was more of a conquest than an emotional substitute...
I think my husband is a cross dresser
I discovered my husband masturbates using images of Transvestites. He was on porn sites and paying for accounts online. We were charged megabucks because of this.
It makes me think he doesn’t want to have sex with me because I don’t have breasts AND a penis.
It makes me think I am ugly/useless/uninteresting.
It makes me feel hurt.
It makes me not want to make love with him because I found the picture and that image is burnt into my brain and emerges every time we eventually do have sex. I think he wants an alternative lifestyle he tells me he doesn’t but is that just because of what his family would think? He wears my clothes I know because he can’t put anything back right and I find beads which come off my clothes. All I want is to love and trust someone who won’t let me down and I can’t trust him again.
My Ex is into sex and bondage
I love an Ex. Things were going well. She made me promise no sex. Had a relationship for year and half and we had deep emotional ties without sex. Then she ended it all with no explanation. Could not call her or talk to her. Never knew why. I felt thrown away like Garbage and was two months from proposing. 9 years pass. Married. Wonderful wife. Found out I am dying from renal failure. Need to mend the past comes back. Track Ex down. Find out she is involved in BDSM (Sex and Bondage and fetishes) and had child out of wedlock whom she put up for adoption. My world is shattered. Now I cannot do anything without this burden. Should not matter but it hurts so deeply. The Ex has no problems with the path she chose. Why do I care? I try to concentrate on the time I have left, but it is too much. Feel like I want to save her but she will not admit a problem to change her ways. Is it my burden to change her, should she change if she is happy?
Been accused of cheating
I have never cheated on anyone. I became friends with a pretty young woman and my wife reacted poorly. She started snooping through my email and accused me of cheating every time I was away from her. Now I use a password-protected email account which feeds her suspicion even more; but I hate squirming; having to explain every single communication I have with every person. The friend has since moved on; I get an email once in a while.
My boyfriend hid STD
My boyfriend of one year only now revealed to me has had an STD for more than 10 years and has felt guilty for not telling me earlier. I now feel betrayed and cannot trust him. He said he didn’t tell me sooner because he didn’t want to take the chance of losing me, but the guilt got to him. Now I don’t believe anything he says to me and I want to break it off with him.
More Secrets Revealed – see what secrets people keep.
Benefits of Sharing Secrets – read why sharing secrets can be useful.