Relationship Issues Secrets

Miserable when it comes to love

I’m devastated. I’m trapped with a perfect man. I stay because he’s perfect. But I’ve never enjoyed being with him, nor have I ever been in love with him. I have a big void, but when I try to leave I can’t because I feel like a fool for not being happy and because it devastates him when we discuss breaking up. And no one will ever care about me like he does. He cares so genuinely, as do I. But he is happy and I am not.

It gets worse. I managed this way for fifteen years. It was painful but tolerable. Now I’ve fallen into an affair. I did not even see it coming, nor did I ever believe I was capable. Now I’m completely miserable for many reasons. Two big ones, I’m in love with someone I cannot have, and I have someone perfect yet I do not want. And I can’t stop. Even though I’ve stopped the affair, I can’t stop my feelings. I still love the one I’m not with. That is terrible for me, and I don’t believe any of this is fair to my husband.

I think the right thing to do is leave. But the problem is, no matter what I do there will be pain for me and my husband. Unless I stay. Then it’s just pain for me. But I don’t believe it is right to stay when I know I can’t give him the same. But he does not want me to go. And so the circle continues. And yes, it is hard to leave the attachment, to leave someone who cares so deeply.

I have never been so miserable.

Boyfriend lied to me about being single

I know my boyfriend who advertised himself as being single isn’t divorced but has been geographically separated for several years and I haven’t asked him about this deception. Why do people false advertise? The foundation to a healthy relationship is trust and honesty....

Trouble making a commitment

Throughout the course of my long term year relationships, I have never been committed completely. I have continued to build the perception of being committed to each, only to have deceived the 5 to 6 mates I have been involved with throughout this entire time. I’m building a new relationship and really do not know how to break this cycle as this person will be added to the mix as a result of my level of commitment phobia.

Stuck in an abusive relationship

I feel trapped and miserable in my current abusive relationship.

I have been in a serious relationship with my girlfriend, off and on, for 5 years.

In that time, I have suspected her of cheating on me a total of 4 times; however, I have never been able to get enough evidence to successfully confront her of my suspicions.

Once, early in our relationship, the two of us were supposed to spend a weekend at a nearby theme park.

A few days before the trip, she decided to bring 3 of her friends along.

One of these friends was an ex-boyfriend of hers.

Shortly after arriving at the 3 bedroom suite we all were going to share that weekend, he ex went into the back bedroom to yell at his gf on the phone, and my gf went with him, closing the door behind her. After 20 minutes of not hearing any yelling at the phone, I went to see what was going on, only to find the door locked. Upon unlocking it (with the room key), I find two sweaty people and him with his shirt off while she’s sitting on the bed. No "PROOF," and she still won’t admit it; but, I’m not a fool.

Shortly afterward, we broke up for the first time because she refused to stop hanging out with him... and, refused to give back the brand new cell phone that he got her.

A month later, we reconciled our relationship; and, began living together again. This decision, combined with the repercussions of a deeply-buried family secret (my mother and aunt introduced me to sex at age 7), my entire family has disowned and shunned me.

The second and third time, two of the tenants in our house (3 bedroom house, rented room by room), the previous occupant and the next, were both involved in similar incidents with my girlfriend.

Shortly afterward, we broke up for the second time... leaving me homeless. I moved 350 miles away, to live with a friend and try to start over. That friend stabbed me in the back; which, saw me traveling back to my hometown to try and start again with a new friend. That friend abandoned my in a town two shades shy of a ghost town, when he drove away without me at a gas station and changed phone numbers.

During this time, she had several physical relationships with many of her friends.

A few months later, she contacted me on my birthday, after not having spoken to me for several months.

Within a few weeks, we were seeing each other again; and, within a few months, we were living together again.

Since then, her best friend has acquired a new boyfriend; and, I have strong suspicions that the two of them are having a physical relationship.

She and I have not had sex in several months; because, she says that sex is painful for her (a common complaint of hers; but, the circumstantial evidence at hand points strongly to the contrary).

I do no know what to do.

I can’t leave her; because, I LITERALLY have nowhere else to go but the streets.

I clean her ever-present messes, I cook her three-course meals, I take care of her two pomeranians, two cats, and exotic lizard. I deal with her immaturity, her slovenliness, and a hundred other repulsive personality flaws... and, to top it all off, she’s not what anyone would describe as attractive.

I feel that her inabilty to confess, and repair our relationship by actually being in it for once in it’s duration, is causing me chronic emotional duress that I feel powerless to escape without endangering my life (you live on the streets and tell me that not life-threatening).

I just do not know what to do.

Confessed to lying

This probably isn’t much as far as this board is concerned. But I am 18 years old, and have been in a relationship for 3 years. We started dating when I was just 15 years old and she was 14. 6 months almost to the day that I asked her out, she moved away because of her parents occupation. She had even told me that she would not be able to carry on such a commitment at such a young age, and I understood. That day was single handedly the worst day I have ever spent on this Earth. It was traumatizing, and because of it we fell even deeper in love with each other and being many miles apart was never meant to be easy. I have lied to her on two occasions and each time I told her that I had some time after. I guess I feel bad knowing that I should have told her upfront to begin with, that I had tried to move on while we were broken up. But I couldn’t, I could not move on from my high school love and after a few attempted rebound relationships, I had found everything I had ever wanted within me. And that has been everything to do with my high school love. We have been keeping everything together so well but why do you have to put everything on hold like this, just because I confessed to a lie that doesn’t matter? What does it matter what I do when we’re broken up and why should you feel second for it? You’re simply first. You’ve always been. There is nobody near you. You are untouchable. I’ll keep my virginity for a lifetime if it means losing it to you. Shouldn’t all of this give you even further closure to the fact in which I am always there for you. And you have ALWAYS been put before myself. Sure, maybe I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted a year and a half ago, when I was a fresh 17. But after trying to move on and succumb to some sort of normalcy, I simply couldn’t. You mean the whole world and more to me and not being able to communicate with you for the past month has been nothing short of sheer misery. I’ve been treated like shit before and maybe even at times by you. I have fought through you telling me that it is never going to work or that you don’t see it happening. But baby, I’m a dreamer. if you are ever going to read this, just know that I have never cheated on you, and that you have never or will ever be second to anybody. I love you so much but you have to realize that mistakes are what build integrity and a strong foundation to a relationship. What would this be if we never argued? A fairy tale? Yeah right. Just understand that you have made mistakes also, and I have done nothing but love you even more for having done them, because they build togetherness. And just know, that if you decide to come running back to me, I might not be waiting anymore. I have been abandoned to many times for making a couple simple mistakes and frankly, I don’t know if you’re worth being treated like shit at times for anymore and not given a chance. I simply, don’t know. If you ever read this. You know who you are. Just know that I miss you to death. And that even though I was yelled at and made degraded, I forgive you.

Had sex with someone my boyfriend hates

I had sex with someone my boyfriend hates. My boyfriend and I weren’t together at the time, and I did it out of drunken sadness and anger and just acting out. Once we got back together, I never told him. I told him there is something about my past he doesn’t know. and he never will. I’m afraid that i won’t go to heaven because of this secret. And I’m afraid that God won’t forgive me for keeping it from my boyfriend. I’m afraid that my boyfriend and I won’t get to spend eternity together in Heaven because of this.

Not sure I want to settle down with my boyfriend

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 15 months. He’s my best friend and the sex is great and he wants to spend as much of the rest of his life as he can conceivably plan. I know guys don’t often change for a girl, but he completely turned his life around, and figured out how to stay in school so he could stay with me. This semester, he’s been staying at school until 11 or later at night after which point I pick him up and we go back to my apartment. sometimes we have sex. Usually he just stays up doing more homework or playing computer games. We are planning to move in together in the fall, just the two of us, because we’ve practically lived together in his dorm or my apartment for 3/4 of the time we’ve been dating. I’m terrified of doing it. Over the past week, I’ve been chatting anonymously with men from my area online, sending photos and talking about sex. I almost kissed one of them and I seriously considered entering into an online Slave/Master relationship with another. I haven’t done anything physical, but I want to and I feel so guilty I haven’t been able to get anything done at all. I keep thinking about breaking up with my boyfriend even though I love being with him. It’s just that he isn’t here all that often. I don’t know what to do but I can’t stop talking to these people. It’s a huge self-esteem boost to be told how much they want me after one pixelated photograph, if that. I’m young and in college, and I want to do all the crazy shit my friends are doing without feeling guilty. I have the rest of my life to settle down and be good, and I was good all through high school. Why can’t I be bad for once?

Complicated feelings about cheating on my boyfriend

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years, 3 years of that time I was at university. Although I will always love my boyfriend I just couldn’t help myself from kissing other people on nights out after a few drinks (something I would never have done sober). I didn’t even find half of these men attractive so don’t have a clue why I did it! I then finished university and moved in with my boyfriend, I am happy but just cant help feeling that something is missing. I don’t find him physically attractive and we rarely have sex, but we are such good friends. I love him so much as a person and the thought of not having him there frightens me as we have been together for so long. Since moving in with my boyfriend I ended up having a one night stand, this was with somebody that I met on a night out and I had no feelings at all for the person, I have no desire to see him again. I probably did it because I miss sex in general but still have no want to have sex with my own boyfriend. I don’t want to confess about my infidelity to my boyfriend as I think that it will bring on more guilt for me and make me feel like I have to make it up to my him. This could result in me trying to save our a relationship for the wrong reasons.

My life had an affair and abortion

My wife had an affair during which time she got pregnant. We were having a lot of problems, so got an apartment and moved out. At the time I had to move out of town because of a change of jobs, and I would come home every weekend, so she had enough time to have sexual contact with her lover. She has always denied having the affair, even though she once told me she was falling in love with "this guy" she worked with. Also, she didn’t hide the fact she was also flirting with other men, clients and coworkers of the bank she worked at. One day she called me because she was coming to meet me at the other town because she was having an abortion. She alleged we couldn’t afford another baby. We already had a two year old. I supported her on her decision to terminate her pregnancy, and even went to the clinic with her, because I realized she needed my help and support as her husband. I also made it clear that I didn’t think the baby was mine, so I wouldn’t sign the admittance paperwork as her husband or even as a witness. It was a very physical and morally painful procedure for her, and she has been sorry for it since then for killing her baby. On the other hand, I guess it was safer than her having this baby, which I have no doubt she wasn’t sure who was the father. As for me, I still think the baby was not mine, I don’t feel any remorse. On the contrary, I think it would have been a hell of a life for the baby and for me suspecting I wasn’t his/her father. My educated guess is that her lover, or sex partners, deserted her, not even to pay for the abortion. After all, she was married, so let her husband pay the consequences of her pregnancy. To say the least, this is something that has bothered me for the longest time. We reconciled, moved to another state, but I cannot forget her for her indiscretion and her lies, even though she won’t accept it. Thank you for the opportunity to let me vent.

Think about my first boyfriend

I love my fiancé, but I still dream at night about my first boyfriend. He was pale, skinny, freckled and always wore his hair in a buzz. I adored him and we were inseparable. Then we went to separate colleges, but spent some weekends together. Those weekends were wonderful and I looked forward to them. The relationship ended badly somehow, and he hasn’t spoken to me since. I have all these dreams about becoming a famous writer and dedicating all my books to him, or him being a character and he’d come to a book signing and he’d say he had missed me, or that he didn’t completely hate me. I miss him and I still love the freckled faced neighbor boy who broke my heart.