Relationship Issues Secrets

I’m keeping a secret from my loved one.

Think about my ex

Tuesday, 14 February 2012

Sometimes I think about my ex, and what things would be like if we never broke up/got back together.

Walked a fine line when trying to make a long distance relationship work

Wednesday, 08 February 2012

I lied to my friends while in graduate school abroad and told them that I had broken up with my boyfriend, although, in fact, I hadn’t. At the time, I’m not sure exactly why I did it. Part of the reason was that I had a crush on a friend of mine and wanted to see if his behavior towards me would change if he thought I was single. I rationalized it as some sort of harmless experiment. In reality, it was a manipulative way to experiment with the possibility of being single at a time in my life when I wasn’t sure that I wanted to be in a long distance relationship (but was too afraid to break up with my boyfriend, although I did try to express my reticence to him a few times). I was able to have my relationship but also be single (at least while away). This was totally unfair to my boyfriend, but truthfully, when I started the lie, I didn’t think it would lead to actually cheating on him with this friend. Even though it was stupid to assume that, that was what I thought at the time. In the end, although neither of us actively pursued each other with much effort, we ended up making out while drunk. After it happened, I immediately knew it was a mistake and told my boyfriend that weekend. He was understandably angry and I told we had three choices: either we brake up completely, carry on an open relationship, or stay together. I told him that what I wanted was either staying together or an open relationship (open relationship being the option, that in the end, I would pressure him to accept). He told me he needed time to think it over, so I gave him a week. During that time, I ended up sleeping with my friend. It was not planned. I had no intention to sleep with him when I hung out with him that night, but it just happened. I think I partly rationalized that as far as I was concerned, after my talk with my boyfriend, I was in an open relationship regardless of his decision. This was wrong, but in the end, that’s how it worked out. Later that week, my boyfriend told me that he wanted to make the final decision on our status face to face, when I returned home for Christmas. I agreed, although I knew that I in fact had slept with someone else and that as far as I was concerned, we were in an open relationship. Ultimately, although I had remained open to continuing a relationship with my friend, he told me that he thought we were better off as just friends. I accepted that choice, and I returned home. My boyfriend and I met, and I told him that nonetheless I wanted to be in an open relationship. He agreed. We spent a lot of time together throughout the rest of Christmas and I realized that this whole thing with my friend was a mistake. I realized that I was being completely selfish and that I had entertained all those fantasies because I was unsure about what I wanted and was too cowardly to express myself to my boyfriend. So I just went ahead with this stupid lie and ended up hurting multiple people. I realized that I had to tell him the whole truth, that I had in fact slept with my friend (as far as he knew, I had only made out with him, I had lied to him and conveniently left out the later events, partly because I was scared and partly because I felt that I wasn’t really cheating on him since I had told him I wanted to be in open relationship anyway. I told him that I had in fact slept with my friend after I had made out with him. He was very hurt. I apologized and told him I would change my behavior. He ended up forgiving me and now we’ve moved on. I have returned to school and have told everyone that I am with my boyfriend. I have decided not to tell everyone that I lied about breaking up with him in the first place. I have also not told my boyfriend that I had lied to people at school. I felt that what communications went on between me and my friend at school were really none of his business and that I had told him what he really needed to know (i.e. about the occasions where I cheated on him). I feel bad about this, but I am committed to never cheating or lying again, and I don’t see any point in explaining why I initially lied to people because I don’t think anyone will understand that it was just a weird fantasy I entertained in my head that I really thought was harmless. My boyfriend would never understand that. Perhaps down the road, if we stay together, I will tell him the whole truth, but for now, I think it’s better for him and me to allow me one secret to myself. I told him the truths that he needs to know and the rest I will work towards telling him sometime in the future. I didn’t mean to hurt him, and I didn’t tell him the whole truth because I was honestly scared and partly because I was trying to protect him from a fairly insignificant detail that he didn’t really need to know. It was a selfish decision, but I think it was the right one. From now on, I will leave the lying and the cheating in the past. I will never cheat on him or lie again. If the details of what my friends did or didn’t know about our relationship during that time comes up, I will try not to lie to him but will do my best to keep my secret for now. This will be my only exception to my no secrets policy. The important thing is that I will never do anything like that again and that maybe someday I will be able to tell him the whole truth about everything that I did in the past. Perhaps one day he will understand that it was, in the end, insignificant detail of a time in my life when I made a series of mistakes, the most important of which I told him about. I will just have to make peace with the decision for now.

I am a lesbian

Monday, 06 February 2012

I think I’m a lesbian and I’m only staying in this engagement because I can’t support myself, and I’m not ready to see him leave yet...

Planning my marriage but in love with someone else

Thursday, 02 February 2012

I have a boyfriend for 2 years, we are planning our marriage but I fall in love with my coworker and I kissed him. My boyfriend is such a sweetheart , i do not want to break his heart...

Secret relationship is leading to a breakdown

Thursday, 19 January 2012

I never meant to but started seeing my driving instructor, he pursued me relentlessly and said it was my fault too but I don’t see how it was because he kept saying I was playing hard to get so I don’t know how that’s the same as pursuing him. I’m so upset because he keeps saying he can’t see me and then contacting me or not ignoring when I contact him. I’m falling apart because I can’t tell anyone because we’re both in relationships and I don’t even know how this happened because I thought I was happy and I’ve never done this before and the guilt and heartache and anger are actually making me have a breakdown. I’m so afraid I’m gonna do something stupid like tell his wife, when I’m upset, but I don’t and never did want to hurt anyone. I’ve lost control

Arranged marriage with feelings for someone else

Friday, 13 January 2012

I’m a young Asian woman that has been married for two years. I don’t have feelings or love my husband as it is a arranged marriage. I got married to please my dear grandfather. Now I regret it. Lately for the past three months I’ve had a crush on a co-worker, who the past couple of weeks has returned that interest even though he knows I’m married. The guy makes me smile, I can have a laugh generally be relaxed around him but he also creates excitement through my body when he’s around me. Lately we’ve gone further after my full on admission that I really wanted him and it’s just been oral, though he hasn’t gone further due to him doubting if it is the right or wrong thing to do due to me being married. I want it to go further! He’s so physically satisfying that I can’t help but want him. Another thing my husband is hundreds of miles away while I’m studying in the UK. I don’t feel guilty.

Concealing the truth from my boyfriend

Saturday, 07 January 2012

My boyfriend and I have been together on and off for almost a year and a half. During this past summer we were not together for about 2 months. During our break I started to see someone else and we were only intimate one time while we were seeing each other. Towards the end of seeing the new guy I was reconnecting with my boyfriend. I lied to by boyfriend and told him that I had not moved on and I had not been with anyone at any time during our separation. There was a point that I was telling my boyfriend that there was no one else besides him that I could ever be with at the same time that I was with the new guy. On the 4th of July when my boyfriend was being clear that he wanted to be together again and I was telling him that I felt the same way I was got intimate with the new guy. At this point I did not want to be with the new guy anymore but I am really bad at telling people things when I know they will be hurt by it. Within the week after the 4th the new guy and I broke things off and I have never been so committed to my boyfriend. Our relationship is better than it has ever been and we both want to commit to each other for life. I told my boyfriend that I was seeing the new guy and was intimate with him once, but it wasn’t until months after my boyfriend and I were back together and I didn’t tell him the whole truth the first time. First I told him that I had just kissed a random guy when I was drunk, he was so upset that he broke up with me but by the next day we were back together. Then the next day I told him who the guy was and he got really upset and broke up with me again for less than 24 hours. Finally a month later I told by boyfriend that I had been seeing the guy and that we had been intimate once. Again he was so upset that he broke up with me for a day. He wasn’t so much upset with the fact that I was with another guy just that I lied about it. But my conscience is still not clean. When he was upset he yelled and was so upset with me that I became defensive. Instead of being completely honest I told him that as soon and we started talking again I broke things off with the new guy. He doesn’t know that I was with both of them at the same time. I do not believe this is cheating, when my boyfriend and I started talking again it wasn’t set in stone that we were going to be getting back together. My boyfriend wasn’t sure if he could deal with our relationship again and I was still skeptical about whether or not I wanted him back.

Young and in love

Tuesday, 13 December 2011

Hannah, I think I love you. Every time I see you, I become that frightened little 10th grader who you got to come out of his shell. You and I never really had a chance, I suppose. You had a lot of shit going on, and I was a clingy little loser. Yeah, I didn’t have to do too much during Drama today when you had me be a clingy mama’s boy in The Dating Game. And no matter what I think about, for the past few months, I just can’t get you out of my head, you or what happened that January day. You were the first girl who really broke my heart, you know. The first and so far only girl I’ve ever cried over. And I just couldn’t help but think "maybe if I had done something different, if I had been there for you, all this wouldn’t have happened, you would have been all right and not have had to go to the hospital. If I hadn’t been at the sound effect table, or if I had realized what happened... no, I did realize what happened. I knew you fell. I should have known you fainted, though. I don’t know why I didn’t react. I wish I could have been there to catch you, or help you up, or just... hell. Hell, I just want to know that you’re okay. I see you and you look so sad. Then you look happy, and that makes me happy. But when I talk to you, your smile seems to fade a bit. You seem to... you seem to not want to be around me. I feel like I’m a cockroach when that happens, like I’m a dogturd or that sticky stuff that forms around your mouth when you get thirsty. I miss the days where we sat on the bench, my arm around your shoulder and we just talked about stuff, or you took a nap. I miss you. I miss you, my friend, the girl who I could talk to about music I had never heard of, or Zelda, or freaky geometry. Klein bottles. I mean, that one you brought in was cool. Technically no volume! And you were the Inspector, and I was the private detective, and at the bows, I grabbed your hand and squeezed it, and you squeezed back. And I gave you that note in your notebook, and you said thank you. It was true, you did look beautiful that night, even with that sack dress. You made that dress look good. And you kicked my ass at gin rummy, which I still never win at, and it’s still one of my favorite games. I can go back through all the good times we had, Hannah. And on one hand, it’s a blessing; I can relive those moments and appreciate them like I never could at the moment, but I hate it, at the same time. I see you, have these memories, these shades to taunt me. "Look at what will never happen again, Tom!" And I know it’s true. You like other, less awkward, more likable dudes. It’d be unreasonable of me to think otherwise. I still hate when I see you and feel the regret wash over me, though. Happiest moment of 10th grade? Halloween dance. You were a fairy in blue denim. I was Arthur Dent (it was a bathrobe, laziest costume ever). We were dancing and dancing and dancing and I told you the truth, that I had never met a girl like you. And you kissed me. Not too much, it was on the neck, and it was quick. But it was the first time I had ever been kissed at all, really. I was the happiest man in the world. I excused myself and ran up and down the connector shouting for joy. I miss that. That unbridled feeling of joy. Maybe I could feel it if I could... just... show you what I have. Within me.

Girlfriends always cheating on me

Friday, 09 December 2011

When I was back in high school my best friend stole my Gf and because me and him used to mast together I knew he was BIG.

But that was just the start. For some reason other guys have been hitting on my girlfriends for years. How do I know? Some gf tells me, sometimes I see or hear them flirting. One time I had this buddy who was working on a college project with her—he and I got REALLY drunk then, for no particular reason, he comes right out and says "Is it ok if I fck M’s azz?"

Go forward a few years and now tell girlfriends how hot it would be if they did it with another guy. Most times she accuses me of making up an excuse TO CHEAT ON HER but after I keep asking, often she goes for it. Sometimes I’ve even told other guys to flirt with her and I’ve hid in the shadows to see what happened. (and I’ve seen, heard lots. It’s always fun to see her minutes after she’s just done it with a guy that I set up because she doesn’t know THAT I KNOW—she acts sooo normal). I am just so used to girlfriends doing it with other guys that it’s almost acceptable.

Want to move on

Thursday, 24 November 2011

After almost 2 years I am still not over my relationship. I am still hanging out with my ex, basically an open relationship with no title and no future. I felt like if I could let things go on my own terms and work him out of my life slowly everything would work out fine. The problem is he still acts the same, lies and all. I’m slowly realizing that I was only hurting myself by entering into this and I feel like I’m stuck in a hole that is much too deep for me to climb out of. Even though I know when things do change for the better it is only temporary, I still can’t seem to let go. I feel completely pathetic and I wish i could find my old strength and move on for good.

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