Relationship Issues Secrets

Tired of keeping a friends secrets

My friend J talks to me about racism and things on his mind, but he so often tells me afterward that I’d "better not tell anyone about this" and stuff like "Don’t tell anyone I’m this and this, I’m in jail....if you do, I will know"

This is hurtful to me and to my heart because I don’t have a strong sense of wanting or needing to keep things from people. I am at a time in my life where I want things to flow, my thoughts feelings and ideas to flow, to live in the spontaneity of the moment and to trust and love everything and everyone.

When he tells me things like that I feel pent up and depressed, as if I have this pain on my chest I cannot get off.

It is not my pain—it is his, so why do I feel this way?

Because I am being asked to be as paranoid as he is, for him.

What can I do? I just want to tell people and talk to people honestly and with love, and trust my human family.

Tired of my mundane relationship

I’ve been with my boyfriend about five years. He doesn’t turn me on. I hate that he’s 44yrs old and can hardly read and doesn’t seem to care. I am not in love with him. I wish I could get up the courage to leave him. I’ve cheated on him for a year or so and everything I did with the other guy felt so right, and so good. I don’t kiss or hug my boyfriend. He’s immature and doesn’t take initiative. He hangs out with people younger than himself and pretty much all his close friends are losers. I am not happy in this mundane relationship.

Thinking about cheating on my husband

I have been thinking about cheating lately. Found out my husband was having an affair on facebook. He said it was only a game and they never met, but the messages I saw will be forever ingrained in my mind. A friend who knows my husband but doesn’t know about his emotional affair started texting me good morning every once in a while. It has gradually escalated into around 50 texts a day. Some of them are becoming inappropriate. He is married as well. I try to tell myself we are just having fun but I’m beginning to depend on his texts as the highlight of my day. I think my feelings are becoming too involved. I miss him and think about him constantly. I feel guilty because of his wife but I think it is more like revenge for my husband. One thing I know for sure is I will never trust my husband again--even if my marriage survives. He fell far off a pedestal.

Have to hide my masturbation from my boyfriend

I love to watch porn while I masturbate, but my boyfriend is not okay with it. I told him I don’t do it anymore after he said he wasn’t comfortable with it but I can’t control my urge. I slip and end up not telling him that I masturbated so I don’t have to lie about how I did it.

Crush on my husbands friend

I have a crush on one of my husband’s close friends. We often talk on the phone and have talked about the possibility of seeing one another. I think about him a lot.

I am a woman who likes porn

When watching porn, watching women get off more than men turns me on. I consider myself a straight woman with bisexual tendencies.

Having serious issues trusting my girlfriend

Recently my live in girlfriend of 3.5 years revealed to me she had been having multiple emotional affairs through a message board, and that she had visited the message board with the intention of doing so. She was careful to stress that it was not due to any shortcoming on my end, but that it was related to her and how she viewed her own sexual experiences.

We had multiple conversations about what she wanted to do in the matter, she flip flopped a lot, would commit one day to the relationship only to have doubts the next day, etc. She still visited the message board, and soon took a road trip she was scheduled to go on.

I was nervous about the trip because a strange fellow was going with her, however I do not believe much physical things happened. She did however come home and talk about him often, and they did form strong emotional bonds. She assures me this is on a friendship level. I do not think she is cheating on me with him. I do however think she may have propositioned him out of curiosity based on their conversations, and that there may have been some type of physical contact. This doesn’t bother me emotionally that it could have happened, it more bothers me that she may have not been fully honest with me.

She however assures me that he helped crystallize a few thoughts for her, and as a result she is more committed to the relationship than when she left. This is good news, however she seems to think this individual may be qualified to be our mutual therapist. I think that’s ridiculous. He may share some experiences he can relate to her on, however in no way does this help our relationship, or allow me to talk about my frustration over this situation.

I feel like shes not taking me seriously, and this is a way of copping out of her commitment to see a relationship therapist.

We agreed to open our relationship up for this specific issue of hers, but no further. I don’t think she’s representing herself well here though. I don’t think she tells people shes in a committed relationship, or even involved. This upsets me because I feel like if you are in a relationship, regardless of its terms, you should always be very clear and state you are in a relationship.

She’s still visiting the forum, I think multiple times a day. Shes still engaging people in emotional affairs from what I can see. And she is encouraging me to go out and find other people to mess around with. In short this has already put weight on trust that has been severely damaged.

I have been tempted to log onto her Forum account, but I will not. I think information is posted there that can help me to determine whether she is in fact serious, and is having problems coping, or whether this is all just a sham and shes really just using me for a place to live. Despite these feelings I keep telling myself I will not sign up for an account and I will not logon to her forum account. She may damage her credibility with me, but I do not also want to become non-credible.

I have however jumped down the rabbit hole in another way. I’m reasonably internet savvy, and though private communications are generally blocked some things have a way of being public.

I googled her screen name. I found her sending very personal messages to men on youtube while we were supposedly working out our issues, before she left for the road trip.

While I am disappointed at myself for doing so, it raised important questions about her level of commitment, and highlighted something very important on my end. I do not trust her anymore. Unfortunately it has only strengthened my curiosity about her forum account and its contents. I am finding it difficult to maintain my resolve. I may ask her to allow me to logon to it so I can have my questions answered.

Hate my life – hope to catch my boyfriend cheating

I cant focus on anything for myself except finding out if my boyfriend is cheating on me. I left Cali to come to PA and I’ve hated it here since the day I came. I have no family, no friends and my boyfriend wont show me around anywhere. We had a beautiful baby boy three months ago and I basically take care of him myself while going to school full time. I feel so alone here. I cant focus on college at all. I hate constantly thinking about if he’s talking to another girl, seeing another woman while i stay at home. Its taking over my life. When we first met I found several emails to other women that he had been writing to, saying "hello beautiful" things that he would tell me. If felt sick to my stomach and every since I cannot trust him. Some time after that he came to me and said a girl at a gas station approached him but he told her he was dating someone else(me). He told me this as if to make me feel better but I find out later on that he ended up getting this girls number and meeting up with her while we were together. He said he didn’t do anything with her but I cant believe that for a second. I wish I didn’t care about him or wasn’t attracted to him. I want so bad just to buy a one way plane ticket back to cali and live there with my son. I’m a compeletly different person, I hate being cooped up here alone all the time, no one to talk to. I’ve ever contemplated suicide after learning that he doesn’t want to move back to cali. He told me only a year in PA and we’ll see how I like it. I HATE IT but there is no way we are leaving. I wish in a way I could catch him cheating so I can have a reason to go back home.

Still involved with my cheating boyfriend

I have taken my boyfriend back so many times for situations with other girls. I feel like an idiot because I keep going back to him after he breaks my heart. All of my friends and family are against us being together and I did break up with him, but we talked everyday anyway and he even had sex with another girl when he said he was trying to become a better person for me :( I can’t believe I’m still with him. I love him, but don’t even think I’m in love with him anymore. I’m still so utterly heartbroken, though.

I want to divorce my husband

My husband keeps lying to me about other females and I am almost positive that he has cheated though he won’t admit it more than one female has contacted me telling me otherwise. I am considering a divorce but every time my husband and I are talking one on one I cannot seem to bring it up.