Relationship Issues Secrets

I am in a twisted marriage

I’ve been married now longer than I was ever single. My husband cheats on me through flirting, sexting, emails, reading porn, etc. And he is a serial cheater. I know of 7 women that I can name that have sexted him. He barely comes across a woman he doesn’t hit on. I don’t know if he’s ever committed "adultery" -- that is, sexual intercourse. Somehow I doubt it. Still, I consider his betrayal of the vow he took and the emotional cheating as a deal-breaker. He has broken our marriage vow. I would leave if I were able to financially. I would have thought that if either of us in the marriage cheated it would be me. You see, my husband loves me. He couldn’t live without me. I’m a little bit of a trophy wife, I guess, comparing looks. I’ve always been faithful and never even entertained slight flirting from another man. Our sex life is almost non-existent. (He claims "it" doesn’t work any more.) He has a prescription for male enhancement drugs, yet he doesn’t think to use them with me. Last year we had sexual intercourse exactly once year, this year twice to date. I’m so sexually starved that I’ve considered being unfaithful myself.

So what’s my secret? I never loved him! I knew the day I married him that I didn’t love him. I’m really not sure why I even married him. I just gave in to his head games. I was emotionally immature. So why have I stayed married? Because my religion forbids divorce except on the grounds of adultery. I don’t know if his behavior constitutes Biblical adultery, since it doesn’t seem to have gone far enough physically. I have given him the best years of my life. I never loved him and he loves me yet he is the one cheating. I don’t understand it, how he could do that. How’s that for a kicker? I am the one who has remained faithful despite not ever being in love with him, and he has been unfaithful despite being in love with me.

Acting on my insecurities has been a problem

I have had unprotected sex with 18 other people during my 8 year marriage. I have lied to myself and my spouse about these encounters. Some were one night stands, others were affairs. I have put my own and my spouse’s health in jeopardy. I am also very controlling and suspicious of my spouse which leads to jealousy issues. I have email passwords and a GPS tracker on our phone plan. I have lied and cheated most of my life and want it to stop. I am in counseling, support groups and attending church. I have hit rock bottom and want a loving, caring and intimate relationship with the person I married. I need to address my own issues and insecurities before we can work on ours. I am so sorry for the hurt and pain I have caused others.

My boyfriend is upset because I sought punishment by strangers

A few years ago I used the internet to contact a corporal punishment group that offer non sexual physical punishments as an alternative to self harming. My boyfriend of nearly four years recently found out about it and nearly left me, only staying because I said nothing had happened. However, I tried it once but was scared of being taken advantage of, so I didn’t go again. I never confided this to him because at that time he was being drunkenly violent towards me and I didn’t trust him anymore. I know I haven’t cheated. I’m not sorry for seeking solace in strangers. I think he deserves being upset by me taking our personal lifestyle choices like corporal punishment to a stranger because he has punched me more than once whilst inebriated. I feel guilty because he cried a lot when he found out, convinced I had cheated, and won’t believe me when I say I haven’t. I don’t think he should know about my experience from then not only because he says he’ll leave me if he finds out I ever did anything like that, but because it will unnecessarily hurtful to him because he cannot understand why I did it. He’s a marine and not used to showing such emotion and it has been incredibly hard to be around him since he found out because I don’t feel guilty about meeting anyone since it wasn’t sexual and I never cheated, just terribly upset seeing him feel so hurt and confused by me. But then he has left me feeling hurt and confused when he broke my trust by being violent. I hope that eventually we can forgive each other.

His lies are driving me away

I love my boyfriend so much, beyond words. But He has been lying to me and every time I catch him in a lie it breaks my heart a little more. The part I haven’t told him is that every time I catch him in a lie, I love him a little less, and feel more distant. I hope that does not make me a bad person. But he keeps lying so my heart keeps building a wall that gets bigger with every lie, and eventually we will be miles apart. I have never lied to him. I have told him everything about me, about my part down to being abused, to my eating disorder, every little thing. I just wish for once in my life I could find a man who is as honest with me as I am am with him. -Signed Broken Hearted

My husband’s confession has changed our marriage

Well I have to get this out there. I recently found out that my now husband has been cheating on me since before we got married. He wouldn’t have sex with women. He would dominate them and get BJ’s from them. He says now that there was about 10 women. He told me last night there was also 3 MEN. I’m astonished. He said he will never repeat it and never tell anyone. I’m having a hard time even admitting that I married this man. He’s lied to me for the majority of our relationship. I’m tired, exhausted from all my feelings. I’m shut off today mentally to escape all the pain. He doesn’t know but I’m preparing for the worst. Divorce. Just in case. I have proof of his online acct that he joined after we were married. So, if we get a divorce I have proof. For alimony. I’m extremely hurt. We started counseling yesterday. I don’t know what to do. I’m trying to give him his chance, but some days I don’t know if he deserves it.

Not devastated by the end of my marriage

I feel like I am falling out of love with my husband. I am afraid that I will not be able to love him the way I used to because of the things he has done. I am afraid he will leave me no choice because he will continue to lie to me, and think he can keep things from me. The worst part is that I will not be as devastated as one might think you should be at the demise of a marriage.

Discovering the truth hurts

I feel like a hypocrite.

I just found out that my wife had a boyfriend when we first met and that she dated both of us for almost six months in the beginning. In one of our first conversations, she said she hadn’t been intimate with anyone in almost two years. I have sine found out that not only did she have a boyfriend, but when ever I was out of town on business, she would sleep over at her exes house. I feel like an idiot. She assures me that she hasn’t cheated on me since we got married 3 years ago, but I feel stupid just finding all of this out now. I pleaded with her to be honest with me a week before we got married, clear the table sorta speak and she said there was nothing to say.....

I would have left her on the spot had it not been for the fact that....

I cheated too..

I am hurt, and I feel betrayed, not by the fact that she cheated, but by the fact that I have asked her a few times and she lied and never took the opportunity to me and tell me on her own.... I had to find out in a very embarrassing way.... I don’t know what I should do.

My wife’s sexual history bothers me

Ever since my wife told me after 8 years of marriage that she lied about her sexual past, I can’t stop feeling hurt and used. I am generally not judgmental but I felt that I had a very strong sense of my own value system and wanted to share my life with someone who had the same values. I do not know how to stopping feeling bad about this. I know it has changed me, I am tired of having this feeling.

Hope to be turned on by my boyfriend one day

I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about a year and a half and we talk about marriage all of the time. On the surface, things are great. I have so much love for him, but lately I don’t find him as sexy as I used to. He’s having financial problems (I’ve loaned him 4K thus far), he’s often down and out about his career, and on top of everything we don’t have much chemistry when kiss. He also doesn’t make the effort to make love like he used to. I’ve also realized that he doesn’t really pay attention to my needs like he should so I’ve started being stingy with my love. Wrong, I know. Well, a few days ago I was a party and ran into a guy that I’ve been out with a few times (just as friends) and we ended up going back to my apartment (drunk) and we made out. I was totally aware of what I was doing and even went as far as to not allow us to kiss. I also refused to have oral sex with him—the guilt took over. In our all night make out session, he gave me 5 orgasms through touch alone. My boyfriend has never been able to do that even with oral and penetration. I still love my boyfriend and I will never tell him. But now, I have to get this guy off of my mind, which will happen with time. I explained to him that it would be very difficult to hang out now that we’ve crossed the line between friends and lovers.

If my boyfriend were to find out, he would be completely devastated. He thinks I’m perfect and would never cheat. He was right but at this moment, I’m a little too sexually frustrated with our relationship and I was wide open.

• Hoping to be sexually turned on by my boyfriend again one day soon.

My wife is emotionally abusive

I have been living with an emotional manipulative person up until recently for 22 years and we had reared 5 lovely boys (youngest is nine). There have been many accusations, isolating friends and loved ones from me, conducting affairs behind my back. There has been an affair carried out under my nose. This year the ultimate sting has been carried out where I have been led down the garden path and in trying to keep us together admitted things I had never done. In all that time she never called the police or went to the doctor over the alleged abuse by me. This was used in court against me with the judge giving a barring order because of a text message I sent which was I admit nasty. I sent the text on the morning of fathers day when my wife had not returned home after leaving at 6 pm the previous day. I called our two eldest boys to give evidence and though they backed my story I am where I am due to the unequal laws of my country. I am now glad to be away from her although she will now try to hurt me in other ways. She has already tried blackmail over my personal possessions. I don’t believe she will ever admit any responsibility in this but maybe when one of our sons gets the same treatment at the hands of a woman she will see things different. I spent 23 years building a home and a family with this toxic person and when she decided she had got the best of me and no more was left to give in her opinion, she has tossed me aside like a piece of dirt. We hear about the power of men but this is true power. Fair play to my ex she did a good job on me and now she can await the emotional demise of her own sons in the comfort of the home we had built together.