A book by a founder of this site.
Relationship Issues Secrets
I’m keeping a secret from my loved one.
Not sure I am in love
I don’t know whether I love my girl friend or not b/c she’s the first person I’ve been on more than one date with. We’ve been dating 7 months and I’m not sure if the anxiety I feel is normal in love or not. I wish I could trust her and have enough self confidence to discover what I want, but I’m too busy feeling weak, insecure, and nervous about making her upset. The worst part is I can’t tell her how I feel on the inside.
The secret about secrets
Secrets are everywhere. What makes one person sure they have kept a secret from someone? Maybe they know and are keeping it secret from you! Maybe you both know the secret and are both in self-denial, fooling nobody but yourself and each other. Now this is the way a relationship can stay together, with secrets that are kept but told at the same time. This doesn’t make sense, but what relationship does?
I know my live-in boyfriend of 1 yr calls sex lines 3 times a week and watches porn regularly, but he denies it. We have have had sex 4 times almost a year ago, no sex since. When ever I bring up sex, he gets mad, leaves the room or changes the subject. He says he loves me, but he just cannot get it up. He has promised to go to counseling (a promise made 2 months ago, but he has not made appointment). I have been 3 times. This is my secret.
Confused and jealous
I am pregnant with my husband and the baby will be due soon. But I always have thought about leaving my husband. It is really hurt when the kid know that their parents are not together and they will wonder why. Which I never have both parents and I really dont want my kid to feel the same way like I did before. May be the problem is me, I love him very much and sometime I want to express myself to him about how I feel but I just can’t because I have never express myself with anyone. It keep bottle up inside my heart and now I feel like I am about to explode.
I am just jealous over his ex-fiance about how he treated her way better than he treats me. She could have anything that she wanted in the whole wide world. Then what? She cheated on him on someone that he know. And me? I sacrifice my life for him, being with him, taking care of him emotionally and I love him more than anyone else in this world but he dissappointed me. I am not a greedy type of person, I’ve never receive anything from him and all he does is caring for himself. On top of that, I dont even have a ring on my finger while I am married to him.... I dont want to talk about it anymore. Time goes by and we are drifting apart.. And I have to go to get a better life.
I love my husband very much.
No love life
I have lived with my boyfriend for 1 yr. He has not touched me sexually or anyother way in 11 months. I know he calls 800 sex lines 3 times a week and watches porn. What can I do to get him to want me and to talk to me? He clams up and gets mad and leaves the room when ever I discuss feelings and or sex.
Do NOT love boyfriend
I told my ex-boyfriend that I want to get back together in the future, but just need some space right now. He also thinks that I have not hooked up with anyone since we broke up. Neither of these are true, but I just don’t want to hurt his feelings. He doesn’t know that I am NOT in love with him anymore.
My husband and I negotiated a separation agreement. I began dating a friend of mine and continued seeing him for 8 months. During that whole time, my husband followed and harassed us and said I was cheating on him. I broke the relationship off after again sleeping with my husband after a few too many drinks. I did not tell my friend that I had slept with my husband and made excuses for breaking the relationship off. I could not see my husband ever allowing me to have a life separate from him. 2 years later I am still with my husband, my friend no longer speaks to me and my husband uses my "cheating" to excuse his behavior of ignoring me at social functions and flirting with other women right in front of me. We no longer sleep together and have been married 12 years now.
Hard time trusting
I don’t know how to keep a secret or my mouth shut. I tell everything I think and feel to almost anyone. I do not feel I get the same in return. I feel lately I should learn to listen more, observe more and share less of myself. Lying is a waste of my precious time... almost like there are liars and honest people. I have a great desire to do the most effective, productive thing and try to be understood so I can grow.... not kill/decay... a metaphor. I trust myself to give 100% effort, but i think everyone else is out for themselves when, if we just freakin worked together.... I’m confused. I love myself to death yet feel very insecure. I feel deserving, but not confident in karma..... I really hope I will get what I give, and others will get what they have given. Why can’t I trust anyone? I don’t even want to care ... I don’t want to be jealous even if people are deceiving me. I want to understand as much as be understood. I don’t want or need jealousy..... I think..... what could it be possibly good for? How do I make the jealousy go away? I want to plan my life, not worry about some-one else’s. It’s wasting my precious time!
Doubts about marriage
I got married a few months ago. I was very happy at the time, but now I’m starting to have some doubts. I think I might have made a big mistake. But everyone is so happy for me. This only makes it worse cause I don’t feel like I can talk to anyone about how I am really feeling. I feel very alone.
I’m frustrated because I love my wife, but have no desire to have sex with her. We get along great and I have genuine affection for her, but I think she’s unattractive and care barely function sexually with her. I don’t know how to tell her this without hurting her, although I haven’t been with her in so long she has to suspect something’s wrong. There’s nothing wrong with me physically. I’m in my 30’s, and am easily excited at the thought or sight of other women, but I would rather masturbate than have sex with her. I feel trapped in a sexless marriage but I’m too afraid of the uncertainty and the upsetting of my otherwise OK life to initiate a divorce. The only thing stopping me from cheating (I have had opportunities) is the difficulty in keeping it from her. I don’t go out much (except with her) and it would raise flags if I suddenly developed a social life.
More Secrets Revealed – see what secrets people keep.
Benefits of Sharing Secrets – read why sharing secrets can be useful.