A book by a founder of this site.
Made a Mistake Secrets
I’ve done something I shouldn’t have.
I broke my parents up
I split my step mom and dad up because she was evil. How did I do it? I lied and said she forced me to walk without my crutches, when she never did. He divorced her immediately.
Secrets I am keeping
I have three. I had had sexual intercourse with another boy with I was in the age around 15. I used my tongue against my sisters breast while she was sleeping once. I stole money from a few of my friends.
Married but love my ex
I just got married but am still in love with my ex.
Married a compulsive liar
My husband is a compulsive liar and I am embarrassed that I married him and did not see this. When I met him he was so charming and disarmed me by telling me the "truth" about several things that were not great. He was telling me about true things he had done but now I see he was coloring the truth. For instance, he told me on our first date that he had a DV charge 4 years earlier with his long time partner and mother of 2 of his children. He said he went to anger management classes and that he had just been yelling and had not hit her. Well all that is true but since then I have heard things that make me wonder that he did not actually hit his ex. And, along with the fact that I have started to catch him in lies and contradictions, it makes me wonder about anything he tells me.
It is hard because he is good at what he does to a point. He knows how to purposely keep things vague. He also will completely deny he said something when I catch him contradicting himself. He considers a lot of his lies harmless or small and gets angry that I care about all his small lies. But of course, along with all the small ones, the ones that seem to be second nature to him, he has big ones and I now believe he has gone full throttle back to his womanizing ways. Of course, short of having a camera on him 24/7, I cannot actually catch in the act, and he takes advantage of that. He says I am jealous or just wrong. I know I need to move on and divorce him but it is hard because he can still be quite loving and charming.
Affair with my lover’s friend
I have a secret that I am really ashamed of, and the only people who know this secret I am holding is the person I made a mistake with, and my best friend. Everyday I wake up and look in the mirror and feel like an awful person for doing what I did, I have betrayed the one I love and it hurts to look them in the eye with a smile pretending everything is all right. I understand that people often do make mistakes and it is best to try to forgive yourself, but it has been months that I have been living with this guilt and I am afraid of going insane over it. This secret has been a reoccurring affair I have had with one of my lover’s friends, the affair meant nothing emotionally to us and it was solely physical attraction. My lover’s friend has been trying to make moves on me continuously for months, but I would always reject him. Even though I was trying for months to not have an affair and be loyal, the thing that I regret the most is not stopping the potential affair before it was to happen. I should have told my lover about the sexual advances his friend would try at me when my lover was not around, but I never told him. Instead I kept it quiet and pretended that he has never tried to lay a hand on me. Now this man that I had an affair with moved away from us, so I haven’t seen him in months. Even though he isn’t around I still think about what I’ve done every single day without fail. Every single day I would feel ridden with guilt, sometimes I would have to walk away and take a breather until I feel better. I have been trying to read advice over the internet on how to alleviate the guilt, looking for options other than coming clean on how to deal with this immense horrible feeling of regret. Half the advice I would read is to just come clean and try to work it out, others was to keep it quiet because it would only makes things worse and hope the guilt eventually goes away. I have made a promise to myself to never be disloyal ever again, and I intend to keep that promise, especially since I have realized the horrible outcome it has become. I know for a fact that if I ever do come clean to my lover about what has happened, it would be over. We have been in a committed relationship for almost 5 years and I cannot see myself without being with this man in the future. I need him immensely and I would do anything for him. I have never loved the man that I had an affair with, I never wanted anything special from him. It was just an affair filled with lust with physical attraction. Now that I have felt that I have found true love with my lover I feel as if I never need to touch another man again. I cannot forgive myself for the horrible thing I have done. I know that if I was in my lover’s position the truth would hurt me overwhelmingly. I am afraid of having the truth be uncovered for somebody who might know, the truth is the man I had an affair with could have told somebody about what has happened, and that they might end up telling my lover. Thoughts like this really make me feel uneasy and makes me want to admit to him the truth before someone else might. I wish I had enough courage to confess, everyday I tell myself that I will eventually pick a day which I will come clean, and that maybe that will be the only way I can finally feel better about myself and stop the self-loathing. My lover and I have made plans to move in together in another state and take our relationship to the next level (engagement.) I am afraid of having him put a ring on my finger promising of being married without still telling him this horrible truth. I don’t think I can picture myself getting married to this man without him knowing about the horrible thing I have done in the past. Sometimes I tell myself that we’re human, and that he might have a secret in HIS past that he refuses to tell me, and that thought keeps me going as to not tell my lover about what I’ve done, but as my best friend advised me that "two wrongs don’t make a right." and my friend is right. I still have 6 months until we move away to another state together, and during those months I know I will still have to cope with this horrible feeling of guilt until I finally come clean. I am wondering how long I can mentally go on without exploding. I am taking this website’s advice by writing down my secret in hopes of alleviating the feeling of regret, guilt and self loathing. All I feel now is the pressure to tell him the truth, but I am so afraid of the outcome it kills me. I guess if the truth needs to come out, it eventually will. I will be terrified of that day. Sometimes I wish I could live on after doing something deceitful without feeling any guilt like other people I know, but then I wouldn’t feel human. I guess all I can say is that I am really sorry, and I wish I had never made that giant mistake and have been loyal. Being able not to hide any horrible from secrets is the greatest most alleviating feeling ever. I am afraid of having people know of my mistake and the judgements that are to come from it. All I can do now is take a deep breath, smile, and try to go on with my day living this lie. I’ll see what kind of events life has in store for me in the future. Hopefully if the truth ever comes out it is from me.
Made a mistake that I wish would go away
I feel terrible... At my work Christmas party last year I cheated on my partner. I don’t know why I did it. This other guy at work I would always flirt with, he made me feel good and I enjoyed working with him. Sometimes I felt like he made me feel happier than my partner does. At the Christmas party I had a lot to drink (no excuse) then convinced a few people it would be fun to get a hotel room and party on.. So we did. After a couple of hours a few people left, it was just this other guy and I left. Now you may not believe me but we did not have sex, we just hooked up but it did not take me long to realize I had done the wrong thing and I was outta there handing my room key back in and in a taxi on my way home.
I have not told my partner as I don’t want out relationship to end. I feel like I have learned from the incident and have felt bad ever since.. I don’t feel like I should pass my burden onto my partner. Then there are days where I feel sick to the stomach thinking my partner should have a choice and if he wants to leave me it is his right to do so. I don’t know, if it was me I wouldn’t want to know about a one off stupid mistake, if it was ongoing then it would be different.
One other thing, I spoke with this guy afterwards who is also married and we agreed we would not tell out partners. I made it clear that I did not want anything, I told him at one stage I thought I was attracted to him but after that incident I wasn’t and decided I am happy with my partner. I thought he understood this but every now and then I get a message from this guy which makes it awkward at work as I just want to move one... Grrrr I’m an IDIOT!!!
Feel like I betrayed my girlfriend
While I was overseas, away from my girlfriend, I went out to a bar with some friends. There we met two girls that my friends knew and enjoyed a few drinks before we headed back to my friend’s house. We played drinking games together and towards the end of the night, one of the girls started flirting with me. When we all went to crash for the night, she jumped into bed with me and attempted to kiss me. I straight away turned from her and told her I would not kiss her because there was a girl back home who was waiting for me. She relented briefly and I tried to sleep, but had to get up for a while to help one of my friends who was sick. When I went back to bed, I explained to the girl that I was in love with my girlfriend and while she was attractive, I would not make any moves on her to show faith to my girlfriend. We ended up spooning together that night and I made the mistake of feeling her boobs and touching her body to appease my sexual desire despite not wanting to be unfaithful to my girlfriend. I have regretted the incident ever since and I cannot bring myself to tell my girlfriend because of the difficulty of doing so in a long distance relationship and my fear of losing her.
I have a problem with drinking
I have made a mistake I promised myself I would never do. I now don’t know what to do. I have a problem with drinking. I can consume and not seem very drunk but I make silly decisions that I would never never even consider doing when sober. I have the most horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. I do not want to lose my partner and think I have ruined everything. I am now feeling very depressed and anxious and don’t know what to do. I can’t believe this has happened.
Probably made a mess of things
I feel like a whore. Me and this guy were going out for a bit, then we just decided to be friends with benefits. Was fine for me at first but then he just up and left, while he was gone I managed another FWB with a friend of his. I felt it didn’t matter, he might never come back but he did. Now my feelings for him are coming back to me. I feel used up, his friend has no feelings for me whatsoever and I feel neutral toward him but I feel horrible for "cheating" on the other guy if you can call it cheating. None of us were in a serious relationship, I just had sex two guys who happen to be good friends and I feel shitty for it. Not to mention I do have strong feelings for the guy that left. What to do?
Lied about owning a house
I lied to my girlfriend about owning a house in my hometown. Now I feel unable to ever take her home to meet my family/friends because, obviously, it’s such an unsustainable lie. Rather than finding a way be honest, all I can think of are ways to keep her from finding out.
More Secrets Revealed – see what secrets people keep.
Benefits of Sharing Secrets – read why sharing secrets can be useful.