Made a Mistake Secrets

I’ve done something I shouldn’t have.

Cuddled around

Saturday, 19 December 2015

I have a boyfriend, but I cuddled with another guy. I was really exhausted at the time and not really thinking about it. Nothing happened, but I still feel super guilty about it. I don’t want to tell my boyfriend because he would probably break up with me if I did. And I know this is never going to happen again. And I know that there’s no way he would find out from anyone else. So what’s the point of ruining a great relationship over one little stupid mistake?

Guilty about cheating on my girlfriend

Sunday, 20 September 2015

A few days ago, I was intoxicated pretty heavily and ended up having sex for a brief moment with another girl. Now it’s slowly eating away at me. Tearing down everything I had I built for myself with the girl I’m in love with. And that may seem really contradictory but I am in love with her. And I know it. I’ve only been with 2 girls, the 3rd being the mistake. And it only made me realize that my curiosity to "try out new things" was completely misplaced. I love the girl I am with and want to spend the rest of my life with her. And I know for a fact this will never happen again. But the guilt is really weighing on me and I don’t know what to do. I get so anxious when she’s not 100% feeling good like she’s found out and she’s just waiting to tell me and it is really taking a toll on me.

Love my girlfriend and regret cheating on her

Sunday, 6 September 2015

Two months ago I cheated on my partner. We had had a very difficult year in our relationship that had me considering on several occasions whether I ought to break up with her or not. Then I went away for three weeks and after a string if bad decisions I ended up with another girl. I regretted it instantly and hated myself for it. It did make me realize how much I loved my gf and how my life would be shattered without her. When I met up with her I could tell that our entire dynamic had changed. I was much more positive about our relationship and was willing to do anything to make it work. After a very stressful period of work in which I had a series of panic attacks and breakdowns, I find myself struck with a horrible sensation of guilt that I have done something to hurt her. We had one little argument and seeing her upset ripped my heart out. I am now shaken with incredible anxiety and fear about having cheated on her that one time and how much that would be painful to her.

Made out on the dance floor

Sunday, 30 August 2015

After being with my girlfriend for a few months, I went on a holiday away. We met a couple of girls who were around to have a good time—my single friends were interested in hooking up with them. One night we all got drunk and I made out with one of the girls a few times on the dance floor. To spite my single friends, to prove I wasn’t tied down to my girlfriend, to give me an exit plan on my relationship... I think about why regularly. It may seem insignificant, but now I want to propose to my girlfriend of three years and it weighs heavier than ever.

My version of compulsive lying (lie a lot)

I believe I am a compulsive liar. I read a story here with the title: from someone who has learned to live with a compulsive liar. It definitely changed my perspective. I can relate to this mans wife. I read about compulsive liars before, but there was never one example that had the same characteristics my situation has. I always knew I had the problem. But it was just when I started searching and reading about compulsive liars that I ever admitted it. I haven’t told anybody... yet.

Now, my story is this: I have been lying since I was a little child, and still am. When I was little though, most of the times my parents would find out that I was telling lies. Growing up, I have mastered it, and for as far as I can at least remember, no one has ever called me a liar. I am 20 years old. I have been lying to all of my friends, my cousins even. The only persons that I haven’t yet lied to are my immediate family. And this is clearly because they have been living with me and most of the time they know what I am doing. In cases where they don’t know, I tell small lies.

I generally lie in order to get attention, or admiration, or sympathy, or to create certain feelings to others. When I meet a person, I start lying so that he develops an idea about who I am. Of course, I cannot tell lies that don’t add up, but there are no real limits to the lies that I say. They can be small or huge. And I have actually found out that the biggest the lie is, the easiest it is believed.

Here, I want to point out, that the lies I tell are not always to create a good idea of myself to the listener. There have been times, when I have lied, so that the other person would detest me. I do not know why.

Like I mentioned above, I have never been confronted. When I admitted to myself that I am a compulsive liar, I imagined what I would do if I ever got caught. The answer then, was that I would get infuriated and I would try in every possible way to deny it. At the time I thought that it would be the worst thing that could ever happen to me. If denial wouldn’t work, I would then try to change the subject. If this wouldn’t work either I would attack with everything I had.

In the end I’d probably have to admit it, and I would be so ashamed!!!!

Now, if anything of the kind happens, and a friend is the person to confront me, I will tell the truth, and I will be completely ashamed. But, my friends love me for who I am. I might have told enormous lies over the years about me, but still they have lived with me and they know me. I would tell them myself, that I have lied all these years, because I figure that this is the only way I can stop lying to them. But they will feel betrayed and I cannot look at their eyes and know that I have caused them pain.

I want to explain a little bit the nature of my lies. I will give you an example. I tend to say that I have done things that I haven’t truly done. I describe with explicit details the whole process, and of course, it is believed. It has no reason not to. This way I find common interests and common experiences. I do not lie to manipulate. I lie to create the idea that I am a ‘better’ person.

I say I have done things I have always wanted to do, but never did, mainly because I am one of the laziest persons existing. Other lies are those that come out of my mouth for no reason at all. Even to the question what did you eat, I will 70% lie. This kind of lie is of no use and it serves no purpose. For instance of trying to remember what I ate, I say the first food that pops into my mind.

If you are not a sociopath, the only reason that you lie is because you fear the truth. Because you have judged that the truth, your truth, is not one to be proud of, but one to be ashamed of. I have nothing to be ashamed of in my life apart from the fact that I am lazy. Yet, I would prefer if my truth was different. Every time that I want to do something, instead of acting towards its materialization, I find it easier to lie and imagine that I have done it. Yes, I do have a very strong imagination.

Although, since I admitted my problem (to myself, only), I cannot rest in peace. I now find it tiring, although it has become second nature to me, and I want people to love me and know me inside out. I want to be able to have my heart on my sleeve. Now, when I meet people if they interest me I do not lie to them. Only, it is difficult not to lie at all, since we usually have common acquaintances, to whom I have already lied, and therefore the chances are that if I change the stories I will be discovered.

I will not pretend I have found a solution to my problem, but for all of you who are dealing with similar situations, please know this. It is within your abilities to change your life. And it is a good thing to change it, believe me. Confront your fears. Deal with your truth and if you do not like it instead of trying to think that everything is all right and you should come to terms with it, change it. I believe that this is the only way in which you can stop lying and not get depressed. At least, as of today this is what I will try to do. This, plus that I will stop continuing the stories already told.

This method I am proposing I know is not ethical. The ethical way to handle such a situation is to come out with the truth. But I am so deep inside the hole I’ve been digging, that the moment I speak the truth, only my closest friends will stand by me, and I will always have to give explanations. My lies are inexcusable.

There is no justification for any of them in reality. I want to make clear that in this confession, I am not trying to make excuses for the reason I lie, I am solely trying to share this information, my personal experience, with all of you who are searching for answers to your problems.

My insecurity got the best of me

Monday, 1 June 2015

I was so desperate for attention that I sent nudes to one guy and then I began sexting another guy I knew. Nothing ever happened but I still get anxious about it. I am happy and safe in a new relationship, but I still feel guilty about what I did.

Keep having sex with him

Tuesday, 14 April 2015

I have been sleeping with a married man for almost 2 years. We used to have sex in college and parted ways. We hooked up 2 years ago at our college reunion and have been having sex since. This relationship takes an emotional toll on me, because I have no expectations for him and I never tell him no. Most recently I finally imposed a few small demands and he did not make good with my expectations. The disappointment and anger was enough temporarily to keep me away from him. After 2 months he called and I had sex with him when I should have told him no and stood firm. I doninitiate contact but I dondecline it either. This is the most nonreciprocal mess I have ever been a part of, yet I can’t seem to stay away. I know he only calls me for sex. It makes me angry that I allow him to treat me like a free prostitute.

I kissed another guy

Tuesday, 23 December 2014

I have a loving fantastic boyfriend who I have dated for 4 years. I have recently had terrible anxiety and depression and after an unsure period in my life I drunkenly kissed a male friend. I regret this from the bottom of my heart and for the first few days the words were bursting out of my mouth to tell him. But then I realised it was out of self hatred and sabotaging and nothing to do with my relationship. I decided to keep quiet and put the incident behind me-trying to forgive & love myself and be a better partner. The guilt is lessening but will always be there in some form as a reminder of how much I love and care for my boyfriend.

Feel awful about things I have done

Sunday, 31 August 2014

When I was a kid I was very messed up I used to torture small animals and when I was around 10 touched my younger brother inappropriately... I just fixed his computer and stumbled upon his incest porn stash, brother and sister stuff. Did I do that to him? I was just a kid but I feel awful. And now I have kids of my own but I still think about it. I’m a horrible person, I really don’t like myself at all.

Lied to my boyfriend about where I am living

Monday, 23 December 2013

In the summer my boyfriend of 6 1/2 years broke up. During this time, I thought I was completely ready to move on from him. I moved out of my parents house and got my own apartment. My family was totally for me moving on without my boyfriend and they advised me not to let him find out where i lived. Well during the breakup we decided to work things out but I didn’t tell him where I has been 5 months since we got back together & he still doesn’t know where I live...he thinks I am living with my brother.. I know if I tell him it will ruin the entire relationship & I don’t want to lose him.....I have no idea what to do.. I’m so lost!

Got fired for the appearance of sexual harassment

Saturday, 14 December 2013

I was fired from my job several months ago, accused of sexual harassment with someone who reported to me. The truth is my report and I had good relationship and nothing happened other than we became good friends and worked well together. However the other colleagues reported about me being too close to her and everything got blown out of proportion. What happened was that I got fired. Thinking back, as a supervisor, I should have been MORE CAREFUL about how I conduct myself as a supervisor. And because of that, I now carry an overwhelming sense of guilt. Now I’m out of a job. I hid the truth from my family, told them that I lost my job because of management restructuring. But for months now, I’ve been depressed and have been carrying this sense of guilt, watching my poor wife as she adjust to me not working, and hence the lost of income. Good thing is she still has her business which brings in some income, although not sufficient. I’ve been repeatedly thinking about what could’ve been, and wishing that I had done things differently. Because what is happening to me and my family now is a direct consequence of my doing. I really don’t know how to go on and is in extreme crisis mode. I’m a wreck, unable to go forward and unconsolable, and having suicidal thoughts. My wife had spent days/months counseling me unsuccessfully. She’s been getting more and more frustrated with my depression as you can imagine. But I know that if I tell her the truth, my family with two children will fall apart and my wife will be completely heartbroken. She doesn’t deserve that. Can someone please help provide some advise?

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