Lie a Lot Secrets
I find myself lying a lot.
Like girls better then guys
I have dated plenty of guys. I had no feelings for any of them, but my parents told me that girls who like girls should die. So, now I fake a smile every time I’m with a new guy to make them happy. They frown on me when I’m single, saying that I’ll end up alone, then slut shame me when they suspect I’m with someone.
I’ve lied about almost everything
I’ve lied to all my friends in order to earn their pity. I’ve pretended to be in a darker mental state than I actually was, pretended at anger, distress, and at emotional breakdowns just to avoid the actual problem and not look like a wuss. I’ve advertised having an eating disorder and pretended to self-harm when it was nothing more than seeking attention, and maybe a slightly unhealthy relationship with food. I’ve lied about being ambidextrous, because I thought it would make me seem cool. I’ve lied about stealing stuff, also to make me seem cooler. I’ve lied about being bullied. I’ve lied about being into stuff I’m not into just to be better friends with people. I’ve lied about not knowing anything about sex just to make myself seem more innocent. I’ve lied about everything, and now I don’t know how to address it.
My lies help me cover my past
I do have a pretty messed up past. I did suffer abuse for years that I had a hard time categorizing as abuse... and it left me with emotional baggage that I could not justify to most people... so I began telling stories that related each emotional issue to a more directly sympathetic cause as a way of conveying the truth of my emotional history to others. I told lies to justify who I was and who I became. The problem was that while these things ring true to me in effect, the causes that I tell people are fictional... and as such I have created a largely false history of myself that is inescapable and inseparable from the truth.
No one knows the reality, even my oldest and closest friends or family. No one knows that certain parts of my history are lies and have been for over 15 years... I do not add to these stories with new ones and I do not lie on any type of regular basis, but these original lies have become a part of my history that I continue to tell even new people when they are getting to know me. I feel like while I know the truth, they are sort of a legitimate part of me still... because emotionally they have always felt true and serve to simplify more complicated issues and that was the reason for them in the first place.
Meanwhile I have dealt with many people who have lied to and manipulated me. I have been used, betrayed, twisted and abandoned by family, lovers and friends. I absolutely do not trust most people and I find the idea of trust very difficult.
Now there is a woman I am in love with. I have told her the exact same lies as everyone else but wish I had not. I wish I could be honest with her... she is the first person I ever wanted to be entirely honest with but I feel like my past is part of the reason she loves me... I know that she has lied to me in the past for similar reasons and in a way, it helps me feel more justified in holding onto my fictional past. We can each keep those secrets and they never have to be discussed... but the fact that I know about some of those lies she told and the knowledge that I was continuously lied to about them... makes me fear that she will someday lie to me in the present... I worry that she will manipulate me like others have done or that she will cheat and I will not know...
I worry that this is my karmic punishment for continuing to hold onto my own lies... but telling the truth would destroy every relationship in my life... because the lies I have told for 15 years are part of how people define me... they are part of how I define myself.
The problem is that aside from the past I created so long ago... I remain an honest person who is direct and upfront with people. I just do not know how to explain my past abuses and traumas in any way other than the lies that I have told...
My lies keep me from getting close to others
I am a liar and always will be. I’ll never form close attachments and even those who believe they’re close to me right now don’t know everything about what I’ve done. It’s draining on me and will eventually lead to my early death I assume but I don’t think I know how to stop or why I’m doing what I’m doing.
Cover and lie to make things better but it doesn’t work
For years I have been my family’s protector. I am the oldest of three. My parents were substance abusers. I had to take care of my siblings at an early age. I HAD to lie to the police and to child welfare to keep my siblings in the home. Speed up years later and my siblings are abusers as well. I ah to lien to the police to keep them out of jail. During that time my mom got married to a physical abuser so guess what... I HAD to lie to the police AGAIN to say that we were ok. That my siblings and I were just being to rough with each other..."you know...boys will be boys" I had to lie to the neighbors, to school officials, doctors and family members all for the sake of my family. Eventually I moved out and had a family of my own. However, my wife decided that I was not paying attention to her and she had an affair and got pregnant. Now I didn’t want my kids having to deal with her infidelity so I... one more time HAD to lie to everyone that our marriage was perfect and the kids saw happiness.
I did tell one person and the look of disgust and hearing the "you should have... I would have... why are you still..." that was all negative to me. We have since divorced...but hey wait there’s more. I eventually divorced and moved away and "found" me. I started dating a guy that is the most beautiful guy anybody could ask for. He only cared about me... not what I did for a living where I lived or what I drove just me. And to be open and honest. I could never tell him about me because it would reveal my family and I am embarrassed... disappointed... ashamed. I felt that he wouldn’t understand. He didn’t catch me in a lie and he doesn’t want to be with me anymore. I recently stopped smoking. He was coming over to have dinner. I left my place to go to the nearest smoke shop to get incense because my place smelled like cigarette smoke. I lied to him saying I was outside instead of saying I was going to the shop. I didn’t want to see the look on his face or hear that he was upset. For the first time in my life I had someone proud of me for something that I achieved something and I didn’t want to make him feel like I was a failure.
Catfished an innocent person
Hi, I’ve been living a lie to someone I care about almost 2 full yrs.... I am a girl who pretends to be a guy on online games because I am attractive to girls but don’t have any luck getting one as being myself... Then I met someone over Facebook, we talked and talked then when I asked for her number we started talking on the phone a lot... I deepen my voice to sound like a guy… I used another guy’s pic to cover up... We ended building a relationship and it made me Happy. Other time we would be fighting or I make her unhappy from dumb stuff I would say. I broke up with her twice to get out of it... But could never say goodbye or not worry about her cause I really did fall in love with her... But the way I did wasn’t the best and she isn’t really mine... I regret every lie I told her and hurt her.. But apart of me is glad that I did most these things...
But since its killing mi to lie and she to be questioning about who I am, I faked my death. And Now she’s in more pain.. I pray to God now and then and ask him to heal and help her.. Causes has done nothing wrong and she doesn’t deserve that.. I do. All the punishment, her love to me didngo in vain I hope. One day will stop hurting... Or I’ll be able to say the truth one day.. Till then.. I’ll be crying and missing her every second that passes for not hearing her voice or hearing "I love you too"
Kiss is killing me
I month ago I felt like my girlfriend I were emotionally distant from one another. I had been talking to one of my co-workers and found her attractive and liked a lot of things about her. I felt I was emotionally cheating on my girlfriend I tried to discuss with the person that I felt that it was wrong, especially since she was married and I was in a relationship. So this past week she had grabbed my hand and she gave me this look and she kissed me and I kissed her back. I know what I did was wrong and will regret it for the rest of my life but I want to get over it. I told the lady that I donwant to talk to her anymore and how I feel like a liar and cheater and I betrayed someone I love because of my emotionally problems instead of discussing it with my partner.
Wasted my life with a compulsive liar
40 Plus Years with a Liar: My husband lies about everything. He canbe trusted at all. He has even lied about results of surgery etc., making up stories about the information the doctor gave him to pass on to me when I came out of anesthesia. Now I have one of my children accompany me to any medical testing or surgery. How sad. He becomes extremely angry if confronted, so I just listen and donbelieve. I never repeat things he has told me as they are almost always lies. I would love to leave him, but he is terminally ill and would no doubt tell everyone I left him because of his illness. Also, I donwant to alienate our children. It is really sad to look forward to someone’s death, but he does everything to make me look bad to divert attention from his behavior. Like many sociopaths, he is very charming and believable until you realize that he is lying about everything. He manages to fool just about everyone. If you are a liar, please believe that you are crushing any feelings of love or affection and especially any feelings of trust. Your lies will be discovered; there is no way to cover them up forever. Please remember that lies are soul destroying to those you lie to. However, I know that the liar is telling these lies to build his own ego—taking pleasure if "pulling something over" on others and in manipulation. Again, so sad. Run; donwalk, the other way if you find someone is lying to you!!
Playing games with my love life
An ex that I stopped communicating with almost a year ago called me three months ago. My girlfriend was with me when I got the call and was angered by my emotional reaction. I told her that I wasngoing to call her back... I called her back the same day and we have communicated every day for the past three months. I would tell my girlfriend that I never called her back. My ex and I recently stopped talking. I never told my girlfriend. And I only did this behind her back because I believe she has done the same thing, if not a worse situation, behind my back.
Still lying to my girlfriend about my sexual history
I have lied to my girlfriend about my past sexual experiences. I tried to come clean and only partially came clean. I told her about some of the women I’ve been with, hid some of the others I’ve been with, and also told her that I’ve been with a person I’ve never been with because I told her at the beginning of our relationship I had been, because I studied with her on a daily basis and didnwant her to feel like I’d have any interest in her/my friends all thought I had been with her and I was too embarrassed to deny it.
She’s angry because I hid it from her and I’m guilty because she’s angry and I’m still hiding the some of the truth.
Serious problem with lying
I lied about having cancer. I have never been totally honest to anyone. I fear putting myself all out there. I blame others for my own mistakes. I lied to a man I am dangerously in love with about how many people I had sex with. I fear losing him.
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