A book by a founder of this site.
Lie a Lot Secrets
I find myself lying a lot.
I am a compulsive liar and it has ruined my life
I have just come to terms with the fact that I am a compulsive liar. Every past relationship I have been in, I have cheated and have lied about it. The only person who has ever found out the truth to every lie is my best friend. Or, ex best friend I should say. We were best friends for 13 years, and she has influenced me in more ways than she will ever know. She won’t ever truly know any of that because our friendship has been ruined by my lies.
I have done my research, and can relate to the stories of many other compulsive liars. It started as a safety net to not only protect myself from punishment, but to also get what I wanted at that point in time. I would lie to my parents and tell them that my homework was done (protect myself from punishment) in order to go play with my neighbors (get what I wanted at that time). Since then, it has been to cover up for my many mistakes. Instead of being able to admit the things that I have done, I lie, trying to cover up for them and make people think I am this great girl when I’m truly not. And the worst part is, for a while I didn’t even feel guilty about it. I had no "guilty conscience" and even started to believe my own lies. I paint such a vivid picture of the false truth in my head, that I actually believed this fake and unrealistic world was real life.
Seeing as how my best friend dealt with all of this for 13 years, she was the one who truly brought me to the point where I realized this lying had become a lifestyle, a habit. Since then, we have no longer been friends and as much as it has made me hit rock bottom, I respect her and thank her for having the courage to walk away. Because without her choosing to leave, I may have never realized what a joke my life has become. To all the compulsive liars out there, I understand what you are going through, and I wish you the best of luck. To all those out there dealing with people like me, I’m truly sorry about everything you’re going through, you deserve better. Leave while you can, and then MAYBE the liar you so dearly care about will actually get a grip on what is happening.
My boyfriend is a liar
I fell in love with my boyfriend when he was still with a girlfriend of mine. He was unhappy in the relationship and God knows I tried to help him sort things out between the two of them but he still was not happy. We got on like a house on fire and we started a relationship in secret. Two months into the relationship, him and his girlfriend split up. My boyfriend has always wanted to keep us a secret, which I understood initially as we didn’t want to cause pain to friends but now 6 months later he still wants to keep it a secret. I love him but have since discovered he is a pathological liar. In addition, I think he is having an online affair with a girl who is miles away. I have confronted him about it but he has denied this. He says they are friends but a few days ago he got some pictures we’d taken when we had lunch with friends who don’t know we are dating, and he said he wanted to send them to his parents. When I asked him if he had done so he denied it but when I looked at the cell phone log 11 picture messages had been sent. He keeps his phone locked at all times and even goes to the loo with his phone in his pocket. He is constantly getting messages on facebook. He tells me he loves me and does not want to be without me but he lies to me so much. Sometimes he blows me off on the phone so he can talk to other people. I love him very much and I’m confused as to what to do......
More about dating a compulsive liar
This is my second "tell a secret" I dated a compulsive liar and I just found out more. When we met she said she had no children and her boyfriend was dead. She even went so far as to hint that maybe her brother did it. As I previously posted the boyfriend ended up being the husband who was quite alive and healthy. The no kids became two kids. When I confronted her on that she called my a liar and dumped me. She was very good at playing the victim. Now I find out that the two kids are four kids. Even worse she told people that was out of work on disability because of a brain aneurysm when in fact she was having kid number four.
Note to fellow guys: The upper arms are a dead give away if a girl ever had children. I saw the "mom arms" and ignored it.
I was stupid and blinded by what I thought was love. It wasn’t. Now’s its hate. My advise is to run at the first sign of lies. Stupid in NY.
Dated a compulsive liar
She lied too often, I yelled too often and that was that. An amazing relationship was destroyed. The lies were big and small. Once I learned her liar mannerisms it was all but over. All liars have a "tell" and her’s was a hesitation in her response. When she paused or repeated my question I knew a lie was coming. I understand people tell little white lies just to keep the piece or enhance a story but she would lie about facts. Are you married? No. She was. Do you have kids? No. She had two. What do you do? I’m a nurse. She wasn’t a nurse. Do you own your house? Yes. She didn’t her husband did. Did you pay that bill? Yes. She didn’t. What’s ironic is that she believed her lies would make her life easier when in fact they cost her everything. To this day she plays the victim. I was the problem for bring the lies to the surface. She liked to keep them buried. As if they were dead. Just like this relationship. Dead. Life is hard and some people can’t deal with it. So, they try and create an alternate reality. But, they are the only one’s who live in the world. Lairs are the saddest of all people.
My life is ruined by my lying
My compulsive lying ruined my life. In the last two 1/2 years I’ve gone out of control- spun a web of lies so insanely intricate and outlandish that I can’t even figure out how it really started. But extreme lies carry extreme consequences, and once it all came to light, I lost everything. Police were involved, I lost the respect of all my loved ones, I’ve spent the past year in absolute isolation; the lies were cleared quickly but the guilt and shame never left. The worst part is that the person I hurt the most is the person I love the most- someone I’ll never have. Since the minute we met, I knew I loved him. Not romantically, but I care for him more than I care for life itself. My depression is at large & I can’t find a cure. I’ve tried therapy, meds, self-help, but nothing works. All I feel is this crushing, hideous love for someone I’ve completely betrayed, and this disgust with the person I’ve been. My life consists now of waking up at 4 pm, daydreaming and taking any sleep-aid I can find in order to knock out at 5 am, then waking up to start again. I left school. I left work. I have no friends, no family, no outlet for all this festering self-hatred. It kills me to know that this person I love so much is out of my life, but I want him to be happy more than anything else. I want his happiness more than my own. I don’t care if this means he should move on. I will gladly be miserable and alone if it means he’ll find what he deserves; something lovely. I am not lovely; I’m a mess. A pathetic teenage mess.
My girlfriend lied to me about everything
I met a girl about 8 years ago and we fell in love almost instantly. The connection was something I never felt before. She was my dream come true. Even though we lived in different cities it was like we were together. Then one day she lied to her father about a small item. I noticed it and thought it was strange. Why would she lie about something so small and meaningless? I thought if she could lie so easily to her father why not lie to me. After a few months the lies started. Some about some very large. For example she would lie about paying bills. Her electric was shut off even though she claimed the bill was paid. She would lie about her finances. She claimed to have 60K in her 401k and the balance was zero. She claimed to have carried her sisters twins when she didn’t. She said her husband left and was considered dead. When in fact he lived about 1/2 mile from her. The big lie was when we talked about getting married and have a family she said that was important to her because the hole in her life was that she never had children. It turns out she had two her her husband and they lived with her most of the time. I know this all makes me seem very naive but I’m an educated professional who started and runs my own businesses. When ever I asked her about the "lies" she would shut down and play the victim. I was the bad guy for not trusting her. This went on for most of our relationship until the husband contacted me and we had a very interesting talk. When I told her I spoke with her "dead" husband she dumped me on the spot saying "I have no feelings for you!". It’s only been a few weeks since and I feel numb about the entire experience. I am a very trusting person and I am trying not to let this make me bitter. To those who think that their love is lying to them I say get the proof and hit the road. If you can’t trust the one you love then who are you loving?
My life is a complete mess
I have more ridiculous problems that are all 100% caused by me than anyone I’ve ever heard of in my life. Every single thing I feel sorry for myself for, I did. My entire life is based on me trying to get attention and impress everyone and stems directly from my ridiculous lack of self confidence. I base almost all my worth on my looks. I’m a compulsive liar, I’m anorexic, and I’m a drug addict.
I was failing out of high school and ended up in beauty school, somehow landed a job on a whim and moved, which turned into a ridiculous story I spun about being too smart for school and being shipped off to some glamour factory. I use it on resumes and its gotten me multiple jobs. I constantly lied about how much money I made and followed it up by always buying everything for everyone with all my pretend extra money.
I used to drink a lot, but then I stopped because my boyfriend wanted me to and ended up losing a lot of weight. This, in turn, got me a lot of attention, so I just basically stopped eating all together. When I do it, its tiny fancy food at a fancy restaurant I’m taking someone else to. I feel like nothing about me is good enough, literally everything I do is for show.
I’ve been doing recreational drugs since early in my high school days, but within the last year I started smoking downer designer drugs off of tin foil and lines of coke whenever I’m with my friends. My friends are a horrendous influence on me and I know we wont be hanging out if I really stop doing drugs like I would like to. The only good thing I have in my life is my boyfriend, who is incredibly supportive of me bettering myself. He is the only person that has ever encouraged me to do something more with my life and pursue a meaningful career and start a family, and last night I destroyed every chance I had at that. He asked if I had been doing drugs while he had been in jail and I lied. For no particular reason, I know it would have been a much smaller fight had I just told the truth, but I lied and lied and lied and accused him of terrible things defending myself. After he told me he never wanted to see me again, I told him the truth.
That was the single dumbest thing I’ve ever done. I know that he would love me and not judge me if all I ever did was be my boring self and do nothing for show and I’m too stupid and always expect everything to go my way. I finally have to pay for something. I love him so much and the only reason he was hurt was that I was lying, and he has caught me lying so many times before that it was the final straw. I know this hurts him just as much as it hurts me and I don’t know what to do.
He lied to me about taking his ex off the mortgage
My soon to be fiancé lied to me about his home. He says he purchased the home with his ex and once they broke up had her name off of the mortgage. This was discussed and because I didn’t know what questions to ask at the time, I didn’t ask many. Being a homeowner for eight years and selling my home two years ago because I relocated, I’m well informed as to the logistics of homeownership, well I thought I was. Anyway, after deciding we need to do a bit of massive cleaning, I called bulk trash collection for a pick up and discovered the homeowners name is the ex and after being told by bulk trash I can do a property search through the local county government to confirm this, I discovered the ex’s name and only her name is associated with the home in the assessments and taxation database. I’m so embarrassed that I didn’t know better and I feel like one of those naive clueless women you see on TV who don’t know any better.
I lie a lot to everyone
It all started in primary school. Where I even used to lie about how I got hurt after falling down from a tree. I was afraid that my mom would scold me for climbing a tree so I told her that I got pushed instead. Ever since, I have been lying. Even to my parents, and to my boyfriend. I lied to my parents that I had a boyfriend, cause I know that they would never allow me to have one. I have been doing that for 6 years. I know its selfish, but its mainly because I cant stop lying.
I looked up in the net and realized its called being a compulsive liar. I don’t lie to hurt others, I lie cause I don’t want to get caught. I lied because the truth is so much harder to handle , even though I know that once I tell the truth, I will feel relived. But lying was so much easier, cause that way, no matter how hard the truth was, no one would know, and it was better off that way. I lied about my past relationships to my current boyfriend and made him believe that I was this perfect girl who hadn’t been with someone else.
I was hesitant to tell the truth for the reason that I never wanted anyone to know about my past. Its just so hard to tell the truth, but I am getting help and I really want to overcome this crazy obsession of lying. I don’t intend to hurt anyone with my lies, I guess its for my own selfish reasons of keeping the truth.
-Girl next door
My fear of telling the truth leads to my lying
I lie a lot. The root of my lies—the lies I often tell my spouse (he seems self righteous) stem from my fear of him being angry or judgmental. I often don’t tell him the truth because I fear he will bring what I say back up in the future. This is not just with my husband, but in my past I have done the same to other people due to the same fear—the fear of people being angry or vindictive when I actually tell the truth. I want to be myself, but sometimes it feels like I lie compulsively to protect me from harm. The fear I have that makes me lie has also leaked into many other areas of my life. I just don’t know how to solve this problem.
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