Secrets about infidelity and cheating.
Tried out the other side
I did some same-sex experimenting a few times while dealing with a rocky relationship and feel horrible about it. I told her a small fraction of what actually happened but I feel the rest would crush her, our relationship, and my overall reputation and image. It’s not something I ever will do again and feel guilty beyond what I ever thought. It’s eating at me but she doesn’t deserve to be hurt over what I did. I learned from it and wish I could just move past it and make it up to her by being the best I possibly can to her.
Stereotypical affair and accompanying guilt
I’m in my forties and have been with my wife for 16 years. We’ve had lots of ups and downs in that time but have stuck it out and stayed together. Several years ago I started paying for sex (massages with more); although I was initially wracked with severe guilt from these excursions, I got over it and its now a regular habit (few times per month). I am not proud of this and wish I could quit. This past fall my wife and I moved across the country but she moved out three months before me. While staying alone in our old city, I started an emotional online affair with a recently divorced local woman. After two months of that, with my cross-country move just two weeks away, I initiated meeting this woman in person. After meeting discretely in public after work for two nights in a row, we quickly found ourselves in her bedroom every day with me making excuses to friends and family that I was busy "run errands" before moving away. In addition to being emotionally attached to her including texting her all day, I then became physically attached. Now I am in the new city with my family and I’m severely shocked at my lapse in judgment and how I could do this to my family. My wife doesn’t know about this but she can sense my deep depression and anxiety, which I try pass off as being culture shock from moving across country and the stress of a new job. But I am now a wreck. I started reading these affair self-help websites and am shocked at just how textbook my affair is and how typical my feelings about it are. I now doubt all the strong feelings I have for the other woman and realize they are part of the alluring fantasy but just that—a fantasy not reality. It was a real eye opener and I wish I had read support websites before going down the affair path. That convinced me to cancel my plans to continue the online part of the affair and my plans for clandestine hookups with her when traveling back to old city this spring. Over text I explained my severe guilt and remorse to her for the first few days and she understood. Two days ago I told her we had to end it all and she was upset but understanding. Now, I have deleted everything about her from my computer (photos, texts, music) and feel overall good about it, but I miss her badly and am struggling to move on. I know each day without contacting her is a small victory in a larger battle and I look forward to getting on to healing myself and my relationship with my wife.
Cheated because we never have sex
I’ve been with my bf for about a year and 6 months and about 3 weeks ago I cheated on him with someone I’ve known since I was in middle school. I have been so overwhelmed and extremely stressed about what I did and know how wrong it was to do such a thing. There’s never any excuse that can make a difference because I know I’m wrong either way. But there is an issue with our relationship, we never make love at all and if we do it’s once every 4-5 months because of many excuses he gives me to get out of making the time for me so I felt not wanted and in loved and made the worst decision of my life by cheating on him and I know if I say something he won’t understand and leave me on the spot no it’s ands or buts. I’m really scared and terrified of him leaving me because I love him so much and chant picture a life without him. I know for a fact this will never happen again and I know he’ll never find out as long as I can keep this secret I just don’t know how long it will take for me to get over all of this because I have a lot of anxiety attacks and have been acting up a lot because of what I did. What do I do? I really seriously need help and all I want is for us to be together and be happy!! Help someone please!!
My drunken cheating is making me a wreck
I had a drunken one-night stand with a random girl. I've been married for 8 years and my wife is the only woman I have had sex with. I went to a party and ended in bed with this girl (I was so drunk). I’m in a messed up place… I can’t work or eat... I keep crying and shaking at the thought of what I just did.
I can believe I have been such bastard. I love my wife more than anything in this world she is my baby and I'm so sadden that I have done this to her... I don't know what to do. If I tell her I think she might leave and if I don't I may never be happy again. But I just can't risk losing her... I know it's her choice but I can grow from this I will never do it again, I will quit drinking and do whatever it takes. This is something I never thought I would do... I don't know myself... I'm lost... I don't even what to be me anymore.
Worst part is she keeps being nice to me, I love her so much and I've messed it all up.
What should I do?
Dealing with crushing guilt over cheating on my wife
I've been keeping a huge secret from my wife for the last several years and the weight of it is now starting to crush me.
My wife and I met when we were in high school and have been together for the last 15 years. About a year after our relationship began I cheated on her with another girl. At that point it seemed innocent enough, we were young, and I certainly didn't expect that 10 years later she would become my wife.
That pattern continued and over the next several years I cheated with a few other women. I always felt a little guilty afterwards but also kind of enjoyed the excitement. I'm not sure what changed, but ever since the last time I cheated I have been overwhelmed with guilt. It's been almost 4 months now since I last cheated and I'm still obsessing about all the mistakes I've made in my marriage. I don't think there is any chance I'll get caught unless I confess. Thinking about the mistakes I've made gives me so much anxiety. It would hurt her so much if she ever found out, and that would be so hard to bear. The thought of telling her what I've done makes me feel so awful, but I don't know how much longer I can live with this guilt. I feel like I'm stuck, I keep reliving the past, and don't see any way out of this exhausting and all consuming guilt.
As time passes I feel less guilty about cheating on my boyfriend
Over a year ago I cheated on my boyfriend of six years. We are young and I met someone I connected with on a different level. It felt good to have someone pay that much attention to me and to feel something new and exciting. As we talked and saw each other more, we started having a more romantic connection. He knew I had a boyfriend; they even met and hung out together. One day we decided to take things to the next level and we had sex. I felt like it made things awkward after that and I was no longer interested in him in a romantic way. I wanted to remain friends. The guilt of doing this haunts me everyday. I don't want to tell my boyfriend because he means the world to me and I fear losing him over a dumb mistake. I will never cheat on him again, I don't plan on telling him, but I fear the guilt is going to kill me. I love him so much, I always tell him everything, and he's my best friend. We are engaged and the thought of telling him crosses my mind often, but a little less as time passes. I made the mistake and now I have to live with my actions. He shouldn't have to suffer because I'm an idiot. Whoever is reading this, thank you for reading my secret.
Will our sexual past twist into something new?
Our relationship has always been very honest. We tell each other everything, life goals, joys and fears. I was single and he was in the midst of a divorced when we met. We got to know each other and we clicked and married after about a year of dating. After a couple of years, finally more of our previous love life came up. I told him I had a three of previous relationship and they were all passing fancies. It was actually 12 or 15; I just thought three would make him feel better. Then I asked him. He was shy at first but he told me that he had 5 previous girlfriends and, of course, his ex-wife. He told me everything. His honesty just poured out. He said that all his previous girlfriends and his first wife cheated and relatively openly. I was shocked. He seemed to need to tell me more so I asked him to be specific. So he told me every detail of his cheating girlfriends and ex-wife, a very hot large-breasted redhead, who I knew before I married him. I saw her with other men in bars and at a private house party with a tall, well built, well as they say tall, dark and handsome man who was a bass player in a very popular local jazz band. I was really amazed and really curious. So I asked more about them and how they accomplished their escapades. He went into every specific detail including the fact that he watched a few times secretly when he caught them at home a couple of times. I even asked him to tell me how he felt about it. I really did not need to ask. It was obvious considering how turned on he got relating it all. Is this normal? Funny thing is that his story really got to me too. Does he want me to be like them and cheat too? The thing is, I would never leave him. I now believe it would be great if he willingly gave me permission or even better, willingly asked me to explore and approve of my complete sexual independence.
Worse than being in love with my boyfriend’s brother’s best friend
I have been with my boyfriend (H) for about a year and a half. We met about a week before our relationship started, but I have known his brother (A) for years. We were very close, and I had fallen for A for a while before meeting H. When I first met H, I was so happy and I told A that he had to meet him because I thought they would get along. They were both surprised, as was I, when they came face-to-face and told me they were brothers.
I never told H that I had fallen for A before meeting him. I once came onto A when I was wasted, but we never bring it up, so I trust him to keep it that way. Anyways, a couple of months ago, A told me that his best friend since childhood (M) was moving back into our village--since he had just gotten a divorce--and we are apparently "the same exact person", personality wise. When I met M, we immediately clicked, and I fell for him after a couple of late night talks, parties, and slow dances. H never got worried about me being alone with A or M.
I told M that I had fallen for him and that I needed to stay away from him for a while, so I would get over him. He told A about my confession, and A told me that I needed to tell H how I felt about M. So here’s my secret: I am in love with my boyfriend’s brother’s best friend, and I had a thing for his brother before meeting my boyfriend.
Sex with my colleague is a problem
I had been in a 5year relationship with my common law boyfriend. I cared about him (he has depression and PTSD) but I knew deep down it was never going to last. Then we got pregnant and I hoped it would improve things, it didn’t. When my son was 15 months old, I went on a work trip and slept with a colleague. We were both drunk. However the second night, we did it again, very deliberate and sober. He has been unhappy in his marriage as well. We agreed this could not happen again. I broke up with my boyfriend the next day and didn’t tell him what happened.
Months later I started dating a guy that I’ve been friends with for a very long time. We have become serious really quickly; we already knew each other so well. But there was still this sexual attraction with my work colleague. We had been on other work trips and while we flirted shamelessly, nothing happened... until this weekend.
My colleague will be leaving soon for a posting away from the office... we talked and flirted at a work party, lots of alcohol. I think this time other colleagues noticed. We went to a bathroom and while we didn’t have sex, it was close. I feel very guilty that I may have screwed up the most genuine chance at happiness with my new love. I don’t understand why I let it happen again. Before this colleague, I have NEVER cheated on a partner before. And I’m worried my other work colleague’s will judge me for my actions... I hate myself right now.
My anxious attachment is messing up my life
I cheated on my boyfriend (now ex) of 3 years with a guy I met online. My boyfriend at the time was unsure about us and kept going back and forth saying he did not love me and then that he actually did (there were one other time prior to this in our relationship that he started losing feelings but he wanted to work it out but I left because it was not fair for either for us). I found out he was flirting with other women and was saying negative and disrespectful comments about me.
I started resenting him. I did not feel loved anymore. At the time when I needed to feel safe with him, he wanted to take a break so having learned that I have an attachment anxiety, I let my relationship with a guy I met online escalate. From talking to the guy I met online, I realized that he had a lot of the qualities I was looking for in a man that my boyfriend at the time did not. He was attentive and responsible. He truly cared about me and I felt loved. Het met the needs that I had that my boyfriend at the time has not been meeting for months.
I started to care about him too and imagined a future for us but I knew it was wrong. I told him that my boyfriend at the time and I already broke up but I did not tell him that we got back together. I knew it was wrong but I did not know how to cope with what I was feeling. I felt so alone and this guy helped me so much. I literally felt like I could not do it on my own and if I did not have someone, I would die. Him and I talked for about 6 months. The guy I met online ended up coming to see me. Weeks before he came, my boyfriend at the time and I were on a break. The day before he came, we were going to end our relationship but we ended up staying. It wasn’t an assuring, "I love you and want to be with you" type of going back together but it was the "I don’t know how to live a life without you and we’ve been dating for so long that we should just keep going" type of getting back together.
That night, my boyfriend and I at the time ended up having sex and the next day, I had to pick up the guy I met online from the airport. Throughout the time, aside from the fact that my family wanted me to feel safe, I wanted to make sure I did not do anything sexual with him and cheat on my boyfriend so we were never alone.... except two times.
And those two times, I felt pressured to do things with him because he flew all the way here to see me and did not want him to feel like he came here for nothing so we ended up kissing and doing other things to each other. We did not have sex. That’s something that I really wanted to make sure I did not do in order to protect myself and my boyfriend at the time but we did do other things more than just kissing. Prior to him coming and during those times when my boyfriend kept going back and forth with me, my relationship with the guy I met online escalated. We did not make anything official and he knew I was not ready for a relationship (he was however hoping he could help me get over who he thought was my ex) but we ended up having phone and Skype sex probably over 10 times.
Considering this and the fact that he flew all the way here to see me, I felt pressured to do things with him. Anyway, after the encounter and him leaving back to his home, I wanted to make sure that I made it right with my boyfriend at the time and give him all of me so that our relationship would work out. Even though I already started falling for this guy that I met online, I started to decrease the time I was talking to him to make sure that I put in my energy and focus on my relationship with the man I was with. I did that and after a few months, he ended up leaving me. Now, I’m talking to the guy I met online again and made amends for pushing him away. I did not fully tell him the truth that I went back with my ex though and now I feel so guilty. I am still hurt from my past relationship. Considering we practically lived together for 3 years, I still have my things in his house, which I need to get soon.
I have terrible attachment issues and I do not know where to start to get the help I need. I think recently I have used sex and relationships as a means to fulfill this unmet need that I have and I do not know how to deal with it and cope. I feel terrible because this guy that I am talking to is so nice and meets so much of what I need and the type of healthy relationship I should have but I’m scared that I am just jumping into this because I am so heart broken. I filled with guilt for deceiving and cheating on my ex and this guy I met online. Although I empathize with myself, I feel so terrible because never have I thought that I would ever cheat and deceive someone as I have now... All because I felt like I could not do it on my own.
I became the other woman
Wow has my world been turned upside down in the last few weeks. I have been with my husband for 15 years. I met a man, who I though was single because he told me he was. We met online; he said he was a divorced dad of a 12-year old. He said he didn’t have custody of his daughter but had her occasionally, when asked. He told me his wife had frequent boyfriends and that was a real challenge for him due to his daughter being involved. He said he had a male roommate for the last 9 years. We live about 9 hours apart so I had no way of knowing the truth of his living situation. I was completely honest about being married but thinking about leaving my current situation. We spent a lot of time texting, emailing etc. Eventually things became romantic and he asked if we would ever meet in person. We did meet in person and spent two nights together. Amazing. Then several months later we spent one night together, two nights the next month, and then three nights in Fabulous Las Vegas the third month. This entire relationship had gone on for about a year. I had an idea that there was something off a few times but didn’t seem too pry into it. I plugged his last name in Facebook one day and uncovered the truth about him. He had been married the entire time. Very much with his wife and daughter. Never had a roommate. We fell in love. So, now I sit her in love with a man who I thought was someone but turned out to be someone else completely. I was so angry and betrayed. Crushed and still going through a grieving process. I thought maybe there was a chance for us to be together one day, but low and behold he wants to stay with his family, that I knew nothing about. So hard to be in this position. I want to forgive but believe that will take time. I want to tell his wife but am unsure of what that will do. So undecided at this point of how to move forward.
Cheating in multiple formats
I had an affair with a good friend’s partner over four months. Not only that but I saw several other women over the last two years too, although they were more on a one nightstand basis.
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