Secrets about infidelity and cheating.
Worse than being in love with my boyfriend’s brother’s best friend
I have been with my boyfriend (H) for about a year and a half. We met about a week before our relationship started, but I have known his brother (A) for years. We were very close, and I had fallen for A for a while before meeting H. When I first met H, I was so happy and I told A that he had to meet him because I thought they would get along. They were both surprised, as was I, when they came face-to-face and told me they were brothers.
I never told H that I had fallen for A before meeting him. I once came onto A when I was wasted, but we never bring it up, so I trust him to keep it that way. Anyways, a couple of months ago, A told me that his best friend since childhood (M) was moving back into our village--since he had just gotten a divorce--and we are apparently "the same exact person", personality wise. When I met M, we immediately clicked, and I fell for him after a couple of late night talks, parties, and slow dances. H never got worried about me being alone with A or M.
I told M that I had fallen for him and that I needed to stay away from him for a while, so I would get over him. He told A about my confession, and A told me that I needed to tell H how I felt about M. So here’s my secret: I am in love with my boyfriend’s brother’s best friend, and I had a thing for his brother before meeting my boyfriend.
Sex with my colleague is a problem
I had been in a 5year relationship with my common law boyfriend. I cared about him (he has depression and PTSD) but I knew deep down it was never going to last. Then we got pregnant and I hoped it would improve things, it didn’t. When my son was 15 months old, I went on a work trip and slept with a colleague. We were both drunk. However the second night, we did it again, very deliberate and sober. He has been unhappy in his marriage as well. We agreed this could not happen again. I broke up with my boyfriend the next day and didn’t tell him what happened.
Months later I started dating a guy that I’ve been friends with for a very long time. We have become serious really quickly; we already knew each other so well. But there was still this sexual attraction with my work colleague. We had been on other work trips and while we flirted shamelessly, nothing happened... until this weekend.
My colleague will be leaving soon for a posting away from the office... we talked and flirted at a work party, lots of alcohol. I think this time other colleagues noticed. We went to a bathroom and while we didn’t have sex, it was close. I feel very guilty that I may have screwed up the most genuine chance at happiness with my new love. I don’t understand why I let it happen again. Before this colleague, I have NEVER cheated on a partner before. And I’m worried my other work colleague’s will judge me for my actions... I hate myself right now.
My anxious attachment is messing up my life
I cheated on my boyfriend (now ex) of 3 years with a guy I met online. My boyfriend at the time was unsure about us and kept going back and forth saying he did not love me and then that he actually did (there were one other time prior to this in our relationship that he started losing feelings but he wanted to work it out but I left because it was not fair for either for us). I found out he was flirting with other women and was saying negative and disrespectful comments about me.
I started resenting him. I did not feel loved anymore. At the time when I needed to feel safe with him, he wanted to take a break so having learned that I have an attachment anxiety, I let my relationship with a guy I met online escalate. From talking to the guy I met online, I realized that he had a lot of the qualities I was looking for in a man that my boyfriend at the time did not. He was attentive and responsible. He truly cared about me and I felt loved. Het met the needs that I had that my boyfriend at the time has not been meeting for months.
I started to care about him too and imagined a future for us but I knew it was wrong. I told him that my boyfriend at the time and I already broke up but I did not tell him that we got back together. I knew it was wrong but I did not know how to cope with what I was feeling. I felt so alone and this guy helped me so much. I literally felt like I could not do it on my own and if I did not have someone, I would die. Him and I talked for about 6 months. The guy I met online ended up coming to see me. Weeks before he came, my boyfriend at the time and I were on a break. The day before he came, we were going to end our relationship but we ended up staying. It wasn’t an assuring, "I love you and want to be with you" type of going back together but it was the "I don’t know how to live a life without you and we’ve been dating for so long that we should just keep going" type of getting back together.
That night, my boyfriend and I at the time ended up having sex and the next day, I had to pick up the guy I met online from the airport. Throughout the time, aside from the fact that my family wanted me to feel safe, I wanted to make sure I did not do anything sexual with him and cheat on my boyfriend so we were never alone.... except two times.
And those two times, I felt pressured to do things with him because he flew all the way here to see me and did not want him to feel like he came here for nothing so we ended up kissing and doing other things to each other. We did not have sex. That’s something that I really wanted to make sure I did not do in order to protect myself and my boyfriend at the time but we did do other things more than just kissing. Prior to him coming and during those times when my boyfriend kept going back and forth with me, my relationship with the guy I met online escalated. We did not make anything official and he knew I was not ready for a relationship (he was however hoping he could help me get over who he thought was my ex) but we ended up having phone and Skype sex probably over 10 times.
Considering this and the fact that he flew all the way here to see me, I felt pressured to do things with him. Anyway, after the encounter and him leaving back to his home, I wanted to make sure that I made it right with my boyfriend at the time and give him all of me so that our relationship would work out. Even though I already started falling for this guy that I met online, I started to decrease the time I was talking to him to make sure that I put in my energy and focus on my relationship with the man I was with. I did that and after a few months, he ended up leaving me. Now, I’m talking to the guy I met online again and made amends for pushing him away. I did not fully tell him the truth that I went back with my ex though and now I feel so guilty. I am still hurt from my past relationship. Considering we practically lived together for 3 years, I still have my things in his house, which I need to get soon.
I have terrible attachment issues and I do not know where to start to get the help I need. I think recently I have used sex and relationships as a means to fulfill this unmet need that I have and I do not know how to deal with it and cope. I feel terrible because this guy that I am talking to is so nice and meets so much of what I need and the type of healthy relationship I should have but I’m scared that I am just jumping into this because I am so heart broken. I filled with guilt for deceiving and cheating on my ex and this guy I met online. Although I empathize with myself, I feel so terrible because never have I thought that I would ever cheat and deceive someone as I have now... All because I felt like I could not do it on my own.
I became the other woman
Wow has my world been turned upside down in the last few weeks. I have been with my husband for 15 years. I met a man, who I though was single because he told me he was. We met online; he said he was a divorced dad of a 12-year old. He said he didn’t have custody of his daughter but had her occasionally, when asked. He told me his wife had frequent boyfriends and that was a real challenge for him due to his daughter being involved. He said he had a male roommate for the last 9 years. We live about 9 hours apart so I had no way of knowing the truth of his living situation. I was completely honest about being married but thinking about leaving my current situation. We spent a lot of time texting, emailing etc. Eventually things became romantic and he asked if we would ever meet in person. We did meet in person and spent two nights together. Amazing. Then several months later we spent one night together, two nights the next month, and then three nights in Fabulous Las Vegas the third month. This entire relationship had gone on for about a year. I had an idea that there was something off a few times but didn’t seem too pry into it. I plugged his last name in Facebook one day and uncovered the truth about him. He had been married the entire time. Very much with his wife and daughter. Never had a roommate. We fell in love. So, now I sit her in love with a man who I thought was someone but turned out to be someone else completely. I was so angry and betrayed. Crushed and still going through a grieving process. I thought maybe there was a chance for us to be together one day, but low and behold he wants to stay with his family, that I knew nothing about. So hard to be in this position. I want to forgive but believe that will take time. I want to tell his wife but am unsure of what that will do. So undecided at this point of how to move forward.
Cheating in multiple formats
I had an affair with a good friend’s partner over four months. Not only that but I saw several other women over the last two years too, although they were more on a one nightstand basis.
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