Infidelity Secrets

My cheating is getting the best of me

I cheated on my fiancée this past weekend. I feel so guilty and shitty about it. I love her with all my heart and the thought of losing her and my kids destroys me. I have no good reason why I cheated. I just met a girl online and we hooked up. I was very stressed at the time because we were moving, the kids, and we also weren’t very intimate for a while. I know it’s not a good excuse and in any way justifiable. But I can’t help but think about what I have done. I have lost sleep over it and I also am having trouble concentrating on normal tasks and eating.

I’m the other woman and he’s trying to work things out with his wife

I have been having an affair for 9 years. I left my husband 2 years ago. My lover did not leave his wife nor did I expect him to... yet. We recently got caught by his wife. He feels awful because he had recently told her their marriage was over but didn’t disclose us. Since she found out, she has begged him to stay with her. He agreed to go to emergency marriage counselling but told me it was in an effort to help her through this horrendous deception. He had one day after leaving my side and going home to deal with her pain. She took his phone and the counsellor said he could have no contact with me. I’m sick with fear that between his 22-year-old daughters threats of forever hating him and his wife’s devastation, he might decide to stay in the marriage.

I know he loves me and I know he will regret it if he stays with his wife. He is torn between what he wants and what he feels he should do. I am so physically ill with anxiety I have become depressed. I am waiting till he regains some control over his life to know what mine is going to be.

Do not come back with advice about living my own life or being calm until things work themselves out. I am in crisis mode worrying about what he’s being put through and that no therapist could understand what we are together. They will try to make him save the marriage. And make me look like the interloper... the horrible temptress that has no moral code nor cares about his daughter.

No one cares about the "mistress" who simply loves this man with her heart and soul.

Tell me what I’m missing. What am I not considering?

Cheated on my boyfriend after he proposed

I cheated on my fiancé 6 months after he proposed. This isn’t the first time this has happened, but it’s always a one-night stand where I often don’t know the other person’s name. After this cheating episode, I had the realization that I was sexual abused during my middle school years. This along with a whole host of other issues that come with being a gay man, and the son of divorced are parents, are greatly impacting my relationship. I am going to seek out therapy to ensure that this never happens again.

Dating a married man for three years

I have been in a relationship with a married man for three years. No one in his family knows about me. My friends and family know that I am seeing someone, but very few know the truth, or that we met when we were both married.

I’m tired of being a secret. It hurts to keep such a big part of my life hidden.

My crush is leading me to want to cheat on my girlfriend

A small crush on a friend and artistic collaborator has grown into a big crush over the last few months. Dreams and fantasies about this person wax and wane, but my psychic landscape has a seemingly permanent garden of adoration. Two nights ago, I woke up next to my girlfriend and thought I was holding my crush instead. I know rationally that it is shortsighted and damaging to my existing relationship to start an affair, but the emotions are resisting being told to be quiet.

I regret cheating and want to tell my wife

Wish I could undo it. I slept with someone other than my wife. She doesn’t know and I don’t know how I could tell her just for the sake of taking a load off my chest. I also feel I failed morally for taking advantage of the girl.

History of cheating

My fiancé and I have been dating for four years now. In the first year of our relationship I had sex with our flat mate once I don't know what led me to do it Last year my sister’s hubby tells me he wants to see me and that it’s very important. I went to see him but he lured me into sex which I regret doing. I have honestly changed from these habits, but I still feel guilty inside of me.... I don't know if I should explain this to my fiancé or my sister but I sincerely love my fiancé now I can't afford to lose him...

Drinking and cheating

I cheated on my boyfriend. Alcohol is no excuse and I don't blame it entirely on the alcohol but seeing as I crashed in the same night I KNOW I wasn't in the right state of mind. I honestly can say if I was in the right state of mind I WOULD NEVER ever even think about hurting him in that manner. I realized I cheated when I found a hotel receipt and texts that asked if I remembered what had happened the night before. I feel terrible. This won't happen again. I want to marry my boyfriend so I couldn't possibly tell him, but this guilt is so overwhelming.

Tried out the other side

I did some same-sex experimenting a few times while dealing with a rocky relationship and feel horrible about it. I told her a small fraction of what actually happened but I feel the rest would crush her, our relationship, and my overall reputation and image. It’s not something I ever will do again and feel guilty beyond what I ever thought. It’s eating at me but she doesn’t deserve to be hurt over what I did. I learned from it and wish I could just move past it and make it up to her by being the best I possibly can to her.

Stereotypical affair and accompanying guilt

I’m in my forties and have been with my wife for 16 years. We’ve had lots of ups and downs in that time but have stuck it out and stayed together. Several years ago I started paying for sex (massages with more); although I was initially wracked with severe guilt from these excursions, I got over it and its now a regular habit (few times per month). I am not proud of this and wish I could quit. This past fall my wife and I moved across the country but she moved out three months before me. While staying alone in our old city, I started an emotional online affair with a recently divorced local woman. After two months of that, with my cross-country move just two weeks away, I initiated meeting this woman in person. After meeting discretely in public after work for two nights in a row, we quickly found ourselves in her bedroom every day with me making excuses to friends and family that I was busy "run errands" before moving away. In addition to being emotionally attached to her including texting her all day, I then became physically attached. Now I am in the new city with my family and I’m severely shocked at my lapse in judgment and how I could do this to my family. My wife doesn’t know about this but she can sense my deep depression and anxiety, which I try pass off as being culture shock from moving across country and the stress of a new job. But I am now a wreck. I started reading these affair self-help websites and am shocked at just how textbook my affair is and how typical my feelings about it are. I now doubt all the strong feelings I have for the other woman and realize they are part of the alluring fantasy but just that—a fantasy not reality. It was a real eye opener and I wish I had read support websites before going down the affair path. That convinced me to cancel my plans to continue the online part of the affair and my plans for clandestine hookups with her when traveling back to old city this spring. Over text I explained my severe guilt and remorse to her for the first few days and she understood. Two days ago I told her we had to end it all and she was upset but understanding. Now, I have deleted everything about her from my computer (photos, texts, music) and feel overall good about it, but I miss her badly and am struggling to move on. I know each day without contacting her is a small victory in a larger battle and I look forward to getting on to healing myself and my relationship with my wife.