Secrets about infidelity and cheating.
My wife is clever when it to cheating
My wife told me she wanted an open marriage or a divorce. I said divorce, then two days later said that open marriage was okay with me. She told me she’d already had sex with someone else. A handsomer, more fit, more well-endowed version of me. She went to have sex with someone else and came home crying, saying she’d made a mistake and she only wanted me.
Three months later, I snooped in her phone and discovered texts and emails from at least 5 other guys. Turns out she’d been cheating on business trips and while she was allegedly out with her girlfriends -- while I was sitting at home babysitting our daughter.
I believe she’s stopped cheating for the present. But I no longer trust her. Her sex drive has gone to zero now and I’m afraid that when it bounces back, she’ll start cheating again. I havenconfronted her about it because I’m afraid it will end our marriage.
This makes me feel emasculated and worthless. I think she’ll cheat again and I donknow what to do about it.
Cheated right before our wedding
I cheated on my fiancée on my stag do, I cannot describe how awful I feel, I have never even looked at another women in 10 years of being with her, it is eating me up but I know it will destroy her if I told her.
I cannot tell you why I did it, but I will forever question my moral compass, because I have let myself down but even more so my fiancée.
If anything ‘good’ (If I can use that word) has come out of what I did, it has hurt me so much and questioned my own morals in life that I will never ever ever do it again, ever.
And it has reminded me how much I really do love her, as contradicting as that sounds. I canchange what I did, by god I wish I could, but I can learn a very valuable lesson from it that will serve me well in our married life and that’s anytime temptation is put in front of me again I will remember how awful I feel/felt writing this.
I will never forgive myself for what I did, and I hope one day I can draw a line under it in my life, but for now it is eating me up.
Overwhelmed by guilt about cheating
Almost ten years ago I cheated on my ex girlfriend. It was only once. The regret is pursuing me to this day and even though we separated 2 years ago, I canlet it go. I drink a lot and donknow what to do with my life.
Actively planning to cheat
I have arranged a date, accommodation and soon to make travel arrangements to see my lover. I am keeping this secret from my husband.
My Dear John Letter
The First Premonition
The profound grieving that a man endures when he first realizes that the woman he loves, who he trusts with his heart and shares his life, has broken that trust at the most fundamental level by engaging in sex with another man, can hit with the force of a lead shot-put to the gut. The shock is magnified many fold if the affair had been on going, since that required planning, forethought and constant deception. The emotional implications of that extended and deliberate act of profound disrespect foreclose the prospects for re-establishing the bond of trust that is the foundation for marriage.
Female infidelity, especially prolonged affairs, is such a life-changing trauma for a man that he will never be the same again. Some men are better equipped by social experience and personal resilience to weather the trauma than others. All the assumptions of our personal emotional security and our special role in the life of our beloved are now open questions with no answer. The signposts of our emotional life are blown down in a hard, cold rain and snow. We don’t know who to trust or where we stand. Powerful hormones run our emotions to the breaking point and nervous collapse follows.
My young adult self died of a metaphorical heart attack the day I learned of the affair. He’ll never come back, but I am learning to weep for him, so that I don’t stay so bitter as an old man. He’s gone but I have to carry on so that I take care of the needs of my current wife.
I could not talk to anyone about my personal tragedy, because it was so shameful to me. If I had a good female friend at the time, I might have been able to share my pain with her. I have never discussed my secret shame with another man, because I would rather suffer alone than admit to such a profound failure in the most intimate chamber of my life. That would reduce me in their eyes in a way that was simply not acceptable to my pride as a man.
I have started a process of healing from this deep psychic wound through writing out my memoir from that troubled time, recalling the details and the feel of the world at that moment. Because I lacked any outlet to express my sorrow at that time, I turned in on myself, had a series of nervous breakdowns, got addicted to cocaine and speed, and nearly died over the next couple of years after the divorce.
The relationship literature says that alpha males want to kill the other guy, while beta males want to kill themselves. Sadly, I was in the latter category. Fortunately, I did not have guns around, or I definitely would have killed myself if there were a gun handy. I went straight to the bottom in a frenzy of excessive drink and use of hard drugs to ease my pain. I eventually ended up homeless and penniless, wandering the streets like a hungry ghost and sleeping in bushes at the edge of Santa Cruz, California. I fled to get away from anyone in my home town who might have heard of my public humiliation at the hands of another man. I’m older and wiser now, but I paid a high price for not dealing with my problem in a more mature manner. I have definitely cut years off my life span, for sure.
The first premonition that something was amiss in my marriage occurred at an event at my home. I was a full-time student at the local university, where I went back to complete my degree so that I could make more money and get better jobs. My wife worked at a bank, and she developed an interest in journalism and began writing feature stories for newspapers and magazines. She had a talent for writing and I encouraged her to pursue this career path. I was very proud of her success as a writer and pleased that she had found a way to make her own mark on the world.
She joined a writer’s group, which met regularly at different member’s homes. One month it was my wife’s turn to host the writer’s group, so I volunteered to take care of serving the guests. I spent most of the evening in the kitchen, being a good househusband, making drinks and serving food to the guests, so that she could attend to the meeting. Like much of what happened over the next few months, I have very limited memory of that time. I only recently recovered this memory, which I had blocked from my consciousness to dim the pain.
I was standing in the doorway from the kitchen, listening to the meeting, ready to serve drinks to anyone who requested it. I went back into the kitchen, and came back out to hear a woman from the group say something to my wife about “your boyfriend”. I didn’t hear the beginning of the commentary, so I wasn’t sure what she was referring to. As I came around the corner out of the kitchen, my wife leapt up and turned on a very noisy old swamp cooler that drowned the woman out. I was perplexed, and several writers objected to the loud noise. I turned off the cooler, at the request of the group. In this pregnant pause, the whole room stopped, and all eyes were on me. Time stood still, and I had the uncomfortable sensation that everyone there knew something that I didn’t know. The room full of faces reflected bemusement, contempt and pity.
I suddenly felt sick to my stomach and felt like I needed air. I walked out the back door and walked along the arroyo in back of the house for hours. They could make their own damn drinks. I had to get out of the house. I eventually rationalized to myself that I was misconstruing a random remark, but I couldn’t get over the long look I got from this group of sophisticates. My gut told me that something was wrong, but I overruled it with my mind.
As it turned out, “her boyfriend” was one of the key members of the writers group. He had wisely stayed away from this particular meeting, thank God. From that night forward, I began to suffer from bouts of inexplicable anxiety and prolonged periods of deep and almost debilitating depression.
I went to a psychiatrist at the university health services, who prescribed medication that just left me affectless and drained of life and really didn’t help at all. Zombified by bad anti-depressant drugs, I lacked the vitality to pay better attention to what was happening right under my roof. In retrospect, that was the first premonition that my wife was having an affair.
Behind my husband’s back
I was unfaithful behind my spouse’s back with our friend, who was also unfaith with his spouse! It was only once and the regret is killing me!
I regret cheating on my husband
I cheated on my partner. I promised him always I would never do it. I fought against it for ages and eventually got worn down and submitted. I know now why, but it doesnhelp and I shouldnhave done it. Although he left his wife 7 years ago for me, he hasngot divorced. Still does loads of jobs for her and promised one day we would marry but still after all this time we are no further forward. He bought me an angst enemy ring a year ago but I had to pretend it wasn’t. He sometimes just expects me to cook of do things and he just sits and watches tv! Hence no excuse but I ended up cheating and I’m so sorry
I have given up on my wife
My wife has been having a full blown affair for the last two months. It’s her second affair in six years. We’ve married for 20 years. There is likely more I havendiscovered. I went on a date with an old friend this past weekend. It was so nice to be with someone just for fun. Shopping and dinner and nothing more. Not even a peck on the cheek. She (my date) was a little nervous because I’m still married but I felt great. I have given up on my wife. She will get the divorce she wants soon. Maybe I’ll tell her my one insignificant secret then.
Close to cheating on my husband
I have been married for 8 years. For the past 2 years my husband and I have not had sex. He won’t even let me touch him sexually. I began meeting with coworkers for drinks at a bar and met a friend of a friend. The spark was alluring. For 2 months we would flirt: simple things like touching arms when we would touch and hugs. The past 2 weeks we have hung out at parties and have had too much to drink. He kissed me on the lips and called it a friendship kiss because I am married. I want so much more. He makes me feel so giddy and sexy. He has the deepest, bluest eyes that I could get lost in. I don’t know if it will go on much longer. I don’t know if my marriage will last. All I know, is that right now, I would give anything to spend one night in the bedroom with this man!
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Cheating on my husband and don’t want to lose the other man
I am seeing another guy. I am married. I cannot deal with any of the drama that will ensue if I told my husband that there is somebody else. I have cheated before. I feel sexually dissatisfied in our relationship. I have also caught him communicating to an ex GF before as well as letters they have written each other. This brought me back again to cheat. I wish I could tell him that I view our relationship now as "just friends"... but I really cant deal with what will happen next. I feel he uses his drama (has threatened physical harm on his self before during an argument). I’m tired of cheating but I genuinely like the guy I am seeing now and don’t want to lose him.