Lying Limits a Partner’s Ability To Make Decisions

People often use deception to limit their spouse’s or romantic partner’s choices. More often than not, we lie to our partners because we want to take away their ability to make decisions for themselves (see Bok).

Deception is a very useful when trying to control what other people do (see power differences).

People use deception to limit access to information. Information which partners need in order to think for themselves. Essentially, when you lie to someone, you are stealing their right to make their own decisions based on the reality of the situation (also see lying is stealing on

Consider the following examples:

When a husband lies to his wife about how attractive she looks in a new outfit, he is taking away feedback that might influence how she dresses in the future.

When a fiancée lies about having an affair, she is taking away her fiancé’s ability to make decisions about who he might like to marry.

When you knowingly mislead a romantic partner about what time you’ll meet him or her at home (i.e., "I’ll be home at ..."), you are taking away a partner’s right to decide how to use that time.

When girlfriend lies to her boyfriend about a crush she has on one of his friends, she is taking away his ability to respond to that situation.

Lying to romantic partners simply robs partners of their ability to think and act for themselves.