All Secrets Revealed by Date

His problems turn into my problems

Relationship Issues
Monday, 11 November 2013

I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now. When we first started dated, we thought it was going to be a more casual relationship. In the first few weeks, we felt more strongly for each other than we anticipated. I told him that I was not interested in seeing anyone else, then he confessed he was dating another woman. He said it was just casual because he thought she was dating other people. He ended that dating relationship right away, and we committed to each other. A few weeks later, I discovered that he was sexting with other women. He tried to minimize his actions, but I later found out this was a habit of his for some time. I also found out that he involved in another relationship that he said he was in the process of ending during the first few months that we dated. He has been unfaithful in other relationships and was unfaithful to me after we committed to one another. Since those early difficult times, he says he has been faithful. I just can’t believe him. He has lied, misdirected and minimized the truth. He has been completely open with his accounts, but I still cannot believe he is telling the truth. I constantly suspect him of secret accounts and carrying on with other women through his work email or other secret means. I am not proud of who I am now and the hate the insecurity that I battle while I am in a relationship with him. I don’t want to be a needy or jealous person but I cannot seem to turn off the insecure thoughts and the paranoid actions that follow. I can feel this affects my work, my parenting and time with my children, and my time with friends. I spend far too much time monitoring him or brooding about what he might be doing. I have started counseling to try to break this pattern of behaviors. I also feel angry with my boyfriend for all of his lies and lack of accountability. I feel like all he has to do is apologize and wait for me to get over it. Meanwhile, I agonize, suffer in other areas of my life, and have spent over $1,000 on counseling sessions to overcome the insecure behavior and paranoia. It seems like he created these problems, and I am left to pick up the pieces. I know I need to leave, but our families are now combined and I cannot ask my kids to go through a break up of our new family. Again, this infuriates me. Why do I and my children have to suffer the consequences for his bad behavior?

Seeing my old boyfriend

Wednesday, 07 August 2013

I’ve been having an affair with an old boyfriend. He was always "the one that got away" but he had married someone else and had a couple of kids, lived in another city--so he wasn’t on my mind, other than the occasional time he came here for a show (he’s a musician) and I saw him out—which hurt every time. He came back to my city, got a divorce and started calling me. It started out as just a happy hour—he kissed me at the end of the night and I told him no... but couldn’t stop thinking about him—the chemistry was the same as it was 15 years ago. My husband is the nicest guy on the planet and I feel horribly guilty, but this has made me realize that I never really had this level of passion with him. I am so confused and know the right thing to do would be to leave before entertaining anything with the boyfriend. I’ve been married for 9 years and when I am away from my husband I think of all the good times and all that we’ve built together, but the second we are actually together again I can’t help but see all of his faults. Ugh- horribly conflicted.

I cannot be trusted

Relationship Issues
Friday, 26 July 2013

My current boyfriend wants very deeply to be able to trust me completely, but he can’t. I am fundamentally untrustworthy.

Cheated on my husband

Sunday, 23 June 2013

I cheated on my husband and we just got married. I feel horrible and I’m ashamed and not really even sure why It happened.

Separated and snooping on my wife

Snooping and Spying
Thursday, 20 June 2013

I’ve been married for 10 years and found out 8 months ago that she’d been harboring feelings towards an old flame for nearly 3 years. 8 months ago was also when she asked for a separation. We still live together and our 4 small kids don’t know what’s going on, but I’ve snooped on her phone, journals and facebook account on and off for the duration of the separation. I’ve found some hurtful things where she talks about flirting with guys to her friends, inappropriate texts with the old flame and a few other minor ones. She’s been out of town for some training for 2 months and this also happens to be where the old flame is at. I’ve become obsessed with checking her phone history, facebook and iphone location constantly throughout the day. She’s 400 miles away and I have no way to completely verify the evidence I’ve compiled, but it’s literally killing me all day every day by snooping. I’m distracted and not spending quality time with my kids. It gives me a short temper with them as well when I’m seeing things I don’t like. I understand that we’re separated and she’s already filed paperwork for a divorce, but I’m trying to honor my vows. I’m still in love with her, but I can’t seem to jump this hurdle to stop making assumptions, being preoccupied with my fears of what could be happening and not accepting the reality that she has said she’s done with the marriage.

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