All Secrets Revealed by Date

Cheated on my boyfriend after he proposed

Friday, 11 August 2017

I cheated on my fiancé 6 months after he proposed. This isn’t the first time this has happened, but it’s always a one-night stand where I often don’t know the other person’s name. After this cheating episode, I had the realization that I was sexual abused during my middle school years. This along with a whole host of other issues that come with being a gay man, and the son of divorced are parents, are greatly impacting my relationship. I am going to seek out therapy to ensure that this never happens again.

Hooked up with an old hookup

Friday, 4 August 2017
Made a Mistake

I fooled around with an old hookup after only about a month in to my brand new, amazing, head over heels relationship. The guilt is eating me alive, but if I told him he would never speak to me again, and I honestly think he’s the one. As long as I learned from my mistake and know better not to let myself get into a tempting situation like that again, I can move on.

By snooping I found her stash of sexual photos

Friday, 4 August 2017
Snooping and Spying

I’ve been with my girl for a couple of years now. It’s long distance but it is worth it to me. Even though we have been together in the past, we don’t currently have sex because we are waiting till we are married. It was a decision based around wanting to live our lives differently... The trouble is that from the beginning a lot of people told me that she was lying to me, playing me, stringing me along etc.

I spent a long time trying to figure out whether or not she was even interested in me and for multiple reasons it took years to work my way into us even being something more than friends on an official level... but during all that time she basically told me there was no one else.

Well, I snooped a while back and I found pictures that showed otherwise... I had been snooping not because I didn’t trust her, but because I knew that prior to our lifestyle change she liked taking naked pictures of herself and I wanted masturbation material. So long as we weren’t having sex, but we were together I figured I should still be able to do enjoy that at least... but I also knew that with this newfound chastity, she wouldn’t send me any new pics... So, I snooped in her stuff to find them...

And what I found sort of broke me... There hasn’t been anyone during the time that her and I have been together, but the time before we were together, while she was telling me that there was no one, there were apparently lots of people... and she not only took pictures of them, but for them and they definitely had sex... even a picture in the act with someone... who I hate to say, but is much more endowed than I am.

I want to continue trusting her and believing in her. I know she hasn’t cheated because she has no photos of people since we have been together (they would have been in the same place if she had). I know that I want a future with her, but I don’t know how to trust her now. I confronted her about it under the pretense of having heard about or seen the photos because someone with a grudge against her sent them to me... but I feel like I brought it on myself for snooping when I shouldn’t have been... The worst part is... I saved all of them knowing that they were for other people and with other people... and I still get off to them every single night. Sometimes they make me cry, but they are of her and I love her and I just want to be with her.

My lies help me cover my past

Friday, 4 August 2017
Lies a Lot

I do have a pretty messed up past. I did suffer abuse for years that I had a hard time categorizing as abuse... and it left me with emotional baggage that I could not justify to most people... so I began telling stories that related each emotional issue to a more directly sympathetic cause as a way of conveying the truth of my emotional history to others. I told lies to justify who I was and who I became. The problem was that while these things ring true to me in effect, the causes that I tell people are fictional... and as such I have created a largely false history of myself that is inescapable and inseparable from the truth.

No one knows the reality, even my oldest and closest friends or family. No one knows that certain parts of my history are lies and have been for over 15 years... I do not add to these stories with new ones and I do not lie on any type of regular basis, but these original lies have become a part of my history that I continue to tell even new people when they are getting to know me. I feel like while I know the truth, they are sort of a legitimate part of me still... because emotionally they have always felt true and serve to simplify more complicated issues and that was the reason for them in the first place.

Meanwhile I have dealt with many people who have lied to and manipulated me. I have been used, betrayed, twisted and abandoned by family, lovers and friends. I absolutely do not trust most people and I find the idea of trust very difficult.

Now there is a woman I am in love with. I have told her the exact same lies as everyone else but wish I had not. I wish I could be honest with her... she is the first person I ever wanted to be entirely honest with but I feel like my past is part of the reason she loves me... I know that she has lied to me in the past for similar reasons and in a way, it helps me feel more justified in holding onto my fictional past. We can each keep those secrets and they never have to be discussed... but the fact that I know about some of those lies she told and the knowledge that I was continuously lied to about them... makes me fear that she will someday lie to me in the present... I worry that she will manipulate me like others have done or that she will cheat and I will not know...

I worry that this is my karmic punishment for continuing to hold onto my own lies... but telling the truth would destroy every relationship in my life... because the lies I have told for 15 years are part of how people define me... they are part of how I define myself.

The problem is that aside from the past I created so long ago... I remain an honest person who is direct and upfront with people. I just do not know how to explain my past abuses and traumas in any way other than the lies that I have told...

Start an affair while my partner is pregnant

Friday, 4 August 2017
Made a Mistake

I have started an affair. I have continued it since discovering my partner is pregnant and I have hidden this from my lover because I don’t want to end the affair.

I hate my friends

Saturday, 15 July 2017
Relationship Issues

I hate that all my closest friends are completely neurotic about all kinds of weird stuff, and I find myself smoothing over things and soothing them ALL THE TIME. I never feel supported when it comes to my own issues, they can never stop talking about themselves for long enough to listen to me complain for once. It’s driving me absolutely crazy. But I love them and can’t imagine not having them in my life. It’s making me really conflicted, and I’m starting to resent them.

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