Past Comments – I am upset by my girlfriend's text messaging

Comments (73)

Added Info...
written by LealandL, 02 November, 2006
I do know where the fears come from... my last serious relationship ended with my gf lying to me about seeing someone else, a friend of mine, even though there were plenty of signs – him calling only when I wasn’t there, going out with him and staying out much later than she said she would be. So I’m just kinda nervous this may be heading down the same path. I’m doing my best to not be paranoid and not smother her... give her some space... I think that may be a start, but I’m not sure where to go with it... I don’t know how to prove to her that I’m not snooping and I do trust her.
me too
written by candrewsff, 03 November, 2006
I feel the same way about my gf. she has these text messages to her guy friends that kinda make me feel like crap, but I don??t want to make her made so I just pretend to have not seen it, but when I??m with her, she??s just not happy with me anymore, and it feels like she??s distant from me even though we??ve been going for two years and she thinks everything is going okay... I??m just a little depressed.
Well... its done
written by LealandL, 14 November, 2006
As an update, She ended up cheating on me with the person I suspected online. We have broken up and I am now paying for my snooping... A hard learned lesson. smilies/sad.gif
Sorry to hear it, maybe you can advise me, please
written by Andrea, 29 November, 2006
Firstly, I don’t think you were wrong in snooping if the other person was lying or behaving suspiciously and refused to reduce your suspicions.

I’m dealing with a current situation and I don’t know what to do. This past June, my partner got a real good job and was very busy. I was pleased because we were coming up to three years living together and he had originally moved in because he was unable to keep his home. I soon found out he was spending more and more time out in the evenings, sometimes coming home as late as 4am. I didn’t get alarmed about this because I knew he and his buddies would sit up all night as I had witnessed this many times. However, he suddenly stopped having sex. Stopped dead. No explanation and suddenly wanted space, lots of it. Couple of weeks later he claimed his parents had flown abroad and he had to watch the house for them because his sister had just watched a baby and couldn’t. Odd thing, his parents home, which I have never seen because I have never met them, was full of all the techy gadgets to prevent burglary. He started going over on weekends and coming home during the week and now he is here two times a week and never on weekends. Every time he comes home I say hello and am immediately told to shut up, that I talk too much and he goes on with hours of criticism or name calling, even though I haven’t seen him for days. He calls me and does the same now. He has restricted my calls, emails and texts to emergencies only. He has abandoned his animals, the kids (not his), and me. I have spoken to him about this and then discovered through a series of snooping incidents and his own stupidity at leaving evidence lying around that he was cheating. I have found long brown hairs, seen an email where he was asking the woman for sex, and now have found proof that he is not traveling abroad alone for Christmas, which he normally spends with me, but with the woman I suspected he was having an affair with. He has told his boss, where he is the manager, and got me what he said was a better paying job, that I was just a friend and that he was going out with the other girl because he said his parents think he lives in a condo downtown when in fact he lives with me and my kids. He speaks to this woman behind closed doors on his cell and I occasionally over hear the conversation. When confronted he has said different things at different times (days later) that she is his sister (I spoke to his best friend and he does not have a sister by that name), a client (not sure), and just a friend. She comes to drop him off and pick him up sometimes,but neither of us are allowed to meet. Last night we both had a full blown fight and screamed at each other. I asked him why he finds it hard to just be considerate and tell me about this woman or let me meet her to ease my suspicions. Any mention of this and he says I am paranoid, crazy and psycho and he is feeling smothered and caged. I avoid the topic and try to be cordial, but he loves to fight and tries to engage me and then blames me. I have not told him about the plane details for Christmas because I am having a terrible time deciding what to do. If I tell him what I know then I am breaching his trust, and he will hide more, but if I keep it secret from him, I am dying inside from the pain, hurt and betrayal. I love this guy so very much and I committed in my heart, would die for him, but he has betrayed me and I don’t want to lose him, yet I feel I already have. I am scared because the anger inside of me is building and I am scared I may do something stupid, not to me. I cannot understand why he insists on staying when he can afford to leave. He is harassing me at work through the company emails and I feel so nervous that doing my work, even remotely from home is making me feel physically ill. I feel like selling everything and going into hiding. I am so confused. I am scared about losing my job so I have forwarded all his emails to another account of mine, just in case. He has already threatened my job before I started it, and now swears and puts me down in the emails he sends. I don’t have anyone else to turn to. I am so distressed, lonely, scared and in a panic that I cannot eat, sleep or do anything. I would give anything to make this end, but if he won’t leave and he keeps being verbally abusive and threatening my job, what do I do? Please help me.
Concerned
written by notsaying, 03 December, 2006
Hi there, I am really concerned for you. Not because that ass of a guy is manipulating you and in need of a restraining order but for your complete lack of self confidence and self belief. With or without him you can still live, you can still cope and I am sure you have much more talents and abilities than you even know. Think about you, focus on your own goals and dreams. You are only encouraging this type of relationship. Don’t you think you are worth more than lowering yourself to almost begging someone you don’t trust to stay with you. You are a person wiling to give everything you have for someone and you sound like you are very loving. Concentrate on yourself and your happiness because this is an unhealthy road you are on and you DO deserve better. Detach from him emotionally, do not answer any calls, do not in any way encourage his threats. If it continues and you really think he could be a bit of a psycho..you should really contact the police and you should definitely speak with someone you can confide in about this, you are not alone his behavior is not ok and you DO not deserve this and you do deserve better.
written by armyguy4u, 26 April, 2009
I am dealing with the same trust probs, like i have the best gf i could ask for, but sometimes i just cant help but think like, she is so beautiful, and so outa my leauge, and it makes me feel like one day she will realize it, and move on. I dunno i guess its just me, i just cant help but think how most guys are, and it doesnt help at all. Like deep down i know she wouldnt mess around, but i keep comparing her to my last marriage, and things go down hill from there... I dunno i just need some help i guess smilies/cry.gif
written by Eugene, 28 May, 2009
I have been cheated on by 9, yes that’s 9 different women in my past, some I loved and others I just cared for. I have dated more women than this and was not intimate with all.

The 9 I fell in love with or got serious about were all trustworthy or so it seemed at start of relationships and we both got on fine. Why after from a few months to 4 years did 9 women cheat on me.I never developed trust issues until late 1994 after cheating women # 6 came along.

Currently in another relationship and attending counseling but this is a long distance one and I the anxiety and uncertainty is doing my head in. Any advice?, I am not controlling or demanding, just scared it will occur again.

Thanks E
written by Kyle Kyle, 19 June, 2009
Yeah, Andrea leave him. simple. you deserve better.. and i am currently in a bind as well. i snooped, not gonna lie. my gf used to be with her best friend (also a girl) and my gf started hanging out with me.. a lot. one thing led to another and my gf was now cheating on her gf everyday and night. now to this day (that was a year ago, btw) i have her, but i checked her phone, and her ex is saying stuff like, "hey baby.. and kisses (Muah, kiss kiss etc..). and other things." Idk what to do. I ignore it for the most part, and just try to talk to her as much as possible. she says she has told her ex to stop saying Sh*t like that, and to just accept the fact that they are not together anymore, and never will be. i have never heard this myself. and there has only been one time where she has ever stuck up for something i said >> i called my gf and asked her something (i don’t remember exactly) and her ex was like "Ok Baby!" i told my gf to tell her to shut the f**k up. and she did. but that’s the only time.. idk my girl is real good to me. and doesn’t seem like the cheating time. Our sex is freaking amazing cause it puts her to sleep or wears her out after she Climaxes or w/e :p so i’m sure there is no problem there. just thought in my head that won’t leave that she might just be doing something. maybe not idk. any comments?
written by Scared anyone help please, 06 October, 2009
Wow guess Im not the only one that has this problem. Me and my girlfriend both live together and we both have one kid not with each other she was married to her kids dad she is going through a divorce rite now, I guess my problem is that they text back and forth everyday all day long, send pics to each other. He lives in a different state so I understand that they still would talk for there kid but all day everyday how much can u have to talk about . She is very!!! Secretive with her phone she has a password block on it and when I go sit next to her or go around her she turns the screen off every time I have assess to the phone bill and I know she has been texting other guys from her work to she swears that she is not cheating and doesn’t want to be with anybody but me. But some times I do not feel that way I love this girl with all my heart and so does my kid I love her kid as well . I don’t know what to do this is effecting me in so many different ways I’m always stressed out now and it’s effecting my work performance big time what should I do????
written by dsk1275, 19 October, 2009
I’m so glad this post is still going. I’m worried sick I can’t sleep at the moment, hence why I’m on here. Things have been rocky between me and my girlfriend over the past week and a half. Its mainly my fault. She is into musicals and just completed an amateur production, in which she had to fake kiss a guy called Brendan, which I was funny about – I really don’t like the idea of her kissing anyone else, even if it is ‘fake’.

So I went to see the show on a Saturday night and turned away each of the 4 times she had to kiss this guy, but because I got caught off guard 2-3 times they were to kiss I caught the first second or so. It really upset me. After the show I put my arm around her, but didn’t say much. She had to leave soon after, to go to a cast party. She was really upset that I didn’t say well done.

I didn’t talk to her the next day, I was really upset, I know she hadn’t cheated on me but its just how it felt, I couldn’t help the way I felt. To try to cut a long story short, we had a fight and she told me shes confused, because I treated her badly and then of course shes getting support/condolence from this guy Brendan. She insists hes a really nice guy and not sleazy and understands shes in a relationship. However, they probably have more in common than her and I – I’m only assuming, I don’t know the guy.

So we’ve been trying to patch things up and she insists she doesn’t want to break up with me, but she no longer says "I love you" to me among other things she used to do, and on top of that – I know I shouldn’t have its really bad and stupid of me but I logged onto her email and looked in her deleted messages and there were several messages from this guy and from her to him – they didn’t say much at all, but they had Taylor Swift songs attached. Love songs. I’m freaking out, we’ve been together for nearly 3 years and I love her so much. Just 2 weeks ago she loved me back just as much, but this fight we had and this guy have made things rough.

She’s been hurt in the past by guys who have cheated on her and treated her like dirt, she’s really the last person in the world who I could imagine hurting me or someone else in the same way she’s been hurt. But seeing those emails broke my heart. She says shes just friends with him but I can’t shake the feeling she’s thinking of leaving me for him (I know she has been texting him). I have no one else I can tell about this, I have tears running down my face as I type this. Its just the hurt of being told she isn’t going to leave me and she "still loves me 90%" but at the same time it looks like shes looking for alternatives and its my fault, I’ve lead her to do this. There are so many more details or factors to this story, but that’s the gist of it.
written by Chris Bandt, 05 November, 2009
Guys you have to fix the problem with yourself! make your life great. Do your best at every thing you do. Know that you are a good person and that she is as well. If you change the way you feel about yourself you will not worry about her looking around.Worry will be replaced with only love, love, love . I lost the one i love more than anyone on this earth a little over a week ago, because i didnt love myself. I screwed up big time wanting to see texts and thinking she was out looking for someone.In my hart i know she would never do such a thing.It the little voice in my head saying your not good enough.I read this book called the four agreements and it pointed out how i was always putting my self down and how to change it.Now all i can do is pray that she will see ive changed and give me another shot. Guys dont loose the one you LOVE learn to love your self! It is the worst feeling loosing the one you love over things you could have changed quick!
written by Is it me?, 12 November, 2009
my gf blows hot and cold from time to time. we’ve split up a few times and she always comes back and says its not what she wants and she loves me, then things go great for a while... but every time she goes cold i feel the urge to snoop

and when i do i find texts from other guys. this time its off an ex of hers and they were discussing the good times they had together – and how hes cold and bed and wishes she was there...

i believe her when she tells me she loves me, but this is not the first time i have found material like this in her phone, but if i confront her about it i am told its my fault im hurting cuz i her phone is private and i shouldnt go looking through it. foolishly i then start to believe i am the untrustworthy one and she then never lets her phone out of her sight...

im at my wits end =( ive never even looked at another woman since i fell for her... i dont understand why these things are going on...

am i in the wrong? should i confront her and confess i have been through her phone again?
written by dsk1275, 13 November, 2009
@Is it Me?
Its not you mate. I have a similar thing happening with my girlfriend at the moment. After resolving things and telling her not to talk to this guy anymore, she still does. She also changed her email password so I don’t have a clue whats going on behind my back.

Just like your girlfriend, she says that I’m the one she wants to be with and she loves me, but that trust that was there has been broken. One night she got a text from this guy, but she only half let me read it, like there was more to the message she wanted to hide – then she quickly deleted it. Could just be embarrassment on her part but it seems like more.

I know how you feel mate. Its hard when you love someone so much and they do hurtful things to you. I’m the same as you – since I’ve been with her (2 years 9 months) I haven’t so much as looked at another girl. I don’t want anyone else, she’s that special to me.

I just get the feeling she’s with me just for now, like I’m just temporary until she meets someone better. She’s said things to lead me to believe this, its not just me thinking nonsense.

The grass always does seem greener on the other side, I just hope she doesn’t do it again and ruin the truly special connection that we have.

While her phone is private and she does need to have privacy, I know why it hurts you – if she truly loves you, why does she have anything to hide?
written by dsk1275, 13 November, 2009
If our girlfriends don’t want to hurt us, they wouldn’t be hiding anything (that is hurtful) in the first place.
written by more, 28 November, 2009
Same situation. I am 25. 27 yr old GF lies about where she is going, lock on her iphone. Hides texts. Gets defensive. I have found enough evidence. She has no job, neither does this other guy. I love her.

You gotta watch the warning signs. A friend of mine had the same quotes "I need space" "I need to get to know myself". Turns out going clubbing, not coming home at night any more and lying about meeting with friends, but instead meeting with this guy is more important.

It is just a really shitty situation. She has no car, no job and cannot move out until she gets both. So therefore, i am forced to figure out what the hell to do in my head. The easiest thing is to just break it off like said above and kick her out. Maybe it is because i am kind and do not want her to be kicked out on the curb.

She has just changed 180°. The only thing she really gets motivated is to go out partying and out to eat with her friends. She shows no responsibility and lives in La La land where consequences do not matter.

I will update when this is resolved. Obviously she has directed this relationship into only one direction.

Just sucks. The bad thing is, all of my friends who have broken up recently have been because of a cheating girlfriend. Leaving decent guys with decent jobs and futures for people who have no jobs and live at home with parents or live off of parents money because they are not self sustaining.

Well just had to vent anonymously and so i can come back and help out people if i remember too. It will be an intense next month i am sure. Especially with holidays. Sucks huh?

Now, this will not change me into a cheater, but I will carry more baggage into my next relationship for sure, which really sucks.

I just need to grow a pair and end it probably. I am not a door mat and no one deserves to be.

The easiest way for me is to remember that this is NOT the person i fell in love with. Priorities, actions, feelings, emotions, dedication...those have all changed to a negative. Keep that in mind fellas, please. That is what you really need to know. The person you are trying to be with, is no longer that person.

written by more, 28 November, 2009
To "is it me" It is not you. I have been reading a lot about the psychology and the actions when someone is lying. They will turn it back around on you very quickly. Because they are cheating.

Dude it hurts. You can see all the responses above. It hurts. Good guys get the shaft a lot. Some find good girls.

And you know what
Once a cheater, always a cheater.
If she cheats with you, she will cheat on you.

Everyone should remember those of course.
written by generatinve man, 01 December, 2009
I have seen these issues over and over with the women i date. you either trust them and have a good relationship or get what you want from it or get out if it is too difficult for you. always remember men, you will never obtain your woman. she is hers and only hers, not yours. when you know this you will have a much better experience. women by nature are not cheats, but can easily be persuaded to cheat. expect they will and and you can either waste your time by trying to find it, or have the relationship you want. Men hear this...!!! stop trying to marry women its a waist of time and a ego crusher. you are programed to have multiple partners. never stop perusing other women even in a relationship it will hurt you. let your woman do what and who she wants. STOP acting like a sissy and worrying bout it and start living.
written by Don’t worry gentlemen, 09 December, 2009
Hey Guys,
I have never been cheated on (nor wish to be as I can only imagine the heartache and sorrow I’d feel). The best way around ALL your posts is to treat her the way she treats you. If you text her at 9:00am just to say good morning, DO NOT text her until you receive your response from her. A relationship works in a 50% / 50% manner. You SHOULD NOT give 80% and receive . However, if she says she loves you then she does. There are certain actions that guys take (and us guys don’t deserve the consequences because we do it out of love) such as being clingy / smothering her, however women take this to be a rather hovered kind of feeling. A lot of women do like their independence and want to be "allowed" to do their own thing. When my girlfriend and I first started the relationship she’d say she loves me. She’d call me, text me, say she missed me etc... Now, she barley text messages she’ll rarely say she loves me, i have snooped through her phone and don’t see any communication with other guys. What is making her behave in such a way (AFTER 4 MONTHS in the relationship)??? (I know she isn’t cheating cuz her daughter is her life and she’s always at home)

Simple... I am being to clingy. I’ll call her to tell her I miss her her response is no longer "I miss you too baby" but is now "oh ya?". My response back would be "you bet". I know we want to be affectionate and we want to loved just as much as we love them however, the reality to these types of situations are that girls want a dominant man. Yea sure tell her you miss her just not all the time. Tell her you love her, just not all the time. Hold / cuddle her just not all the time... My girlfriend says i’m to clingy sometimes and that’s acceptable. I simply say to myself, if i’m to clingy and it’s pushing her away from me, then i’m going to stop. Why do we have to change and they cant??? again... simple... We have to give women what they want.

After thinking long and hard as to how I should react to her saying i’m too clingy and not txting me when she’s at work anymore or answering my calls as often... i have come up with this solution.

They want space – Give it to them,
They dont want to be touchy freely – Don’t be
They say you’re too clingy – STOP (i know it’s hard but do it for your sake)
They say no to sex because they don’t feel like it – say sure babe not a problem I just thought you felt like it and to be honest I don’t feel like it either... Then just DON’T ask for sex EVER until she asks you... and when she does ask you, SAY NO... it will throw her right off...
When she wants to cuddle / hold you – Say no like she did...
When she texts you – don’t text back right away... you’re busy just like she was too busy to text you back.
When she calls you – don’t answer right away call her back later.

By taking these actions you are doing what she has done to you... not that it’s payback or anything but i’ve always told her, treat me the way you want to be treated. So if she treats me this way, I’ll treat her the same... It doesn’t mean that she loves you any less or that you have to love her any less. I know it will kill inside to take the actions i have suggested however to save your relationship, you must do this. Love your self first. You cannot love someone if you don’t have love for yourself and you cannot expect them to love you either. Why should she love you if you don’t love you... Women like men to show independence simply because it shows a strong character. "Oh he doesn’t need me, but he’s still with me..."

My last peice of advice, we are nice guys (i can tell from reading all your posts) just make sure you tell them and show them that they should not take your kindness for a weakness. But if you say it, SHOW IT... don’t say something and do something else because that will make you loose your credibility.

Remember guys: You don’t even have to tell them that you’re upset or mad or that you didn’t like what they did... just show them and they’ll come running at you... this will fu*k them right up and they’ll be like WTF!! Why is he not answering my calls now, why isn’t he responding to my text... some girls may even be stubborn and not text you back when you finally respond to their texts... they want to see if you will flip. Women can be extremely intuitive like that at times and they don’t even know it... but stay strong and confident. And when you do finally talk, DO NOT BE UPSET / ANGRY / MAD... Show that you are THE HAPPIEST MAN IN THE WORLD for no reason (and they’ll tell themselves why is he so happy i haven’t communicated with him for however many hours / days / weeks) YOU SHOW YOU’RE HAPPY WITH OR WITHOUT THEM and they will LOVE YOU RIGHT OFF... women want a strong and independent man.

LOVE YOURSELVES because all you guys on this post seem AWESOME and really nice.. Nice guys don’t have to finish last.

Please reply as I would like to know what you guys thing of my comment.
written by Flopmop, 24 December, 2009
Thanks so much Don’t worry gentlemen. Your positive outlook helped me so much and though the steps taken did suck at first, I found myself actually more able to be independent and strong, able to have fun and not worry though alone. It just brings me back to the idea I guess I lost of that I was happy and functional alone and that when she joined my life she just enhanced it to be better...then I got codependent. Thanks so much for the reality check and I think it has really saved my relationship. smilies/smiley.gif
written by secret, 25 December, 2009
Hehe thnx dude above, I actually know all this and its great advice for getting a girlfriend, I just thought to be truly happy in a long term relationship that you could bypass all this bs and just communicate your way through your problems but that only works if the other party is able to digest what your saying. There’s a time and place for communication and there’s a time and place for being a dick. It’s dick time.
written by aaaron, 06 January, 2010
I met a beautiful girl but she is so flirtatious. The first time i met her she was getting banged by one of my friends doggy style while my brother had his dick sucked. But we started hanging out every single day all day pretty much. Now we both love each other but everyone at her school and my brother tells me to stay away from her. She is a pathological liar. I dunno what to do I cant imagine seeing a different face then hers I want it forever. Im officially a pussy trapped in this prison called love. Im fucked and need solid advice that is not hateful to women. Here’s my question... How come men can fuck as many girls as they want till they find a good girl then can settle down and everything is alright, when girls cant be promiscuous till they find a good guy like me? I am such a good guy and cute. She texts dudes tho and even her ex telling me shes friends with her ex’s. I know its hard to imagine her not cheating but im with her allll day tho! last night she went to a party tho didnt invite me and called a dude named tom. he texted her the next day on her bday and said happy bday my lil buttercup with a heart. cant wait to celebrate. what do i do please im fucked like my heart is gone
written by ......, 18 January, 2010
hello, my girlfriend lied to me about texting another guy. should i be worried? idk what they talked about or anything im just a little upset about it.
written by Duck, 22 January, 2010
If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, you can guess what it probably is. These are the types of situations that give you that little feeling in your gut that all the experts say you should listen too. Find out what is truly going on or you will not be able to trust completely.
written by jason dobbs, 30 April, 2010
So, my girlfriend is in a sorority, she likes to party all the time but says shes being faithful and only wants to be with me, but lately she has been going to the local bars with her sorority friends because they all recently turned 21.. every time she comes home after the night, I look at her phone and there are text’ from random guys. I never brought it up because I’m sure it would do more harm then good, but tonight took the cake, she came home late, all horny (which she never is, I’m actually sure she just wants to make love after she flirts with other guys) and she grabbed her cell when I was laying next to her in bed, she started to delete her inbox and sent messages while I watched, she said something about her mailbox is full and her phone wont receive incoming messages when it is (it’s an lg vu), anyways I’m watching over her shoulder and I just happen to catch the name Nate Michaels, right before she hits delete all. I looked up her facebook and its no guy she was currently friends with, which clearly means they met tonight. Now I have all these crazy visions of her grinding on some dude at the club and coming home to make love with me while she thinks of him.. it’s fucking bullshit.. I’m so tired of it but I love her so much. I’ll probably just bring it up in the morning and she will flip the argument and yell at me for going through her phone..well news flash… I GO THROUGH YOUR PHONE BECAUSE I DONT FUCKING TRUST YOU.

Ok I think I’m done venting. thanks.
written by The Truth About Women, 02 June, 2010
Guys ---women in this culture we live in are nothing more than manipulative and self serving. In the immortal words from the movie The 40 Year Old Virgin – ‘Don’t put the pussy up on a pedestal". As you get older you’ll realize that women are beneath and inferior to men ....they know this and they use and manipulate men to make up for it. Just look around at the buildings and house we live in, the cars we drive, the computers we use, the roads and airplanes we use-----all created by the brute strength and focused intelligence of a man. Keep your dick under control – they use this only to manipulate you. Peace.
written by Dae, 06 June, 2010
First of all thank you all. These posts helped a lot.

I have been with this girl for several months and things moved far too fast for my liking. Even went so far as to ask to slow down. But it didn’t and now we are living together.

She has had very bad experiences with all of her relationships. She has been beaten, used, cheated on etc, etc. Apparently part of the reason we moved so fast is that no one has ever treated her well. I mean, what woman has never received flowers?!?

But, she texts and parties with her numerous guy friends a lot. This wasn’t in issue for me before because I hang out with female friends on occasion. But I am not a cheater, never was.

Tonight I overheard a conversation she was having with an ex. Didn’t think much of it until I heard the tone of her voice. She was being flirtatious and sounded like she missed him. A lot.

This conversation with her ex, her hanging out with guy friends, and her secretive nature with her texting is getting on my nerves. I really try to give women space but this seems like too much in my opinion.

Am I being an irrational jerk? Because if she wasn’t living with me that phone conversation I heard would have made me break up with her. But I don’t want to do that because kicking her out onto the street seems like a heartless thing to do.

Maybe I am becoming a pussy as I get older. Would never have tolerated this type of stuff before. But she does make me feel good even if she has never said she loved me. I told her that once and all she said was "oh, that’s nice..."

Well I just don’t know. I have been putting a promotion on the back burner because of her. Have to move to get that promotion. Past few days have made wonder if this relationship is worth putting my career on hold or not.

Well, any advice would be great.
written by I have my own problems., 09 June, 2010
na man you need to watch out for her. if youre too sweet they need space. like that guy said up there, if youre too sweet they take advantage of it. girls love getting treated like shit. they love the thrill of the chase just as much as we do. they love trying to make you like them more. so just break up with her and move on.
written by Todd Smith, 27 July, 2010
Well I would like to first start off with saying if their is suspicion than she is probably cheating. Women are the new men these days. None of them can stay faithful or honest. They have a chemical imbalance and one they are in a relationship long enough they stop feeling loved or they dont think they are getting enough attention even if you are giving them enough. Then the first guy who gives them some good attention comes along and the flirting begins followed by the cheating. It is better to just date and break it off no longer than 2 months. It is better this way.
written by CallMeCrazy, 03 August, 2010
I snooped on my gf who lives with me, and hate myself for doing it. But I also found that she had been writing LOVE letters to one of her ex bf long before we met and through the entire time we have been together. I confronted her with it and she is now just as pissed off as I am with her...
written by dazed&confused, 06 August, 2010
okay so ive been with my girlfriend for about 7months and its going great,we are both girls just letting all of you know,anyways,my family loves her,and we’ve been talking about moving in together and all of that,should we? or is it to soon? i mean ive told her everything about me and so has she. im in love but should i slow down or keep my pace.smilies/kiss.gif
written by help-please, 16 August, 2010
Hello, I am having this problem with my almost 3 year relationship, again. I am 23 she is 21, just about 4 months ago I snooped on my gf by checking cell records and saw that she was constantly texting a guy who I know likes her and she also at one point or maybe even still likes him back. They were texting back and forth at least 20 times a day I confronted her about it then and she didn’t say much. She was mad that I invaded her privacy and she said that he was just a friend, she did admit that she liked him at one point but said that it was only temporary. This caused a lot of problems for us and she began to lock her phone and changed all her online passwords. Since then we were able to sort of work through things... I basically stopped caring about it in order to move past it, I let it go.

Until last week, I looked at her messages on her phone and saw that she had been texting him messages like "Don’t you still like me? Why haven’t you called me?" and he texts her calling her by cute names. She also has been learning Italian and he speaks it. She sends him messages in Italian, including one saying, "I would die a happy woman if I could see you naked just once." I don’t know if it was a joke or if she actually meant it. They are supposed to be meeting tonight and I feel like crap about it.

I want to bring this up but I feel like this will be the last straw in the relationship. She will most likely get really mad at me for looking and I don’t know that we’ll be able to repair things.

I really love and care for her so I am scared to let her go. She is my first gf so I think that’s why it’s hard for me to let go. I know I don’t deserve to be cheated on but I am scared of not having her anymore.
written by Mr. P, 23 August, 2010
Guys, I think I can relate to some of you out there. I’m currently in a relationship with my new gf for 3 months now and I’m really crazy for her. She’s unlike any other girl I’ve met or known. She’s just wonderful. One of the things I love about her is that is amazingly friendly but that too has been a concern for me lately. A lot of guys fall for her easily because she’s just that wonderful. She’s working in a new company and just a few days ago, they had an after-work party. I accidentally clicked at her inbox on facebook and saw one of her co-worker teasing her saying that there was this particular guy who had his fingerprints all over her. She replied that the guy only touched her hand. And when we met later, she was texting this guy when I checked her phone (which she doesn’t know) however soon after that, she’s not texting anymore til now. She was just being friendly replying to him I guess. But the way this guy drafts his messages any guy could easily see what kind of guy he is. I don’t want to bring it up because we’ve fought before about privacy but I don’t know why I’m being insecure and paranoid. I trust her because she isn’t that kind of girl and because of her kindness she’s been totally mistreated by her jackass ex-es in the past. She’s been beat up, cheated on, humiliated... I just don’t really know why I’m feeling this way. Maybe part of me is upset because out of love and respect for her, I would never do anything that would upset her and when I saw that some guy touched her I just got really upset. i don’t care if it was out of fun or joke i just don’t like it especially since I don’t know the guy and I wasn’t there to see it. I was never liked this before so why now? Can anyone help me clear my mind on this matter?
written by Why can’t I trust, 30 October, 2010
My girlfriend for 5 months, I love her so much, but i have a lot of trust issues. I just cannot get myself to trust her ever even though I really do want to. I know she wouldn’t cheat on me ever because she’s been cheated on before in the past and she’s just really nice and beautiful. I don’t know why but every time she’s happy and not around me I feel really upset. Every time she’s out with her friends I worry and sit up having anxiety attacks because I wonder whether or not she’s falling in love with someone else. The majority of her friends are guys, and a few of them have asked her out before and one of them she went out with at one point not to long ago. (less than a year ago, and she still texts him and they are still "friends" which really makes me uncomfortable and sad) I picture her being with her guy friends and laughing and realizing how great one of them is and slowly starting to fall in love with them and lose her love for me. I’m not worried about her cheating on me (I worried about that a lot at the start of our relationship but not anymore) but I’m worried about her falling in love with another and just not caring about me anymore smilies/sad.gif. I don’t know why I worry so much even though I probably should not be. Lately shes become a little distant from me and we don’t hangout nearly as much as we used to. But we did hang out more than an average couple before so i guess we hangout as much as a "normal" couple now. I don’t know why I have all these trust issues, I also have vivid dreams of her cheating on me and breaking up with me, and just not caring about me anymore. The dreams are what cause me to be like this...I just want to stop worrying..
written by thewriter, 18 November, 2010
I met a girl and now we’ve been dating for a few months now, right.. .she has to kids for this guy and I have to kids with my kids mothers, but her girls or older in high school and both are star basketball players at there school. The problem I have with her is that, she thinks it’s cool for her and her ex’s (not kids daddy) EX’s to text and call occasionally to say hi and speak about the girls. NOT!! My thing if they wanna know, there’s a newspaper, internet, games to come watch... and she discuss me with her ex! Now I don’t discuss her with none of my girl’s mothers are ex’s and if my girls mother ask, they have a right to know, because their kids have to be around her... but I don’t think its cool for them to even have any communication besides speaking in public...
written by LukeEeeeeee, 06 December, 2010
My gf has been texting this guy and he has been calling her babe and pet names like that.. At one point she said " I’m in bed" at which point he replied "I’ll b right there" the she said " ok hurry! smilies/smiley.gif" then he said " would a kiss help" then she said "yes" I ask her about it and she said they are friends.. I don’t know what to Do it hurts and now I feel like I can’t trust her
written by ..., 12 December, 2010
Well my girlfriend and this guy have been talking and she swears they’re just friends. I went to go on her iPhone and she snatched it and said I’d see my Christmas present... A week went past and she was talking to this guy more and more. She always tells me how she would never hurt me and how much she loves me but then, when she stayed round my house, the guy she had been talking too asked her to meet him, on her own.... So at the time I was just thinking there just friends it’s alright. So she goes and I text her to see if shes ok, no reply, so I ring her several times, still no reply, so I walk up to where he lives and it looked like they just came out of his house... I asked her where she had been and she said they went for a walk. Later that night she told me she wanted to go out again, on her own with this boy. I followed her secretly and she saw me and had a massive go at me for following her as if I thought I didn’t trust her, so I let her go back for another 5 mins and I waited at the bottom of the road and they walked round the corner, I ran up and saw them come out from behind a fence and once again swore nothing happened. I was suspicious so I read her email and she had been saying how she wants him in her bed and that he weren’t complaining last night and my gut dropped. I felt sick and she chased after me to see what was up. She claims that she was joking and meant nothing by it, she said if I speak to this boy and don’t let it go she will dump me. I love her too much, but I can’t not get the truth out of her.

Because god knows what happened. Help me please! smilies/cry.gif
written by Dae, 16 December, 2010
Okay here is the first and last update to my post:

*She was cheating with a guy who "is just a friend"

*We went thru months of breaking up and reconciling

*She even claimed pregnancy to keep me around (a lie)

*Have since discovered she has something call BPD or Borderline Personality Disorder – Read about ASAP

So, always trust your instincts because they tend to be right. If you think your girl is a lying two timing slut, then she probably is. I wasted so much resources on that little whore. Do not be a chump like me and do the same. Dump a cheater before she drains you in all manners possible.
written by katra, 07 January, 2011
smilies/smiley.gifque onda
written by Cheated on before, 27 January, 2011
Guys reading this – If you think your girl is cheating on you, there’s a problem with your relationship. It doesn’t mean she IS cheating on you, it just means there is a problem with your relationship.

If someone has nothing to hide, then there’s no reason to be secretive. In a healthy relationship, there is honesty, trust and communication. I’ve been suspicious of girls in the past, most weren’t cheating, one was.

Regardless, if your relationship has honesty, trust and communication, you won’t think she’s cheating. If she is honest, then you have no reason not to believe her. If you trust her, you have no reason to suspect she’s with another man. If either of those fail, you always have communication, and you will both be able to talk it out and reassure each other.

For too long I wasted away in an unhealthy relationship, with a manipulative, overly dramatic, immature girl. Being in a healthy, honest relationship is the best thing I have ever experienced, and it’s something EVERYONE deserves.

Don’t be afraid of being alone. You get what you give. So start giving your love and affection to others, and I promise you it will come back. Cheers.
written by jiga, 11 August, 2011
I love my girlfriend a lot but there’s this guy she’s been chatting with on facebook all d time.now i snooped and she was asking the guy whether she missed him.I’m so pissed i was a player never told a girl i missed her since we started dating.
written by ..., 20 August, 2011
Well. I know this is a weird relationship. I have been in a long distance relationship for going on 10 months. I text her A LOT everyday like at least 150 txts if not more, im 16. But she wont call or answer the phone. At first we just texted then after awhile i said its about time we talk but she wont. She said shes nervous and i understand but she also said it would just make her want to be with me more and make her sad. I can see her perspective to an extent. It hurts me so bad sometimes i mean shes everything i could ever ask for shes my soulmate but she wont talk to me voice to voice. Its been 10 months... It kills me on the inside but it could make her sad in the end and id rather be sad than her be sad. Its just... i want to feel closer to her, im losing hope that i need to make this work. Id never break up with her each time she said we had to take a break or break up i always loved her. Now i feel horrible and depressed. I met her from a friend that lives where she does although i know she doesnt like him. I get really jealous when they do thinks with their friends. She talks to him but not me? am i really as special as she says? idk. Im so confused.
written by KTolbert89, 21 August, 2011
I’m in bit of a crazy situation. Im currently talking to a girl who just got out of a three year relationship. We were talking even before she became single. And have now been involved for 2 months, but not exclusive. We care deeply about each other, but I’m giving her healing time until she is ready to date again. But besides me, She does text another guy everyday from her past, she says they are just friends, but they do flirt and tease each other. Not only that but this guy is an old interest. and they almost dated in the past. Another thing is that this guy snooped on my Facebook after she told him about me, and he judged me on my pictures and information and told her I looked like a douche. do I have something to worry about? or are they just really friends and its harmless?
written by Macksimo2, 22 August, 2011
I need help! My girlfriend tells me who I can and cannot talk to but then tells me that I’m the only guy she ever talks to. But a couple of days ago she was texting a guy she was with a year ago. She was doing this right in front of my face. She gets mad at me for texting other girls except one but when I ask her about texting other guys she gets pissed and walks away. What should I do???
written by Rubin, 23 August, 2011
Seems like a lot of people out there are in the same kinda muck as i am. so here’s my story...
my girlfriend and i started dating feb. 2010, and it got off sky high, spending lots of time together, cute text messages, phone calls, morning sex, everything. when we started dating she was 19 and now 21, as i am 25, prev 23. the age gap definitely deterred us from doing EVERYTHING we wanted to do, but that was ok and she has since turned 21. I thought that her turning 21 was going to be the icing on the cake, but its not. She has been without work and not brought in a dime for 2 months (we are living together) and i have had to cover all of her expenses (rent, food, dog food for her dog, everything) and it has been tough on me as i just started a new job and am not making a lot. Her friends take her out to bars and get her wasted (her mom just got out of jail for her 2nd DUI so the alc. abuse scares me), and she has guys buy her drinks and all that. she is flirtatious, and thats fine to a degree. But i snooped and found a message from another guy on facebook, where she was saying ‘i could poke you all day... id love to come swimming in your pool, i just dont have a car.. whyyyy do you have to be so far away..". like an idiot, i brought this up to her while we were fighting and she just sat there... didnt look up, didnt respond. she later has said that she is sorry and she loves me and wants to work through it. But i am kept up at night by nightmares before i sleep of that message and her flirting. I have supported her through a lot (her dad died when she was 14, her mom has been a shitwhole and out of her life), and understand that she may be a bit more prone to acting irrationally because of this lack of parenting. Like i said i have been paying her bills while not having extra that I could actually use to have a good time on my own. I do not want to just throw her out because she has nowhere to go, really, but i want her to confront her problem and work with me to adjust it. And we agreed on that, but she is still cold towards me when i try and get physical (havent slept together for 2 months), knowing all of this shit that i have been going through while she has been ‘depressed about not having a job’ though she barely looked. I feel as though i am the only one pushing on this seesaw and soon im going to be thrown off. I feel as though she has been using me these past few months while she has been broke and that she is uninterested in me anymore but cant break up with me because she would be on the street. what the fuck do i do, i cant stand to be kept up all night with these thoughts.
written by Eric B., 24 August, 2011
I was looking for a thread similar to this one in that I seem to be struggling with the same problems as many of you are. I am 27 and my now fiance is 22 and we both have quite the past. The year before I met her I was in the process of recovering from alcoholism and part of that was not being in a relationship. When I met her I knew I wanted to date her but was very patient about it and watched her pursue other men. (she says because I was not pursuing enough) Once we did start dating I realized that she had an ex of 4 years and texted "I miss you" to him which made me really uncomfortable and actually almost ended it. Once I got over that she was texting a guy that had "previously" been interested in her but she didn’t continue on with. I felt that if he had previously been interested then texting cute little texts back and forth was pointless unless she was trying to lead him on. After we talked about that she texted her ex talking about hanging out.... When I confronted her it she said it was to tell him about us getting married and that he deserved to know from her. Not to mention that there are other "friends" from her past that she has had a history with but hides behind the friend cloak to make me look like the bad guy. I don’t know, just seems like every situation she has has an excuse and it’s really starting to wear thin.
written by Blah., 03 October, 2011
Help! I’m in a relationship were going on three months, well I can’t trust her and it isn’t cause she is a cheater or anything. I know she wouldn’t for a fact. But the reason I can’t trust her is because I came out of a very emotionally abusive relationship that j was stuck on for a year and a half. Se cheated on me countless time and hid it, and even when I found out about it k stayed with her And she did it again..and again.. I mean countless times. I finally got over her and dumped her. I know it’s my fault for constantly putting myself through that with her. I know that. But I just need help getting over my trust issues. I don’t wanna lose the girl I have now due to the way my ex has left me, we argue a lot because I can’t get it out of my head that I was cheated on ^so much. smilies/sad.gif I’m over my ex. I wanna make it last with this one but I just feel as if it’s all going down hill If I don’t change!
written by Norwegian Guy., 22 October, 2011
I have read the most of this comments now. And i see im not alone!! My x did the same things. texting, and lots more. everybody told me to stay away from here, but i wouldnt listen. finaly i took the courage to talk to here about it, i realized that after reading all of the message here that i was sick and tired of not be able to trust here anymore. i wanted to break up. we were apart for like 1 week. and then we found back together. but i found out that it was not over. 2 months later i found out that she was pregnant. And it wasnt my child. It was her x’s. i told here that i wanted to help here. and if she wanted to take the baby i would help here to. but when she was going to the doctor she didn’t want me to come with here. so she brought the x instead. and 1 month later she broke up with me. i almost killed myself, i was heart broken!! but i got over it and moved on. but the last weeks she have called me and said i love you and she want to start a future with me and stuff. with children and marriage, of course i said now. So one thing i have learned!!!!!!!!!
STAY AWAY IF THE PEOPLE SAY STAY AWAY FROM HERE! ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER! SO GUYS. FIND A GIRL YOU CAN TRUST, THOUGHT PLENTY OF FISH IN THE SEA!!!!!!!
written by david dave, 23 October, 2011
Help!!!! Im so upset when i hear my partner call other men babe. I trust her but i feel so low when i hear her say it to people. And we due to get married so but dreading the thought of how many people she is going to say babe too.
written by YJ, 04 November, 2011
You guys are awesome. I am really happy to see there are still a lot good guys like me existing in this world.

I think I am an attractive guy because I got checked out a lot and hit on from time to time. That’s why all girls I dated before felt insecure with me and I never felt insecure with them. Until now, i am dating this girl who is 23. I am so in love with her and this is the first time in my life I felt so insecure with a girl. She is a wonderful person and almost every guy likes her and would hit on her. She is very honest with me whenever guys hit on her and even shows me the texts they send her sometimes. So I totally trust her. However, she is too nice that she can’t be cruel to those guys who hit on her especially those of her guy friends by totally ignoring them. So those guys are being persistent even after she tells them she has a bf. I know she is trying her best to reassure me but I still get upset when those guys keep blowing her phone with text messages and she just replied nicely. I know I can’t control her and let her stop being friends with them. However, I can’t help being uncomfortable and upset when I see she text them back, even though I know she doesn’t say anything flirtatious or inappropriate.

Anyway, I think it is my issue to deal with. I need to control my jealousy. Also I need to regain my confidence. I am a very confident guy before meeting her, but now I just keep thinking she is totally out of my league and one day I might lose her.

After seeing all the posts here, I think my girl is even more awesome because she is being honest with me all the time and reassure me all the time. I think she is the one I want to marry one day. I will definitely control my jealousy and keep this relationship healthy.
written by George333, 29 November, 2011
dude it’s time to man up and confront her, you should be the only man in her life and if she cant make you feel how you make her feel then its time to peace out.
written by BlakeAliAubrielle?, 07 December, 2011
Ok. So me and Ali have been dating for 1 year today. We are having a baby girl and Im only 18. I work full time and we are in the middle of moving into our new house.... maybe. Ok so here’s the story we were pretty wild like we would have sex at least 2 times a day for the first 8 months and sometimes up to 5 times including oral, anal, fingers, etc... but out if no where just one day she said no? And I was like ok that’s fine she’s pregnant she probably doesn’t feel very good I won’t push her. So a week or two went by and we went to her doctor appointment and got the first ultrasound and then she started making up excuses not to see me? Like she would say me and my mom are going to the mall, we are in Ashland visiting my brother, all kinds of excuses. So I got mad and we ended up in a huge fight and she agreed to stop making up excuses and come see me everyday. Then after she left I would fall asleep after she went to bed but then I would start waking up in the morning to texts at like 4 a.m. saying sorry I just woke up I love you to but I’m going back to bed now. Then like more recently she finally agreed to have sex with me but when we did we started and then she wouldn’t look at me she turned her head the opposite direction and wouldnt look at me. She gets jealous really easy so she deleted all girls from my Facebook and phone and she let me delete all guys from hers. So I didn’t have a reason to think any of that was from cheating until she started getting texts from random numbers and I grabbed her phone and she jumped on me and bit me and pinched me until I gave it back. She unlocked it and turned the phone away and said let me see who it is first. And she deleted it and said oh it’s just my cousin or something? Then recently she was going to spend the night at my house and she wanted to go home and take a shower first so I dropped her off at about 10:30 and a grey car pulled in behind me and then stopped in the middle of her driveway and left. I asked her who it was and she was like hmm that’s weird I have no clue! But I got ready to leave and she said DO NOT pick me up at 12 my parents wont be home yet.... So I came at the time she told me NOT to come I came at midnight exactly and the same gray car as before was pulling out of her driveway and her mom was at home. So she text me and said she was going to fall asleep and to just wake her up and the door was unlocked...so I tried to open then door and it was locked and I was like what the fuck. So I called her and looked through her bedroom window and she picked up her phone and looked at it then rolled over. I text her and said its over and she called me like 3 minutes after that and said my mom just woke me up she just got here.... like for real what the hell am I supposed to think??? I want some solid proof. I want to just say fuck all of this and fuck you. But this is my babys mom this is the only girl i’ve ever been in love with.
written by NotGonnaGetIt, 08 December, 2011
I havent read anything like this for a long time. I’ve been burned a lot, not been worried about a cheating gf in the past until it was obvious that it was happening. I decided at that point that it was over whether I was right or wrong about it, I just wasnt going to live that way anymore...feeling like I’m the fool while the 2 of them sit there and laugh about me/it. I just got out of a long situation and 90% of it was bad...so to finally be free from it was a relief. But now Ive found someone that I really care about. But she wasnt in a relationship with anyone, she was just having casual sex with "friends"... and I told her that I am not interested in just having sex with her. I am in for the relationship and the potential for a real future. If that is what she wants then great, if not I’ll be on my way. So, she says that she wants to be in a relationship with me, but she still wants to be friends with one or two of the guys she slept with. My response was that I don’t like it, at all. I see no need for you to remain friends with someone that you were using just for sex. If it was only about sex with them, then there should be no issue with dropping them if you have me. The fact that you want to keep them as no sex friends means that there is something more there and you dont want to admit it... to me or yourself, OR you want to hold on to your boys in case we don’t work out. Either way...not something I want to deal with. So, I made it clear...if thats what you want then we can say goodbye right now. If you want time to think it over, by all means do so... but I am not going to sleep with you until I am confortable with the fact that we are in a committed relationship with the possibility of a future. Turns out, I was the only guy to have ever turned her down... whether thats true, who knows. Doesnt even matter. The ball was in her court. So, she comes back, wants the relationship with me and tells all her "friends" it gotta stop. But their guys, that sleep with a woman for the sex as most guys do... they dont care about me...and if they don’t care about me, then they dont respect me and they dont respect her either. If thats how she wants to live, then so be it.
written by joshua simoneaux, 12 December, 2011
yea I’m 16 and my gf is 15 we always talk about getting married and being together forever and we seem serious but she has only friends that are guys and it upsets me because one is her ex bf and the other always hits on her and she acts like its not big deal and I try to act like it to but its hard BC she just keeps talking to them I don’t know what to doing just don’t wanna lose her I need to know how not to worry about it ad just go on with life! smilies/sad.gif
written by kato, 13 December, 2011
The truth is we must never sugar coat dirt and expect it to be candy...All my past relationships that have gone sour...I have made sure I gave them at least 3 strikes...after that I never felt bad for calling of the relationships. It’s painful to fathom a cheating girlfriends’ mood swings and tantrums..but in the end I told myself I am the better person and I deserve better,I have broken off negative friendships with old schoolmates.. so if what makes a deceptive woman so special not to call it off...bottom line is we just have to know what we want and make bold decisions without regretting it...

written by Guy Without A Pulse, 15 December, 2011
i was a virgin when me and her started dating and i was very sheltered as a kid. i hate drinking and drugs and i hate parties where there are fore-said items. but that was her life. at 14 she drank and did more drugs than i even know. she said she quit doing drugs when she met me but i really dont believe that. so in the summer. my mind got the best of me. i couldnt trust her. so i broke up with her. and during the time we broke up. all i did everyday was sit at home. and delete texts from her every second begging me to come back to her. and how things would be different. and after a week of that. i went back to her. i crave her. shes all i think about. now. it took me about a week to say i love you to her again. and the day i did. she told me of all the things she did during our break up, she said she made out with the guy who wanted to hold her hand, the guy i hate, and cuddled in her bed (she says cuddled but im not sure it was just that) with some guy she dated last year. . . and all i said i did was sit at home. i was devastated once again.. she wanted to get back together so bad but she was doing things with other guys?? how the fuck does that make sense... so after a week of nightmares of her with other guys. i ended it again. this time i had no intent of going back. i blocked her number and blocked her on facebook. i hung out with my chick friends and had fun... but i kept wanting to check out what shes doing..see who shes with... after a week. she was still saying she loves me and wants me back again...so stupid little me went back to her. im a 5 foot 9 ginger (red head) guy, with an over bite and am kinda chubby. shes so damn beautiful. she has gotten modeling offers many times. THAT gorgeous i have no clue why she picked me. it makes no sense. so i go back to her. she asked me if i did anything with any girls and i honestly replied no...weary of the answer i asked her if she did anything..she said no she didnt.. so. our relationship went back to normal...until one day i read a text from one of her guy friends i know. . . it was suspicious so i asked her about it. and after getting mad about me reading her messages, she said they dated for 3 days. 1 day after i broke up with her. and then she also said she made out with 5 different guys, got so drunk and so high that she couldnt feel her legs (thats actually what she said) ...i have never felt more unimportant in my entire life. i still feel unimportant and she asks me constantly if i love her or not. >< im just at the end of myself. im so stressed and paranoid that i cant sleep and everything i see turns into a negative thing that only makes my paranoia worse....
written by Cody, 21 December, 2011
I don’t even know where to begin. I’ve been reading almost all of these comments, top to bottom. My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost two years now. She says she loves me, we have great sex, and we see each other and go out a lot. I’m close with her family, she’s close with mine. Now, this isn’t the first long term relationship I’ve had, so I know how things work. I always heard the saying "once a cheater, always a cheater". However, I don’t want to believe it, but I see it. My girlfriend has cheated on EVERY boyfriend she’s been with, except one, and that’s me. Or so she says...
I’ve caught her several times texting guys, ex’s, and calling them "babe" "sweetie" "hunni" and putting the soul crushing "
written by Wally1, 27 December, 2011
Wow, I came across this site by accident. You "people" or should I correctly call you "Sheeple" are pathetic. #1, If you are involved with someone who is texting all the time, there are more problems with them than just your relationship. #2,Get a hobby, anything, Give your life some purpose. #3, Quit spending money you don’t have, I’ll explain. There is a direct correlation between people acting like you do and being in debt. You really don’t need half the useless crap you now have. Shopping is not a leisure activity. If shopping is fun to you, and you are one of the morons standing in front a department store before it opens to get a good deal, please paint a large "L" on your forehead for LOSER. Now finally I’ll make my point, which is really simple: If you don’t like your life, Change it! No amount of texting, website reading or twittering will help you. Geeze, Wake up and get a life!
written by JGCA, 06 January, 2012
Listen guys I understand where all of you are coming from. Don’t feel like you are alone. People are shady and a lot of people cheap on each other. The best advice I can give you is "if it smells like a duck, quacks like a duck, looks like a duck, then it’s a fucking duck"...If your gf or bf is cheating on you it either means thats just the way they are or they are getting something from someone else that they are not getting from you.....assess the situation and decide whats best for you....just dont be overly aggressive, don’t accuse anyone of anything you aren’t 100% sure about, and do your best to treat your gf/bf like the queen/king they are....if they have everything they want from you they have no reason to go anywhere else.....the power of positive thinking is your best aspect.
written by OVOAshley, 06 January, 2012
My girlfriend of 2 years has become very protective over her phone and has recently changed the passwords to her mobile, emails and facebook since she has been talking to her ‘friend’, about a year ago she did the same thing, she said he was a friend however they started to develop feelings for each other whilst we were still together, this resulted in her going to parties with him and eventually sleeping and doing whatever else with him. This broke my heart but she said she was stupid and would never do it again, it was hard but I took her back and we started again. However over the last month since she has found this new guy to talk to I’m starting to feel a certain amount of deja vu creeping in. He calls her constantly and one night he even called her 20+ times between 12-3pm, she says she doesn’t answer to him but its obvious that she does when I’m not around. Also she has been going out late at night whilst I’m asleep and seeing him, she then tells me the next day like its all cool and she’s done nothing wrong. Also every time she gets a chance alone she calls him or texts him, her phone has become very secret and its even got to the point where she turns her phone away from me so I can’t see what’s going on, and as soon as she’s done the phone is locked within a split second, I bite my tongue when this happens because i don’t have a very argumentative character. When I talk to her about this and how its hurting me though she just brushes it off or tells me to shut up, recently she has stopped kissing me and even when we do its as if she doesn’t want to, the sex in our relationship has always dropped, its always me trying to start sex, and whenever I do she pushes me away and will angrily say "can you just leave me alone" this makes me so embarrassed its ridiculous, even when were having sex (which is rare) I’ve had sexual action about 2 times in 3 months... I’m 19 by the way, its just all based around her and I’m not important. If she’s up talking to this other guy all night and she’s even started speaking to the guy she cheated on me with a year ago all over again, and he’s being suggestive to her again, does this means she’s cheating again??? Not only does she speak to all these other guys and treat me like I’m nothing, she doesn’t let me look at, talk about, let alone text or talk to another girl, but the same rules don’t apply to her. This relationship is really depressing me as I feel like I’m useless and not worthy of having a girlfriend, I’m not a cheat and I would never cheat on her but I have no family and I dropped my friends for her but I feel so alone and have come to the conclusion that she’s taking advantage of my kind nature. Please could someone help me, I would really appreciate it.
written by Zane, 12 January, 2012
My girlfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half. She txt this guy all day long. We have gotten into many fights over it! She tells me they are just friends and doest see him as anything else. But it’s hard for me to swallow that because they talk all day long. I just think to myself, and have asked her what do they have to talk about. Then she’ll go on to say that she never meant to become close friends wit him but it just happened.

She is the type of girl that doesn’t get along with other girl too well, just has guy friends. I have went through her phone and have seen messages they have sent each other. We have gotten into fights over that too. So now she has put a lock on her iPhone and also made it so the message doesn’t show what they say, just says txt message.

Response to this would be nice.
written by paulg, 18 January, 2012
My situation seems a little... trivial in comparison to so many of these painful experiences you are all going through. I have been with my girlfriend for only 3 months. she says she that we are in a serious relationship. although i honestly fail to see how it is since she hardly ever bothers to respond to my texts let alone pick up when im phoning (i dont spam text or anything stupid like that) this week she has a week off. we usually just meet up on a wednesday and a saturday. However i am getting pretty annoyed at the fact that sometimes she will just go to sleep (after i have text her) and then wake up later in the evening and then we wont see each other. im starting to feel like this girl doesnt have much respect for me and wondering if i should just dump her or at least confront her about it. and as most guys will say, i am a nice guy and dont want to seem like im invading her space.. but if we have plans, doesnt that mean i can get upset? what to do.... argh btw i have known this girl all my life and she’s been like this with allot of guys but sometimes she can be the sweetest thing. plus we have never argued...
written by Please help/comment!, 01 February, 2012
I have a girlfriend of 9 months. I am 35 divorced guy, she is 30, single, never married . We are both from the same city, but in long distance relationship (different country). We meet almost every month for long weekends in my apartment where she lives. She has a very good career. Mine is so so in my current workplace. We both work in good places and earn ok (she earns more than me). I told her, I can move to the place where she lives and look for a job there. The relationship started great. I even proposed her in 3rd month. She accepted my proposal. Since 2 months, relationship is not so good. I noticed, she was not so eager...
2 months ago when we met again physically, I had the urge to snoop her phone secretly.. Found out these "love" messages to a guy working in the same place as her. I couldn’t keep it inside this secret, I was both angry and sad, so I first asked her very gently and indirectly, if she has been doing things sort of like this...She denied, then I went 2-3 steps further giving more details to the act, she denied all of them. Finally, I told her, that I saw it in her phone... She is totally shocked. She turned around, began to beg, say very sorry etc. for the next 2 hours. She proposed make up sex etc. She said, it was a one time mistake, she was weak emotionally etc. and will not contact him again....She says loves me very much, misses me a lot, doesn’t wanna leave me... I forgave her, because I love her also and don’t wanna leave her, but I was very angry/sad of course.

So, now my trust to her got a big blow, 1 month later, I snoop again (online), I noticed she was briefly with this guy again...I don’t know what they did. I didn’t tell her about this. She thinks I don’t know.

2 weeks ago, we met again as before, spent 4 days together. She again, acts loving, caring, says she loves me etc. I began to increase my to trust her. But she did something unusual, when she was coming to meet me and spend the 4 days together, she boarded a flight, from a city close by, where this other guy is living.

I became suspicious, but, I believed her "story" about why she boarded the flight from there.(Long story)

Spent, sort of nice 4 days together. We had an argument but, it was solved. I indirectly asked her if she met or talked to the other guy again, she says NO!, and says "Let’s talk about good things".

Weekend is over, I come back to the city I live and work after the long weekend. I had urge to snoop again... Boooom, there comes a big shock again..!

I see that, she met with this guy in the other city, just the day she was coming to meet me!! I saw a photo of her taken with the guys phone, sent by the guy with "kisses"!! So her "story" of boarding the flight from the other city is not credible anymore... Why she is not telling me the truth..???
I am back to black again. Eating myself inside...I don’t wanna confront again, because, that might finish everything and my snooping is not right also...but...

Now, at the same time, I call my girlfriend and she is telling me "she loves me and misses me very much", which sounds very sincere when she tells me...CONTINUED IN NEXT POST.

written by Please help/comment PART 2!, 01 February, 2012
Lately since few days, she didn’t call. I wanna play cool bec. I am angry, but it is very hard, because, I proposed her and she accepted. Besides, she tells me I don’t call her often (I do call her every 2-3 days, not everyday), but she rarely calls me..I am confused, what should I do..??

It is eating me inside. Is she more and more interested to this guy?
So 2 days ago, I kind of, started a fight. I asked her why she didn’t call me since we last met..Telling her that, I always call her etc. and she never calls me.
I told her about my broken trust due to the messages I first confronted her 2 months ago. (But I didn’t tell her that I know the other meetings with the guy.)

I also told her, out of anger that, may be I won’t be able to find a job instantly when I move to the same city, I might look for some while, and I don’t know if I start my own job or work in a company etc.

To an answer to that; she tells me she can’t marry a "jobless" guy, she has dreams, big house, etc..so I need to find a job first and she "didn’t think about these things (job situations etc) before until I told her"..
She also tells me she wants to get married very soon (didn’t say to me but in general)and have kids..!
She also tells me, she sees marriage as logical, not so much a heart thing.

I feel bad and insecure now..
1) She doesn’t tell me the truth about this guy, and I can’t confront her about it.
2) I am not sure that I can find immediately a position in the same city.

I wanna go back to my country and the city where lives also, regardless of her...but I am not sure, how soon that can happen. I don’t wanna leave the security of my job here immediately. In any case, looking for a job in another country/city from far away seems hard.

I am just afraid that, if I leave my job and move there for her and start for looking a job there, I cannot be 100% sure what will happen.

Sometimes I think, if they kicked me out of the job here, I would have to go there anyway etc...(but I know thinking like that is not healthy)..

Please advice, what do you think about the whole situation.. Does she truly love me or what? It seems to me that she is looking for her options...But that doesn’t sound sincere to me, because, since I met and proposed her, I am not looking to other girls... I just like her and love to be with her...

One point though, she smokes a bit, I don’t, I see that as a big problem...I can’t be with a smoking girls.
She promises to seriously quit, but she hasn’t done yet so. She used to joke with me, telling me, "you gonna leave me just because I smoke".. I thought, hell yes, but, after all these thing in 2 months, I really became insecure and I kind of think, I want her no matter what..

written by Mac, 02 February, 2012
Whenever my girlfriend and I argue, she tells me she will go to be with another guy. She then calls him immediately or sms’s him. It really upsets me. Normally we make up and she tells me that she will never do it again. But it keeps happening. I feel tired and just want it to stop please advice.
written by Neal, 07 February, 2012
I had the same situation with my gf i live in indiana and she lives in CT she paid my trip to come see her for 2 weeks i went their on december27 to jan10 the day i had to come home cause of her school well since i bin their this guy jim keeps calling my gf and texting her 2 in the morning so after my gf went to sleep that night i went through her text messages and saw a text from a guy named jim saying do you wana come over to my place and cook for me and he told her hell show his penis to her and she said yea then i saw a text from my gf saying well my ex is leaving on the 10th and she wants to find a hotel room with this guy so i woke in the morning and told her so i saw a text message from you and jim talking dirty and i told her so y did u put im your ex bf and u talking dirty to this guy jim she replys and says i only wanted him to shut up and i said it doesnt matter i am not your ex bf you are my gf i would never cheat on u like that so she says im sry it wont happen again so i told her im giving you one more chance and thats it if this happens again im leaving you now im home in indiana i have to wait 3 more months to see my gf again but sometimes its hard to trust her to see what she is doing sometimes i think shes cheating on me again with somebody else cause she talks to her guy friends a lot she hardly talks to me but every time i try to call her she doesnt awnser her phone when i call it upsets me a lot i bought her a heart necklace and some pink roses for her i am a really nice guy and i feel like shes pushing me away from her i get worried a lot everytime she talking to another guy also sometimes at night i here strange noises on the phone that i dont wana here could it be possible she is cheating on me with another guy cause that shit will piss me the fuck off i dont know what to think sometimes have u ever felt like u wana kill yourself for being the best bf to your gf and she goes on and cheats on for no dam reason while you were with your girl and this happens now smilies/angry.gif
written by FROM: Please Help/Commen, 08 February, 2012
Thanks Neal for your answer and sharing your story!
I haven’t confronted my gf yet about her lying and meeting with this other guy. etc.
In any case, the best option for me to do is to try to forget my girlfriend. Although, it’s painful emotionally. I try to think my girlfriend’s negative qualities, things which I don’t like about her. It somewhat helps. In the relationship, once the respect is gone, it’s gone.
In my mind I believe, and want to believe, it will get better etc. if I behave nice, but in reality, and logically, I think it will not.
Relationship is a 2 way street, you can control your own feelings and behavior, thus, you can be all good and do the best things, but if the other one has a different agenda... it won’t matter what you do...
I’ve been on the other side also, so I understand what it feels... Doesn’t hurt like it did the first time maan years ago... But still painful somewhat.
written by Hunner lee., 03 March, 2012
My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 9 months! But back in November, I emotionally cheated on her with my baby’s momma; Mind you, Jessie left me a week before this happened. Jessie, My current girl "who’s i’m talking about" Is the world to me. Been there for me through the hard times of my life, pushes me through everything. I’m trying to get her to trust me, but she broke up with me last week, saying she’s losing feelings for me; And that my emotional cheating on her was just tearing her apart. But to this day, She is still telling me she loves me, and wants to marry me one day. But then tonight, She lets me go to ONE party with her, and then drops me off at home. Telling me she and her best friend are going to another town so her best friend can get laid. But I don’t see why she wouldn’t let me go. It just seems all too iffy with me. We have an amazing connection not everyone can understand. I’m just looking for some advice as of to what I should do, or think. Thanks guys, I appreciate you looking at this, if you get the chance too. Need some real advice.
written by taki, 08 March, 2012
I am going through similar issues with my girlfriend. Well currently we are separated but are working out our differences to make things work. St patty’s day 2011 my girlfriend found something on phone that someone sent me a Facebook message she read it and was devastated. When confronted on the situation it cause i big fight and i stormed out of our apartment. I fed up to the incident like a man was completely honest and we moved on continuing our relationship together after a little space. She told me things were black and white that if i dont straighten up she will leave me for good. Since then i have busted my butt for her to make things right and gain the trust back. Just recently we started looking for apartments again since we had to move into my parents to get some massive medical bills paid off and to get out of our apartment since their was mold in it and she has a baby girl. This past weekend she went out with her friends and i went out with some people from work for a hunting thing didnt see her pretty much all day saturday and saturday night. We only texted a few tiimes no big deal etc. Then on sunday night she told me she wanted space to figure things out. I was devastated to think we were over since i had been through that before and my ex strung me along then ended it. So monday morning when i go off work since i work thirds i was looking at our verizon bill and going through all my texts calls and her texts and calls to make sure we werent getting charged for something we didn’t do. I noticed that on the saturday night when she was out with her friends she was texting a number a lot and not me which i found odd. When i looked into it i found out it was a so called friend of ours and when looking deeper i found that have been texting, calling, facebook messaging for months and i didnt know about it. I confronted him and her on the issue and she says we are close friends etc. She states that they both are attracted to each other and have feelings for each other but are strictly friends. She also stated that the line would never cross that boundry. She then told me what was the problem with them talking all the time since i have a friend that lives a few hours away and we have the same kind of relationship. I told her i dont call her, text her etc all the time out of respect for you cause i dont want you thinking anything of it and since im trying to fix what i screwed up on i dont want to jeopardize anything with our relationship. With finding that i decided to look at her facebook and i come across messages from her to him and vice versa and one day stood out to me. She stated that if she were to become single again she would date a man in uniform which i found odd being the guy she is texting was in the army. Their was some flirting in the facebook messages etc and he said you and him will never break up and she says you never know i have been thinking about being single and exploring dating again. When i found this i was devastated. I asked her why they call, text, email, facebook all the time she states its just friendship. When i asked her about the becoming single part she was like i do love you but have been really scared lately with what has happened in the past. She states she wants the space to work on us and that we get our own apartments and slowly work back into living together again which i dont think is a bad idea just dont know about that guy situation. When i told him and her to stop out of respect for the significant other the texting stopped but now they call and are on the phone for awhile. What makes this so hard is she has a daughter that is 2 (not mine) but i have been their since day one picking up the slack where the dad hasn’t been there. So pretty much i am attached to that child and my girlfriend and can’t stand the thought of loosing them. I told her that i dont care if they talk/text/facebook message etc but out of respect for your boyfriend dont do it all the time. The girl that im friends with when we talk about something or what not i tell her hey i talked to blank today and we were discussing this. I have asked her to do this for me out of respect so then i can trust them talking etc. I trust her that she wouldnt do anything behind my back just makes me upset and worried she would. I know the guy in the army is about to go overseas so the coversations should slow down. I told her that i know what i have to do to fix our relationship and she does too but am i wrong for telling her that i feel disrespected for finding out they are doing things secretly etc. I stated to her why i dont talk to my friend that is a few hours away the one with us both having feelings etc but are just friends is that i do it out of respect for my girlfriend so i dont make her upset. What should i do on this situation?
written by City0fj, 19 March, 2012
Hi. I haven been in a relationship for about 4 years now, on and off. We had a period where we were apart for 5 months. She felt as if it wasn’t for her, so I showed respect and gave her space. We both dated, but after 5 months we got in contact and she professed that she cared for me deeply and wanted to give it another try. We have been going strong for over a year since then. We have a great relationship. I am involved with, (and approved by), her family, and we have a great sex life.
I sometimes have a snooping problem. I know it’s no good, but due to an incident at the one year mark of our relationship, I have something in me that is iffy on trust.
Recently, I looked at her texts, and I see a pretty long conversation between someone she has told me is just a friend. I see that they are speaking regularly, and are somewhat flirtatious. it appears they have met up once, as she sent him a picture of himself smiling. Although i don’t believe they are involved sexually, it is clear that they are somewhat emotionally involved.
I am extremely hurt, and I feel she is being sneaky behind my back.
I recently approached her about what we feel comfortable with, and I made it clear that ongoing flirting, getting any way involved with someone else, is not acceptable. I wouldn’t do it, and I hope she wouldn’t hurt me like that.
Since then, she has still been texting him. As read in her text, they have agreed to meet up this tuesday.
When I can confirm they have met up, I am planning on approaching her and telling her a friend saw them together, to avoid any drama with my snooping. Maybe I should just be upfront and accept that I have been wrong by snooping as well, but I feel somewhat glad I did, because I do not want this going on behind my back any longer.
Any opinions on this situation?
written by aniger, 23 March, 2012
if you feel you have to check her phone you dont have any trust. if there is no trust there is no relationship. its an invasion of her privacy. you wouldnt like it of she went through your wallet same thing. so id say you have nothing with this girl so move on.
written by Raheel, 04 July, 2012
Trust hmm what you people need to do is
put the man ego to a side sit the person
Down and TALK the reason behind all of this
Is trust and if you don’t open your heart and
Let her know what is going on and what your
Feeling and thinking maybe just maybe it would
Go back to the right path. You see women
Are always right you can never win so don’t try
To argue. Other hand make her understand what
Really is the problem also keeping it inside then
From that it ain’t a relationship the only person you
Are having a relationship is yourself.
Sit her down start conventions with a smooth talk
Then start with the serious problems of you
Don’t tell her anything then your keeping her in the dark
And also whatever she is doing she might be thinking
It’s ok. Which you don’t want of your feeling the way your are.

written by It’s Sad, 20 August, 2012
I’m sorry, all of you are or were being duped by your boyfriends/girlfriends. They said they didn’t want to hurt your feelings, but the truth is they don’t know HOW (besides stopping their behavior.) They figure that since they’ve already stepped over the boundaries they may as well never turn back. In their mind, if they get you to hate them you’ll just walk away from the situation. So they blame you for everything. They don’t want to be the bad guys. They don’t want to take responsibility for what they’ve done. They’ll treat your relationship as if it was just another semester at school. "Yeah I had fond memories but it’s time for me to move onto another semester." They don’t understand that you entered the relationship not because you felt like dating, but because you were willing to share a part of you with them and they gained your trust and abused it. It’s hard, but when people begin to disrespect you you’ve got to cut ties with them.
written by cant believe i spent over thirty minutes reading the pathetic nonsense, 17 October, 2012
wow. seriously guys? i really dont even know where to start with a comment on all these posts. i found this site randomly- actually i think bc my ex was looking on it and im using his computer for work right now and it was just sitting there waiting for me to read... and thru almost every single post i kept help thinking to myself what the hell is wrong with all of you having such insecure constant trust issue non communicative problems. i think i actually only even saw maybe a few FEW females even post anything on here but it was covered in MEN. men who need to gain some confidence, change their lifestyle into a happier healthier one, grow some damn balls, and not feel like you have to stay in a relationship if you are having so many damn problems as these.. most of you are young too in here posting. move on! puppy love- youll learn as you get older all these "love" interests and relationships you had all growing up were nothing but lessons in life, and thats what life is exactly about, life is an accumulation of experiences and lessons to be learned as we continue to grow and get older and wiser. its part of the package. and the older ppl texting in here that arnt married or are in their 20’s or 30’s or what have you and STILL having these problematic issues constantly with your women need to take a huge step back and look at yourself in the mirror or reality. IF these girls (yea, cuz girls are the ONLY ones who cheat, text, and lie lemme tell ya!) really are texting other men whomever they may be there is always always always a deeper underlying problem and issue at hand at the behavior. communication and being a confident happy person as a man and stepping up to the plate for you woman wont have her seeking entertainment or interests elsewhere. and the number one reason i had to post something here is bc i am just absolutely appalled at the amount of people (men as i have seen mostly in these)that actually pick up something that doesnt belong to them that is a private personal piece of technology we all use and actually go as far as cracking a code just so they can "CHECK" to see if somethings going on behind their backs. or checking and hacking into their computers or email, or whatever else you can possibly snoop through. go out and get a life, a happier one and if that means leaving the one you so desperately "LOVE" than so be it, life is too fucking short to snoop around ppls shit it will only make your relationship so much worse, or end badly, or make you lose their respect in the end bc theyll eventually find out in some way. and then youll be left all alone all over again. see any problem in any of this guys??? there is other problems going on than you paying so much attn to who and when and how much time she is spending texting someone. what is wrong with you all seriously?? crazy psychos in junior high do this shit!!! grow the fuck up i dont care how old or young you are. k thanks!

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