Past Comments – My girlfriend is snooping on me

written by j4william, 21 March, 2006

I say, you probably have given your girlfriend a reason. No one does that unless their is some clear reason for her to do so.

written by Guest, 21 April, 2006

My girlfriend snoops on my phone all the time, reads my diary to check appointments and query numbers on my cell that have no names. It’s a nightmare, and then of course when I confront her she gets mad that I accuse her of snooping and tells me I’m crazy! I’m planning on dumping her.

written by Guest, 21 May, 2006

I’d find it comical and jokingly encourage her to dig deeper... and laugh when she finds nothing, that is of course if you truly do not have a thing to hide. I agree with first guest – you must have caused some doubt for her to act in this way.

written by Guest, 25 May, 2006

I have the notion my live in girlfriend is fooling around, and I snoop like crazy. I admit I don’t quite know how I would react if I did in fact catch her, but I would rather know the truth than be living a total lie. I plan to continue snooping until July at which time I will give up. Oh well, best of luck to you all!~

I was a snooper
written by Guest, 20 September, 2006

I snooped on my husband who absolutely had nothing to hide, but insecurity fueled the snooping. Men don’t have to give a reason for women to do anything. We do it because we choose to (in situations where no reason were given) b/c of this I have had to restore my relationship because he lost trust for me and it is a terrible feeling for someone not to trust you over nothing or paranoia.. IT’S NOT WORTH IT!!

Snooping Hypocrite
written by Guest, 26 December, 2006

My advice to any man that has a snooping girlfriend/wife: She’s probably got some secrets of her own. Most snoopers are huge hypocrites. I know because Iâ??m a snooping hypocrite and so are several of my friends!

I recently snooped through my boyfriend’s cell phone and I found out that he’s been deceiving me. I was furious and I confronted him. But, if he were to go through my cell phone, heâ??d discover that I â??cloakâ?? my contacts. (Ex: saving a guyâ??s number under a girlâ??s name)!!!

Iâ??m not cheating (yet) but it gives me some type of unhealthy satisfaction to know that heâ??s been just as dishonest as me.

So, until Iâ??m ready to let go of my â??distractions,â? Iâ??m going to keep snooping â??til we either break up or learn to trust each other.

Good luck in your relationship!

written by Guest, 26 June, 2007

I was married to a narcissist, who lied about everything, even when he didn’t need to. Things just weren’t adding up and I snooped to protect myself.

What was at stake for me was what I had worked for all my life and my assets were fairly large. Fortunately, all of what I found out by snooping helped me make the decision to leave with my assets intact. If I had stayed, he only would have tried to go through everything I had and at the rate he was going I would have been broke in less than 5 years.

If you have a gut feeling, go with it. If nothing is going on, they’ll understand. If they’re lying, cheating and stealing from you, of course they’re going to be angry! Cuz you caught them!

Hopefully, his new narcissist supply will catch on and do the same. She had lots to loose too.

written by mistrusting, 26 July, 2007

I recently set up a bogus account to catch out my new b/f and it worked. He responded to the email, but later told me he knew it was me... I had no reason to doubt him, it was because I don’t trust myself that I can’t trust others... It’s not fun and I don’t want to be mistrusting anymore.

written by sad, 11 March, 2008

I did some snooping, and it broke my heart. That’s why it’s four in the morning and I’m still up reading websites about how/why to build trust.

written by davids72, 23 March, 2008

Sad, my ex gf snooped on me. I knew she did because when I brought it up she had that guilty look on her face I know so well. It caused me a lot of anxiety. I think because I loved her so much and the breach of my privacy by her was completely devastating. I even started smoking again, which I knew she hated. Though I don’t actually like smoking I continued because I wanted to start being honest. She just couldn’t do it. Now we’re broken up and I have to quit smoking again. The truly sad part is that I was completely hers, loyal to the t. I would have given my life for her and she threw it away because she couldn’t be honest. Admission is the first step and the most important step to regaining someone’s trust, believe me – I know this first hand.

written by jesus knows, 17 April, 2008

My g/f has broken into my email account and really found nothing apart from that I didn’t tell her everything because it was just stuff. Don’t do it you find more out about yourself when you do this kind of thing! If you don’t trust then why?

written by lol, 22 April, 2008

Uh if I never snooped I would still be with my husband who told his baby-mama I was his lawyer; conned my friend out of $2,000 and invested it in a cash scheme and lost it; had a girlfriend on the side; lied about felony convictions; etc etc.... before you marry someone it is okay to do a credit check, criminal background check, email account etc -- find out what you are getting into before you take that plunge!! My dad doesn’t care if my mom looks at his email cuz he’s not doing anything and they’ve been married 41 years... he’s only worried that she might delete something important by accident -- bottom line if you aren’t hiding anything your wife should be able to answer your phone if it rings or peek at your email -- if it is boring or proper she will be bored and leave it alone -- BUT I draw the line at reading confidential work product or DIARIES should be off limits cuz that’s the person’s personal space and self-conversations AMEN.

written by goofie23, 25 June, 2008

My girlfriends that paranoid, she snoops, reads my emails, checks my phones pisses the hell out of me to the extent I hate every bloody day of my life, destroys my personality, can’t look at anyone, can’t even make a joke in case she thinks into it. If I didn’t love her I wouldn’t even be here cuz I’m tired of trying to help her!! And she wants to get married, wtf is the point when there’s no trust.. I hate my life cuz of her, all she does 24/7 is worry, worry, worry...

written by Guilty as charged, 25 June, 2008

I started snooping because I had a rotten relationship in the past. My bf found out and understood. he told me to keep doing it if it made me feel better. I felt so guilty that I stopped.
And then about two years ago, we started talking about proposals. All the sudden the snoop virus hit me again. I just needed to know if he was really planning stuff. If he was getting what we talked about. If he was being ripped off. It wasn’t really about trust... it was about control. I don’t like not being in control of things. checking his email gave me a sense of control.
but what happened in the end I will never forgive myself for. I found an email with the ring in it. My heart was completely broken when I realized that I did get what I want and I ruined my surprise.
Now I feel awful. I feel like a terrible person and wish I could take it back.

I can’t tell my boyfriend what I’ve done because he deserves to feel happy.

I guess what I’m getting at is that perhaps your g/f does trust you and that maybe the snooping is part of a bigger issue. If it’s about trust work with her. If it’s about control, talk to her and tell her that she needs counseling.

Tell her that it hurts you that you don’t have any privacy and that you’re worried that one day it might ruin a surprise. If she loves you she’ll work on it.

I know I will.

written by TH, 05 August, 2008

comment to goofie23... you know why I snoop.... you have flirted online with girls email, messenger even with web cam.... and sending dirty pics to girls with your phone!!! now tell me I’m paranoid, you made me this way! try telling people what you did before bad mouthing me!!! look at your own mistakes, you nearly lost me and i have given you so many chances and i’m still around, not many girls would be.

written by guest628, 14 August, 2008

I snoop sometimes. And I know exactly why I do it. My husbands lies about a range of different things. I can’t believe anything he says anymore. I have pleaded with him to stop lying to me, that I would rather know the truth but that hasn’t helped at all. I give him so many chances to tell the truth when i know he has lied, but he never pulls through for me. I am completely depressed with major anxiety issues and never being able to trust my husband and best friend is making it worse.

written by Been snooped on, 20 November, 2008

I’ve been snooped on over and over again. Quite frankly it makes me actually want to go out and do something to actually give her something to be mad about. I am a very open individual and have many MALE and FEMALE friends. Never have I EVER cheated on her for 4 years, but she always feels the need to go through all my stuff. It’s like what if I wanted to do plan something big for her. I could never do it because she would find out within days of me arranging it. This is simply craziness.

written by I’m guilty..., 11 December, 2008

In the past I never considered snooping an option until my present relationship. I had this overwhelming feeling that something was going on behind my back, even though I had no reason to think so. I first resisted, but gave in to my feelings and went snooping... I ended up finding several emails to a girl (which happened at the time we had moved in together). The email completely disregarded me as being his girlfriend and said, "he’d been dating someone for awhile," and some pretty racey comments back and forth. At the time I found them he wasn’t speaking to her anymore, but it broke my heart. I had also found him on a dating sight as well, but listed under a different name. My first thought was to just let it go and keep it to myself, because I felt horrible for what I’d done, but even though I broke his trust he’d shattered mine. About three weeks later I confessed because it was eating me inside. All he did was just hold me and tell me that he loved me and he was sorry. I never really asked why he did what he did, mainly because I had done something just at terrible. I still struggle with it, I am open with him about it, and he understands. My opinion is that if you have nothing to hide then why does it matter. I wouldn’t be upset if he was snooping on me, I have nothing to hide therefore I don’t really care.

written by Fear Begat Fear, 17 January, 2009

Sometimes people give their significant other reasons to snoop. Sometimes it’s just the snooper’s insecurity. I was snooped on by my girlfriend for no reason. I was totally devoted. She found really old stuff from before our relationship started, and used that to pick a fight. I returned the favor and snooped on her, and found out several times when we were on the outs, she had slept with other men. (I wouldn’t have done it without her actions... I figured she was insecure because of what she was doing, and I was right.) I asked her about it, and she lied to me. I would have forgiven her, but when I realized I couldn’t trust her, and that she had driven me from unconditional love to my own insecurity, I dumped her. If you’re with such an insecure woman, you should dump her. It will do everyone good, including the men in her future. Consider yourself to be elevating the human race by teaching her a lesson.

written by Lost, 31 March, 2009

My ex-gf first gave this "snooping into my phone" a whirl about 6 months into the relationship. Immediately prior to her doing that (in fact, about 2 to 3 weeks prior), she had a "situation" which she discussed with me. Her situation was something to the tune that some clerk guy that worked at some government office she had known for a while had asked her to go "to lunch." At the time she ran her situation by me, I was out of the State, visiting family for the Holidays. So I told her that, based on what she told me (the guy was married, was asking for a lunch encounter around 2p.m., during a weekday, had commented on how pretty she looked, etc, etc), my opinion was that the guy seemed like he was expressing inappropriate interest ("inappropriate" because he had been nothing but nice in a business/everyday context prior to that), but I left it up to her to decide. In expressing my opinion on the situation, she insinuated that I was being "jealous" and that I did not know this guy, etc, etc. So she then asked her female confidants, who also knew the guy because they also had to get records from him during any given week in relation to their work, and they confirmed that my opinion was kinda-sorta on the mark because they informed her that this guy was some kind of player, cheated on his wife, etc, etc and that she should not go on this lunch date.

I come back from the vacation, and 2 or 3 weeks later, she gets into my phone one evening. I find out because I apparently received some text messages from friends and they were marked as opened. I confronted her about the situation, asking her to please talk to me about her trust issues with me, if any, as opposed to going through my phone---because I would not stand for being in a relationship with someone who does not trust me. Her response involved interrogating me as to who is so-and-so, and why "can’t we have an open relationship." I suppose some people, as she said she did, equate going through each other’s phones (and emails, v-mails, etc) as an "open relationship," but I don’t get that. My reply to the situation was, you go through my phone again, and we’re done.

8 months later, the situation happens again. We broke up the morning I realized she had done it. I never checked her phone, e-mails, etc.--EVER. For a while there, I never got the closure in terms of "why" that kind of behavior was happening, and I am not sure I feel I have a grip on the situation as I sit here today. However, my best educated guess thus far is: (a) she was so paranoid about me cheating or engaging in inappropriate relationships because she had them; (b) she was still affected by the relationship prior to the one she had with me (which, supposedly, involved a guy who was cheating on her and was noncommital); or (c) she’s just a control freak.

Take away that issue, and I would have purchased a ring within 2 months of the break up. She is a great person in all other respects. I just don’t see how anyone can be in a serious, and positive, relationship without trust. And I also don’t understand, if I truly trust someone, why in the world would I have to go into their phone to look for stuff?

written by My new controlling bf, 23 April, 2009

I just started dating a guy who seems to be a controlling fool. When we first started to go out he was so sweet and attentive. I am begriming to see signs of control. He bought me a Belkin Tune talk for my iPod and shipped it back the minutes it came in the mail because he was upset with me but I didn’t realize it until recently when it dawned on me that I never received it. I told him never buy anything for me if you’re going to take it back the minute you’re upset with me. We sort of made plans to go out the other night but I didn’t get home in time and could not call him b/c I don’t have a cell phone and I was out and about. When he finally caught up with me it was unbelievable what he was saying "I have to be able to find you when I want to talk to you". I told him that it was over between us b/c I thought that was controlling, weird and crazy. Yesterday, my sister and I were traveling and my tire blew out at 1pm in the afternoon and of course I had no cell to call for help. When I saw my bf that evening he took initiative that day without consenting with me to purchase me a phone even after I told him not to buy me anything. He had the nerve to register it and put all the features in that he wanted. When I saw him last night I was so upset about what had happened that day being stranded and al that I took the phone without thinking but now that I had the chance to think about it I want to give him the cell back and call it quits with him once and for all. I am tired of his controlling ways.

written by TBanger, 22 August, 2009

Well, my gf is constantly snooping through my things. She says that if I have nothing to hide, then I shouldn’t mind. However, she thinks the flip side is true: if I had any trust in her whatsoever, I wouldn’t need t snoop on her, and therefore, I would be a bad person if I did it to her.

Now while I sort of agree with her former statement, it really starts to get on my nerves when she takes something meaningless or a joke way too personally. An example of this s when she read that said a certain girl’s smile was sexy. However, if she had read the rest of the FaceBook conversation and took a peek at the picture we were talking about, she would know that the girl in question had big fake plastic "hillbilly" teeth in, and what I had said about her sexy smile was a joke.

SO of course I’m upset she was snooping and thought that I was trying to pick up a girl whose been a good friend of mine for years (who lives on the other side of the country too) and tells her friends that I am sending flirty messages before confronting me about it, but doesn’t think enough to read deeper into the e-mail.

And of course she is upset because she thinks that the fact that I am angry is a sign that I am hiding something from her. This turns into me slamming the door and her calling all of her friends for a girls night.

And with her birthday coming up and having ordered her gifts online, who knows if she read through any of the confirmation e-mails, thus spoiling her big day? Who knows if she read through any private conversations with close friends or relatives involving family drama or relationship issues?

Snooping is never OK. This is something my parents taught me. If you’re man or husband is a piece of shit with gf’s on the side, or embezzling money from ppl, or what-have-you, chances are he knows enough to protect his privacy with his life. If he’s dumb enough to leave all that shit out in the open, you weren’t reading the signs.

written by eyecandy25, 09 October, 2009

My boyfriend and I got together in 2005 and honestly i had just broke up with a guy who had cheated on me and obviously was looking out for myself when i snooped. I know it’s wrong but I had to. I found a couple texts between him and his best friend (a girl) who was asking him to take a trip with her just the two of them and surprisingly he agreed so i confronted him and we had a huge fight. It turns out they shared a kiss before me but they decided to be friends yet she kept sending him sentimental valentine’s day/birthday cards and flirting with him. I was mad so i told him to choose who he wanted to be with and he chose me. 4 years later after not snooping for a while my heart told me to and i just found a text which read as follows...

“Hey u Wasup, how’s it goin. Called u ystday, just wanted to hear u voice, was back at work wen u called back and I finished at 10pm so didn’t want to wake u up. Anyway u can text bak if u can if not I’ll Spk to u later.”

I am curious because she is abroad and he just came back from a visit from that country on 26/09/09 and he has been calling her frequently (a day or two apart at least – 30/09/09, 01/10/09 and 06/10/09). He texts her frequently too. My problem is the text says i just wanted to hear your voice (she must mean something for him to say that cause he has never said that to me throughout the 5yrs we have been together- not that i recall anyway) and also he is lying to her when he texted that he finished work at 10pm (he always finishes at 9pm and is always home by 9:10pm which makes me wonder). Moreover the text was sent at 5:22am at which point he is normally asleep unless he has to go somewhere very important. I found the text on 05/10/09 and have not confronted him yet but on Wednesday 07/10/09 we had a fight over something silly and i think the text influenced my anger (i did not mention it) but i called him a liar and i locked him out the house and insisted that he gives me the car keys his wallet and his two phones. Unfortunately i could not find the other phone (which i got the text from) and after an hour or two of fighting i found it in the lounge ( and i swear on my life it was not there before); I picked it up when he left the room and went through it to see if he had been texting her again and to my surprise it had all the messages erased and ever since then i looked for it in the house where i know he is most likely to leave it lying around but i could not find it. I did not look in the car where I suppose he could have left it but am telling you it is no coincidence. So am I being paranoid here or is he acting guilty (cause he doesn’t even know why am mad, he doesn’t know that i saw the text either- my plan was to say nothing and just observe the texts between them until i got something more concrete). Please advise, am heartbroken but am not sure if i should be. Thanks in advance!

written by ~~anon~~, 04 December, 2009

Snooping is never okay when you have given someone reason to be suspicious. Snooping is always okay when you are the one with valid suspicion.

In a relationship your actions do not effect only you. That is why we get into a relationship...to have a partner. If you had a business partner would you go behind his or her back and do things that would harm the business, and eventually destroy it? I don’t think so.

What everyone needs to remember is a relationship is about consideration of our partner as much as we consider ourselves when making personal choices.

When there is a long-term relationship and our behavior raises suspicion; it is natural for the other to want to know what is going on.

Guilty partners don’t give straight answers, so, the only choices are to leave them, check it out for yourself, or live your life wondering what the truth is.

I don’t promote unwarranted snooping on a partner whatsoever. I do however feel that when there has been deception (especially repeatedly) then it does effect us personally and our future. So, checking into some things may be what is needed to realize what type of a person we are giving our heart to.

written by..., 10 February, 2010

My girlfriend is constantly reading my texts, iv confronted he about it many times but she just gets angry at me and says thing like "have you got something to hide then", iv even tried looking at her mobile but she always makes an excuse for me not to look at her phone, its driving me crazy seriously i don’t know if i can continue in this relationship, could some one give me any advice as to what i could do to make her trust me and not have her constantly snooping?

written by Doofus, 18 March, 2010

Look, Bro, women have a lot to lose in relationships. I snoop not out of raving lunacy, but to protect myself and my children. The last thing in the world I need is some guy bringing me a gift of herpes or AIDS – or finding out he’s married or has a half dozen other women – some of them crazy bitches who might turn into a psycho bitch. Many, not all, men can’t keep "little john" in their pants and it’s the stupid woman who takes their lines "Hey, Baby, it’s YOU!" seriously.

written by MD, 17 April, 2010

Snooping at my mobile by my Fiancee isn’t all that bad but when she insist on me to start introducing all the female names in my phone book to her, it real irritates me.

written by Goddess Apriluv, 06 August, 2010

My boyfriend saw a phone number on my phone I refused to answer because the number had no name. He memorized the number and called it. The call was from a guy friend of mine who lives in another state. Now I don’t trust him. I told him I would never get ride of my friends for him and that my friends could potentially becomes his friends if we get married. I’m ready to break the engagement because now I don’t trust him.

written by Tom079, 28 August, 2010

You get what you deserve if you snoop.

written by ---, 08 September, 2010

I think snooping is caused by one person being distant and not talking to their significant other about things, making it seem like they are hiding something. To be in a trusting relationship both sides need to be open and honest and when one fails to be I think that is where people go to snooping to get to know why they are being that way.

written by Guest123456, 21 September, 2010

tonight is the first night i went out with my friends after moving in with my girlfriend a month ago in our now two year relationshit. I told her where we were going and who was going to be there and later that night she started bitching at me because a girl she didnt like was there. Even though I let her hang out with guys I don’t like I could really care less who or what she does. Because I want to be with her and if I wouldn’t I would leave her. But tonight she drove by where we were three times spying on me. I called her on the fourth drive by and asked her what her problem was and she tried to play it off. I started walking towards her car in the parking lot and told her to stop and she hauled ass on me saying she was on the other side of town. I’m really thinking about telling her to get her shit and leave because I don’t trust her anymore. maybe advice?

written by ssssssss, 06 October, 2010

Why does everyone think that they need so much privacy now a days??? I mean yes, I agree that there are just some things that we as humans absolutely should have some privacy for, but my god, it seems that things are almost reversed. For instance, there are some pretty crazy and to me down right nasty fetishes out there. More and more people are eh okay with going to the bathroom with door wide open, personal grooming in front of one another,they live together or plan to and yet their cell phones are off limits or people get offended when accounts are being seen. I don’t know, maybe im a little more old fashioned and like to keep my potty adventures to myself and my cell phone, well, I ain’t hiding anything so it sits on the table as if it were a regular household phone. Go through it, be my guest. As for e-mails and such, if you are planning to live with this person or really have a relationship then maybe you have some skeletons in your closet cause the way I see it, WHO CARES!!! If you love this person, they should be apart of your life which to me means whats yours is mine and whats mine is yours. What the hell is snooping when you share a home? Expenses? Maybe Kids? Exchange Bodily Fluids? It amazes me how so many people can hop in the sac quick to catch anything and possibly ruin their whole lives from it but HEY MAN DONT YOU DARE CHECK OUT MY CELL PHONE OR EMAIL ACCOUNTS.

written by michel, 13 October, 2010

To be in a trusting relationship both sides need to be open and honest and when one fails to be I think that is where people go to snooping to get to know why they are being that way.

written by randysgurl4, 15 December, 2010

I FOUND THIS WEBSITE BECAUSE MY BOYFRIEND LETS ME USE HIS COMPUTER, WHEN HE IS AT WORK I GET ON HERE TO FIND OUT WHAT HE HAS BEEN DOING... CALL IT WHAT YOU WILL BUT IF YOUR IN A RELATIONSHIP WHERE CHILDREN ARE INVOLVED I THINK SNOOPING TO FIND OUT WHAT THE OTHER PERSON IS DOING SHOULDN’T BE AN ISSUE, IF THERE IS NOTHING TO HIDE WHY EVEN WORRY. JUST MY PERSONAL OPINION.

written by heartbroken1, 29 December, 2010

My then boyfriend checked my phone records and found that I had been talking to a guy 6 months back, when our relationship was still starting. I broke off contact with the other guy when I realized what I was doing was wrong. But I never told my boyfriend. 6 months later he went through my phone records and found evidence and then he broke up with me saying that I had cheated on him. I was not emotionally involved with the other guy. I truly loved my boyfriend and during the 6 months I had been completely faithful to him. I am completely heart broken. I apologized to him so many times and asked him to forgive me. But he said he couldn’t do that. It’s been 3 months since the breakup. Should he have snooped through my records and broken up with me for a mistake that had been made 6 months before?
We had an amazing relationship and he was my best friend before we started going out. We had even talked about getting married.
After the breakup he showed those records to our common friends and then lied about a lot of stuff that I had never said about them. Apparently he’s sorry now for lying about me but he is not able to forget those records that he snooped through.
Please help!

written by Smashed, 24 January, 2011

People need to communicate more in their relationships. Talk. Don’t snoop. If your relationship is as solid as you think, then there should be no reason to mistrust the other

written by withit, 30 January, 2011

I have snooped on my boyfriend because we have communication problems. Well, he does. He fails to tell me about important things. He leaves the big stuff too late and regrets it. I found myself extremely glad for both myself and him, and our relationship as a whole, that I snooped and found out a huge move he was in the process of making without talking to me first. When we talked about it he realized what he was doing was ridiculous and would destroy his already desperate career situation, put him further out of touch with friends and useful contacts, and would bring an enormous amount of pressure to our relationship, one that, given we’re dealing with long-distance now, would be only painful for both of us.
So snooping saved him from making a lot of mistakes for himself, only one of which also would have affected me. But now I feel guilty and untrustworthy. I personally wouldn’t care if he read my emails! He has in fact known my password for about a year longer than I knew his, and this itself was the beginning of the snooping bug for me. The simple fact that I’d given him all my passwords to everything but he hadn’t given me any was enough to make me feel suspicious. That joined with his bad communication and some stupid (mainly little) mistakes he’d made together hurt my trust. But when I do push him to talk about things, he is honest with me, and has been with some rather tough questions. So now I feel like I should confess to snooping. But I’m scared of hurting him, especially when he’s been a bit vulnerable lately. I wonder whether he’ll have the patience I’ve had for his mistakes?

written by ANTHONYS, 18 April, 2011

I have been in this situation and it really is an eye opener. I had a girlfriend in the Netherlands who used to do this all the time. I only found out because a third party told me. She did it for a year and a half: I was aware of it happening once and I confronted her with it. After the air had been cleared I took it for granted that she wouldn’t do it anymore:unfortunately this did not come to pass!!She continued to do this and she also tampered with my Facebook account removing posts relevant to our relationship. As far as my emails were concerned; there were a lot of other mails I’d sent regarding my day to day finances etc so as you can imagine I wasn’t too happy about her doing this. This is highly illegal and it is a form of harassment as far as I’m concerned. Needless to say the lady I mentioned and I are no longer together.

written by Havingdoubts, 08 June, 2011

I’ve been in a great relationship with my girlfriend for almost 4 years now. We got engaged 3 months ago, and for all sake, I’m very happy.

I found out recently that she reads my text messages. Not that I mind it, I have nothing to hide. But when I confronted her with it, she lied to me about it.
And today, I caught her trying to close back a package (Some games I ordered online, I like the DVDs) so I wouldn’t notice she had opened it.

I don’t really know what to do. I wanna love her, but my trust in her is shattered, I’m not sure I can ever really love her as I did before without that trust.

Am I over reacting?

written by Just need some help., 19 June, 2011

(this isnt my story its my friends nd it tearing his life apart)
His girlfriend and him have been going out for 6 months. when they first stared dating it was really good, but lately she has been checking up on him whenever he isnt with her, she texts him every 5 minutes to see were he is and even gets her friend to call him to find out what he is doing. she has accused him of cheating on him, but i know for a fact he isnt. he hangs with his mates a lot and isnt prepared to leave them just for her. he still likes her but she is driving him crazy. What should i tell him?

written by Unknown, 05 August, 2011

My girlfriend went through me and my moms texts. I’m hurt when is enough-enough. My mom had hinted to some potential gf’s and I defended my gf and she was hurt after reading. Now I’m feeling lost??? Will this get worse or is she is insecure because she is not at all being honest with me as well.

written by Anonymous Coward, 26 September, 2011

Snooping is simply nonsense, i am in a relationship right now where she feels the need to snoop on me all the time, she says shes just curious, and its not to see if i’m cheating, its as bad as seeing if i am downloading any porn apps or been to any porn sites. i have never once cheated on her, never been even the slightest bit unfaithful to her, but if she sees that i looked at an application for my android phone called sexy keyboard she immediately starts screaming that i have been looking at someone other than her or that i’m looking at porn or cheating. then she looks through all of my papers specifically medical documents and legal filings, and i have nothing to hide, but come on medical documents?? that’s BS, she opens all of my emails and googles the internet for my possible user names that i might use on sites and then proceeds to attempt to break in to anything that looks like its mine, just so she can see what i’ve sent, she goes through my texts, and questions everything i might say about some one, and its gotten to the point that i don’t put anything on my phone computer or any thing else she might look at and question, its actually driven me to hide from her, because i want some kind of privacy, thing is i don’t wanna hide from her, at all, but i also want to be able to use the internet and email, and have some assurance that she wont question me on every site that i go to, or every single file that i download, its driven me to be sick and upset all the time and its made me loose sleep.

i don’t know what to do, but i told her that if it doesn’t change then i’m done and that it.

thanks

written by been_there, 29 September, 2011

I can say from experience that snooping on someones phone usually just creates more problems than you bargained for HOWEVER sometimes it’s hard not to do it especially when you feel that someone in your life is hiding stuff from you! I’ve been in a situation where someone i love deceived me and the only reason i found out about it was from snooping although I will say there were signs that something was "off" which is what started it in the first place. Also, it is hard not to think someone is hiding stuff from you when they are constantly deleting stuff off of there phone or computer. That usually just raises suspicion and causes the person to look even more in order to figure out what they are hiding. My advice? Don’t put yourself in a position to have to hide stuff, and if you truly love the person your with, you wouldn’t do or look at anything that would ever hurt them!

written by bambu buda, 21 October, 2011

SNOOPPPING is gAYY!!...
even if your doing something wrong (which im not).. you shouldnt go be sneaking in personal emails. that is why there is something called communication.. bring it up talk about it. dont look in peoples e-mails. friggin crazy girl in my case..

written by Unhackable, 03 November, 2011

Echoing what was previously mentioned, there are simple steps you can do to protect your privacy and going forward, see if anyone is still reading your email or text messages. For example, change your passwords AND change your security challenge questions. Also, make sure you dont stay logged in on a computer that you dont have total control over.

written by b00g, 04 November, 2011

What about snooping after catching your spouse cheating? As you try to rebuild the trust, it goes a long way to be able verify your spouse is no longer engaging in inappropriate conversations if you can monitor their texts/email/chats etc....

I never snooped before the infidelity, and I wish I did.

written by MissDana, 10 December, 2011

I have snooped through my partner’s cell and email before... smelled smoke, went looking for the fire, and yep, I found it.

Don’t lie to me, and I will never have a reason to snoop on you. Give me a reason to be suspicious and mistrustful, and expect me to go into detective mode. I’d be a fool not to.

written by Kole ndreka, 12 December, 2011

well my girlfriend of 2 years has a lot of boyfriends and i hate them she drinks a lot and she parties a lot w her friends and so on and stays late till morning we have a age difference like she’s 22 and i’m 36 but needless to say she was snooping on my phone when i was the 1 staying home all day and working cause i have my own business.

written by Belle0, 12 December, 2011

You must have given her some kind of reason not to trust you.

written by Leonardo Rodriguez, 13 December, 2011

No matter what there is no way you can justify snooping. I do understand that some of you might have gotten lucky and actually found something, regardless it doesn’t make it right. As partners you have to respect each others privacy. Your partner is not a thing, he or she is a human being and does not belong to you. No matter how tempting it might be snooping has more negative consequences than good ones. If your partner is being unfaithful to you sooner or later you will find out, and that is that. But sometimes you shouldn’t look for things, because you might just find them.
I’m a guy, and my girlfriend distrusted me soo much it was unacceptable, the worst thing is that she never found something, but kept thinking I was hiding something. This led me to believe that she must have been the one hiding things, regardless I never did what she did to me, because it doesn’t make it right. Good luck with your relationship!

written by Darius, 16 January, 2012

I can relate to this, as I’ve been through this with my girlfriend many, many times. It’s gotten better, but the problem is still there.

We’ve been together 3 years now and at the start of the relationship (the first year or so), she would snoop on my constantly; going through my texts, my work emails, googling me to try and dig up dirt, you name it. She even once sent me fake texts pretending to be some other woman to see if I’d bite. I didn’t. What’s more, in all this time we’ve been together, I’ve never ONCE cheated or (to my mind at least) given her a reason to think I am, she’s just incredibly suspicious and paranoid for no reason.

It’s a lot easier now, but she still does it. She uses any excuse to go on my phone so she can have a quick snoop. I’ve now taken to locking it.

Everyone saying "if you’re not hiding anything, then what is the problem?" is completely missing the point. This is a matter of PRINCIPLES. If I’m not dong anything untoward, and you trust me, then why do you need to go looking through my emails and text messages? What exactly are you looking for?

What’s more, it’s a never-ending cycle, and even if you don’t have anything to hide, a paranoid, jealous and insecure person will have already made up their mind that they are going to find a problem, and they will even if there is nothing to find. Trust me, I know this from personal experience.

Personally, I’ve got better things to do with my time than snoop on my gf’s private correspondence, but that’s just me. It makes no sense why anyone would waste their time doing this if they trusted their partner.

written by dame, 22 January, 2012

I agree on all of you that feel there is a reason to snoop around, god have given us this gift to feel things
When all of a sudden you see you partner is acting rare as for me his laptop was always without a lock and all of a sudden his laptop have a code on it that look to suspicious.
I found out last year that my BF has an account on a dating site and everyday he go online to check out who has visit his page or left him a note.
So I create a fake account and when on his page and yes there IT…IS….. He give me his yahoo email
To chat from there and in that chat he had nobody in his life did not even had sex ………….for months
As I was chatting with him I called his phone he did not answer his phone when we finish the chat and he was hoping to chat again that was after 60 min chat I called his phone again and he pickup and was pretending like he was sleeping.
After some days I confront him with it and he was saying he knew it was me all kind of lies came with it
So I dumped him

written by Snoop, 28 January, 2012

I have never snooped on anyone I have went out with but when I did wow I did – and that was because I was left in a relationship where things did not add up and when I tried to address them in conversation I was quashed – so I snooped and yep I found a secret mobile phone and so I snooped that and the more I snooped the more I found – so yep sometimes snooping is right – I have a right to decide who I am with too.

written by sad boyfriend, 28 January, 2012

my girlfriend is soooo nosy. i can’t even get a text without her ears perking up and her eyes shifting quicker than if a 16 car pile up were to occur. how do i fix this? she’s glancing over as I type this at least ever 15-20 seconds. she thinks i don’t notice but i know.. i’m nervous. what have i gotten myself into? am i stuck with this for the rest of my life? i just want some privacy but i fear i’ll never get it.

i want to be but i find myself to just be

written by ameliand, 30 January, 2012

my husband started keeping his cell phone with him all the time, even to the loo and sleeping with it, then he started passworking it, he started sleeping out and using work as an excuse, i felt something was wrong, he would get sms’s late at night and he would say it is from work, i then put a tracker on his phone without him knowing, and he was not where he said he is, a lot of times, then later on i could not take it any longer as he was not working for 6 years and he only started working last year, and he did not support me and the kids whilst working, i have been the breadwinner all along. I came accross his intimate text messages to teh other woman that he loves her etc etc.
he denied it at first then he said it was an emotional affair he did not sleep with her, then I gave him a chance but I kept then checking his phone and he deleted messages and calls, when I checked his itemized billing without him knowing, the calls and texts to her was still going on. I also came across his cybersex chat rooms, and also conversations on a chat room with an anonymous person stating how much he loves that other woman and how he wishes he had met her before him, in my mind i was trying to look for some kind of comfort and confirmation that he ended it but he keeps saying I have no right to snoop on his phone etc. please help me am I wrong for asking to check?

written by manfromcanada, 31 January, 2012

I had a girlfriend that was insecure and untrusting go through my work blackberry, emails and anything she could find. Even the name of a female colleague would drive her insane. Warning – don’t do it! You will only make things worse and destroy any trust on both sides. Have some self respect which means respecting others. If you have concerns talk, if that is not good enough leave but don’t stoop to invading privacy.

written by Girl advice, 07 February, 2012

Dear sad boyfriend.
Have you done something to make your GF not trust you, is there a reason why she is always watching you.
If not, make her feel special and better about things.
If you have then you need to fix that or there isn’t really an excuse why she does that, other then you kind of have dug your own hole.
She probably is wondering, "who’s more important, then the one, right in front of you."
Guys, you can do a lot more good, by just making them feel like the only one in the world.
hope this helps.

written by ggmm, 23 February, 2012

I’ve snooped on my bf because I found out some messages sent to this other woman while I was away – but he confessed nothing happened, just online flirt. Couldn’t explain why he did it. OK. I then get to see by accident these missed calls at night from this lady from another country. And I tell him. Again he says he is sorry, deletes her from his account. He went through my browser history and found I’ve been checking some guy’s photos.
We have so many frustrations... it is annoying in a way but we are also genuine people who confess about their insecurities and try to work things out. We’ve both been lied in the past and I guess it is still lingering. But with understanding and building trust I believe these problems can be overcome, in time of course; if you know you are really meant for one another then try to make things work. Be open about it, try not to give reasons to doubt: tell your significant other who was calling late at night, why you are staying late at work, and so on. And don’t lie about it! It makes things easier. I myself feel I’m over the snooping phase because I’ve realized that yes, we both have issues, yes we both are trying to work it out! No one is perfect!

written by JimmyP, 26 February, 2012

I recently found my fiancee snooping thru my emails. Not the first time, she used to log into my social network pages and read all my private messages too. we’ve been together 6 years now and I don’t even want to be near her now she makes me so angry. Sad thing is I have never cheated and never would, but why should I let my privacy be invaded constantly, I cant live like that when even your harmless conversations with friends cant remain private.

After reading comments I am starting to think that she is guilty herself, I can’t understand why else someone would do that. It’s sad we were supposed to get married, how can u marry someone who can’t trust you even after 6 years of being in a faithful relationship?

written by Former Snooper, 04 March, 2012

EVERYONE makes MISTAKES.
I trust my boyfriend in MANY areas. I trust him to go out clubbing with his guy friends and to not grind on anyone. I trust him to hang out with his other friends that are girls, including my best friend, in which I know she gets JEALOUS of our relationship. I trust him in all those areas.

So because of a one time stupid mistake, he can’t trust me? All the times I have trusted him don’t matter because of a little incident of invasion or privacy. For crying out loud I didn’t cheat on the guy, I didn’t tell anyone any of his secrets, I looked through his phone because I didn’t trust the OTHER people. Yes I know I did something wrong, I made a mistake, but worth or breaking up? COME ON.

If its a one time thing, in my opinion its forgivable. If she is a psycho to the point where she looks through all your emails, does it over and over again without any willingness to change or even recognize what she did was wrong, yeah break up with her.

Don’t act like you’ve never done anything wrong! In this world, people come from broken families, trust issues, I was verbally abused for years, you can’t expect me to trust someone 100% after only just dating someone. Come on, anyone who gives away their trust that easily is a fool. Trust is earned not gained. When your young, your bound to make mistakes, part of being in love is forgiveness.

If two people decide to get married that’s when I believe 100% trust should be given, if snooping was done in that situation, I think it would be a bigger problem. But divorce no. Dating no, as long as she wants to change and not do it again, then forgive her.

written by Snooped Before, 06 March, 2012

I don’t agree with snooping, but I also believe that there is reason why someone would spy. Punishing the person you love is not the answer. It will only make both of you miserable. Snooping is something that should be discussed and resolved. People have suspicions for a reason. Whether it’s something you’re doing or about their past, it should be an issue you work on together. I’ve learned that subtle actions or a minor hunch is enough to make someone poke around, so don’t dismiss the real problem.

written by cant stand ppl that hide things, 08 March, 2012

So I recently had a bf that would get texts and calls from several women I would say why don’t you just tell them u have a gf? Then one night we spoke and he did if he was ever dumb enough to cheat on me he would never tell me cause he didn’t want to lose me...I’m a flight attendant and when I would go away on trips he would never answer my calls would only text me, so I got suspicious and went through his phone.... and omg he was sexting with several hundred women this one in particular sent him a text and talked about how good it felt to sleep in his arms all night I asked him about it he lied again saying she was crazy that he did go and just slept on her couch??? Anyway I do think its wrong to snoop but for my own heath I didn’t want him bringing something home and giving it to me...I did it and I’m glad I did lord knows how long it would have went on if I hadn’t of but to this day he makes it out as though I did something wrong says I would have never found out if I hadn’t looked and that’s true but I’m glad I found out and as he said he would have never told me my point in posting this is if you have nothing to hide u wouldn’t be trying to hide.... if they are snooping there is a reason if they have no reason then u should prove that to them but 9 times out of 10 if u care that they are snooping you have something to hide and that’s no relationship anyone wants to be in

written by yogi888, 16 March, 2012

I am very sad today. I snooped and found stuff I can’t pretend I didn’t find. I feel terrible that I snooped and I am not sure what led me to.... I am sure I have trust issues from the past etc etc , but all that said, I am 6 weeks pregnant and I just found out my husband belongs to an escort service with a vip membership and while he is out of town, he orders girls for an hour here and there to come to his hotel room. his last contact was a few hours ago and his cell phone is off and he didn’t give me the info of his hotel number etc. because "why would you need my hotel number if you have my cell to call, i only turn it off when i am sleeping" I feel sick to my stomach and so so sad. I am an attractive model and we have a great sex life. I don’t think snooping is right, it feels so awful to actually snoop and be sneaky. At the same time, which is worse, not snooping and one day finding out your man has sex with prostitutes all the time when he is away from you... or to find out today. I know I would have preferred to snoop and find nothing, except for feeling like an awful person for snooping.. my heart is breaking and I don’t know what to do at this point.

written by Mananmana, 16 March, 2012

I think all you guys need to get a life and stop posting stupid comments on websites. No one wants to hear your sob stories. It just makes them feel worse

written by sAME pROBLEM, 21 March, 2012

There are millions of Chicks out there with confidence.. you don’t need someone controlling your friends and your life. Who does... Move on and find someone who BELIEVES IN YOU AND HER..

written by RUNRUNRUN, 10 April, 2012

My wife snoops on my text messages and it is AGGRAVATING. I have never given her a reason, no cheating, no emotional infidelity, no seeing people on the side, no female "friends." I have to say I am committed to my marriage. It makes me furious and it is damaging the relationship. It creates a wedge between us and I feel like she wouldn’t trust me even if I were a saint. She has issues and I am sick of it. It’s amazing how at one point I shrugged it off as not a big deal but now I see that it is damaging our relationship on many many levels.

Here’s why: when she reads a text from a family member (my immediate family), a text meant for me, she interprets it and before you know it the information is being used in an argument against me! What I say is it wasn’t meant for you, but then I have to go through hours of interrogation. It’s exhausting and it makes me want to quit. I can’t stand being on a leash especially when I have done nothing to make her feel vulnerable. As you can imagine this is just one of many control tactics used by my wife. So to anyone thinking of snooping, get ready, because it’s as if you are accusing the other person of wrongdoing and it is an ULTIMATE TURN OFF. And to the guys who are still dating someone like this, I would say run run as fast as you can. It wont get better. Marriage amplifies crazy x 10. You think you can deal with it because she is so pretty but wait until you have kids, are busting butt o make a living, being an honorable faithful man, and have this crap happen to you over and over again. I can tell you that you will wish you never did.

written by Afemalecheater, 28 May, 2012

I didn’t use to snoop. but then one day I inadvertently came across an email address I didn’t know when it automatically logged in. My (now ex) husband had been not only cheating on me with women (which I knew.. and which I retaliated by cheating on him), but now, he was chatting up blokes as well!!!!!
I got as much ammunition as I could against him. Unfortunately I never got the opportunity to use it.
I do check up on my (now)husband. I did it before we were married to make sure my trust was not being abused, now I tend to do it when Iam stressed or feeling a loss of control.
I try not to because most times... I either don’t like what I find (not cheating stuff with a person, but other stuff), and I think.. why do I ask questions I really don’t want to know the answer to.

written by Andy1234, 14 June, 2012

Hi, my ex told me when we first got together that she did not trust any guys as all her ex’s had cheated on her. We got on so well for a year with a few jealous arguments from her but all in all ok. This was until after Christmas that she told me she had looked in my phone and a conversation if had with a girl before we met had upset her, I was pretty pissed, I gave her no reason and you have to give Ppl privacy if you trust them. What made it worse was she said that she had told her friend and her friend agreed I’d done nothing wrong, she kept this from me all over xmas until a big argument this year. After that things went down hill fast. Without trust in the relationship the relationship is doomed,if you cannot trust the person your with do not snoop just get out and fund someone you do, not saying it’s easy but it just won’t work without the trust.

written by Luvwinter, 05 July, 2012

I say don’t snoop – be patient, (not stupid though)-- in time bad things will be shown to you. Let nature take its course... Your challenged is to see the signs and not turn a blind ‘s eye..

Trust in a higher being...

written by MickWasWrong, 16 August, 2012

So I just recently got caught snooping for my Gfs (of 6 months) phone. She caught me and now our relationship is over. She really didn’t give me any reason to snoop, I was just getting really close to her and I wanted to be sure that she is being faithful.

One of my issues here (and I realise that now) is from my previous experience with an ex gf. Who I had also snooped on but found out that she actually WAS cheating. This insecurity has carried onto my recent perfectly functioning relationship and ruined it. I now realise that snooping on someone is a BIG TURN OFF.

I have just sent my recent ex gf a text message telling her the truth and appologising and hoping that she can one day forgive me. I also told her that now that I realised my trust issues that I will NEVER do that again. I just hope that she forgives me.

The way I see it is if someone wants to cheat and be unfaithful, the truth WILL eventually come out on its own one day.

written by MickWasWrong, 16 August, 2012

And guess what guys, i just got a reply from her.

My initial message to her was:

"I need to tell you the truth. I’m sorry I looked for you phone. I know that I invaded your privacy and broke your trust with me by doing what I did. You were right abut me and I feel terrible for not trusting you. I know that you had nothing to hide and I know you’re not that type of person. I realized that I messed up with you and never to do that again to anyone. I’m sorry for lying and I hope that one day you can forgive me. "

Her reply was:

"Look I will forgive you but I just don’t like how you underestimate me and not trust me, I’ve never done anything for you not to trust me"

This indicates to me that she is happy that I came out with the truth and that she will probably be interesting in working things out.

written by Girls aren’t always the bad one, 02 September, 2012

The reason I snoop is not because I am guilty of n e thing because this is my first committed relationship.. To tell you the truth I was better off single then n a relationship.. My boyfriend hides stuff from me, he deletes all his messages, he deletes all his Internet sites, he deletes all his calls, I’m the type of girls that wants "it" all the time and I’m lucky if I get it once a month. I’ve caught him cheating soo many times we have 2 kids and have been together for 3years and if it wasn’t for my snooping and him giving me reasons to be snooping I wouldn’t of knows that he has been cheating on me for the last 3 year.. So tell me everytime I try to leave him.. he tells me no UR not I need you, I love you, then starts to get real aggressive with me.. He can’t live with out me he says,. Ha I’m so done with his lies, him being unfaithful, I can’t trust him so y stay..

written by skatardrummer, 26 September, 2012

It depends on the motivation for doing so. Has she complained that you’ve been hiding your feelings, lying, stealing, talking to other women? If so, she has lost trust in you. If you have in all honesty not given her a reason to mistrust, she is a controlling person and you have every reason to be angry. Communicate further, see if it can be worked out.

written by Marty E., 08 October, 2012

I think that there’s rarely, if ever, any reason to violate someone’s privacy.

I think that, if you do so, the relationship is already over.

I’m surprised at the amount of people who tolerate it.

written by Marty E., 08 October, 2012

I think that the minute you violate someone’s privacy, the relationship is over.

written by Kap, 25 October, 2012

My girl snoops like mad. I get home from work and she’s seething with anger. I’ll find out she found a porn link. Yeah, so what. I looked at some porn. It was before I even knew her and any guy that says they haven’t is lying. Then she finds pictures of other girls. Again, newsflash, I was single before her. of course I looked at other girls, flirted with other girls....the works. All that aside, I’m not a cheat. Now that I’m with her, I don’t flirt with other girls, i don’t go rub one out to some shit online, nothing. I’m all about her now. I have nothing to hide but she still regularly finds shit from before her and throws it in my face. I’ve about reached my tolerance limit. Her lack of trust is so completely off the charts that now I’m beginning to think that she is up to something herself. She is a total nympho. I’ve have never been in a relationship with this much sex. Never thought I’d say this but...almost too much sex. Sometimes, if I’m tired or if we fight, we might go a few days without sex. Makes me wonder if I should be checking on her. I just hate to do it. I’m not a snoop. Without trust you have nothing. At this point, I’ve already decided that I’ll eventually break things off. Just gonna try some really kinky shit in the sack first and maybe see if I can get her to do a little role playing. I know I sound like an asshole but...the sex is really the only good thing we have. I may as well enjoy myself for a while. Her lack of trust stuck a fork in us a long time ago.

written by Kap, 25 October, 2012

I think a lot of women want to be "the victim". They are unhappy with the relationship they are in but don’t have the balls to communicate their feelings or to just end the relationship. So they look for a way to make it the guys fault. They will snoop and find stupid little things to argue about in a repeated pattern until the guy is forced to dump them for his own sanity.

written by......., 05 November, 2012

I snoop and for good reason. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 1/2 years. We have broken up a few times but evidential we have found ourselves to be back together again. The first time i started snooping is when he continued to go outside to talk or he would not text or call anyone when i was around. A few times i would come home and he would hurry up and get off the phone, as if he was hiding something. Well i found out from snooping through his phone he was calling some girl on his lunch breaks and during his ride home from work. He would also text her during work like he used to text me all the time. I also found a letter to another girl stating that he wanted to treat her like a queen (that was when we broke up) but he continued to talk to her once we got back together, thus leading her on.

Just recently I had looked through his phone and saw a conversation of him telling this one girl that he "miss you so much and it hurt when i left you". He found out that I went through his phone because he tried contacting this girl and i guess she must have told him she texted him back and he never saw the reply. He told me they are just "friends". I then said if they are friends then let me meet them, his reply was that "He has no reason to see them". It seems like he is hiding things from me. He is constantly badgering me and giving me idle threats that if I do anything he doesn’t like then "we’re over".

Yet a few days later he will sit there calling me his Angel and that i’m the best thing to ever happen to me. He is always saying i’m the one with the issues.

I told him that my insecurity stems from what I have found while snooping and that i just need reassurance that everything is ok. He then blows me off and says He doesn’t want to talk about it right now, but when he talks I need to listen.

Yes, I love this man with every beat of my heart. I want only what is best for him. I know he is not happy with me, but I just do not receive the reassurance that I need.
I wish I could find someone that understands my insecurities and hugs me and tells me that they understand. like many people have said. "If they have nothing to hide they will not get mad, the reason why they get mad is because you have caught them doing something wrong"..

written by JuliaD, 05 December, 2012

I know when my husband is lying to me and checked when he started changing the page when I walked into the room. I found he had been on dating sites, chat sites, was having an affair for over 2 weeks with someone from work. He got very angry when he found that I had checked on him. I forgave him and we worked through all that but he still gets angry if I check his stuff- but I on;y do this if he is acting secretive and I always find something – what I want to find is nothing so that I don’t have to check anymore. I don’t mind if he checks my stuff as I have nothing to hide.
I’d rather someone left me than cheat behind my back as its so humiliating to read chat where both of them are discussing how bad you are – she was a stranger to me yet she knew all about personal stuff from him. And even her boyfriend knew stuff about me as she told him and he contacted me. It was a mess – maybe if I hadn’t snooped none of that would have happened and I’d have been unaware of his cheating you’d think – but no – because the reason we snoop is because we know something is wrong – we ask and they tell us lies. So we find out ourselves. The trust is gone when you lie not when the partner snoops.

written by No longer engaged, 30 December, 2012

After 10 years, she stilled snooped. And now we’re not engaged.

All you women who think it’s justified, or who say I must have given her a reason to not trust me – you all make me sick.

In a decade I never so much as kissed another woman. I distanced myself from all female friends at her request. I stopped hanging around my single male friends as they might want me as a wingman (her thoughts, not mine).

My life was miserable. She would snoop, take things way out of context, get offended, then claim that it fully justified her snooping. I couldn’t even make jokes or reply "LOL" if a friend sent me a funny txt just in case she would read into it somehow and find some reason to be pissed.

I spent years walking on eggshells. She would read my e-mails. One friend (a dude) suggested we go see a band in another city with some other friends. Like a guy’s weekend or something. She instantly started going off at me about how we just wanted to go away and hook up with s*ts because that’s what all guys do. Never mind that we’re all huge music fans and it was my favorite band in the world.

Thank God I got out of there. 10 years in Shawshank.

written by Sad in Waterford, 08 January, 2013

Snooping is wrong. My fiance’ has been going through my phone, my personal receipts, etc. I installed an event logger on my phone to troubleshoot some connection problems (Droid app is called TRUST).... apparently she checks my phone every morning when I get in the shower. She violated my trust. This weekend... we’ll be in a relationship, but not engaged. Sad. We’ll attempt to work through the trust issues.... but I’m not optimistic.

Couples should be building on a foundation of trust and respect...

written by Divorced, 03 March, 2013

My wife divorced me for searching for female (and male) friends on Facebook. These are people I’m already friends with on Facebook too. Interesting thing is I caught her, red-handed, cheating on me 3 times prior. Trust me when I say that people snoop because they are feeling guilty about themselves. My ex-wife just wanted a reason to break up with me and make it look like it was my fault. Ridiculous.

written by Angry but amused, 04 March, 2013

My girlfriend of 2 years constantly goes through my phone and email. Not that she doesn’t have her reasons. I have to my shame lied to her in the past about finances and other major things but never cheating. I could care less that she reads my emails, call log and text messages. I have come completely honest with her about everything in my life and what she finds just proves that I’m being honest. The thing that makes me angry is that if I so much as touch her phone she gets mad at me and says its none of my business. I know she talks to other guys (friends of hers) and I could care less until she starts deleting the messages and call logs so I can’t see what she said or when she talked to them. I’m kind of a jealous man and it makes me think she is cheating on me. Although I am almost certain that she has cheated on me a number of times I love her and I’m willing to forgive but not if she is going to keep doing it. Sorry for the rant I just needed to get this out somewhere.