My boyfriend is bragging to a friend about cheating

I have been with my boyfriend for 10 months now. We’ve had our ups-and-downs just like every relationship.

I know I shouldn’t have done this but I recently looked up conversations my boyfriend had on msn. And I came across a conversation with a guy from his work, Luke.

In the conversation Luke had asked my boyfriend "are you and Jess back together?"

From reading this, I was shocked! We have been together for 10 months!

Further on in the conversation, Luke asked how my boyfriend’s New Years was and he said "It was awesome! I hooked up with 3 chicks a big party!"

Again, I was shocked because spent New Year’s together with friends.

I read on, Luke and my boyfriend started taking about a girl named Vanessa from their work.

My boyfriend had told Luke that he was sick of playing hard to get with Vanessa and he’s just given up on her, he also says things like, "I kept asking her out to the city but she just made excuses not to go."

I don’t believe that that was true because, I’ve spend everyday with my boyfriend and he doesn’t have any credit on his phone to message or call her.

I don’t know what to do... Is he a bad friend, a bad boyfriend or both??

And I don’t know whether to ask him about it, just the fact I don’t know how to and the fact I’m on the wrong too, for reading the conversations...

Please help.


There are a couple of ways of looking at this situation. Perhaps your boyfriend is being honest with his friend, not necessarily honest about what has happened, but maybe he is telling the truth about his feelings—describing things he wants to do.

It is also possible that your boyfriend is just telling his friend what he wants to hear. Some people change their personalities to fit the person they are talking to—it’s called “high self-monitoring.” High-self monitors behave differently in order to gain other people’s approval, but their actions or conversations do not necessarily reflect their internal feelings. So, if your boyfriend is a high-self monitor he is probably just telling stories that his friend likes to hear. And with different friends, he’d tell different types of stories. You can find a self-monitoring test on the following website (see self-monitoring scale).

But, if your boyfriend is a low-self monitor, then he is most likely describing how he truly feels. If that is the case, you may want to talk to him about the issues that have come up, but it helps to do so in a way that does not create a defensive reaction (see talk about problems).

Hope this helps.

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