My girlfriend is snooping on me

I found out my girlfriend is logging on to me email accounts and is reading my private emails, also checking to see who calls on cell. I’m so angry I don’t event want to talk to her. What should I do?


Relationship are difficult.

Relationships require a balance between being close and connected while also respecting a partner’s privacy and sense of independence (see healthy relationships). Just because you are in a relationship, does not mean that you have given up all of your freedoms, including your privacy.

Moreover, all relationships are built on trust. Trust requires telling the truth and also being willing to hear what a partner has to say. Without trust, relationships will fall apart quickly.

In your case, your girlfriend has invaded your privacy—demonstrating a complete lack of trust. And through her actions, she has also destroyed your ability to trust her.

How to deal with this situation?

First, it helps to understand what may be motivating your girlfriend’s behavior. Your girlfriend is most likely snooping because she has suspicions and just wants to discover the truth. Her suspicions may be due to her attachment style (see attachment styles), or they may stem from a prior incident, or perhaps you are cheating and she is picking up subtle cues from you. In any case, her behavior is most likely driven by a desire to reduce her uncertainty.

Unfortunately, the way that she dealt with her suspicions should only be used as a last resort (see overcoming jealousy because of the damage that snooping inflicts on a relationship.

Second, if you want to try to work through this problem, at a minimum you’ll need to reestablish trust (see how to rebuild trust).

Finally, there are a few products that you can purchase that will protect your privacy and prevent ANYONE from monitoring your computer activity in the future (see personal antispy software).

 anxious attachment | emails | monitoring phone | snooping | trust issues

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