My wife is always snooping through my stuff

My wife is always snooping through my stuff. I am always wondering why I have never strayed and have always been faithful and I love her. I have been with her for 5 years and she has gone through my stuff for most of the relationship.

I’m worried she might be looking for a reason to leave me or is not being faithful and is looking for a reason to justify not being faithful.

I just want t know if it is normal.

Response:

There are three basic reasons why people snoop.

To begin with, people snoop when their expectations have been violated—they find something out by accident and it increases feelings of uncertainty. In such cases, individuals snoop in order to get to the bottom of things. This type of snooping, however, is usually limited to short periods of time.

Next, some individuals snoop because they project their own negative behaviors on to the person they are dating. Individuals, who cheat on their spouses, sometimes suspect that their spouse might be doing the same. Essentially, they use their own behavior as guide to understanding their spouse. If your wife has been snooping for five years, it is doubtful that this explanation applies. Most cheating starts after several years of marriage, not from the very start.

Finally, some people snoop due to their chronic insecurity. Some individuals, with an anxious style of attachment, are constantly worried that their partner might leave them (see attachment styles). These individuals are likely to snoop throughout the course of their relationship in an attempt to control their anxiety. Ironically, constant snooping only reinforces their anxious tendencies.

 anxious attachment | snooping

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