Want to be single and married

I spent 1 month away from my wife for work. It was the very first time we spent that much time away in 5 years of relationship. I have always looked at porn and my wife does not like that at all.

We have been struggling with our marriage, I work a lot, our sex life is not that great, sometimes I feel bored and wish to have a single man’s life so I could do whatever I want as far as work and life style, kind of selfish of me, but she’s is such a great woman and person that I know I wonever find someone like her again, so I stick with her.

During this month that I was away, I lied to my wife and kept looking at porn websites and went even further looking at prostitutes’ websites by curiosity, and I ended up texting with one of them.

Believe or not I was just fantasizing and didndo anything, but I did look at a lot of that all the time. My wife found out by looking at my kindle. She threw me out of the house and I think she’s gonna divorce me because she thinks there’s more to the story.

I love her so much but I just donknow if I should bother her asking for forgiveness or if I should just go on with my life and heal myself, I think I might have a problem with liking woman too much. I donthink my wife deserves what in doing to her. I’m afraid to chose for a single man’s life and leave her. Please help me!

Response:

Many people struggle with this issue. Love, sex and attachment are three separate things (see difference between love, sex and attachment). You love your wife and are attached to her. That is why you are afraid to leave her. At the same time, your sexual interests take you somewhere else. Only in an ideal world does love, sex, and attachment align with a single individual over the course of a lifetime. And even if all three align for you, there is no guarantee that your wife will feel the same way for you.

Our best advice is to tell the truth. Tell your wife that you have mixed feelings. That you love her and want her in your life, but you also have sexual desires for other women, which you haven’t acted on. Your wife is entitled to know what you are feeling. She is entitled to make decisions about what is in her best interest based on the truth.

While your wife might be angry with you. At least her anger is based on the facts. In the long run, this is the best way to solve this problem.

problems with pornography

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