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Saw a text message between my boyfriend and another woman

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year. We live together. When we met things happened very quickly. I’ve noticed that he was chatting with a girl and when I asked him, he said she was a very good friend of his and I believed him.

Couple of months later-I know it’s wrong but- I read his messages with her and it was clearly not a friendly discussion and some of that messages were sent even when we had started dating but they hadn’t talked ever since.

I was upset and I finally told him the reason and he continued to claim that they were just friends. I decided to drop this subject as our relationship was going great and I tried to forget about it.

Yesterday he wanted to show me something on his phone and accidentally I saw her name on his recent messages after so long. I couldn’t hold myself so I checked the message and I found out that he wrongly remembered that it was her birthday and he sent her his wishes telling her that he misses her and not to mad at him cause he means it.

What should I do?

Response:

You’re undoubtedly distressed that your boyfriend is in contact with another woman.

If your emotions are getting the best of you and interfering with your ability to trust your boyfriend, then you should probably talk to him about the issue.

The best way to raise the issue is to be truthful. Tell your boyfriend what happened and how you feel. Try to avoid confronting him with accusations and in a hostile tone. Simply describe what happened like you did in your question to us.

Also, explain how you’re feeling… sad, uncertain, fearful, confused… or whatever emotions you’re going through. Try to phrase your feelings in a way that creates empathy. Your goal should be to get your boyfriend to understand how you feel without attacking him.

If your boyfriend can empathize with your feelings, you should be able to have an honest and candid conversation about the issue. It’s only through such conversations that problems in a relationship can be resolved.

It may also help to read over our advice for rebuilding trust.

 snooping | text messages | trust issues

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