Past Comments – My ex-husband never apologized for cheating on me

Comments (80)

written by BozemanAngel, 25 October, 2007
My live-in boyfriend cheated on me for over a year by talking to a woman who met while playing World of Warcraft. He moved out a month before his coworker got married, and the day of the wedding, I found his website with a picture of a girl on it. Long story short, she was his new flame. For over a year, they talked, gamed, and IMed each at work. He sent me an instant message, apologizing and saying he missed me. Quite honestly, an apology will not change anything because it will seem sorry. Think about it, when someone cheats, they know what they’re doing is wrong. An apology is basically what you want to hear; it won’t make anything better, believe me. In fact, when he apologized, I thought, "sorry for what?" Sorry for deceiving me, sorry for having sex with her, yadda, yadda, yadda. Do what I did. Go to a therapist and talk it out.
written by theladytee, 16 December, 2007
I also feel hurt that this guy I dated for 3 years and had baby with never shows any remorse for deceiving me. He was cheating, lying, and selfish. He turned everything on me and now wants to act like he never did anything. He ignores my feelings and pain by denying he ever did anything wrong. After I helped him he has just so easily moved on with his double life and women. I hate to see him every time he picks up our newborn. I hate that I have a baby with him.
written by sweetme, 29 January, 2008
My ex-husband also cheated on me, while I thought we were very happy. We have four children and I found out he was cheating on me (with more than one woman) while I was pregnant with our forth child. He didn’t seem to care how much he was hurting me or the children. It was almost as if he was shopping for his next wife (one with a job, house, new car for him and anything else he would need), out of state away from the responsibility of his children. Now he’s getting married (I’m engaged too) and I hate that he’s happy. I honestly wish I felt differently, but I want him to pay. I’m not unhappy, I just really want him to be. *sigh* I need to move past this.
written by bluewitch, 14 November, 2008
My live-in ex-boyfriend for 4 years cheated on me by having sex with his new office mate. Just a month after I discovered it, it was too late already because his other girl was already pregnant. I confronted him and asked for his explanation.. but instead of apologizing, he told me to just break up with him so he can go on with his life. Few months after, I heard from his sister that he was threatened by the father of the girl who happened to be an ex-militar, to marry his daughter asap and if not, he will be shot. Out of fear, he went to me,asked for my forgiveness, and begged me to marry him instead. I know that he just wanted to escape from that situation but what can I do...marry him & be miserable for the rest of my life?! If I will just think of his situation and help him solve his problem by marrying him... then how about me? Did he think of me? I don’t think so!
To end the story, I didn’t marry him.. so he was forced married to that girl. Few months after, their beautiful baby was born but instead of being happy, he felt like he’s miserable. He was never happy... i know because he’s still coming back to me.
Now, I’ve already moved on.. I have my own family already and I am so happy with my husband.
written by phm, 26 November, 2008
My ex lied to be for whole year, about having an affair with girl who he works with – half his age. One day he came home and told me he didn’t love me anymore after 11 years together and son who is 8 years old. He blamed on me for our marriage, I found out about his affair when I started working in same office with him. He still denied about it. the girl who he has affair with was going through divorce at that time she has 3 little girls under school ages. He keep coming back to me and extend our divorce for a year put me on a hold while he is sleeping with her, finally we got divorced, and girl told people at work they started going out after everything was over and I found out he has been sleeping with her before he even walked out on me and now he is going out with her openly and still deny about affair. he is telling me never happened during our marriage which is big fat lies. Now they are flaunting on my face. he hurt me a lot and all he thinks about is her and him. not his son or 11 years with me. I want to move on and all i can think of is how he hurt me. I don’t know how to get over his deception and keep sleeping with me while he was sleeping with her. It is killing me inside. I am seeing therapist and still having hard time because I am keep hearing about them from co workers and i see him acting like he is very happy and didn’t do anything wrong. They both make me sick to my stomach. What do I do ?
written by Anony, 07 January, 2009
Two of my long term boyfriends had cheated on me. I was hurt, abused, lied to and ignored by both of them. They have only made me stronger and for that I thank them!! I still get my ups and downs but when I do get down I look in the mirror, take a deep breath and say to myself "They have hurt me, but they’ll never break me". Life is too short to worry on such ignorant people. Keep your heads up high and continue enjoying life.
written by wow, 20 January, 2009
I am not even divorced we actually started this whole process just now. My husband GAVE a car to some girl that was a complete lie to begin with (he said it was a 62 yr old women.. it was a 31 yr old). He works with her he brings her to my house he takes her to the kids activities and tells me he won’t then just does with no warning to me. He flaunts it in my face when I talk to the kids when they are with him all I can hear is her in the background. I just found out that he proposed to her on new years eve... and told my kids not to tell me! He isn’t even divorced! He told her he already filed but hadn’t so they went down together and did it. I just feel like the last 10 years that I have been his biggest supporter and this is what I get. I am angry that he chooses to teach our kids this... hello you are married! he kicked me out and that same weekend they were over her house meeting her the following spending the night at her house???? my kids didn’t have time to understand that mommy and daddy were no longer going to be together and now they have to accept a step mom? But I am the one to blame. My husband denied that he proposed but again why would 2 kids say daddy told us not to say and then say that??? I am just hurt and very angry.
written by SK, 29 January, 2009
My boyfriend of 5 years cheated on me (I found out later) several times. I moved away after uni to a new job and came with me, he met a girl on the Internet and as a guise to find a job chatted with her daily, I found out almost a year later. I left him, he went berserk, started threatening me, telling me he was sorry and that he loved me. I then find out he married that girl and moved abroad and now has the happy life, marriage, house, partner, etc, etc. I left him and chose not to be with him after, but I feel so hurt, after so many years – still. I’m baffled, I didn’t want him after what he did but yet have this feeling of loss. I’m single and haven’t had a serious relationship since him nearly 8 years ago and I can’t seem to let it go, I’m 31 now and want to move on more than anyone can understand but nothing seems to be going right or working. I don’t know what to do. I was fine up until last Sep when I found out he got married and now it feels like I’m back to square one. People keep telling me I need closure – that means talking to him again and the only way I can do that is via a popular social networking site. I’m not sure I want him back in my life, he’s clearly moved on and what good would any of that do me?? help.
written by CET, 30 January, 2009
SK, do not do not do NOT write to him!! You have let him continue to hurt you for way too long. Just like you said, you’ve gone back to square one, and if you talk to him you’ll go back to square one yet again. My ex and I talked occasionally, but each time we did the heartache started afresh. Now that we’ve stopped talking I feel much better, and even though many questions have gone unanswered, I’ve finally realized it’s better to let it go. You need to find that closure from within yourself. Let him go, exhale, laugh, be happy, and think about the good things in your life.
written by CET, 30 January, 2009
Oh PS, he cheated on me for over a year too and has never admitted any wrongdoing. It still hurts SO VERY MUCH from time to time, but I’m finally telling myself that it was his stupid choice to betray and desert a super awesome person. Now I just need to find a new super awesome person to love and respect me...
written by SMPZ, 09 February, 2009
CET (and all) Thank you for posting...
I am a widow, lost my husband 7 yrs ago. Dated twice since then, and the last guy I dated recently I thought he and I would end up being together... everything seemed okay – although we didn’t see each other as often as I liked and then I had found out he smoked pot every night – and that was an issue to me, since that was his reasoning for not seeing me. We had a "talk" and two months later his brothers girlfriend ended up letting the cat out of the bag – my boyfriend had been cheating on me for over a year with his ex-girlfriend. I was devastated... and still am cause I just found out right before Christmas, and he was supposed to meet my parents and rest of my family.

We had went on a trip to Hawaii the first part of the year, and during that time he was text messaging this person too – HE HAS NEVER apologized AND he broke up with me because I didn’t trust him! His reasoning of why we cannot be together is because I cannot trust him... wow.

This person totally threw me for a loop. My heart is really crushed and I like what you said CET: "but I’m finally telling myself that it was his stupid choice to betray and desert a super awesome person. Now I just need to find a new super awesome person to love and respect me..."

I am going to use what you said to help myself move on, Thank you!

written by How to get closure???, 06 March, 2009
I dated a guy for a year, he was MR PERFECT or so I thought, I knew he was married. I knew they were getting a divorce and I knew better! After a year I find out his wife is pregnant, due in October. She was jobless and needed his insurance and a divorce wouldn’t allow her coverage... so I waited... October rolled around and nothing. He dropped me like a bad habit The day before Christmas eve... I loved him with everything I had. and it wasn’t good enough... come to find out after speaking with his wife, there we no plans of divorce... I had been used. I felt so stupid, I knew it was wrong to date him until the "divorce" was final, but my heart wouldn’t let me say no. It’s been a year and 3 months since I last saw him, I am married and expecting (due in October) and I still haven’t healed from the lies... How do I get closure. He’s writing me an email asking about my business... ( I never responded). He stopped by my office to tell me he was sorry (when I promptly shut him down and called him every name in the book). And now I am felling obsessed with it. My husband doesn’t know I feel this way and he and I would both be devastated if it ever came out. I have no one to talk to... WHAT DO I DO????
written by Brokenhearted in TX, 12 March, 2009
I have been divorced a little over 3 years and it still feels like it was yesterday... I cry almost everyday and when something goes wrong in my life my blame my ex. he had already moved on b4 I even moved out and had a baby with her shortly thereafter..since then he is no longer with the woman but has had several since her and is now dating a surgeon doctor chic... she has plenty of money and he throws it in my face all the time... I would like to just use that for more ammunition to go back to school. but i just get sooo depressed in my feelings of being abused for 7 years the betrayal and all the heartbreak.. I’m just looking for the light.. I see so many people after a divorce bounce back and move on with new relationships... I have not had anything close to a serious relationship for over 3 years and I am getting very impatient... He just looks soo happy and financially stable... and I can barely keep my lights on... and he sits back and laugh he loves the idea that I cant seem to get it together financially without him... it really sucks... I’m sooo sick and tired of feeling this way and I truly believe this is why I cant find a new partner because it has been so hard for me to let go of my ex whom I was married to for 7 years and have 3 children 8yr and 3yr. help!
written by soconfused in CA, 31 March, 2009, 31 March, 2009
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years when he suddenly cheated on me. I’m not gona come off & say he was not a good person because he really is, I think he didn’t mean to hurt me. However, things have been rough with us not emotionally but financially as i assumed because he made it seem to me that his work really stressed him out. I sacrificed so much for him jus cuz he told me money was tight & we needed to cut back on some stuff, so basically we jus stayed home. One day he called me & told me we needed to talk. He took me out for coffee & he basically poured his heart out to me. He said that he really wanted us to be a better couple because he cared & loved me so much. He said he wanted us to know where each other was at emotionally all the time. I felt so appreciated & loved that he would express his feelings to me, I felt like a princess. Then that same week it was like a light switch, he called & told me he needed to tell me something. So I went to his house, then he told me that same weekend he met up with an old high school fling online & wanted to see where it would go. After that I became sooooo confused, one moment he was declaring his love & within a week he found someone online & threw away our 2 year relationship on the basis of seeing if it would work out with someone he hadn’t seen 13 years ago. When I tried asking what happened & why he became so cut-throat, heartless, mean & harsh, it was like i disgusted him. I still don’t understand why he would do this to me & the thing thats hurts most he hasn’t given me a sincere apology. Even though it has only been a week since the incident I’m still hoping he would call me. I love him sooo much & I just want him back because I am ready to forgive him but he won’t give me that chance to even forgive him. I need someone’s help , what should I do? Is he worth it?
written by Freedom, 08 July, 2009
It is the following line in the first message that has caught my attention.... "I am having a terrible time getting over the feeling of wanting him to pay for totally devastating me. " I was seeing a guy, not too serious when I got pregnant, I knew he did not want me to have the baby but I did. He pretty much ignored me for most of the pregnancy but I didn’t bother with him either and we live close to each other. Long story short I had lovely baby boy and he (the father) turned up at the hospital the day I gave birth. For the first 6 weeks he visited and we got on fine until we started back together again but he wasn’t being very open about the relationship. This went on for four years on and off until I ended up pregnant again and he refused to have anything to do with it, he offered to pay for an abortion but that was all the help he would give. I had lost my job a couple of moths before that and knew I could not do it on my own this time so had the abortion. Now he comes to my home to see our son and acts like I was wrong, he is best friends with my brother, he talks to my family like nothing happened and I hate him cause he got away with it because he knows I don’t want anyone to find out about the abortion. I have wished him ill and I still (6 months later) cry every night. BTW the day I told him I was pregnant he went out and slept with somebody else just to prove he would not stand by me.
written by BeenThereDoneThat x3, 31 July, 2009
I just got the word today from my ex husband that he is getting married tonight... All 3 of my ex’s will now be married. As for me, I don’t miss any of them. I spent enough time with their lying, cheating, impotent and narcissistic attitudes in this life! They deserve no more of me... My advice to all of you ladies is to search deep in yourself and find your inner strength. It is there, it may be in your faith in God, your love for your children, your love for your family or friends, just find it. Use that strength to get through every day and do whatever you have to do to make a life for YOURSELF! My favorite saying is that, "I have taken better care of myself than any man every has". I wish the best for all of you, God bless.
written by TheUglyTruth, 13 September, 2009
He probably didn’t like you. A lot of women seem to want to play the victim. It sad, but true that people will justify their sorry ways of life by finding a way to falsify victim hood. You probably gave him a reason. Quit your whining and accept the fact that this is not only his fault. Get a job and get out of the house.
written by Santa Fe Artist, 17 September, 2009
My ex-husband just texted me today that he got remarried about a month ago. Told me to "wish him good luck".

I have only one word for that cheating, lying a-hole....KARMA!!

written by Artistry, 01 November, 2009
TheUglyTruth, you sure you aren’t a cheater who’s feeling a little guilty? Guilty usually equals defensive in most cases. It is cowardly, really.
I don’t care what happens in a relationship. There is no excuse for cheating. Get some class.
written by Jstplainshckd, 24 November, 2009
I had been in a "second-time around" relationship. Dating him for one year broke up for two then started anew. We were older, stronger, more mature-or so I thought. We had been together three and a half years. He went away for two months for business out of state and got another woman he didnt even know pregnant. He said it wouldnt change nothing between us that our love was strong yeah right....he kept acting more strange and denied any contact with her. Then one day he called me up broke it off with me and I found that six months later that the reason why he cut it off with me so fast is that he moved out of state a month later to witness the delivery and now he is living with this woman and they are very much a family. He lied to his family and friends. I am in disbelief. We both planned to start a family together and my child-not his looked up to him. I feel so hurt and deceived. He was such a coward in how he went about it. He didnt even apologize only a sorry via a text. He doesnt even recognize what he has done/did to me. I found out by email and he wasnt man enough to face me.
written by skysthelimit, 08 January, 2010
We were married for less then a year when he started cheating, I didn’t find out until right after we split as he claimed"he didn’t want to be with me", which is true but the real truth is he was having a relationship with someone he works with. Its only been like 5 weeks since we split and I know he thinks he did nothing wrong, blames me for the breakdown of our entire relationship and marriage. Already I know he will never feel like he did anything wrong and will never apologize for what he did. i am trying to get closure myself because I will never get it from him. When someone cheats they have detached themselves from you to the point that you don;t matter anymore. You are nothing to them, I think the hardest thing for me is how I allowed myself to be manipulated for so long...I will take that’s a lesson learned for the future.
written by JusySaying, 18 February, 2010
Sure, I’m all for cheaters cheating – except, why hide it? Proclaim it to the mountain tops. If you’re not in the wrong, why not tell your parents, co-workers, um, your wife... break it off with your wife.. move on... If you’re doing nothing wrong, why are you hiding anything? "She’s a nagger" or "I don’t want to hurt her" doesn’t work in this case – she can’t nag if you’re honest, and you leave. And if you’re doing nothing wrong, when she is hurt, that is her problem, not yours. Except, you know you are doing something wrong, and can’t even chose the right thing (not doing it) you’ll do it anyway, then lie about it.... THAT is what can’t be respected on ANY level. Live your life honestly, and there won’t be any troubles.

(I’ve been a supportive wife, at the best part of my relationship after 9 years, and cheated on. While my husband was in an exceptional circumstance and I can forgive his choice, even the deceit is his on ability to have any remorse. He doesn’t do anything to make me suspect he would do it again.. he is nice to me (so much better than most of your guys on here, I am so sorry for you guys)... but, still, even my "decent" guy.. isn’t proclaiming his deeds about, nor is he apologetic, extra flowery or loving to me to make anything up. I COULD forgive him, and yet, he pulverized any trust and bonds we had, and has done nothing to rebuild the bridge (my analogy has been he dug and whole and finally stopped digging, but decided he couldn’t make the effort to fill in the hole, either... so its still clearly in the way of recovery)... We are good day to day and friendly.. but we have no emotional bond, and likely never will since so much time without forgiveness has passed.. only time has made it a memory, but not erased it.
written by Kelley Freeman, 16 April, 2010
Leave me alone. He probably has some issues. Just feel sorry for him and move on.
written by Angry in Alabama, 21 April, 2010
My husband and I have been married for 12 years. He is a compulsive cheater and makes it seem as if it’s my fault. He has never apologized for his acts. We have two beautiful girls who really and truly love their father, but he’s using the girls to stay around. I am really sick and tired of this now. What should I do?
written by Get Behind Me Satan, 22 May, 2010
Mine was a cheating liar as well. He was more than that. He was a sociopath alcoholic mess who caused me nothing but problems and non stop drama. After living with him for 5 years, I didnt realize how brain washed he had made me. When he first left me, I felt devastated. That was 4 months ago. Since then I have had time to think about all the lies he told me, how miserable I felt when he would mentally abuse me and I realize how lucky I am that HE LEFT ME. Think about it... HE left ME which means when he calls crying for me to take him back, I don’t have to allow it because HE LEFT ME. If I had kicked him out, I may have felt sorry for him and allowed him back into my life but HE LEFT ME so I am under NO OBLIGATION to help him in any way, shape or form. Now, I have peace of mind. No one to check up on, follow, or drive me insane with put downs, lies, cheating, etc. A word to all of you. First thing you want to do once the relationship is over.... get tested for HIV. Once you know you have your health, that should set your mind at ease and it will also be a closure to the relationship for you. Second thing is to sit in a quiet place and THANK GOD that the relationship is OVER and that GOD was looking out for you and has your best interests at heart by giving you PEACE in your life. Think about it: You weren’t happy following him/her around, not trusting anything they ever told you so breathe a sigh of RELEIF knowing that HE/SHE can NEVER CONTROL YOU LIKE THAT AGAIN and from this day forward, YOU ARE IN CONTROL. Also, for those who you whose cheaters are with other people, just know that once a cheater, always a cheater. He/she will do it to the one they were cheating with because he/she doesnt have the one single thing a person has to have to be in a faithful relationship... INTEGRITY. Finally, realize that you have the one single most important person in your life, the one person who knows YOU. The one single most important person that will be there for YOU every day of the rest of your life, that person you know and can TRUST. That person is YOU!
written by Clarity, 28 May, 2010

That was absolutely beautiful. Thank you.
written by aughhhhhh, 19 June, 2010
It’s been 2 years since my ex left me. During our 5 yr marriage, I started noticing a "friend" calling him all the time. It started right after out son was born. He told his parents that we just weren’t getting along. I told them the truth...that he had a "friend". They insisted on us going to therapy. He went along with it so he could say he tried. He never tried. Even the therapist asked him how he tried...his response was "I tried in my own way". Yeah right. He kept insisting that his "friend" was just that...just a "friend". I never found any Hard core proof that they were together, but enough of the little stuff led my heart to not believe him. He still filed for divorce, blaming me for it. He told everyone that we just couldn’t get along. We no we couldn’t get along b/c he wouldn’t get rid of the "friend". 2 yrs later they are still "friends". She tells everyone they are engaged. He denies it to me and tells me they are still just friends. I still do not believe him. Finally after 2 yrs, most days are good for me. I still have some very bad days, where thoughts of them together break my heart. I hate the thought of them playing happy little family together. After he finally left me he was soooo very mean to me. He was intentionally picking fights with me. The only thing I can understand is maybe he did it out of guilt. He had to find a way to reverse his sin and push the blame on me. He had to get the guilt off of his shoulders and justify his actions. He to this day has no guilt. He has successfully lied to himself, lied to his parents. He has NOT successfully lied to me or God. He will have to answer someday. On those bad days, I pray to God to ask Him to help me forgive. I really want to forgive. Not to let him off the hook, but so I have some peace in my own life. I hate having those days where thoughts of him and her consume me. Even after 2 yrs, they still creep up on me. Sometimes I even wake up in the night thinking about it. When will God finally help me get over it? What else can I do? I still love him too. Why??? Why can’t I seem to get over a man who obviously is a liar? His "friend" knows it too, so she will someday get what is coming to her. Right now she’s blinded by the human emotion of love, which to me is hogwash. It’s just an obsession. I learned a lot about Agape love. Once that feeling wears off and the thrill of stealing another woman’s husband wears off they will both get what is coming to them. I leave it to God to punish them. Heck, I know He will not bless their relationship, it was created in sin. But still....Why do I still have hopes of reconciliation? He cheated on me, left me, and then blamed me!!!! 2 freaking years and I pretend I don’t hold any more grudges,l but I still do. When is God going to allow me to forgive and move on without him?
written by what a mess..., 20 June, 2010
God does allow you to forgive, it is you that must do so. Our desires are not necessarily what God sees as part of the plan He has for our life...dont be so hard on yourself, and give yourself time to work through this also lost dreams, not just a ex.
written by shokd, 22 July, 2010
well, reading through all the posts just made me realize im not alone. last week my boyfriend of 3 years , as i discovered has been seeing another girl. i confronted him and he denied to his last breath, calling me stupid for believing rumors about him and that all my friends are liars. meanwhile, it was actually his closest friend who had felt sorry for me and decided to tell me so i could move on. i couldnt help feeling stupid and the anger was extreme. and to think that he has been proudly flaunting her to his friends, just makes me sick.up to today, i keep wondering why he couldnt just own up. sometimes i honestly just wish he would be bashed by a bus...not to kill him but just to make him suffer like he did to me....its sad i know..but i cant help it. i only pray to God to give me the strength to get past all this for good.
written by Listen to your gut feeling, 17 August, 2010
Reading these posts have been amazingly therapeutic...confirms to me that I’m not alone.
I was with my ex for 3 years. We lived together for 2 years. We barely had sex. He blamed it on propecia. Because I loved him I asked myself: was it worth throwing away a great relationship just cause we never had sex? So I stayed. I stayed because sometimes when you’re in love, you’ll believe anything and I didn’t want to face it. He was a real piece of work. Lived a double life and used his family to get me to stick around. His mom would periodically tell me over family dinners how her son wanted to marry me he was just waiting for the right moment. I told myself, how bad can a guy be if he had such a close relationship with his family. So I stayed for another year even though the nagging feelings never went away. Finally after 3 years I listened to my gut feeling and found out he had been cheating on me the whole time we were together. (propecia my ass) the thing that was even harder for me to grasp than the actual cheating was why he even bothered to date me and have me move in with him and meet his family when he was cheating on me for the whole time? I decided right then and there that if I were to keep any last bit of self respect I’d leave this incredibly unhealthy relationship. Of course not without confronting him first. Unsurprisingly he was very unapologetic cause why would he? He’s 38 year old millionaire who lives by the motto that having cash gave him the divine right to do anything he wanted without caring who he hurt in the process. I packed up my things and was ready to move out. He tried to stop me by offering to buy me a house if I’d stay with him until I was 30. Not cause he wanted to marry me but just cause 30 seemed like a better age to break up with me cause according to him, I’d be past my prime and he liked the idea of wasting my time. I lost any last shred of respect for him right there. He was disgusting to me and I couldn’t leave fast enough. To think I ever thought about sharing a life with him. How could I ever bring children into this world with a crazy father like that? He never apologized for all the lying and cheating and said that his money would never allow him to run out of women. How sad is that? I’m still trying to get over this crazy relationship.. There are good days and bad days.. But one thing I’m sure of is how relieved I feel being strong enough to admit that the relationship was unhealthy and getting out of it instead of trying to convince myself of it being something that it was not
written by Michael81a, 21 August, 2010
I had been in an unhealthy relationship with my ex-boyfriend of 2 years. We both used to live close in the same suburb and we shared many hobbies that we do together had a lot of fun too and he was my dream and cute too.

Sadly things start to go wrong when he stopped training in Tae Kwon Do and he was a Black Belt too but he kept assuring that he’ll return to training since we had been training together, but every time training class, he either messages me at the last minute that he was unavailable or just doesn’t turn up which hurts me a lot and my instructor and I had kept confronting him and he says he’ll return to training (And he also says he’ll visit me after work and we’ll hang out, but most of the time he just doesn’t show up or messages me that he was unavailable just before I go to bed crying).

At the end of the year at the Tae Kwon Do break-up he says he was coming and I was excited but he informed me that I have to find my own transport (And he promised me that he’ll take me) and my instructor took me instead and when I arrived I caught him red-handed making out with the check-out girl from his workplace and I felt gutted and like a zombie and took me months to process it and now he made his relationship with that whore official later.

After then, I cut all contact with him and avoided his workplace so he won’t rub it in my face, I then stopped training and my instructor was disappointed, resigned from work and left town and moved interstate to live with my family to get support and to begin my course in accounting.

And it gets even more like hell on earth, when I moved in to help look after Granny to forget my ex-boyfriend, my cousin had also moved in too and we had got along well for a while and he knew I had recently had a break-up and I liked guys and he made many promises that he’ll help me settle in my new home and help me to return to training and earn my black-belt. However, in a sudden late in the evening his girlfriend who looked like a hooker came over to stay for the weekend but she stayed for nearly a week and she had been rubbing it in my face and did nothing to help either myself or my cousin to look after Granny and she kept him too busy to look after her too and they don’t clean up after themselves.

After his girlfriend left, my cousin left too a few days afterward after he made another promise to help me to get my license, at the time my granny was in hospital for pneumonia pretending he was looking for a job to earn extra money. Then I had enough and me and my friend confronted him on his behaviour and now he won’t return and anymore if contact with my cousin and he’ll get the cops involved, so I don’t that treatment to continue so I cut contact with him and have no more involvement with him to and asked my family and friends not to contact him on my behalf.

After he was gone, I started cleaning up their mess they left behind and got Granny’s place ready for her to return home and granny was pleased that they’re not coming back anymore. Now my uncle has started harassing me and talking bad stuff about me to my granny and my family because he wants to get Granny in a nursing home and I’m just in his way (He wants the money from selling Granny’s house). He now accuses me of being a free-loader when I look after Granny, help keep the house clean and help pay the bills. I can’t wait to move again and get away from him for he’s making my stay unbearable as possible even though my Granny pleads me not move but that will only result in a physical violent fight against my uncle and I don’t want that and I hope I move out ASAP.
written by invisible, 03 September, 2010
"Obviously, my husband cheated on me. We have 2 children and we were always so close and very much in love. "

Not all men cheat! In my experience Women are the cheating, lieing deceitful ones. So it isn’t Obvious!
and if yu where very much in love it would not have happened. for true love it takes both not just the preconceptions of one.
Sorry to be blunt but the truth hurts.
written by grew up, 17 September, 2010
People who cheat are always trying to blame and justify their behavior and are "emotionally immature". It takes a mature person to want to apologize!
written by Intuition, 14 October, 2010
My ex Mikey meant the world to me, but lied and cheated on me for the 5 years we were together. He even had his 2 little girls lie about where he was, and who he was with. His 3 children were very close to me and would always give me hints about his infidelity, and I would bring it to his attention, but he was a good liar and I believed him like a dummy. A girl even came to my house (actually sat in her car all night) waiting for him to come out so that she could confront him. He actually told her that he was living in another part of Maryland with his father. There has been so many incidents and encounters with other women, but I was so blind because I was so in love. I made sure this man didn’t want for anything. I treated him like a king, and all he did was dog me the whole "so-called" relationship. I put him out of my house 3 times, but kept giving him chances. The last time I put him out was when I found out he was sleeping with a parent of 2 of the children that he watched over at his job at Boys & Girls Club. I actually saw his truck parked in front of her door. After, that we still dealt with each other but it wasn’t the same because I didn’t trust him at all. My kids loved him so much, so I was trying to give him a chance to make things right, especially because he told me that he was going to marry me. The last straw when his youngest daughter, who I was babysitting at the time, told me that her father has a new house and a new girlfriend, and they sleep in the same bed. That was it! It was done! It was over! He made a complete fool out of me again, after I let my guard down for the umpteenth time. I confronted him, and guess what, he had nothing to say. He refused my phone calls and gave me no reason or explanation for what he did to me. Do you know 6 weeks later after this last time, I looked on Facebook, just to find pictures of him and his wife!!!!!???? So he was with this woman Lakia all along, while acting like he wanted to make things work with me. He still doesn’t know that I know, because he is not on Facebook, and the pictures were place on it by a person who is a friend of my friend, who attended the wedding. I wanted to plot revenge, but I gave it to God. God’s vengeance is coming, and he will suffer more than I could ever make him suffer. I’m going to be fine, I just feel sorry for his new wife because she will never have him all too herself. He is a compulsive liar, and a serial cheater. She will find out, and when she does, it won’t be pretty.
written by cactus, 31 October, 2010
It’s so sad to hear all these stories but at least we all know we’re not alone!
My ex, who’s 12 years older than me, cheated on me for 6 weeks this summer whilst I was away. We had been together less than a year, so I know in a way it’s not that big a deal, we didn’t have kids together or anything. But I really did want to spend the rest of my life with him. And because he is older he’d always talk about our future together. He’d act like he really wanted to settle down. Sometimes he’d worry that I was too young, that I’d want to have fun in my twenties and he didn’t want to wait around for me if it wasn’t going to work out because he wanted a family before he got too old. Turn’s out, I may be young but I’m more mature! I was ready to settle down, whereas he couldn’t keep it in his pants for a couple of months.
Of course, it may also be a case of ‘he’s just not that into you’...maybe if he’d loved me enough he would have waited. but i don’t know if he is capable of being faithful. he’s cheated before on his ex and I’m sure he’ll do it again. i think he was really happy with me, he told me he’d never felt that way before and that he felt more at home than he ever had done with anyone else etc. I guess he just needs a woman by his side 24/7 and he’s not too fussy. we’d always agreed that cheating was a horrible thing and made an agreement that we would be honest if there was someone else. He knew that was important to me. Instead he spent 6 weeks lying to me – telling me he loved me, telling me he couldn’t wait to see now I think back on all those times and feel sick knowing that he would then go and take another girl into our bed and just be having fun. he did apologize for what he did, and he’s knows he’s a messed up person, but it really saddens me that he hurts people like this and doesn’t want to change. It makes me feel like it’s not a big deal to him – I’d prefer if he’d reacted by saying – I really don’t want to be a cheat so I’m going to go into therapy or I’m going to promise you I’ll never do it again. instead he just said he would probably do it again and I’d never trust him. So he just abandoned me and since then hasn’t once rang me or anything to check I’m ok – suddenly I just have to cope with all the mess and he’ll just go on with life. I tend to think that he’s the only one who can make me feel better so i keep calling but in fact he’s the one person who won’t, who’ll only make me feel worse, because he doesn’t care.
someone else said above: "But one thing I’m sure of is how relieved I feel being strong enough to admit that the relationship was unhealthy and getting out of it instead of trying to convince myself of it being something that it was not"
I think that is a really hard thing – you want to be able to value the time you had with that person and not to have to think that it wasn’t really real. It saddens me that he can’t even give me the respect I deserve now and the respect our relationship deserves.
But he’s not worth my time! Unfortunately I spend way too much time stressing about it. But I know it will pass and after the storm comes a calm. It makes me sad to think that people like him exist in the world.
written by GodHelpMe, 02 November, 2010
Out of the blue about a year ago, my husband of seven years wanted an open marriage, to be single yet married. He said he wanted to try and make it work, so the topic was forgotten and resurfaced six months ago. He claimed he was being honest and even asked me if his honesty was worth it? I came to find out he has found other girls online already, and has been out with at least one of them at the time I found out.

we were the couple everyone envied, so much in love, I still feel like I’m living in a nightmare and that someday I will wake up from this bad dream. I think I am more angry at myself for being with him, it is so hard to accept that the person you loved unconditionally, and thought they felt the same, is a manipulative narccissist. I think of the good days and the things he has done for me or said to me and feel so confused, how can this be the same person? we still live together as a family, he hasnt truly apologized, nor does he want to stop what he is doing (whatever that is) but wants to pretend like nothing ever happened.

why do I allow him to stay? for our four year old son, he is a good father, I dont want him to grow in a broken home, my husband knows that he may mess with me, but the environment he helps provide for our son better be positive or I’l kick out so fast he wont know what hit him (he is financially dependent on me at this point and has been for a while). The family enviornment is very important for me to provide our son. Also it helps to have someone help out with housework and babysitting. I can never trust him again, nor do I care to fix the relationship. I was always so open and honest with him, always so supportive, but he took advantage of my love and caring personality. I know that not all men are bad or cheaters, but I’m not sure that i would want to take the risk again, specailly not while I have a small child to care for.

so everyone deals with their situation and pain differently, I keep myself very busy so I dont think about it as aften (although it still comes up aboviusly) and push myself into improving my life instead of worry about him and what he is doing, I beleive that is what is best for me and our son. I pray for Jesus to help everytime I feel down and take it day by day.....
written by gheekay, 10 November, 2010
Hi, my name is Sam, I found this site called saveabreakup and after I followed the instructions on it, it helped me get my ex back, and we love each other now and forever
written by GodHelpMe, 15 November, 2010
Sam, what do you get out talking about that website? If one spouse doesn’t want to make it work, its not going to work, and even if you can trick him/her to do so, why would you want to? Can you really be happy knowing that its not real? This topic is a case by case bases of course, but why would anyone want to make things work or be in love with a selfish narcissist? once you know your spouse can betray you for his selfish pleasers. We aren’t talking about a one time mistake and he is apologetic, we are talking, he lied, he cheated, and he is not sorry, so what are you really selling?
written by ML2414, 10 February, 2011
I’ve been married 6 years, with my husband for 9. He’s had numerous emotional affairs (and possibly more) over the last couple of years. He even kicked me out when I was 6 months pregnant after being laid off and brought in his co-worker/"platonic female friend" to spend the night within 2 days of kicking me out. She got into bed with my step-daughter and went to sleep one night. Although my husband denied it, my step-daughter insists she caught them in bed together one morning when she woke up before them. I was scared and pregnant and accepted his lies because I just couldn’t handle the obvious truth.

I took him back. The baby was born, and there have been at least 2 new women in the last year. Of course he tells everyone it’s all in my head that I just don’t want him to have female friends because I’m selfish and controlling. His stupid mom actually believes that. He actually convinced me to go back to work right after my baby was born so he could quit his job he didn’t like and stay home with the baby...only I later found out while I was busting my butt at work to pay the bills so he could "be happy", he was dropping the baby off with his mom and heading over to an old girlfriend’s house to hang out with her and take photos of her alone. He’d then rush back home before I got off work, lie and say he’d been home all day with the baby.

We’re going through a divorce now and he tells everyone this is all a huge shocker to him, he didn’t do anything wrong, and the only thing he can figure is that I must have someone on the side. ME! In addition to that insult is the extensive porn collection he’s been hiding for 9 years, naked photos he secretly took and stashed in our bedroom of some model at a conversion, secretly draining all our savings, and the crowning glory was knocking the crap out of me on the night I last "had the nerve" to confront him about his constant infidelity. Still, he maintains none of this really happened and he’s just a wonderful Christian man trying to save a marriage his wife is throwing away for no reason. WHATEVER. My husband will pay for this for the rest of his life because no one will ever love and support him and give him as many chances as I did.

I’m devastated that this man I’ve loved so deeply and faithfully as treated me like dog crap,and above that is telling everyone our divorce is all my fault and he’ll be just fine without me. I’m not ashamed I loved him so much and I don’t care if he’s smart enough to ever realize the horrible pain his selfish actions have cause me, his child, and our child together. The very nature of his self-serving acts tells me he will NEVER grasp the trauma he’s caused. I can’t change that and I won’t dwell on it--but I sure as hell won’t stick around for it anymore. I have no choice but to pick up the pieces and move on the best I can for the kids and try to set a good example to off-set his horrible moral example. So should all of you.
written by myxisaloser, 19 February, 2011
I was with a man, or should I say child for 9 years, engaged the past 4 years. He broke up with me on the day my mom passed away with no remorse. He didn’t even send a sympathy card to my family who were all very good to him. I found out that he was cheating which he still denies to this day, and he told his friends that I was crazy because I went and took out all of my belongings and anything I ever bought for him which was tons of everything. I felt why should some other women benefit from what I gave him. He lived about an hour and a half away from me and blamed the demise of our relationship on our not being together enough. However, he hardly went out of his way to come and see me. I would always be the one to pay someone to stay with my dad, use my car wherever we went anywhere, I would pay 100’s of dollars of food every other weekend, buy most of his clothes and whenever he saw something he made me feel sorry for him that he couldn’t afford it, so like a spoiled 50 year old child that he is, I gave in and bought it for him. His son doesn’t even want anything to do with him. Now I found out that he has moved in with the other woman he was cheating on me with. I’m sure he doesn’t love her, but because he does not even make enough money to pay rent, he now has a roof over his head and doesn’t have to pay.. I understand from his friend that while his girl was out at work, he was sneaking around and found a diary of which he read only telling her that her pocketbook fell on the floor that’s how he saw this diary. I feel so sorry for his girlfriend because he is I’m sure using her and I know is lying to her too. But I feel more sorry for him because he will never know what it feels like to be truly in love. He’ll never know the pain he caused me and his former lovers. The only people that he is capable of loving and is obsesses with is himself, Paul McCartney and The Beatles and Brian Wilson and The Beach Boys. I certainly hope that when no one is around to take care of him when he is old and lonely that he can give both Paul and Brian a call and I’m sure they will run over to take care of him. LMAO What a loser is he!!!
written by Alissa28, 16 March, 2011
I was in a terrible 4 year relationship. I was physically abused, as well as emotionally. I kept coming back to him because I just knew I could fix him. He would swear to me while crying his eyes out that he would change and never hurt me again. I truley believed him. I would be lying if I said there were no good times, because there were. But the bad far overshadowed the good. I was in no way perfect, I had gained 70 pounds so I was very jealous and self conscious. BUT i can honestly say that all of those insecurities I kept inside. And when I did try to express them to him, he told me to grow up and he would go do whatever he wanted.

Last year, He started closing at work. And with that, started coming home at 6 am when he got off at midnight. This continued, and he constantly told me there was nothing to worry about. I finally left him because I had met someone else and gave him one more chance to fix things. He chose to not come home to me again.
I moved in with some friends, and a few days later, my grand mother was shot and killed, she was my whole life. She raised me, she took me and my ex in when we had nowhere else to go. She was wonderful. When I called him to tell him the news, He told me to leave him alone, he was having a bad night at work. So I had my (now soon to be fiance) friend come be my support.

He started telling everyone that I had been cheating on him for months, and also took time off of work to "help my family heal from the loss of my grandma" when in reality, he didnt even call to ask us how we were doing.
I lost all my friends because they chose his side. I found out a few months later that he had been sleeping with about 4 underage girls the entire year before I left him. And, had also cheated on me the day i had taken him back the first time I left him.

I guess what I struggle with the most is the fact that he used my grandmothers death to get time off work, and also came home to me every night after he had slept with some 17 year old. I am only 24, so its not like he needed to go looking for someone younger.

I have since met the man of my dreams, I am marrying him in 6 weeks. But I still have all this pain and anger I am keeping inside. And I do not want to think about it anymore. I need help. I have thought so many times about sending him a letter, because he still does not know that I know about everything he did. He still thinks I am in the dark, because I never confronted it.I now know that I was never in love with him, but I just wanted to help him.

If anyone took the time to read this, I need some advise. Please help, I do not want to go into this marriage with such bad baggage.
written by love.happiness.honesty&peace, 28 March, 2011
so after reading all these comments I didnt feel alone..i was in a 3yr serious relationship (or so i thought) it was a really horrible relationship it got physical he was emotionally abusing me as well mentally he was such a good liar to cut the story short I found out he was talking to other girls while we lived together and while I was pregnant with our 2nd child that day my water bag broke he hit me b.c he didnt want to take me to the hospital the cops got there took him to jail I left to the hospital had my baby boy the day after the incident 2days later he came out from jail and found out 9days after he came out from jail he went to a motel with a dirty whore like really? 9days after you just having a newborn 2and a half months later he got a new girlfriend after fcking all those girls..his been with her since then its been 2yrs now he acts like nothing like if his an angel..he doesnt see our boys at all his out there living life with his hurt so bad in the beginning I started seeing a therapist who helped me so much bcuz I found so much strength within myself I found my inner self that im such a strong person who deserves a person who will value me and love me the same as I do for him..i dont hate the father of my kids b.c hating him doesnt do anything but hurt me I wish him well may god bless him b.c a person like him deserves nothing from me..i have my ups and down but I get through them without being w/some one who only cares about himself im happy with my glad I open my eyes and saw the light of peace..a peace I found within myself
written by love.happiness.honesty&peace, 28 March, 2011
@alyssa I would say comfort him peacefully but at the same time what good does it do if all he did was hurt you someone like him deserves nothing else from you he had enough of you dnt allow him to still haunt your spirit
written by SunshineBFine, 05 April, 2011
I was a real jerk – I have to admit. My ex husband cheated on me when we were engaged (6 months before the wedding) and supposedly got her pregnant! Lucy sent him a postcard stating that she was pregnant. He was acting out-of-sorts and feeling sick.... because he had to tell me. We went to counseling because he was helping me raise my niece so I felt that we had a family unit in place. He told me and he begged me to forgive him – that he loved me – that she threatened to commit suicide if he didn’t sleep with her one last time. I knew about her tendencies from him and felt bad for her. I told him I didn’t want them communicating that it wasn’t fair to her and me, and that this situation may be too much for him to handle. But I guess he said he was fine because he didn’t want her to commit suicide! She said that she was on birth control – so he went for it! Anyway – he wouldn’t let me out of his sight – he told her that he didn’t want the baby and for her to never communicate with him again. We went to counseling and got married. After 9/11 he started acting strange and I found out he had a "friend".... he said she was a counselor so he got to continue speaking to her!!! Anyway..... he never apologized – kept coming back and forth having relations with me – and then telling me that I was delusional and that it wasn’t him I was with. The list goes on.... anyway... we are divorced (his choice but it should have been mine) and now he got his girlfriend pregnant and had to get married. Her and her family think that he is the greatest and life is good. We have 3 kids so I have to deal with him and it makes me sick. I would feel a little better if he had apologized for cheating and for emotionally abusing me (I aso allowed him to emotionally abuse me so I need to fix that). I don’t think that he will cheat on her because he must really love her – he told our 17 year old son that he cheated a lot when he was younger and didn’t want to do that any more. He couldn’t come to that realization with m? I feel very angry but happy that I don’t have someone sleeping in my bed and lying and cheating and making me feel bad.
written by Moving on..., 10 April, 2011
I was instantly attracted to the man who is now my ex husband. He was attractive and charming, and I fell instantly in love with him. He had just left his first wife. After spending a short period of time with him, I found out that he had cheated on her, not once or twice but on three different occasions. He blamed it on her inability to give him what he needed in the relationship. While it was a red flag, I was convinced that he would be different with me, that somehow I could change him. We went on to get married and have two children. During the entire duration of our relationship, there were always "indiscrepancies"; little twists of the truth, business cards with women’s names on them, hiding his phone, a secret bank account and post office box, just to name a few. By this time we had children, a home, a business and I stayed in the marriage, despite confirming on two separate occasions that he was being unfaithful (I actually confronted one of the women). He begged me not to file for divorce, but I could never get past the fact that he had cheated. We stayed together for another year, but I later found out that he was cheating with yet another woman (while he was begging me to stay). I left him almost five years ago. He is getting married to this woman this week after living with her for 4 1/2 years. It has been a painful process, but I knew who he was going into it and turned my head. Spots are spots..cheaters never change. Trust me.
written by tanngull, 14 May, 2011
So sad isn’t it

My ex husband cheated on me for all 16 years of our relationship as I ended up finding out. Some of these women were picked up from a 7-11 store and yet another was a young 18 years of age.

I always knew my ex was flirty and defended his behavior as only that. People tried to warn me, yet I continually came to his defense. He even tried to build a basement suite in our home for one of these women to rent. This woman later died but just prior she aborted a baby that was likely his.

We... or should I just say I.. am the parent to four children, one presents with Autism. He will have nothing to do with his father. He was thrown in the middle of this, my ex’s girlfriends called my house endlessly to the point of getting the RCMP involved. Even better was the naked pictures he sent these girls of me in a bathtub (which he took on his own accord) telling them how fat I was etc. These girls in turn sent them back to me if you can believe it... but even better he sent them to my parents... what a flake.

It finally came out via one of his friends, she had a really hard time telling me the details but figured I needed to know. He said he did none of this and again I believed him but now with some doubt. A few more people added to the mix but still I was not convinced of his guilt. One day we were driving to Victoria and I said you have always been my best friend, he said I wasn’t a lifelong friend. Perhaps this was the ultimate betrayal to me because I remember looking at him and announcing we are done. It was almost immediately after this that several online girls announced their affairs with my ex- husband. Turns out he was playing several against each other at once... slime. These girls accused me of being the mistress... that was the 18 year old. Apparently I took her man away???

If you are trying to figure out what he has to offer I don’t know. He drives a BMW now with the top down thinking he is all that... yet doesn’t pay child support. His new GF is bigger than I ever was, she has an eighteen year old daughter herself. Better yet, my ex lives with her and her ex... JERRY SPRINGER wouldn’t take this on. He carries with him a replica of a Santa Clause tummy... or the Pillsbury dough boy.

I hope none of you ever encounter him... I am just so thankful that I don’t carry any diseases that he could have brought home. I went to school to be an electrician and I am on my way, never to be held up emotionally by anyone ever again.
written by jos, 05 June, 2011
I was in a 7yrs relationship with my ex he has cheated on me and also abused me and I was so in love with him I kept giving him chances and thought he would change and we be a happy family but one day he hit me so I called the cops on him and he was arrested and I had gotten an order of protection on him also and I found out he was talking to like five different girls while living with me and one of the girls he cheated on me with a couple of years ago and come to find out she came back into his life I spend most of my days crying because the pain he cause me and never said sorry but now I know that he will never change and she not the only one he talking to I’m just glad I left him and I’m going to move on and stop feeling sad he fuck up not me I did everything I could while he did nothing but cheat and put his hands on me what goes around comes around
written by dchang, 26 June, 2011
I am now divorced less than a week from my lying cheating husband of 16 years. He even had the nerve to bring the girl he was cheating on me with to the divorce hearing. what an ahole. The reason he gave me for cheating was he is at that time of his life and he now wants to have a family and told me I am to old, fat and ugly. we had 16 years together to have a family he did not want one. On his my space he even says "I never want children". I respected his wishes and look what I got for it. All I can hope for is once a cheater always a cheater. and the same goes for the home wrecker he is cheating with. I am now working on getting my life back, it is hard but I know with God by my side anything is possible.
written by Sleepless-in-Dallas, 16 July, 2011
My ex became a CEO and started changing. He was always a narcissistic type of man, but between his aging sick parents, the CEO title, mid-life crisis and empty nest, well you-guessed-it. He found a plus-sized married gold-digger half his age (he’s nearly 60)at the office. This underling dominates him like no other and our 32-year-formerly-solid marriage came crashing down (along with her one-year marriage). I divorced him and left to move far far away. Still, two-and-a-half years after discovering their dirty affair, all lifes’ memories (both good and bad) keep playing in my head. The ways in which he hurt me are too numerous to mention here, but he turned into someone I never saw before--a horrible nasty small man with hurtful ways and a lying miserable personality. And this was my formerly honorable husband who I felt only pride and love in our long and happy relationship. The dirty duo are still together after two and a half years. Alas! He is constantly miserable. His company turns a blind eye although the mistress has received numerous and undeserved promotions and flies off on business trips with him. I could go on and on. Our college-aged daughters detest the situation and will not tolerate her. I feel if and when the affair finally combustes, he will find his way back to his girls as he has no time for them now.t. At my time in life, I am through with relationships. I could never ever trust a man again nor do I feel the need to do so. My goal: take one day at a time and move on although I continue to wear my heart on my sleeve. My motto: what goes around comes around.
written by hockeymom, 17 August, 2011
My ex left me after being married for almost 20 years (together for 27)for another woman. I am now seeing a wonderful guy but can’t seem to totally let go of the hurt and anger over everything that was lost when he left. Will I ever be free and be able to move on? It’s been almost 2 1/2 years and I really miss my old life. How do you let yourself trust and love again when everything you are promised and told in a new relationship is something you heard before but was all temporary or a lie? I often feel as if I wasn’t good enough and may never be or that I’m not worthy of a stable "forever" relationship. I’ve done the course of antidepressants and counseling but still can’t seem to break free.
written by NotHisLover, 18 August, 2011
My boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me when I was 36 weeks pregnant with his child. He is 55 years old. He is a lawyer who practices family law. He left me for a girl who just got released from jail after a year of being there. She is fat and ugly and she uses needles to inject meth. Now he does too. It seems to be something that they have in common. He has crashed his car, moved out of his home, and seems to be spiraling down ever since he has met her. By the way, he met her two days before the two of them decided to get together and do away with me. She is pregnant too, just not with his child. And she passed Chlamydia to him, in return, he passed to me, and his unborn. I am still fighting it (the STD) and trying to get rid of it before my son is born so that I can have a natural childbirth rather than a caesarian section (a major surgery) in just a couple of weeks when my son is born. He has not helped with anything and has become abusive since the pregnancy. It takes two to get pregnant and two to cheat. I am so upset, I have moved in with my mother so that i didnt have to live alone right now and so I would have some support after I have the baby. I hate him now, and I hate her too. But I still feel hurt for what he has done. And I feel angry at her too for watching it and being a part of this unfortunate problem in MY life. I wonder if she thinks that he will treat her differently for some reason? I wish her nothing but the worst and I hope that they make each other miserable for the rest of their lives.
written by terry2k, 06 September, 2011
I never been a cheater to a person nor any one cheated on me, but it seems that you should forget him and move on. If he ever, and mean ever apologizes, then forgive him. Even if not, forgive him anyway for he is now in the judgement of the Lord. I wish I can truly know how you feel. The closest I ever came was a friend whom I caught snitching on me, and then turned it around and blamed everything on me. Today he still has yet to show any signs of maturity or humility. Sadly, your husband and some people will never grow up.
written by Confused Love, 18 September, 2011
Spent the better part of an hour reading the comments above...They say misery loves company but in this case its just comforting to know I am not alone.

Well my relationship is only four months old even though I knew my boyfriend for almost five years. We met up a few months ago and decided to start a relationship- a long distance one. I was happy that he finally seem mature and ready to settle and start a family. We went to the Caribbean for a week two months ago. While there I notice someone calling and texting but he wouldnt answer. I’m not usually snoopy but him avoiding the phone cause me to be suspicious. I checked the phone and saw it was a woman.I confronted him n we fought about it. He denied everything and insist she’s just a friend. I didnt believe but told him I will trust him to sort it out.

Anyways, he went back to is home country and things were great for a while, we talk all the time. lately he seem to always find a reason to fight with me and the phone calls have decrease so I started getting suspicious again. I pleaded with him to explain the changes but he wouldnt so I call the woman. She ddnt answer but reported to him someone tried to call. He in turn called me very upset stating she is a married woman and her husband will shoot him. He went on for awhile until I event felt guilty but something didnt fit so I called her again. This time she answers and shattered his story. Turns out she is also in a relationship with him and she didnt know he had someone else..I left him angry messages but he only replied with short text that made no sense..well its only been two days and I’m now over the anger but still very hurt. A part of me wishes he will call with an explanation and beg my forgiveness.....Cant believe I’m even considering forgiving him...since he hasnt call I’m scared he doesn’t care.
written by devastated22, 22 September, 2011
my boyfriend got drunk one night and had sex with a girl I knew for over a year had been trying to seduce him, though he told me he had always said no but he always defended her anyway. Before I found out he had sex with her, he dumped me saying it was all my fault and he had to be single. After he told me about it he said he wanted to be friends with both of us and thats it. I said if he wanted to even be friends with me he could never see or talk to her again and he refused to promise this.

Now he refuses to talk to me and has never apologized or shown any remorse. How can someone change like this so suddenly and go from apparently loving to hating someone in a weekend? He doesn’t even want me to forgive him or try to make our relationship work. All i think about is them together and i hate it, and I know he has been talking to her while ignoring me.
written by stupidforbelievinghim, 23 September, 2011
This could be me to a t.
written by just how im feeling, 16 October, 2011
(Crying out loud) WHY! WHY! WHY!..You broke my heart in the worst way ever. I don’t kno how you could look at me straight in the face and lie to me. I would cry to u every night you came home late and tell you, a family was all I wanted and tell you I would change anything or do anything to make you happy and our family better. I will never be able to look at u the same way.u had it all here at home y look somewhere else? I didn’t deserve what u did to me!! All I can think to my self is WHY? How did it make you feel inside when u would come home late and I would be crying in the dark because I new we were losing something we wanted so bad (FAMILY) and you still seem to chose different.. now you have ur freedom I hope you enjoy it.I can’t take our Son way from you because he loves you so much he doesn’t deserve to be un happy because you chose a different path. I don’t want u to remember me as ruining your life I want you to think to yourself damn she really really loved me and she took great care of me and my son the rite way.. yes I did throw all your stuff away out of spite/anger I threw everything that belong to you when I found out. and im sorry for that I was just so angry inside I didn’t understand how a man I loved so much could hurt me so bad Im still extremely hurt and sad I cry every time I think of us. im also sorry for the nasty things I said I was just angry. If there is a (her) I hope she can give you something I couldn’t. all I can say is I put 100 % effort in trying to make us work and you told me your self I was doing a good job, when you told me you loved me and kissed me and said you wer sorry for not showing me affection I felt so happy because I thought our family might actually work out after all. You can see Son soon I just need some time to explain to him that daddy wont be here anymore but no matter what happens to mommy and daddy we will always love him unconditionally. Now you can enjoy your freedom or your other relationship with out having to can deny it or accept the fact that this is what you wanted. I don’t regret meeting you because we did have a beautiful son and you made me a stronger person..when u have Son for some hours teach him to be a smart boy and teach him to make good choices in life and to take care of his momma (: and il do the same...give me the space I need so don’t come around cuz it will make things worse for everyone don’t wanna give Son false hopes. Unfortunately we do have to go to court for custody and child support just so everything is done the rite way thru the courts.. its for protection for all three of us.... I figured out I couldn’t make you fall in love with me as much as I tried. Please tell whom ever u we’re with I give them props for taking you out my path I hope shes stands by ur side the way I did. I can remember when we decided we wanted to have our Son we both were so happy how could you throw everything we had away so easily.. I don’t know why u messed something so good up. One day hopefully u realize how much I really loved you, how good it was here at home and how great it felt having a family of your own.
written by just how im feeling, 16 October, 2011
(Crying out loud) WHY! WHY! WHY!..You broke my heart in the worst way ever. I don’t know how you could look at me straight in the face and lie to me. I would cry to u every night you came home late and tell you, a family was all I wanted and tell you I would change anything or do anything to make you happy and our family better. I will never be able to look at u the same way. u scared my heart forever.u had it all here at home y look somewhere else? I didn’t deserve what u did to me!! All I can think to my self is WHY? How did it make you feel inside when u would come home late and I would be crying in the dark because I new we were losing something we wanted so bad (FAMILY) and you still seem to lie to me and make excuses why you we’re coming home late.. now you have ur freedom.. yes I did throw all your stuff away out of spite/anger I threw everything that belong to you when I found out. and im sorry for that I was just so angry inside I didn’t understand how a man I loved so much could hurt me so bad Im still extremely hurt and sad I cry every time I think of us. im also sorry for the nasty things I said I was just angry. I hope she can give you something I couldn’t. all I can say is I put 100 % effort in trying to make us work and you told me your self I was doing a good job, when you told me you loved me and kissed me and said you were sorry for not showing me affection I felt so happy because I thought our family might actually work out after all. You can see Son soon I just need some time to explain to him that daddy wont be here anymore but no matter what happens to mommy and daddy we will always love him unconditionally. Now you can enjoy your freedom or your other relationship with out having to can deny it or accept the fact that this is what you wanted. I don’t regret meeting you because we did have a beautiful son and you made me a stronger person..when u have Son for some hours teach him to be a smart boy and teach him to make good choices in life and to take care of his momma (: and il do the same...give me the space I need so don’t come around cuz it will make things worse for everyone don’t wanna give Son false hopes. Unfortunately we do have to go to court for custody and child support just so everything is done the rite way thru the courts.. its for protection for all three of us.... I figured out I couldn’t make you fall in love with me as much as I tried. Please tell whom ever u we’re with I give them props for taking you out my path I hope shes stands by ur side the way I did. I can remember when we decided we wanted to have our Son we both were so happy how could you throw everything we had away so easily. I don’t know why u messed something so good up. One day hopefully u how much I really loved you, how good it was here at home and how great it felt having a family of your own.
written by zeyla, 21 October, 2011
So yesterday my ex-husband (we were married for 7 together for 13 years) wanted to let me know that he is going to be proposing next week to his girlfriend. The Girlfriend that ended our marriage. The co-worker who knew he was married, met me and my son and still had the nerve to be with a married man. Yes some women are bitches and they will do what it takes to get their way. Our end came out of the blue because I had no clue to why it was ending he told me he was moving out because he wasn’t "in love anymore" and I actually felt guilty!! I said OMG was it me did I not pay attention to him what did I do wrong?? He was my best friend I had him on a pedestal and NEVER in my life did I ever think this was going to happen to me.. About a month after our separation he confessed that he has "feelings" for someone and that’s when I put two and two together and realized in an instant who it was and he confirmed it! So, I lost it and screamed and yelled and cursed him for lying and cheating and he cried "so sorry I don’t want to hurt you" I couldn’t live with the lie anymore blah blah, but I was hurt. I got divorced 5 months later.. Within time, I truly forgave him so I can move on with my life. I felt it was the best for my son to see that I at least have a good relationship as "friends" we have a great civil relationship because of my son. He is a great father and I can’t complain about that. He continued his relationship on and off with this girl and he even cheated on her a couple of times (he told me about it) Imagine that?? So i never took his relationship so serious and thought it would fizzle out in time.. But I was wrong he maintained it with lies and now he tells me he’s going to propose.. I admit I felt hurt not because I love him i really and truly don’t but because he is making her a definite part of his life and now my sons life. I feel like this "bitch" got what she wanted wow! I can’t help feeling hurt by all this it was like a rush of emotions that set in.. I now have to see her for as long as their "marriage" will last and yes I do hope she thinks in her head "hmmm he cheated on his wife with me I wonder if he’ll do the same to me" I hope she gets her answer soon... As far as me, there is always light at the end of a tunnel and I was set free to find a good man which I have but not thinking about marriage as of yet. I will take my time unlike my ex.. To those that have suffered a cheating husband you can set yourself free by forgiving not the act of cheating nor the lies that stays there and the trust will forever be broken but forgive him because you will never allow yourself to move forward and live your life without hatred and holding grudges. It’s a long process but with time you can be at ease and hating him and treating him like shit won’t work. My ex was so shocked how I completely turned around even more shocked when he tried to make a pass at me and I calmly said to him in a nice and sweet voice. "Sorry you don’t attract me anymore i actually feel disgust thinking you can ever be with me again’ smiled and said see you later.. He was left with his mouth opened apologized and never attempted to ever disrespect me again..
written by SC44303, 14 November, 2011
I have read a number of these. None of you was REALLY in love. And none of you had enough self esteem to end things with dignity.

If you really loved this person, there would not be all these, "I’m so miserable seeing him happy with this new person" comments. You would let it go, realize you were not right for one another, be glad they are happy and move on for your own happiness.

No matter how badly someone crapped on you, you should hold her head up, not turn into a vengeful blubbering mess, and walk away from things with your head held high. Go home and cry in solitude. They will look poorly both in their own eyes and to those around you if you are just the better person and be glad you are out of a bad situation.

written by oh well, 19 November, 2011
My ex who cheated on me just found the love of his life, and could never be happier. They’re getting married soon. The girl sounds like she’s a catch and is too in love with him. i am just hating the fact that HE IS HAPPY NOW EVEN IF HE’S THE ONE WHO MESSED AROUND. Where’s karma here? WHY IS HE HAPPY AND I AM STILL ALONE AND SINGLE. he acts as if he’s the happiest, best man in this world it’s just making me cringe.
written by ifitwereu, 22 November, 2011
To SC44303
My instincts tell me that you are/were someone who was involved with a married individual. The response you gave seems classic of someone that was involved with someone who was married and expected the married partner to move aside for you. Most adulteresses feel the sense of entitlement. That they have a right to another’s married spouse. These types of personality traits are selfish, self-centered, and narcissistic. If you are this type of person, you should work on yourself and stop working on possessing someone else’s’ spouse.
written by divorce sucks in L.A., 22 December, 2011
I was married for almost 20 years when my ex husband was having an affair with a coworker. I tried hard to fix the marriage but he was on his own path of destruction. I filed for divorce and kicked him out of the house. It was the hardest thing to do but my dignity was on the line. Now a year after the divorce he texts me telling me how his life is "over" and what a mess he’s made of it. He is not wanting to come back just telling me (which I don’t know why) but none of it matters now. Although I have to tell it seems Karma has come...or has knocked on his door. I’ve been through hell and now I hope it’s his turn.
written by SC999, 06 January, 2012
This is a great page. I want to thank everyone who has shared their story – it is so good to know that I’m not alone and it’s not my fault that my ex cheated. I got sucked into the spiral of blaming myself when he cheated because he found ways to justify it. He’s very smart and articulate – which makes it easier for him to manipulate other people’s minds and thought processes. The smart ones are the worst. Beware the cheater who also happens to be someone that others admire, especially professionally. They tend to be the most skilled at twisting the facts.
written by nar-is, 12 January, 2012
Married for almost 7 years, i found out that my husband was cheating for almost 6 yrs. Different women from different bars and recently he has this 6 months affair with a woman he claimed he is in love.
He blamed me for everything since he’s always saying i am abusing him emotionally and i started questioning myself if i am really abusive to him or not. Or he’s just blaming me so as not to focus on his cheating.
I forgave him, accepted him and told him to put everything behind us and just start a new life. He wanted to be open to me but instead of being open to how we should make our marriage work and how we should make it better this time, he would tell me how they did it, how much he loves her, miss her and feels connected to her. I got so mad and furious i wrote him an angry email, letting him go. We exchanged angry emails for awhile then i decided to stop it. I wrote him an email that i accept what he wants and if he wants annulment then he can process it. The next day he wrote an email telling me that he’s expecting emails from me and that he doesn’t know where to start if ever, and is scared that he will live the same way for 7 years(he’s also claiming he’s miserable with me for 6 years) and that he wants to know what i am doing, how i am doing and where do i get my strength. I replied briefly saying i and the kids are ok and that he’s not to worry. For few days we talked calmly about annulment though i can sense it that he’s still confused if he’s doing it or not.
As i was confused too, i asked his brother to ask for his mom’s help ( i can’t talk to the mom directly since they have different language). The family doesn’t want me to give up yet, they’re trying to contact him but he’s not talking to them because he’s saying that no one can give him advice about our marriage since no one knows how bad our marriage was. He was so furious when he found out that i told his family about our problem. He said it is not his family’s business at all. My reason was that family, especially his parents could give us better advice than his friends who also doesn’t know anything about us. He told me that before i involved his family, he was thinking of getting our marriage annulled and we can start dating again. Also he claimed that our marriage started wrong. But no one forced us into our marriage and for me it’s never a wrong decision.
My friends are telling me to let him go since there is something wrong with his attitude and thinking. But we have 2 kids and as much as possible i want to keep our family whole.
BTW, we’re in a long distance marriage. He’s in China and i am in the Philippines. We are away from each other for four years but he’d come home every 2 months. I am finishing my school, and we had plans of living together in April, but everything changed now.
Dont know if i should give up or not yet. Any input would greatly appreciated.
written by nar-is, 12 January, 2012
Wow, SC999, sounds like we have similar case. My husband cheated on me for 6 years( we’re married almost 7 years). He’d have sex with bar girls and recently told me he had a 6 months affair with a woman he claim he’s in love with.
He blamed me for everything, told me he loved me so much but my nagging, and jealousy made him turn into a cold, not romantic husband and into a cheater. But i asked him when did he love me since he started cheating just after a year of our marriage.
He’s so smart that he always makes me feel i am responsible for the destruction of our marriage.
I am still holding on since my family is very important to me. We have kids and i just dont want them affected.
But i have given him an ultimatum until next week to show up and do the adoption process of my eldest son( my son that i brought in our marriage and treated as his own).
I told him if he doesn’t show up then it will be the end of everything. Now i stopped communicating.
He stepped on me again and again, blamed me for everything, disrespect me and say awful things against me. But despite that i want to give him another chance and make our family whole. I had a very very long rope but it’s coming to an end.
He’s so furious now because i told my parents in law, and he said that was the biggest mistake i made. Wheew! I told him that what he said is not new to me anymore because he would always tell me i am wrong anyway.

written by OK LADIES HERE IT GOES!, 28 January, 2012
NUMBER 1- Write down all the horrible things he has done to you. Do not write done all the so called good things he has done for you because it can’t make up for all the bad things he’s done to you.
Number 2- Don’t waste your time thinking about them and where they are or what they are doing.
Number 3- Think about how you can take care of yourself and if you have children take care of them is all that matters.
Number 4- Don’t let time be taken from yourself, don’t let him consume your mind and get lost in the wind. Find yourself.
Number 5- Read up on Sociopath’s, most of the comments here remind me of my ex-sociopath.He’s with someone younger than me, and destroyed my life. Now I’m trying to put the pieces of my life back together. Let them go wherever they are. You will be glad one day that you did.
written by OK LADIES HERE IT GOES!, 28 January, 2012
Glibness and Superficial Charm

Manipulative and Conning
They never recognize the rights of others and see their self-serving behaviors as permissible. They appear to be charming, yet are covertly hostile and domineering, seeing their victim as merely an instrument to be used. They may dominate and humiliate their victims.

Grandiose Sense of Self
Feels entitled to certain things as "their right."

Pathological Lying
Has no problem lying coolly and easily and it is almost impossible for them to be truthful on a consistent basis. Can create, and get caught up in, a complex belief about their own powers and abilities. Extremely convincing and even able to pass lie detector tests.

Lack of Remorse, Shame or Guilt
A deep seated rage, which is split off and repressed, is at their core. Does not see others around them as people, but only as targets and opportunities. Instead of friends, they have victims and accomplices who end up as victims. The end always justifies the means and they let nothing stand in their way.

Shallow Emotions
When they show what seems to be warmth, joy, love and compassion it is more feigned than experienced and serves an ulterior motive. Outraged by insignificant matters, yet remaining unmoved and cold by what would upset a normal person. Since they are not genuine, neither are their promises.

Incapacity for Love

Need for Stimulation
Living on the edge. Verbal outbursts and physical punishments are normal. Promiscuity and gambling are common.

Callousness/Lack of Empathy
Unable to empathize with the pain of their victims, having only contempt for others’ feelings of distress and readily taking advantage of them.

Poor Behavioral Controls/Impulsive Nature
Rage and abuse, alternating with small expressions of love and approval produce an addictive cycle for abuser and abused, as well as creating hopelessness in the victim. Believe they are all-powerful, all-knowing, entitled to every wish, no sense of personal boundaries, no concern for their impact on others.

Early Behavior Problems/Juvenile Delinquency
Usually has a history of behavioral and academic difficulties, yet "gets by" by conning others. Problems in making and keeping friends; aberrant behaviors such as cruelty to people or animals, stealing, etc.

Not concerned about wrecking others’ lives and dreams. Oblivious or indifferent to the devastation they cause. Does not accept blame themselves, but blames others, even for acts they obviously committed.

Promiscuous Sexual Behavior/Infidelity
Promiscuity, child sexual abuse, rape and sexual acting out of all sorts.

Lack of Realistic Life Plan/Parasitic Lifestyle
Tends to move around a lot or makes all encompassing promises for the future, poor work ethic but exploits others effectively.

Criminal or Entrepreneurial Versatility
Changes their image as needed to avoid prosecution. Changes life story readily.

written by FIFI, 01 February, 2012
My ex just married the woman he cheated on me with. I have searched long and hard and I honestly wish them nothing but pain. I know it’s not right, but I was married 27 yrs and they lied and lied and lied to my face. So, karma? My Bible says you reap what you sow. I wish I was a bigger person, but, I hope they get exactly what they both sowed.
written by Andrea Reyes, 06 February, 2012
My now ex-boyfriend cheated on me at least 3 times that I know of: 1st was with a long-time friend of his(she has just had a baby with her boyfriend)2nd time was with my best friend while I was pregnant, and the 3rd time he cheated was with my best friend (again) only this time I was in labor at 3am so I had to wait for my boyfriend and my best friend to come out of the bath room so I could give birth to our daughter.
written by mtl, 16 February, 2012
To ifitwereu,

I think what SC44303 said does have some merits. I was left for another woman after 11 years of being together. I will not go into much details because it’s the same storyline as the rest of you. It’s been more than a year since the breakup and I have to agree with SC44303 that moving on and not have any ill thoughts towards your ex and his new partner are important for your own healing.

Sometimes, I still struggle, still think about what they are doing and get angry but I ALWAYS remind myself that I love me more than I hate them. So I let go of the anger that instant because being angry, you are not being kind to yourself, to your physical and mental health. I know it is difficult to not be angry, especially after such a traumatic experience. It is understandable, too. That person build decades memories with you. And at a neurological level, that person formed many thousands, perhaps millions, synaptic connections in your brain. It’s hard to not think about the person and his transgression. But thinking about it for the thousandth time won’t change reality. What’s most important right now is to bring your attention back to yourself, show compassion for yourself by being happy (whenever possible). Cry if you really need to because after a good cry, it actually relaxes you. You have endure a lot already and it is important that you don’t waste any more energy worrying about what other people are doing. Be kind to yourself by letting go of the anger. Remember, you love yourself more than you hate them.
written by One dayillgetoverit, 20 February, 2012
I now see that my situation isn’t so uncommon! I still wish ill on my ex. He is my son’s father and he has very little to do with my son, but yet wants to claim "father of the year awards". In fact, if it wasn’t for his parents, he would have little to nothing to do with our son. I just want to keep my son from him totally and protect his heart. But instead, I have to let him visit. Unfortunately, he only gets to see him in the summers and at Christmas. However, he doesn’t even let our son stay with him ---- my son stays at the grandparents and my ex visits him there. He has a nice big house and plenty of room, he just doesn’t want to be bothered with a kid. He’d rather do what he wants to do.

He cheated on me. Our marriage wasn’t all that great to begin with, but I was committed to it. I would have NEVER left him even though I had given it several thoughts. We did what we could to make it work, but he admitted that he never loved me.

At first, I loved him beyond limits. I gave him 100% of everything I had emotionally. I thought he did too. He cheated on his first wife and vowed to never do it again. I honestly didn’t think he would.

But after being together for ten years, he decided to reconnect with his first love. She was also married. They started talking and were ‘friends’ at first. I never gave it any real thought of there being something more. After all, he felt terrible about the affair he had with his first wife. (He actually had more than one). I just never ever thought it would happen to me.

Well, he and his first love connected and she lived in some fantasy realm about getting back together with him and having a perfect life. After finding out that he wanted to take it to the next "level" with her, I told him to do so...if he needed to discover his lost love with her then he could do so, but I couldn’t promise that I’d be available when he "got done". I stayed in the house in a separate bedroom and whenever he would come in at 2am or 3am or whatever, I’d just sit there and stew....and stew....and stew. I finally became like a pressure cooker and just exploded. I started throwing things, yelling and just stopped holding it all inside. I had been protecting my son all along from our issues, but after the fit I threw, my son figured stuff out.

We went to counseling but counseling is only as good as you let it be. He didn’t want to cooperate and he definitely didn’t want to be at counseling. He finally threw his wedding ring at me and stormed out of counseling.

Never in my entire life had I been so hurt.

Anyway, after another week or two, I finally woke up one morning and walked outside. I stood out on the porch and cried. He came out to figure out what I was doing and in my tears, I looked at him and said, "I’m leaving today". He asked where I was going and I told him that I didn’t know, but that I would be gone by early afternoon and I was taking our son with me.

I ended up living in an RV for a short period of time and pulled my life together. But here I am nearly 5 years later and I HATE him.

I hate that he’s the father of my son, I hate that I wasted so much time of my life on him, I hate that I have to look at him again and I hate beyond a passion that he has a new girlfriend. His "lover/friend" left him pretty quick after we separated. She realized she didn’t want to lose her family. But my ex has no remorse or at least appears not to. He told me he didn’t love me anymore because I was overweight. He continued to belittle me and the emotional abuse was overwhelming. However, I just want him gone. I don’t want him dead, I just want him to leave my son alone, leave me alone and just be gone from my life. Forever. Why won’t he just disappear? I moved 3000 miles away from him and it still seems like it isn’t enough.

I have remarried and have an amazing husband who treats me like a million dollars. I feel like a princess most of the time because I am so treasured. But sometimes my feelings of hurt overtake me and I get angry and frustrated. I already hate the fact that in 3 months I have to deal with him again when our son goes to visit. I dread it. I totally dread it. I feel for my son because he loves his Dad, but I just can’t get beyond my emotions sometimes. I cannot WAIT until our son is 18 and I can quite dealing with his Dad. It is true that once a cheater – always a cheater, unless they’ve done some serious heart-to-heart changing. It is possible, I guess, but I have never witnessed it.
written by Dougie, 20 February, 2012
I’m a guy ladies, whose wife cheated on me, blamed it on me and then walked off with $$$ and our son. She lied about it (though I found an e-mails and the phone bill) and never spoke of it and hasn’t since.

I’m sorry to say we’re all in the same boat and it is painful. I don’t expect my wife to ever apologize to me for anything. My mistake was apologizing to her for my perceived faults in the marriage soon after I discovered her infidelity. Pretty stupid of me.

She has a serious boyfriend now – as the original guy dropped soon after she asked for the divorce. What a shock. She probably believes that it all has worked out now and that it is OK – sorta the ends justifies the means.

So take heart ladies, if you can. Guys get the short end of the stick alot as well and it hurts just the same for me. Everyday. I don’t like her. I can’t imagine ever liking her again. I don’t like her family. I don’t like her friends. I can only hope to be ambivalent towards her. That would be healing.

I’m sorry I know her. But I have the greatest son on earth with her. I ache for him daily. But when the time comes, I hope I’m the one to teach him about commitment, fidelity and faithfulness. Because it sure as hell shouldn’t be her. Perhaps some of us weren’t the perfect spouse, but none of us deserved this.

That said, we’re better off without them no matter how painful it is right now. And it is. Tomorrow is another day towards getting better. It’s not easy. The hurt is tremendous. But let’s try to do our best and gut it out. Because in the end, there is no alternative.

Hang in there.

written by Tinelee, 29 February, 2012
Wow, Dougie, you restored my faith that good men are out there with your single post about the pain you are suffering. I am going to remember the dignity and kindness of your words and try and operate with the same. It’s hard, of course, but much healthier in the long run. Good luck to you. When you are ready for love again, some woman will be ever so lucky to have you in her life. Just remember that we all need to focus on the less desirable characteristics in partners prior to marrying. We will always be attracted to the same good things they can offer, but those are packaged with varied bad things--and the bad are the clue to whether we can forge a life-long, loving relationships. Again, good luck, and thanks for giving a man’s perspective.
written by Seattlegal, 02 March, 2012
Long story short, my ex husband cheated on me and is still going strong with his mistress that broke up our marriage and shattered all my hopes and dreams. He was the love of my life and I would have done anything for him. If he would have asked me to forgive him and get back together I most definitely would have since I loved that much. HOWEVER, to my surprise when he was caught red handed cheating I filed for divorce immediately, he never made any effort of any kind to stop me, apologize to me or save our marriage it was like he didn’t care. I have been absolutely devastated, I cannot understand how he can just jump right into another relationship so quickly (while still married to me) and my heart is broken, I never saw this coming, although our marriage was far from perfect our sex life was amazing and very hot and steamy, so I am just at a loss as to why he chose this other woman instead of me. I secretly wish that he would regret his decision (although now it is too late for us) I just want and have always wanted him to be sorry for all the pain he has caused me and what his adultery has done to us. But he just doesn’t care. I keep hoping that he will break up with this woman and that this relationship of theirs will end in heartbreak too, I know it sounds cruel but it just doesn’t seem fair. All i ever wanted was for him to be sorry and truly regret it but so far he hasn’t
written by suziegirl, 03 April, 2012
I have spent the last 31 years with the same man. I was married to him for 1 month shy of 30 years. We had 3 children together. Now all are grown and out of the house. He moved out without filing for divorce in June of 2011. 2 months later I filed. I do not know why he didn’t. After being officially divorced in January of 2012, I caught him recently with another woman. He did not see me but it had only been 2 months since everything was final. Our one and only son also moved out shortly after he did and hung out with him. So I KNOW that our son knew all along and supported him instead of me. I have flashbacks of things that he did that complete the puzzle. Like overhearing a phone call with a woman’s voice. He lived with his cell strapped to his hip. It was the first thing he would grab every morning. Also he spent most of his time at home on HIS computer I feel so stupid and foolish. I thought I would spend the rest of my life with him. You know "til death do us part". I am having a hard time falling out of love with him. I feel so betrayed!! I feel like a piece of trash. A person with no value. He used me up and tossed me aside.
written by stillangry, 06 April, 2012
Words can’t express how much I despise my ex-husband for being so manipulative, so abusive, so deceptive! He tried to make me believe I was the crazy one for accusing him for cheating, that I was the one who needed help for not trusting him. He continued to make me into the bad person he wanted to see me be so he would have justification for cheating. He cheated with a co-worker for perhaps two years and lied through his teeth about it. When I overheard him say "I love you" to her in a phone conversation that he had no idea I was privy to he lied again and said I took it out of context. I kicked him out that day and the next month he became severely depressed (because he got caught) and claimed he was willing to work on the relationship (only because I said I would go to her husband) and once in therapy he made up the craziest stuff about our marriage and why he felt it wasn’t working. I looked at him like, who are you? Such lies! It was apparent after two sessions that it was all a big ploy of his. Once she filed for her divorce, on March 16th, to the day, I got a text telling me it was over, move on, we can’t keep doing this to our daughter. He never looked back, he was done and they are still together. He wants very little to do with his daughter because he is living his dream life I guess, no responsibilities etc. He actually told me a few months after he left that I was just full of anger for him and he wished that I wouldn’t be bitter and angry and that I am just mad because he is so happy. He told our daughter who was upset upon hearing of his friend wanting to meet her that she should "be happy for him". He is a serious loser who is a liar and a cheat and has no conscience whatsoever. Now I am left to pick up the pieces of my life, raise our daughter alone and just start over looking for a partner out of the blue at my age. All of our dreams and hard work are shattered for a frumpy mom of two who was in a bad marriage and needed someone to rescue her and chose my husband to be her knight in shining armor. Well they can have each other. They deserve each other. But how I will ever get over the rage I feel for him is beyond me. That is the hardest part. It is like I am a victim of a horrible theft, a victim of a horrible tornado, an accident victim robbed of their memory or life. What a horrible turn of fate for me. And what in God’s name did I ever do to deserve it but want a decent life with a happy family with good morals and I treated him like a king!
written by Phiyiss, 10 May, 2012
I was married for 25 years, and walked in on him with his "girlfriend", it took me 3 years to divorce him, he refused to sign, he said I owed it to him to wait and see if he could get this out of his system... WTF???? Yes, I was devastated beyond belief, but I had to sit down and tell myself, if he did this to me he will do it to someone else. He of course tried to blame me, and if I would have done this better, or done that maybe he would have stayed home and not went out looking. WHATEVER,,,,, I learned to love and respect myself and once I could "forgive" him, my life moved one. We don’t speak to this day, and he is still with the other women, but I know in my heart he will hurt her the same way or better yet, she will do it to him. So just remember, life comes around full circle. A wise women once told me, don’t waste your energy trying to get someone to love you, waste your energy on letting someone love you.. Hope this helps someone..
written by SingleAndSane, 31 May, 2012
Great to read all these stories...

Going on a year since my ex-husband announced our marriage of 23 years was over. Half my life was spent with the man I met who I believed could do no wrong, was brilliant, a great provider and someone I truly wanted to grow old with. After our first eight years together, his sexual appetite became overwhelming. He fell "in love" with someone from work and I was given notice that their "Souls touch" whatever the hell that means. Sadly for him, she didn’t feel the same way, thus his U-turn back to me and our two kids (5&7) at the time. Almost ten years later, he serves me notice again because he thought an ‘ole female friend’ could best understand his feelings. Again, he makes a U-turn because this "friend" didn’t feel the same way. However, the second breakup ended in a divorce and the bi-polar man I loved promised therapy and counseling if I could give him one more chance... We re-married on our anniversary, went to therapy and I received his assurances that I have his permission to "shoot him" if he ever does this again. Well, three years pass and him turning 50, he goes into his last crisis. After blaming all of our problems on me and "money" and saying we have to do x, y, and z, for our retirement, ten days later he tells me he is leaving for the Philippines for a woman half his age... They married within a few months, and our marriage was shelved for good. I was hurt, still hurt to a degree, but I am happy to know that I am sane. I wanted to be married for life, it was not meant to be. I accept this and I am more than ok. No more suspicions, no more lies, no more bi-polar impulses and no more snoring like a train... I have two great kids, I have my health, a sense of direction with purpose and I am finally at peace…

written by SingleAndSane, 31 May, 2012
Great to read all these stories...

Going on a year since my ex-husband announced our marriage of 23 years was over. Half my life was spent with the man I met who I believed could do no wrong, was brilliant, a great provider and someone I truly wanted to grow old with. After our first eight years together, his sexual appetite became overwhelming. He fell "in love" with someone from work and I was given notice that their "Souls touch" whatever the hell that means. Sadly for him, she didn’t feel the same way, thus his U-turn back to me and our two kids (5&7) at the time. Almost ten years later, he serves me notice again because he thought an ‘ole female friend’ could best understand his feelings. Again, he makes a U-turn because this "friend" didn’t feel the same way. However, the second breakup ended in a divorce and the bi-polar man I loved promised therapy and counseling if I could give him one more chance... We re-married on our anniversary, went to therapy and I received his assurances that I have his permission to "shoot him" if he ever does this again. Well, three years pass and him turning 50, he goes into his last crisis. After blaming all of our problems on me and "money" and saying we have to do x, y, and z, for our retirement, ten days later he tells me he is leaving for the Philippines for a woman half his age... They married within a few months, and our marriage was shelved for good. I was hurt, still hurt to a degree, but I am happy to know that I am sane. I wanted to be married for life, it was not meant to be. I accept this and I am more than ok. No more suspicions, no more lies, no more bi-polar impulses and no more snoring like a train... I have two great kids, I have my health, a sense of direction with purpose and I am finally at peace…

written by Karmabeliever, 12 July, 2012
Its been over two years since my ex-boyfriend broke up with me unexpectedly. I couldn’t understand how he didn’t even seem to care how I was doing. After six years together I was devastated, and it only made me feel worse that he didn’t even seem phased by what had happened. Eventually, I learned that he had been seeing another woman. I knew the truth deep down, and had even found evidence of their relationship, just wasn’t ready to accept the truth and chose instead to believe his lies. Eventually, the other woman filed for divorce and they were able to go public with their relationship. I was so angry and hurt. I couldn’t move past the fact that he could cheat on me with a married woman and get to have this wonderful life, while I was struggling just to make it through each day. Of course, he has never acknowledged anything about his cheating to me even after confronting him about it, but I feel better for finally being able to say that I knew what was going on and I am done believing his lies. I still see him and he tries to act like everything is fine between us, it is such a sham. I just kept telling myself that eventually things would work out. You can’t do negative things in your life and not expect negative things to come back to you. still have bad days, where I struggle fighting off those negative thoughts, but I know that I am so much better off that being with someone who has a severe lack of morality and values. And, I just recently learned that my ex lost his job, and is apparently quite distraught. I feel bad for him, but maybe he will take this as a sign to re-evaluate his life. As for me, I am happy to see Karma at work.

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