Past Comments – My boyfriend's involvement with other women bothers me

Comments (48)

written by i feel your pain, 22 June, 2007
This answer says it ALL!!! A man will only adjust his ways to make you happy and keep you around, but adjusting and changing are way different.
written by Pearl Gourami, 27 September, 2007
You’re willing to put up with near-constant infidelity in exchange for an occasional compliment. He doesn’t say "you" are what he’s wanted his whole life, he said "our relationship," which means to him, the freedom to chase and ogle other women and keep one around (you) for convenience. He’s made a habit of deceiving you, and you have made a habit of deceiving yourself. If you feel that his behavior is disrespectful, and you’ve felt bad about it for years, AND a couple’s counselor has pointed out the same thing, you don’t need more opinions. You know the truth. DTMFA!
written by Tjh, 28 September, 2007
I just broke up with my b/f of 6 years because of trust issues. He has cheated, talked with other women online and I finally got to the point where I was thinking "what am I doing with a guy I don’t trust at all?" Sure we had a deep attachment to each other and loved each other but I personally can’t be in a relationship where I am always wondering what he is up to now.
written by GEG, 02 October, 2007
I have the exact same issues with my husband of 25 years. He’s good looking, charming, and gets lots of attention. He has inappropriate intimacy with almost every woman he knows. His need for approval is a sickness that I don’t think he can change since it is at his core. I am so heartbroken, rejected, frustrated, angry, and crazy that I feel like I am developing a sickness now. I’ve got to divorce him for my own sanity, but would rather just go ahead and die because my life is over – I gave him everything I had and there’s nothing left. It would kill me to see him happy with another woman after me. Maybe I’ll cheat with him on her! How sick is that?
written by Ange., 18 December, 2007
The warning sign is there, hes a possible cheater, cos he likes all this attention, you will never feel secure, you will feel like its your problem, don’t sacrifice love for this Jerk, theres someone out there far more emotionally healthy than him.
written by hlt, 13 February, 2008
It is so easy to be deceived or in denial when you are in love. You want so much to believe that this person you invested your wholes self into couldn’t possibly betray you that way. I get it. I am in a similar situation. My boyfriend to in front of me will look at other women sometimes even act is if were not together and take us somewhere where no one else is around then be attentive. I confront him and he denies. It is always about my insecurity. Last night even, I wanted to sexually please him and while in the process he decides to turn on the t.v. and watch the play boy girls while I’m trying to have an intimate moment with him. I didn’t say anything till it was over. But when I did he said big deal get over it. It was nothing. But it really hurt. He says he loves me. But I told him I feel like for him to do that I don’t satisfy him. He laughed and said your just insecure. I’ve never had a man do that. They all usually say during before and after how much I turn them on. But he always says how I could firm up, let my hair grow, he even said I looked like Tammy Faye Baker. But I don’t. Every one tells me that I look like posh spice. That I should be a model. Sometimes I feel like he says this on purpose to make me feel insecure. What do you think??
written by HLA, 21 February, 2008
Women always give away there power to men.
He will keep doing this kind of thing too you.
So how to stop it, own your power and tell him
You refuse to put up with this, and your off!
You are quite capable of finding a man who doesn’t
make you feel his problem is yours.
You will really shock him. Believe me, Men need to learn to respect us, the stronger you be the more he’ll come after you. Good Luck. Ps your not insecure, he is!
written by Claud, 25 September, 2008
My boyfriend is constantly reminding me about how much he loves me yet when we are out in public together he is easily distracted and absent minded. He stares at other people more than a glance, mostly women and whenever we have an argument about his ogling he says that I over exaggerate and need to get over being insecure! I feel angry about his behavior and even more so his denial. He has a history of infidelity with his ex-wife and says I cannot relate his current behavior to his past (which is F hard not to do). Lacks boundaries BIG TIME! who us he really fooling?... I am SO Annoyed!
written by Kieysha, 04 February, 2009
it’s the same with me, but he’s not even realizing it he’s being disrespectful. i doubt he’d agree on going to counseling so for him to know it’s disrespectful,.... prolly will take a long time. he said there’s nothing not to like or to like..... i so want to scream my lungs out
written by Diana Foret, 01 April, 2009
I recently ended a 4 year relationship with someone who i truly and deeply loved due to him always takin pix of girls butts in wal-mart on the beach etc etc. he thinks its no big deal and its just looking. well he met a girl at a bar on thanksgiving night, how hurtful that was, anyway i told him i didnt approve of the long convos on the phone even tho he’d do it while i was around. his tone of voice was like it used to be with me. he told me i will not choose his friends. boy did that hurt. so now 4 months later and 2 break ups over this girl they are now in a relationship. after all the bullshit he said about her. so my advice is, save youself the hurt. or better yet go ahead and hurt now, cuz itll hurt worse later. get rid of him. men like this dont deserve women. they women they get will only last for a little while. and also, ive been so hurt n so mad ive made myself out to be the crazy bitch of an ex... dont do this. its not healthy. do your hurting and get it over with. pain doesnt last always.
written by Louisa, 06 April, 2009
After spending a lot of quality time together for about a year, I told my boyfriend "I’m so happy and love to make you happy" to which he responded "Oh well, then you won’t mind if I take Barbara to Europe for 6 weeks". I was so shocked and upset, I broke up with him. A year later, he e-mailed me to say he had a terrible trip to Europe with Jenny, and he didn’t have sex with her (???yeh right!!??) and that he missed me very much. I told him I was doing fine but not going out with anyone to which this idiot said" Oh I’d love to have sex with you again as long as you understand that I’m not in love with you and that I am searching on an STD site to fall in love, and I’ve found some interesting women but in the meantime I could have sex with you as it will take some time before I go to bed with any of them or fall in love". I told him he wasn’t my kind of guy, and that it sounded like he was cruising to get AIDS......There are some really strange men out there, and I don’t think I will be able to trust any man – they all seem to lie. I’m in my 50’s
written by someone, 04 September, 2009
seems to me like there are so many bad men out there and so many stories i have been told about guys cheating and over all i cant think of one guy who i know who would not cheat on their spouse given the chance
written by written by a girl, 21 November, 2009
So what are all of these stories saying then ?
That women are monogamous and men are not ? (Im talking in general, as I know a few girls so cheat – but they are very bad at it and are just doing it to get out of a bad relationship)
Why do you think it seems that in religious or spiritual, strict family’s this seems not to happen – but out here in the west we all seem so lost with love.
Is it to many choices ? Are our family’s to blame ? Is it too much drinking ? Or is it just men themselves ?

Do we ladies – and Im talking to the ladies like the ones who have written above have to sacrifice our moral standards of wrong’s & rights to be able to simply have a partner ? My mother is on her 3rd marriage – but I know she has found a good one now. Brings her breakfast in bed, never criticize her – complements her, would not look at another woman etc etc – BUT when they did first meet & get together, we did find out he was seeing another woman as well – mum flipped, left him, then 3 months later he came crawling back – the rest is history and they have shared 8 glorious married years together.
My mothers first husband beat her & her second had the emotional intelligence of a rock !
Thus Ive been out on my own search – in finding love, I’ve traveled the world, I’ve made mistakes, – I’ve been simply loved and adored, but I never have been able to settle down – until now.
& Now Im afraid I’ve made a mistake, all the men who loved & adored me – I threw away. My man now – does adore me, he spends a lot of time with me, we live and sometimes work together – but I too am now a victim of the wandering eye. He even slaps waitress’s bums in front of me – he’s not a child anymore – a grown man, but has issues regarding his parents divorce. His father never really respected women & his mother cheated, Im not sure whats true with that part – as they both have different stories. My man is a fantastic boyfriend – its only when the drink comes out, he cannot control himself, has way too many – and turns into a complete stranger. Forgets all about his ‘responsibilities’ and goes mad ! He even contacts past women – when he knows how much it will hurt me, He’s been out with model friends 3 times till 5am in the past 3 years – lying to me about it, I only find out later – and of course, I’m hurt. He has had a long term friend (a woman) who his Ex forbid him to see – for what reasons Im not sure, he said she was jealous – so in his relationship with me instead of being the adult that he is by introducing her to me – he kept his friendship with her a secret, deleting every text, any phone history & lying to me every time he met up with her. Im not naturally a jealous person – well ive never been with my Ex’s, but his behaviour with this woman has really hurt & upset me – making me question him & his level of love toward me. He only now seems to contact her after we have had a massive fight – and when he’s drunk. Even though he has repeated his history with me & I want her out of our life (’Ive still never met her in the 4 years we have been together- should I confront her ??) He tells me he will never cheat – but its the lack of respect he seems to have with me & our relationship that hurts, & his lack of control he has over himself when intoxicated. He’s a drama queen – and constantly tells all his friends and his mother how unhappy he is with me -every month, even from the first month we got together – he threatens to leave me, he thinks Im trying to control him, when all i’m trying to do is have a loving, honest & relationship ! I really don’t get it – why he seems to want to hurt me when he’s been drinking, Im at my wits end – I have not many people to talk to, so I would appreciate any advice. He want’s to move to my country with me – in fact we are going over there in 3 weeks to decide if we should move. Do you think a fresh start is what we need ? Or are we just doomed.... I know here he has a lot of ‘cobwebs’ but hey, I wouldn’t be sitting here writing this on our anniversary if I was happy now would I.

I do think that proper training of a good, kind & honest man needs to come first from the family network. So all you parents out there – teach your boys the lessons on love !

Any advice would be appreciate, and good luck with your future relationships !!

written by Toddy 2, 27 November, 2009
My partner has asked me to marry him. Says he is madly in love with me and wants to have a baby!!!!!!!
The next thing I realize he is still on the dating site where we met, and he often switches his phone off and suggests inappropriate remarks, like ‘lets have some fun’ and do I really want to see him that weekend when it was my birthday!!!!!!!!!! I also feel he is also in contact with his ex, who recently said that she still loves him. I dont get it!!!!!!! It is confusing me!!!!!! Is it purely an ego thing where he is enjoying the attention. How do I broach this?
written by Vic, 14 March, 2010
I’m in the same situation (although the relationship we have isn’t as clear cut)

It’s the complete disregard for my feelings which hurts the most; I have given this man my time, expertise, love, patience, care, empathy, laughs-a-plenty yet this is not enough for him, and he constantly seeks attention and phone numbers from other women – whether they are his exes or random strangers in the pub who show the slightest interest in him.

When I state that I feel uncomfortable with him sharing this information, he simply says that I am ‘jealous’ or ‘insecure’. There’s just no telling him that what I actually feel is crushed and embarrassed – for me, for him and for our relationship.
written by I’m a mug, 06 April, 2010
Well, I allowed my boyfriend the freedom that he so desired. He said he just wanted to be able to enjoy the attention now that he got it and wanted to get it out of his system before settling down.

Anyway, long story short, met a girl at work, constantly texting each other, started playing xbox online together while I was in bed, speaking on a headset etc. I woke up at 7am and he was still up on it with her. We went to the garage to get his car (I drove him) and he was texting her.

I told him that it was upsetting me and that I didn’t want it anymore and he just tried to make out I was the bad one, the jealous one.

Anyway, he had another girl on the go as well and she got jealous of her and started shit stirring, so this other girl text him asking him if he was playing her. He got pissed off with the girl from work and told her to get lost. She turns up at MY HOUSE, out of it, in charge of a small child expecting him to give her sympathy and take her home.

He wasn’t there so I took her, just to get rid of her.

Week later he tells me the latest. She’s pregnant and he’s scared.
1. Of losing me (yeah right) 2. Impregnating a fat idiot

Because yeah, this girl was very fat and unattractive. I’m size 10. But he liked her attention so much that it didn’t matter. He said he had sex with her and the other girl only because they offered it on a plate.

The apparent ‘pregnant’ one used getting an abortion as a way of reviving their friendship. She was full of shit, she wasn’t pregnant but that was last resort to get him.

Who was thinking of ME the whole year that this went on? Not me, I was trying to help him understand his feelings; we’ve always talked things through a lot. Not him, he was thinking of himself and his own appeal. Not the girls, they liked the idea they could break what he told them was ‘the perfect relationship’, open relationship was another one he told them. They wanted a piece of it and I hope that they got what they wanted from it.

After he thought she was pregnant he promised to stop. He has...
written by I’m a mug, 06 April, 2010
But can I trust him and love him the same after everything? Time will tell... He said it’s out of his system now but still makes remarks about how lovely other women’s bums are and still thinks any reaction from me is funny.
I don’t think I like men anymore. I watched a film once;
"You die in your own arms baby, remember that..."
they have to want to change in themselves, and like someone said already, if you need to ask you’re only really asking for reassurance in denial.
written by Louise123, 19 May, 2010
Was involved with a ladies’ man who claimed he could have any woman he wanted. Off/on for 4 yrs – engaged three times to me – I always found him collecting other women’s phone numbers, posting online dating profiles as a SINGLE GUY, and texting women behind my back. Claimed they were FRIENDS. He never took me out – bought me gifts – always used my money, blah blah blah.... and HE actually bought a sex toy for one of these random women for $136 claiming " Oh, she hinted she wanted one so I wanted to make her happy." Wanted to make HER HAPPY????? He was all about HIM.... Promised me he would stop contacting women. He just got sneakier. The last straw was when we got engaged... ONE MORE TIME... and I found him EMAILING on Yahoo Messenger to that woman he bought the SEX TOY FOR.
I demand respect in a relationship – I made alot of excuses for this dirtbag because I believed the lies and fell for the charm. Ladies – DO NOT DOUBT YOURSELVES AND YOUR PERCEPTIONS. If it feels bad, IT IS. You have the right to have ONE man devoted to YOU and YOU alone. I’d rather be alone than with some little man-whore ( innocent or NOT – intentions are THERE) than wonder where this jerk is and what disease he plans to bring home to me.
written by Elora, 23 February, 2011
Damn ladies, do not put up with a man with wondering eyes. We set the bar for how men treat us. Men try to justify their MORONIC behavior by saying "it’s natural"- SHUT UP! Wanna know what else is natural? the four year itch, the craving a woman gets for a new man after about four years of marriage. It’s kind of like buyers remorse. Men are born with the need to be accepted, they are also born very sensitive into a very insensitive world (ever notice how little boys want to impress everyone and little girls are tyrants?)which automatically teaches them to react rather callously to most external situations. Society doesn’t set us up for monogamy, we women are taught to stay sweet virgins, who never have any need for sexual variety (my ass!), while boys are taught that you are more a man with each girl you sleep with. It’s all really pathetic when you realize it boils down to fear, men have no clue who they really are, or who we women are, and yet are tricked to believe they do. So we enter these relationships with certain kinds of standards that are completely an illusion made up by society. Men claim they need sexual variety because in ancient times they had to spread their "seeds" to as many women as possible. Well there’s plenty of people on the earth today so in my opinion lets evolve a little, focus on monogamy so we can take care of all these weeds together! To the girl that posted the original question, leave that piece of trash, don’t let him steal anymore of your time. HE DOES NOT CARE ABOUT YOUR BOUNDARIES OR FEELINGS. Bad egg, pure and simple. It sounds like most of the women on here have unworthy men in their lives. I say, if you cant respect my serious wishes, then get the hell out, Id rather be single. There are many men out there, don’t push it, don’t get too excited. It’s time we FINALLY put men in their place. Like I told my boyfriend after he looked at porn "if God had made men smaller and women bigger, men would have been destroyed!"
written by Dena, 20 April, 2011
I came across this website after a search engine search led me here, I was searching for answers and instead I found relief and comfort. Thanks girls. Thanks for sharing your experiences. I have been married for 4 years to a man that I wake up next to each morning only wondering if he will come back home in the afternoon. A man that every time I confront, he denies and deflects and suddenly I am the one crying and asking for forgiveness for doubting him. Throughout our marriage he has gone out with co-workers, posted craigslist ads for "fun with a married man," watches exclusively lesbian porn, contacted women on myspace offering them greatest night of their lives, and as I type now the tone of voice that he used to speak to me, is now being spoken to a girl playing online with him and his buddies on a video game. I feel ridiculous even typing this, I know I should leave him. I know I am not unattractive and I have so much to offer but after all this time, after all the contempt he has for me, after all the countless of ways I have gone out of my way and turned against my own values trying to please him, find me attractive, BE EVERYTHING FOR HIM...there is nothing, I am alone. I am morbidly different, I am in constant need of his attention and approval, I say random things so I can get a word from him and I can’t, I can’t get a response. He is only 25 and I am 23, and we have no sex life. I have no friends because I have nothing to say because I’m lost, I’ve lost myself. I have no family because my family wants nothing to do with me because all I am is trouble because of him and his family hates me because I am the one who always wants to argue with him, because I’m always crying, because I am so insecure and I know he has led them to believe I have problems. And I think I might but because of him. When he met me, I was still 17 wanting to run away from home, I was quiet and shy. He was the opposite. He made me feel loved and that’s all I ever wanted. After we had married only 2 months after, my suspicions began and his demeaning words also. As time went by after confrontations and denials about involvement with other women led nowhere, I sought my own answers and hacked through his emails, online history and bank statements and there it all was tracing back to when I began feeling insecure. This broke me in such a way, that I feel I have no confidence. I used to be angry, but it feels like I have given up all hope. I know I have demons I have to conquer but these are chains that I can see now and I have to break free myself. I have to be single and alone, free of him, free of hurt, just free.
written by smiles, 07 July, 2011
I have been in and out of this relationship with this man for 15 years and now we is talking about being more serious because we blame not having a good long lasting relationship on us being young. Which I agree because sometimes I feel like that was the reason. He hasnt cheated but when we break up he seems to have women on speed dial waiting for him. Yeah right... not sure should I ever trust him now or keep moving on with my life
written by same boat, 09 August, 2011
If you leave him, your self-confidence will be restored and you will be happy again. You will be lonely though. You have to weigh the good and bad of this.
written by melak, 04 September, 2011
I have a slightly similar yet different situation. Mine is a long distance one and quite early into it. Any advice, I would appreciate.
We met on an online dating website 6 months ago. We chatted a bit and he was originally from the same city I lived in. After a few weeks of chatting, he moved back to his own country as he found a better paid job. He also told me he would be moving back here permanently in the near future.
After he moved back, we continued chatting on msn, web caming, talking on the phone daily and emails. He suggested we dont go on the dating website anymore and focus on each other. He told me he’s so interested in me and wants only me, wants a family, and marriage etc.
I thought ok why not, he’s a nice guy, I don’t have any intention of getting to know other guys from that dating website and decided to give it a go. We set our boundaries for our r/ship or whatever it is. That was, communicating daily, sharing things with each other...not dating others and not chatting with other random people on the internet – dating websites. We also agreed to deleting any ppl we had met thru the dating website.
After 2-3 months of communicating etc, I noticed he was still keeping in contact with 1 particular woman who lives on the other side of the world and he was in contact with her few days prior to me. I brought this up with him and he said it’s no big deal and they are only friends and she doesnt mean anything to him. After an argument, he deleted her and emailed her to not contact him again as he has found someone whom he wants to marry.
This broke my trust and I found myself looking and seeing what he’s doing on msn and if he’s adding anyone new’s his reaction that brought this destruction in my trust. The fact that he had to argue, or that I had to argue with him to get rid of her...

written by melak, 04 September, 2011
Anyway he said he deleted her and would never do this again. I tried to move on from it... the last month or 2 we have just been arguing and me not able to trust him. One day I asked him for his email password, which he gave me. I found that he emailed a girl a photo of himself. He said it was to a girl at his workplace where she had to use it for the organisational chart....
I later rang and asked his work if I could speak to her to see if she was from his workplace. The 1st time I called, they advised no one by that name works there. then I called a week later and the receptionist advised that she used to work there but not anymore.
Anyway, he is adamant that it was only for work purposes and he swore on gods name. I let it go.

However, the fact that I asked him for his password, brought a huge issue for him and he starting doubting our r/ship. This went on for a week or 2 and then I decided to go visit him...booked tickets. Went there for 9 days. We met, had dinner etc, went out to a few places together. On night 3, we wer sitting at the beach and he told me he is intersted in me, has feelings for me and wants something serious with me. We kissed. He dropped me to my hotel later and gave me a hug and a kiss (sex was never involved). Anyway, I met his family and cousin and aunt. Few times during my last 5 days there.
He was a bit hot and cold. I noticed whenever we were out, he wasnt able to keep his eyes off blonde tourists. After 1 night, giving me a kiss and a hug he pinched my tummy and called me fat... I’m fat? Yes I have put on a bit of weight due to meds I was taking my now that im off them, its dropping off. So I’m a bit on the chubby side, not obese or overweight.. God, if you’re not intersted, dont tell me you are – and then call me fat!
Anyway.. I on my last night, as I’m taken to the airport by him and his mum, it?s like he just wanted me to go. I had about 45 mins to go for my flight, but he was politely verbally pushing me through the gates. Lol
I get back home and switch on my fone. I have a text from his saying, I hope you get back safe. So I called him a little later, and he was still sleeping – just to let him know I got home ok. He was like...ughhh I’m sleeping can we speak later? He didnt call me at all. I called him much later and he was like umm im helping my mum, I’ve been really tired and busy, I’ll talk to u again? So I said ok and apologised for bothering him.
Then nothing. The next day I went to work, and noticed on his msn, the night we kissed and he told me his feelings – he had added some random girl on his msn (from my city). They exchanged photos. This shows up on his msn profile.
The day iIleft, he had added some russian girl on msn. I deleted and blocked him off msn, deleted his phone numbers.
written by melak, 04 September, 2011
Then friday night...he tries calling me. I didnt answer. The next day (saturday just gone) he messages me and asks ‘are you going to book a hotel for me when im there?’ Since he had already booked flights to visit me towards the end of sept. He had paid for my accom while I was there... but only because my bank had a techincal issue. I had promised to pay him back but he preferred for me to just book him a hotel.
So I called him. I told him exactly how I feel and that this is not going to work at all. I was nice and polite. he was quite and just listened to me...and I thought phewww this great he’s taking it well and now will leave me alone.
Then he started apologising and asking for a ‘fresh start’...that these girls dont mean anything to him...and he wont do it again and promising me. I said well, you said this last time.
He was like i know i know but i wont ever do it again, plus they were not even legitimate females, they were scams! Ok so, that’s meant to make me feel better and feel sorry for you? Actually I felt even worse. And if they were legitimate females, I bet you would not be apologising to me right now hey?
The point is, your intention’re on the prowl and observing other women. You dont value me nor respect me. You’re just keeping me on the side until u find someone better and im just never going to be enoug for u.
Again, he was apologising and begging for a fresh start. I did not agree. Then he begged to at least let’s just be friends and so i can re-gain your trust, I asked him how will he do it this time? He said let me deal with this problem I have. So he admitted he has socme sort of a habit to respnding to online ads for single women etc. He wants to deal with it. I asked how is it that u will deal with it? Are you thinking of therapy? Or seeing someone about it or..? He was like ahhhh well I need to stop doing this so let me deal with it so I never hurt you again.
in the meantime he wants to not lose me as a friend at least.
I dont know what to do. I have so much feelings for him. This is the only downside to it all...and his wandering eye that I noticed.
I told him I need time to get over my feelings and then we can be friends. He respected that.
The result: he’s even bringing his mum down to visit when he’s coming down.

His mother is a very nice lady. But I’m not sure what to do...should I give it a fresh start as friends?
I can already see red flags of a potential emotionally unavalable, commitment phobic womanising potential cheater!

Or am I thinking too far ahead here since its long distance r/ship? Please help!
written by Nikki9999999, 10 September, 2011
I was going to tell my story but it’s the same as all of you except, my relationship is over. And you know what GREAT. I have two kids too, one with autism and it’s still better alone then dealing with a guy who is texting right in front of you to some other girl who doesn’t give a shit about you telling him to come over, no one is home. etc etc. LISTEN TO YOURSELVES!! You ALREADY know that your men are cheating on you. You are letting this happen. Think about it...if you had an open relationship fine, it honest. But these men are lying to you. every night they lay beside you thinking of the next women, they wake up thinking about the next text they are going to send and the next lie to keep you satisfied. GET OUT NOW! None of you deserve this. He’s not worth it to try to win back, to fight for or to even think about. It’s not hard to get sex, it’s not hard to find a new man, it not worth it to waste years on someone that does not give a F*** about you. Go back and read your posts. You’ve seen and suspected enough. It’s real. He is cheating on you. Trust me. I wasted 5 years on someone who finally left because his family got in the way of his new g/f and because people started to know that he wasn’t single and in fact had a family. Don’t let this be you. Time goes fast. Don’t waste it on someone that would lie to you.
written by Wink2Date, 12 October, 2011
Don’t let your boyfriends involvement in other women bother you if you show that you are insecure and that you are worried that his interest might wonder to another women then you sure will lose him that is only if the intentions of your boyfriend are innocent but if he does anything that you see as completely unacceptable then don’t be afraid to let him know asap and if it happens again wipe your hands of him don’t waste anymore time on a man that does appreciate you.

written by..., 02 November, 2011
I have a kind of similar situation. The guy I was seeing for a year I found out that he was messaging escorts off of craigslist asking for pictures and if they would want to F*** he told me he NEVER physically hooked up with anyone.. and to him that was ok. He broke up with me in march saying " he wants to see what else is out there" we have been off and on since than. He created a online dating site profile added all these girls to his phone and his facebook. He has multiple online sex site accounts. I hooked up with another guy over the summer he asked me a couple weeks ago if i did anything i told him the truth.. he got mad at me and said i cheated on him.. WE weren’t together he said that i dont love him because i did that... but i truly do We decided last week we would work this out. we have been doing fine.. than i see him talking to this girl on msn and he asked to cam.. of course i got upset he blamed it all on me and my insecurities.. yes im insecure but i blame it on the past how can i fully trust him after everything he has done.. even post porn videos of me online. But i still sit here wondering what to do.. knowing that losing him would tare me apart but being with him is making me an emotional mess.. we honestly havent been able to go a week without breaking up.. every argument every little fight he leaves me i just dont know what to do anymore.. any one have any advice id appreciate it.
written by maria maria, 12 November, 2011
I comfort myself with thoughts that ex is afraid of real intimacy and can’t communicate difficult feelings honestly. Some say commitment issues, I say fears of intimacy. I think the latter is more accurate because we can be committed to a LTR forever and not have true intimacy. I also find comfort in remembering his longest relationship was
written by Pattyann, 12 November, 2011
Everyone of these letters could be mine! A transfer to my workplace said he was attracted to me the first day he met me ( after 7 months working with him ) I was not attracted to this man, but had a lot of laughs and fun at work. I ended up accepting a dinner invitation, had a good time. I started to like this man and ended up falling in love with him. To backtrack a second; after finding out about his feelings, I observed him to see if he was a catch ( I vowed to never date again ) I observed him to be very flirty and in demand of other women ( mostly younger ) Almost like a father figure type in a way. He called himself "Uncle " to all of them, in which I found a little creepy. I told him that I thought he was a little to flirty with everyone and that I wasn’t out to change him and that is not the kind of guy I would like as a boyfriend. He explained it away as camaraderie because they all lost their jobs and had to transfer. So I gave it shot and thought he might be the real deal I wanted who it seemed like was very "into" me. Even though we had laughs a plenty and some very good times, he continued to be flirtatious, even commenting on women on TV, how hot his first ex still was, the babes that came to visit his granddaughter (she’s 14 or 15 I believe) I could on, but you get the picture. I never said or commented on any of it, as not to look insecure or jealous. I have to mention he also has anger issues. The straw that broke the camel’s back was when a birthday card went around for another co-worker and his message to her was HUGS! I know it seems like a trivial event but after all the other comments and ogling I had just had enough and said ( in a nice and non confrontational way ) that I thought it was a little inappropriate a message to her especially being she was engaged and he was supposed to be in a relationship with me. And that it hurt my feelings. He blew up at me at work, drew the line in the sand and broke it off with me. I felt betrayed and like I was placed second in his "friendly relationships" with other women. He told me I was temperamental and with his anger issues his heart and mind told him he had to end things with me. I am not and never have been a temperamental personality in my life. And no one has ever viewed me that way, on the contrary. I was broken hearted, especially because I was content with where I was in my life and vowed not to date again for fear of getting hurt again. That was 7 months ago, I still work right next to him, I have had moments and days of trying to distance myself from him. I have tried being "just a friend" but it’s not working for me. I can’t continue to play and laugh and have fun with him 5 days a week and then nothing on the weekend. I have declared my feelings of self respect for myself and the boundaries of a relationship and that he was confusing self respect with being temperamental and when one doesn’t have respect for themselves in a relationship, they get taken for granted. He seems to be acting like he knows he lost but also knows he can’t have a relationship ( I believe some people are not relationship material ) So he continues to talk, joke and laugh with me at work, but I sometimes have deep painful feelings and it hurts, but then there are days when I can laugh and joke. Fridays are the hardest! I must add though in which I totally believe. In these situations, it isn’t about insecurity and jealousy. I believe this is the way we as women have been created to feel when we are with someone we love unconditionally. Jealousy is about coveting and wanting what someone else possesses, you can’t covet your own lover. We have become a narcissistic society and have lost the meaning of "true love"!
written by selfrespect, 30 November, 2011
I have been in a relationship with a man I met online ( First online dating experience ) for a month now. We meet up frequently despite distance, and he says he loves me. He asked me if I think he is the one for me. I said yes. In my heart of hearts I know this is not currently true, as the online dating profile he met me through is still active, despite him admitting he ‘only looked never messaged’ he has been on there this week after seeing me all weekend. He said he would get rid of it. I am now in a situation where I am creating a fake online dating profile to come onto him and see if he takes the bait. If he does, then I know for sure not to waste any more money going to see him – that he doesn’t love me, and his intentions (that he is my partner, and exclusive) are not true. Ladies, I can tell you I am a very honest person and I did not want it to come down to this. Since meeting him i havent text or dated anyone else. I havent gone on that website to view other men – only to view his activity. I know deep down that he will respond to my fake profile and that it will break my heart, but I need clear cut evidence before I tell him it’s over. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt – he’s had his chance to remove the profile like he said he would and now we will find out what he’s really up to on there. Setting emotional boundaries at the start of a relationship is something i feel very strongly about. I am a loyal woman, and to me, infidelity is not acceptable. I will not tolerate it, and I will not condone it by failing to mention it. RESPECT. x
written by mcl, 30 November, 2011
Yeah, my story is the same as other people’s stories above. Despite having two children with my now ex-boyfriend, he would ogle and stare at other women calling me insecure and jealous. He has made out that I have issues of insecurity and that I will never get anyone interested in me because of this! His family hates me because I was always crying and arguing with him. I moved away from him in the end for the sake of my sanity but he still calls and tells me that he loves me, wants to marry me and have another baby blah blah blah. Anyway I started to listen to him and I even begun to feel sorry for him thinking that maybe he was now different and realized that he was missing out on being a family. Stupid me! My mobile broke and he sent me his old phone to use. I received it today and guess what? It has over 100 text messages in his inbox and they are from different women he has been emailing on the internet sites. The stupid moron forgot to delete them so of course now I realize he hasnt changed and he will never change... i hope that some of the women that have emailed on this site have found a way to escape. It’s sad to think that they are still there hurting over a man who doesnt give a sh*t about them.
written by Dori, 02 January, 2012
I have been in a relationship with a Man for the past two years. Actually we have been seeing each other everyday/every night for the past 18 weeks. The beginning was very tough. I asked him last year around this time if he was seeing other woman. His response was no your my one and only. Well I should have read in between the lines. Because I caught him texting two other woman. The one woman told him he needed to make a choice between me or her. When I comforted him on it he said no again. OMG what a lie after lie! I stopped seeing him. Then last August he sees me out with another man. I was done with the promises and the lies, cheating. Then the he began to email me two days later. I did not answer those emails until a week later. He asked if we could meet and I said yes. To make a long story,short. We are back together but I still am very concerned about his texting and talking other woman. Heck last night he was texting two other woman why we were having dinner. Needless to say this is the man who I feel in love with. But I have a serious, trust issue with him right now. He has asked me to spend the rest of his life with him. I on the other hand have not said yes..
written by AquaLove, 08 January, 2012
Do any of these men happen to be virgos? Just wondering...
written by Young one, 10 January, 2012
Reading all of these messages reassured me that I’m not the only one that went through this. My boyfriend of one year was doing similar things like to start with was not being able to show much affection in public places,now instinctively when it started occurring I straight away addressed the issue to which he replied it was due to his depression/anxiety and with that I settled with just supporting him to see how it goes. And for a while all was well. 6months later he started talking to women online -explaining it was harmless fun then the emails then texts. At this point The was near enough no intimacy left between us. I felt totally degraded and unwanted talking was now not an option as he shrugged me off or said he was too tired. Finally it came to a head when I hacked his emails and all was revealed.. (a woman will always find out!) I confronted listened to his reel of lies and made the final decision that enough was enough ended it then and there. no man should ever make you feel that way whether he’s cheated or not, your better than that ! Keep strong and do what’s best for you. I can honestly say it feels As if a weight has been lifted. May of been hard to start with but once that’s over your can finally be yourself again. Take each day as it comes and keep the supportive ones close to you. It really is the best way to end all of the hurt x
written by jasmine89, 19 January, 2012
My problem with my boyfriend is that when he’s gotten drunk he’s tried to get a girl when I’m not around, and when I confront him about it the next day or whenever he always says he doesn’t remember!! And I always end up getting over it because its never been anything really extreme. But the last time I heard that he was trying to get near my friend and she didn’t tell me about, which brings me to think that she liked it..before me and my bf and I had even met they made out I guess but even when I met her I knew about it and didn’t care because she was with her man and I trusted her. Now I’m in a situation where one of my friends saw this and told me weeks later and I confronted my bf and he has no memory of it whatsoever and the girl he supposedly was talking to knows I know and I haven’t had the chance to ask her anything in person. I dont know what to do and how to do it. I love my boyfriend but I can only take so much of this, its not fair to me, but we have a son together and have been a couple for 5 years..I also have no where to go if I don’t live with him. And I don’t want to break up my sons family. but how could I get him to stop acting that way and respect that he has a girlfriend even while head drunk, I mean when I’m drunk I know I have a boyfriend and don’t get at other guys. I don’t understand why he can’t control himself. Help please?!
written by MariaBornin1982, 21 January, 2012
Thank you ladies, for the uplifting words and comforting stories. I’m in the same situation. My boyfriend of 2.5 years ogles and stares at other women, even when I’m with him and talkin to him, he would get totally distracted. On the internet he searches for different profiles, just to look at other girls (strangers). A year and a half I found out he watches porn, I felt betrayed and I was sad and mad, because I lost my virginity to him and it felt like cheating! he cannot seem to control himself and we’ve been arguing all the time, only about other women. Hr always says he loves me heaps, but still somehow cant ‘give up’ other women. Of course he is not sexually involved with them, but it breaks my heart knowing that the only one I love is fantasizing about other women and the urge to look at them. I really dont understand. We do have our good times and we share a lot, but this has been going on for too long and after so many fights and tears and sadness I’ve come to the point (again!) of leaving him. I’m constantly sad, i don’t trust him or believe his words and the response to the original post really confirmed my thoughts. There won’t be any changes, perhaps in front of you, but the rest is very well hidden, they will just get better at it and you will be the fool who believes he’s changed. I’m ending this sorrow, i’m a beautiful young woman and i’m not afraid to live without him!!!
written by rose1, 22 January, 2012
I too am in this type of relationship. After 6 years I moved out due to women’s phone numbers in his phone. Fueling my jealousy, I am back half in the relationship and he is now telling me that this girl emailed him to thank him, and that one called to have a coffee, that one called to have lunch and he likes it when these people pay. WTF. I am backing our very slowly, but have been for a period of 4 years. Something is wrong...he is holding onto me until something better comes along or is he just lying to make me jealous. He also says that whilst we are compatible in every way it is my jealousy that is hard for him to handle and that I will lose him. WTF
written by Mack, 24 January, 2012
I am also in the same boat with my boyfriend and when I call him on it instead of changing his ways he now continues to do it but secretly. Which is worse cause now it seems that he has something to hide. I can’t give you advice about what to do because I am staying with a man for the same reasons. But I can tell you to follow what your heart tells you to do. If you feel that you need to be respected by him and he doesn’t give that to you than it is up to you to make the decisions. Good Luck to you..
written by Mamie, 15 February, 2012
This scares me. I wondered if we are seeing the exact same guy?

written by Maj, 15 February, 2012
Ur dating my man!
written by marshapple, 23 February, 2012
My husband always stare at women when I am there and when confronted he denies it! He does it even when our two children are around. I find this very disrespectful! Even at church he keeps staring at this girl. I told him she is at least 16yrs old. All he does is deny that he is doing it. He always tries to break his neck to see a woman, and play it off as if he was looking for something else. I watched him for 2days in church staring at this little girl! When I told him about it he is saying he is looking at the choir! The choir is at the front of the church! His reply; "you should be at church worshipping god and not watching people." HOW CAN I WORSHIP IN PEACE IF MY HUSBAND IS LUSTING AFTER A TEENAGER????" then came this bitch from Kenya staring at him. A certain part of service you embrace each other, and he did something he never did before! He got up and tried to part the crowd to go hug her. Everyone has taken their seats including her and you know what he did? He found his way to her to embrace her! OMG don’t let me get started with mocospace! I want to leave him so bad but something is holding me. If he were honest this wouldn’t hurt to bad! Maybe I just want proof before I leave! I don’t know... but this is hurting me sooooooooooo bad
written by kinnepella, 26 February, 2012
Haven’t you ever heard the saying, "when a man STOPS looking, that’s when u need to worry"? You women stop it, because I KNOW when u r out w/ your girlies and u see a hottie u are all lookin on him. Does that mean u love your man any less? Hell no! How about when u r with him and u see a fine dude and u think "mmmm mmmmm!" And then u keep walkin arm in arm w/ your man...come on people this is human nature. Its like passing gas. It may not be the best thing we do but it is normal to do it and abnormal not to. When my husband checks out a female I usually say something like, "she’s super cute...I give her a 9...I think u should tag that...should I get your hall pass ready?" And we have a good laugh =and he hugs me and tells me how lucky he is...still after 14 yrs.
written by default, 05 March, 2012
i broke up with my man 2 weeks ago and now that i look back i feel so stupid for ever believing hes lies,i guess the sane is true love is blind.hears the story we meet a year and a half ago threw his cuz, my friend we hit it off right away after a few months i fell in love with im and he told me he loved me first,any we moved in together.after a while.i i relize he been going threw my phone asking me who is this guy who is that and stared listenning to my messages i confronted him about it and ask him what are you looking for im not doing any thing wrong.i only have one male frind that i talk to that i known for 10 years and i never flirt with him or any thing i have no form of atraction to that person i even asked if he would like to meet him or talk to him buut he didnt want to.but any way he stared acusing me of cheating on him with him my frind and it hurted because i wasnt. it was like he was trying to look for an excuse for i stared investigating him because i started to feel somthing was wrong.i found out his password to his gmail.guess what i found a girl was sending him video messages of her striping for him geing fully naked.i confronted him he says he new this girl from a program he was in and one day he said she had a surprise and that was why keep it?.he later deleted it.that began my trust issue with him.then i notice he stared taking his phone with him were ever he goes he even sleeps with i investigate.i checked his phone a few time he deletes all the numbers from his call box and all the messeges he sends.but one day he didnt and he been talking and texting this girl name sasha as soon as i leave for work or evey time he goes to the store for a lucy(cigarette).any way i confronted him abut it he says he known her from high school and he found out she was in the shelter and he wanted if she was ok i didnt make a big deal about it untill i saw she sent him a picture with her half naked i confronted he erase it.any way two months later we are 7 month in our so called relationship his cuz died i was ther for him being suportive but he stared doing disapearing acts i hardly saw him for 2 weeks he says he was staying with his bro to help each other threw this cuz he was feeling sad and depress i falt somthing was wrong so i found out the pass word to his facebook and i found out he cheated on me.he wrote to one of his friends( this shit is crazy i cant belive i got her last night,i feel bad now. and his friend says why its just sex,did she scream your name. he says no but she did scream though right right i might go hit that again)my sanity disapeared that day and i got into a physical fight with him.any way he beg for forgivness i eventually gave him another chance and a few monts later i found out he got oovoo i found out the password to that and he been video chatting girls at night when im gone one he wanted to take to dinner one he told another girl he wanted to have sex with her another which was sasha he told her he wanted to be with her etc ther is so much to this story i cant write it all but i confronted him about it and he says it was just harmless talking they mean nothing im being jelious and that he just like fucking with there heads at that point i said f u i dont want to be with u i kicked him out.i was so madly in love with him that i didnt want to believe that he wound do that but life is short dont waste your time dont make the same mistake i i never been happier its crazy how stupied love makes us its not worth it.
written by a man, 21 July, 2012
after reading all those posts, I am like WOW! Ironically enough, I (a man) have had the same problems with some women! The last relationship was so bad, and I mean so bad, that I have practically become disenchanted with women. Just the thought that the next woman may posses just even 1% of the despicable qualities of the last one, makes me sick. As a result I have become unapproachable, I gave up on sex, family, kids etc. and I am 36yo, I rather live and die alone than having to go through the same hell I did with my ex, it was that bad!
So, what can I say, it is not a "man problem" it seems to be a human problem!
written by Katienina, 10 August, 2012
My fiancée is a nice guy. He is always lovely, full of attention, carrying, and anything I would dream of. The only problem is that I’m constantly catching him texting to other girls. two days ago he was in the shower and his phone started ringing. I take a look and guess what was the name of the contact? – Lola big boobs! I went off. While he was still in the shower I checked his texts and found out that they had lunch together. Here and now many girls tutor all him and he claim that they ate just friends. My feeling gets washed away. I don’t trust him no more.
written by honest guy, 19 November, 2012
I think he is being honest with his emotions and feelings by not hiding them. Do u want a guy that does not let u see the real him and distorts the world around? all because u do not have the same emotions a guy does. That is life, guys feel and act differently then women. If u cant handle that then maybe a women is a better partner for u. there is a level of respect that must be maintained, but basic emotions and reactions are programming that we can adjust but never fully change. Don’t make him be something he is not, love him or leave him, but do it a 100% that means accept him and appreciate him showing his emotions and inner feelings and not hiding the reality of life from u.
written by wildones, 04 March, 2013
I think you should breakup with him it does not sound like he treats you with respect I’m sorry. Your world cannot revolve around him. He sounds like a jerk!
I have dated three times now of boyfriends have ever done that to me one did though
I have moved I think you should the same there is someone out there for you a nice person.

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