Past Comments – Boyfriend lies to me about contact with his ex

im in the Same Situation
written by Kaitlin, 24 January, 2007

I’m in almost the exact same situation. I’m 2 months pregnant with my boyfriend who I just found out that this past Saturday night he was actually with his ex girlfriend at a party and also at a local bar. Then I was told he left a voicemail on her phone telling her that he still cares a lot about her and he’d really want to work things out with her. He totally denies it and twisted the story completely around. I have no clue what to do. To either believe him and stay or just walk away.

My ex
written by Rachy, 27 January, 2007

I want to remain friends with my ex as we were close and I do not have any feelings for him other than as friends. I love my boyfriend, but he does not agree with me being friends with my ex. But to be honest, I would not like it if he was friends with his ex so you should consider your partners feelings. If you love your partner enough you would give up an ex as a friend. Kaitlin, I think you should stay with your boyfriend for the moment if you feel vulnerable. I have actually let my bf walk all over me while I’ve been pregnant but I need the emotional and financial help from him. I believe he is starting to change. He was scared at first. I don’t think now is the right time to leave though unless you really think you should.

written by kaitlin*, 27 January, 2007

I just want to say that I am in the exact position. That I found out my boyfriend has been in contact with his ex for about a year, on and off, of our relationship. I found text messages. When I confronted him he lied, but I called his ex and then he confronted it. I found in my position that he was just lying to me to not cause a huge dilemma, but in that case he was still lying. He did end the friendship to demonstrate his love for me and to be faithful about when she calls him.
It is a very hard situation to deal with, but I figure if men are going to cheat they will do it regardless, and we will always find out, there is nothing you can do to stop them. You may go searching for something and realize there isn’t anything hidden or you might find something and have to end it. But I think if you truly love someone, you can overcome anything.

Men are dogs
written by dumbone, 29 January, 2007

My boyfriend still remains in contact with numerous exes and he knows it upsets me... they leave seductive text messages and he goes out to visit them in the middle of the night and he tells me "nothing is going on..." SURE!!!! I’m just the idiot he lives with and has a child with and one day I’ll get a backbone and kick him to the curb. I don’t need to catch him in bed with any of them to know that he’s cheating on me... and I’m living in a miserable home because I’m not intimate with him anymore... I love him dearly, but I can’t get over the fact that he remains in contact and still visits his exes.

written by JustDanish, 31 January, 2007

My ex girlfriend was still in love with her ex husband and behind my back, she continued to see him and sleep with him. It is very hard and deceitful, when you are in love with someone, who has not closed the doors to the past. An ex is and ex, doesn’t matter what. The reason they are not together anymore, was because it didn’t work. Some people just can’t let go, but should not use another person, to move forward, when they have not closed doors to the past. I was deeply in love with my g/f and it hurt deeply, when I found out that she was playing both sides of the fence, he didn’t know about me and I didn’t know about him. And when it all came to the surface, it was a very hard blow.

Humpty Dumpty
written by Scoot, 01 March, 2007

I just found out that he made arrangements to have aromatic dinner with his ex, while away on a supposed trip to spend his birthday with his family.
Not only did he have dinner plans but a hotel reservation too. I found out about it before the big night and busted him. He canceled all plans and seems sorry enough and I believe him. How am I supposed to get over this betrayal. I trusted this man with every fiber of my being. It took me a long time to even get there because of a previous relationship and the damage that was done, but here I am again and I just don’t know where to go or what to do and feel so utterly alone.

written by choosing to be blind, 13 October, 2007

I have confronted my boyfriend about chatting with his ex online. He told me that they are just friends and can see nothing wrong with it. I read an IM conversation between them and they were obviously flirting. It made me sick. We are living together and I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if he’s talked to her since I confronted him but I assume he has. I feel for all of you going through the same thing. It is so hard when you love the person and want to see the good in them. In my heart I know it’ll end badly but I guess I’m just trying to buy my time with him. Pathetic isn’t it?

written by Hurt, 19 November, 2007

I can’t believe the stuff I have read. Well I can, I just don’t want to accept that it’s fact for so many of us! My current fiance has contact with 3 of his ex gf’s (that I know of). We’ve talked about it and he says to me: We are just friends. I love you and I want to be with you. Blah Blah Blah... uh huh I’m thinking. I have met the one and I know they are just friends, but the other 2... yeah I don’t know. If I’m the one you want... why are you talking to not 1 but 3 of your ex’s? And regularly. I know his information to his accounts so he feels I should be secure that he isn’t hiding anything from me, because I can look whenever I want (he says) Ok, so my gut tells me he’s lieing about talking to this one person. So I discovered (duh thru info I have) that he has talked to her when he said he would tell if he did again. Because she called one night while he was at my house and she freaked. So of course I was like why...y ou are just friends right? Anyway he said he would tell me if she called him again. Well the proof I have he called the very next morning at work! And now has lied to me about it, I’ve asked him twice and he denies it. What do I do? We are engaged to be married for God’s sake! It’s no wonder this world is so messed up and divorce is rampant! I love him...but right now I’m so fuming I just want to say screw it and walk. Any advice or suggestions? Thanks!

written by Ava, 09 January, 2008

When a boy is lying to you about contact with his ex or telling you that his contact with her is a lot less often than it actually it is, it is time to MOVE ON. If he is lying there is a reason for it and you deserve someone better. I wish I would take my own advice.........

written by Been There, Did That, 09 January, 2008

Dear Hurt,
Don’t do it. Don’t get married to a guy who doesn’t feel incredibly lucky to be with you! There are guys out there who will love to treat you better, who will never lie to you.

written by demand-respect, 04 March, 2009

Wow, leaving ur confront zone! It?s like living on the edge, preparing ur self to sky-dive. I catch myself taking deep breaths. Needing to cry but pushing away the pain in my throat. I keep telling myself im better than this; I deserve a man in my life to respect and 2 b respected. I feel so scared to b on my own. Im a grown woman with a career, home, car, and im still scared to b alone. Im not good with confrontation when I talk I start to shake, my words stutter, and then loose track of what im saying. I will not allow this to happen 2 me anymore. If he will not respect me than I will not b in his life any longer.

written by jmmmm, 07 May, 2009

Wow... I can’t believe how common this is either. I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now and his ex is still a huge part of his life... He even wanted to go to her family’s Thanksgiving celebration without me. That didn’t happen, but the whole thing has been slowly destroying me for such a long time. I know I’m terrified to be alone, and I make the excuse that aside from this issue, he really is the kind of man I’d want to marry, but I feel like this isn’t me. I’m so much stronger than this, but I’m letting him hurt me with this. He has even told me that he doesn’t care how I feel about this. It’s like you said when will I just "grow a backbone" and do something good for myself...?

written by I’m Leaving Him, 01 June, 2009

I’m leaving my boyfriend because, he lied to me about his ex being his sister, when I found out about it, he told me that he didn’t tell me cause he didn’t know how I was going to take it, and now, since he’s away, she’s sending him money? Oh, no, I don’t take that too likely. He told me she was sending him money and I let him know that I don’t like it at all. He said he would handle it but now its 3 weeks ago. So yeah I called her and asked her to stop sending him money. Boy did she flip out. And get this, she has an old picture of him on her myspace, wow, that really took me over the top. So I let him know, that I don’t agree with the so called friendship and I want out. She even said he’s not being faithful. So, I just want out of this whole crazy situation. So he’s now telling me, I’m not leaving him, and he tried to confirm there’s nothing there. But you know what? I ain’t buying it.

written by..................., 11 June, 2009

Men are just dogs naturally. I don’t understand how you can tell someone you love them and hurt them at the same time. My bf and i live together and I’m 6 months pregnant with his child. He was my first and only and i love him with all of my heart, but he’s still talking to his ex, whom i cannot stand. The first time i read the texts he sent her and confronted him about it he said they’re just friends, but now he lies about it. He told me that since we started living together he hasn’t spoken to her but whenever my gut tells me to i check his phone and the texts i find are unbelievable. He says things like "i still love you" and "i wanna be with you" and then when i find out and try to talk to him he gets upset. I don’t have a problem being alone with just my baby and I and I have no problem supporting myself but i love him and I want us to be together. I’ve talked to his ex and she says she has a bf and she has moved on but I don’t believe a word any of them says. So far its just the texts but I’m worried that it’ll turn into something physical. If it does, I’m leaving for sure, but for right now I’m giving him time to straighten up.

written by ugh, 26 July, 2009

ugh me and my bf have been together for 5months now and things were fine until like a few weeks ago when i went over tp his house and he got on his myspace and notice that his ex uploaded some pics of her kissing some guy and he was like what i thought she was gay and then get this he went to her prof and tried to look thru her friends to try and see who it was. right in front of me and i just sat there quietly. then a few nites later i asked once again if he still had feelings for his ex and he said yeah and i couldnt believe that after i gave him the chance to be completely honest he still lied and then he told me that he thought about it the other day and that im all he’s ever wanted and that he loves me and wants to be with me but i just dnt no wat to believe. he even has a picture of her on his myspace that she made him and its still up there and lastnite was his bday and i went on his myspace and erad his comments and she wrote him one and in that comment she said "there’s something i willn’t say in this comment" and idk i just dnt feel sure about this but i really like him and ugh i just dnt know. i know im too forgiving and understandable and i just dnt want to be taken advantage of for being to nice.

written by soft touch, 31 July, 2009

i’ve been with my so called boyfriend for just over 3 years he has been married before but his wife got up one morning and said she was leaving 3 years after that he had sex with his ex wifes best friend he has a son to her he told me he never had a relationship with this women it was a one off he even told me where they had sex he could’nt get enough of me at one time we went everywhere did everything but 2 and a half years ago his ex girlfriend got him a puppy this is the one he said he didn’t have a relationship with since then he has pushed me out completely we dont do anything do go anywhere we haven’t had sex for 15 months he keeps telling me him and the dog sleep in the same bed he calls her darlin ect i’ve been to his flat 3 times since he got the dog he comes over to my house every night at quarter to ten for 2 hours he eats my foods smokes my tabs borrows money i work have a house children and i’m divorce he doesn’t work spends all his money on his dog and dope we are both adults i resent him more and more he also snaps at me because i’ve stopped cooking for him i am a single working parent why cant he work please advice me

written by truth, 08 August, 2009

Im in a similar position. About eight months ago i found out the my now ex boyfriend had been more than friends with his female best friend. He lied to me and told me that nothing ever happen between them. Later i learned that they had sex together. As a little more time went along I found out that she was his ex. I told him that it was’t a good idea to still be friends with her because she still had feelings for him. He assured me that he didn’t feel the same way and they were just friends. well i recently found out that they had talked about how nice it would be to hook up again and he even looked into getting a hotel for the event. Im sorry but guys are flat out lairs and i agree with you that men and women cant be friends after having sex, my story proves it.

written by DOne with the ex garbage, 01 November, 2009

I’ve read emails that my bf has sent to friends and family comparing me to an ex he was with for 9 years. Saying they had a better relationship because she understood him. They have been broken up for almost a decade but supposedly are still friends. I don’t think they are messing around but I do think that he isn’t completely over her. So now I left him and he’s promising me left and right that he will change his number and tell her he wont talk to her. But you know what? There is a man out there who will think I am the greatest woman he ever had the pleasure to be with. That man will have me on the highest pedestal and that is what I deserve. What we all deserve. No, exes cannot be just friends. There is too much residual feelings and if the partner cant handle it, it should be a simple thing to let go of the past and focus on your future. I hope you ladies find a guy who only wants you as well

written by whatadopeiam, 21 January, 2010

I started getting into a wonderful man in June 2005. All was, well, wonderful! Thanksgiving 2005 went by with no mention to meet his family and I didn’t think much of it...but then by autumn 2006 many more holidays came and went...I new this was not a good sign but I was in love. After 2006 Thanksgiving he told me that the reason why he did not invite me to his family/gatherings was because his estranged wife accompanies him to Seders/Thanksgivings etc...and he believes it would be too stressful if his parents found out he and his wife were no longer an item so they pretend to still be together...???? I thought it was nonsense, told him it would be the end of us, stuck with him for over a year more because he said he filed for a divorce...but would never discuss his charade or let me into his "other" life.."the loop". Then last Jan, 2009, I gave him a week to talk to me; give me something; anything...I was willing to work with him on whatever the problem was. On Sat. Feb 1st, after a week had passed and without a peep from him, we had a wonderful dinner together and that night I told him i loved him and kissed him goodbye. My heart is still broken. I will never understand it. I will never get over it, but most painful is I will never know why. I’m certain he hasn’t the pain I have...never did, never will... My advice to you is walk away as soon as you see the FIRST red flag. Never allow yourself to be treated so shamefully. A man that loves you and wants to be with you will be delighted to have you by his side always, everywhere, with everyone.

written by Heart Broken, 04 February, 2010

So its really sad to see that im not the only one that is having this problem ive been with my boyfriend for a year now and im 4 months pregnant. My boyfriend and i were living at his mothers house just until we could find a place of our own and not once but twice his ex showed up at his mothers house because there all still very good friends, as soon as she walked in the door im boyfriend gave her a hug and started talking to her totally ignored the fact i was even in the room, later when she left and we were alone i was like what was that all about and he said he didnt introduce me because he thought it would be weird so im like ok whatever i let it go, later on into our relationship i find out that there still talking to one another and i told him that it was starting to really upset me that they were talking and whatever because i felt like he still had feelings for her and he told me that they were just friends, we had an argument about it and he told me that he loves me more than having her as a friend and he promised he would stop talking to her, now i find out that he’s sending her emails like i wish i could see you again and i miss hanging out with you. i havent confronted him because i dont work and i have no where to go i just really dont know what to do anymore my heart is broken.

written by Thereishope, 18 February, 2010

Brokenheart you need to confront your boyfriend about his actions,if they are just friends then he’d see no problem in INTRODUCING YOU AS HIS GIRLFRIEND,But if something indeed is going on you need to tell him its EITHER YOU OR HIS EX,If he chooses you then let him cut ALL CONTACT,But if he doesn’t leave and find a man that will respect you and treat you like the queen you are.

written by Darcygirl, 05 March, 2010

I have been in the same situation. The worst is that he have lied to me about contacting his ex for over a year and a half. He also lied about a lot of things: hangouts, other girls, his past, talking and texting to other girls the whole time while he was away on the army, etc. Even thou I have sacrificed my studies, separate from my family and friends to be with him he also got me pregnant on purpose. Even when I moved with him he kept talking on secret with his ex and other girl that he knew at work very often and he hid all that. He also didn’t wanted to take me to get prenatal care because he said he didn’t had money to do that. Can you believe it? After he getting me pregnant on purpose... I am really disappointed and I just feel I don’t love him anymore. I wanted to leave to my parents house and I still want to go. But he used is intelligence and inverse psychology to make me stay and I also couldn’t travel because I’m having pregnancy complications. Now he wants to really change and do everything right because he knows now that I’m capable of leaving him. And apparently he is not talking or seeing anyone else. But for me is just to late. I cant forgive him for all that things he done to me, I really don’t feel the same for him anymore, I don’t trust him and I’m decided to leave a few months after the baby is born. I’m sorry to say and feel this way but he just make me feel like that with all those lies and things that he didn’t appreciate about my person. He is not a bad man but he need to learn that if he wants to be with someone he needs to take care of the relationship from the very beginning and not when a baby is coming and your girl is absolutely sure about leaving him. Do you people think I’m wrong on feeling this way and leaving him after the baby is born?

written by Guy, 29 April, 2010

I am in the position of the guy who lied about being in contact with an ex to avoid confrontation b/c she gave me an ultimatum: either the ex as a "friend" (in her words) or her. I can honestly say I love my girlfriend (now ex for a couple days to sort things out), but the ex and I have been friends for a while and always help each other out with dilemmas, relationship advice, etc. The ex actually helped with problems I would have with my girlfriend. I can honestly say that the ex and I are completely friends. I want to get back with my girlfriend, but don’t want to sacrifice a friendship...

I think the best thing to do is to tell the ex that you can remain friends, however, that the ex MUST give the girlfriend some space and respect our time together. Try introducing the two, but do not force it.

written by susie2010, 24 May, 2010

iam an ex , have been for a year we were together for 17 years and 2 children and it was me who ended it.for the past 2 months my ex and i have been sleeping together again and spending time together as a couple , dating if you like. he lives with another woman ,has been for about 6 months. i want us to get back together and be a family again he says he wants to also as hes never stopped loving me and only got with her to forget about me. he keeps telling me hes going to leave her and come home and speaking as an ex i will not give up until he is mine again. i dont know if the other woman suspects anything and frankly i dont care.i have lots of opportunities to tell her whats going on as i know were they live and she works in my daughters school.she probably thinks he sees me because of our kids. hes always with me and stays really late some nights and has even stayed over. surely she must suspect something, either shes stupid or desperate or hes a very good lair. my point is that sometimes when exes are still friends regardless of kids, feelings can be rekindled if spending enough time together, love doesn’t walk away, people do.

written by cannotsay, 08 June, 2010

true love does nt walk away only people do my boyfriend and me r in a relation long time nw and he still cannot stop talking to his ex even his ex keeps visiting us and whenever i confront him he just gets mad it si depressing to see how hurtful love is

written by Jackie29, 08 August, 2010

First thing’s first: men are so DUMB! They don’t realize that these ex-girlfriends who are sending them flirty text messages etc, don’t even mean what they say. The women are probably in an insecure place in their life, i.e. they may be in a rubbish relationship or are having trouble with their love life after the break up with the guy in question and just trying to comfort themselves with the thought that someone still wants them. And even if they do get back with them you can guarantee it won’t work out. The women aren’t really all that bothered about them. They’re just trying to boost their self esteem. I’m not being sexist; it works vice versa as well.

written by clarissah, 28 August, 2010

My boyfriend of 4 years is friends with his ex. His ex is married and lives abroad. However, she’s always in the country visiting friends. I’ve told my boyfriend many times that I don’t like their relationship, but he insists they’re just friends, so I asked him to let me know when he’s seeing her etc. Tonight, I just found out that he was planning to go see her, and he lied to me about it. He said he was going out with the boys, when I saw the message from her, he said he was going to see her the next day. His excuse, like all the others, he was doing it for me, because I would be jealous. If he wasn’t doing anything wrong, why would he feel the need to hide it from me. I told him I want out.

written by Cabz, 10 November, 2010

To all the ladies in doubt... I’ve been with the love of my life for 3 years. It was all great in the beginning as all relationships go. Then things started changing, no affection , funny looks, being distant and than of course hardly ever intimate anymore. Since when does that ever not bug a man? During this period his ex and him wer in contact on and off which of course I wasn’t aware about. Until tonight wen he told me he will never get over her not till the day his soul rests and that for me broke me and what we apparently had to pieces. I almost had his child and have been through so much with him. I’ve moved provinces, left my life and family behind for him, and even moved into his parents house which from a promise of’ it will only be two months’ to two years later and I don’t get on with his mother because she doesnt like me because I’m not continental. My self esteem has hit the rocks, I’m not happy but I still hold on and make the most of those few good days that come along. Other that I know I deserve better but you also grow to love a person for who they are and letting go or just the thought of it can change your mind like nothing is wrong. I’m one to talk, and I’m definitely in that saying that love is blind. But when your blind what more than words and somebodys advise can guide you to a place where you are content and feel you again? It’s slot harder than you think. After what I was told tonight it’s like nothing mr and him even matters. No apologies , nothing. That’s just the way it is. These are the hard choices ppl always talk about in life, I wish they’d bn more specific. I know, I’m still here. So don’t think you’re alone. Cabz

written by DawnGC, 08 August, 2011

I feel so much for you all....... I have been living in (what i thought) was complete happiness for 15 months with my BF. I recently went in my BF’s emails and found an email he sent to his ex during the first 5 months of our relationship, saying that she was the only women he would ever love and other sickening, things, but he didn’t want to get back together he just wanted her to know. I was so destroyed, as I thought and believed he was as happy as I was, but all those first few months together he was loving someone else in his head not me. I cant get over this even though it was over 10 months ago. All the things that I held special in the early days of our love were all a false sham.
He hasn’t physically been unfaithful, but this is eating away at me, and its only a matter of time now, before I have to finish our relationship. Its such a shame, as we were so compatible :-( but I don’t trust him anymore and the magic disappeared for me that moment I read that email.

written by winggirl, 21 September, 2011

Plain and simple, all men are pigs. They all lie and cheat. They don’t know how to tell the truth and we are all stupid.

written by matter of time, 26 September, 2011

Looking for advice. My bf added his exgf to his FB despite a previous convo we had of ever adding questionable people to our pages. ( She is a slut and bounces guy to guy its on FB. She would be problems to have as a friend because it would only be a second of time for her to decide she’s unhappy and attempt to move to him. Hence my dislike but we never had that detailed talk just about adding questionable people) I saw and confronted him immediately. Without hesistantion he said he would delete her and his page if keeping it was going to ruin our trust. His page is now on lockdown. he told me he added her because he wanted to know how she was doing (shes a druggie and got pregnant at 16) and he knew it would make me angry if I knew but he was trying to delete her. I did see the convo he did not flirt with her she did try with him despite her being married and tried to get him to come over to see her at 1am. In between that time he was texting me and trying to call me (I was at work). His convo he was asking her about her kid, if she was working etc. She calling him pet names and asking him to pick her up. He was also talking to other friends on his page at the same time. Was this truly curious or feelings that he sought her out. I am ANGRY. He knew how I felt. Their relationship before was in their teens for 2 months over the phone. he broke up with her for the rumors of her being a slut. They haven’t seen each other for 4 years. That’s why i don’t get why its important to contact her or know how’s she doing. We’ve been together officially for 8mths. For the past 2 years we have been messing around off and on but I wasn’t sure about a relationship with him. He pursued me but I wouldn’t commit. I wanted to talk to other people and me not committing he did too under that time frame but didnt’ date. I did. He used to try to spend all his time with me. Even tried to get his parents to let him switch schools. He has liked me for 4 years but I didnt’ want to pursue anything until recently. I know he cares about me but I am so angry even if nothing happened. I’m trying to figure out heal or do want my mind and pride says and walk the hell away and fast.

written by tx, 17 October, 2011

There is NO excuse for lying and people need to LET GO of the past. There is such a thing as a friend.... however, if they feel the need to LIE about it that is their choice and THEY have no RIGHT to blame the other person. IT IS CALLED BEING DECEPTIVE. Anyone who loves someone will cut ties if those ties will cause problems in the relationship.... if they don’t that is called SELFISHNESS.

written by dontdigthathole, 19 October, 2011

I am female and friends with multiple ex boyfriends. Not friends with benefits – truly friends (no romantic feelings). One of them I dated over eight years ago (read, broke up over eight years ago) and we are best friends for the simple fact that we had a friendship before we dated and although things didn’t work out, we have respect for one another. We both give and take relationship advice to each other, we socialize every now and then, and I am friends with his long-time girlfriend as well. Now to my heart break...I met "the one"...he has everything I’ve been waiting for...smart, successful, sexy, romantic...BUT JEALOUS to the EXTREME. His jealousy began early on and stupid me thought he would eventually see that there is NOTHING he had to worry about. He never met my best friend/ex; he refused. I understood. I cut off that friendship with my ex in order to let my love grow with my new man. Then came the jealousy over pretty much anyone I ever socialized with-girlfriends included. "Cut-cut-cut" --the sound of all my relationships and friendships. I rationalized it as doing my part for this relationship. I love him. The thing is, all this cutting off of friendships didn’t go as swiftly as he would like. I would get texts or emails or calls from friends – even after I asked them not to. My new man would see it, or I would tell him – and he would throw a jealous fit and blame ME for the contact. I ended up lying to him by not telling him about any random calls I received. I eventually lost myself; I had no independence. His jealousy grew into him checking my phone, hacking my accounts, me telling him to look all he wants because I had nothing to hide. After a year, I finally had a night out with all the girls for dinner --long story short, he went to the restaurant and sat in his truck in the parking lot the entire time I was in there laughing and eating and drinking wine with my girls. When I came out he pulled his car up next to me in a rage and asking why the dinner went so long (3hrs) – I got in my car and flew out of there because I feared what was coming next. He has never put a hand on me, but his jealousy turned into verbal abuse and rage that I had no idea what he would do. Jealousy is a BAD thing. YOU must control it and look into yourself and find why YOU are so insecure. Lying in order to avoid conflict is a reality. And it hurts both parties. If you are the jealous one, check yourself FIRST. In my case, the jealousy turned into verbal and mental abuse that killed all of our potential. I left that relationship not because I wanted to but because I HAD to. JEALOUSY killed it and I thought it would eventually kill me – literally. I am now friends again with my ex -and his girlfriend, and neither of them judged me for cutting them off – they are just so happy that I am safe again.

written by pressure, 21 October, 2011

In all honesty i have a boyfriend who started off as one of my best friends in high school. After a year from graduation we got together. throughout our entire relationship for three years he was a constant lair. What was even worse was he cheated on me last year with a next girl who by the way pictures he still has n keeps in contact with her and the other ex i am now pulling away slowly to find better in life. Even his sister who suppose to be my friend lies for him this is all done in my face when they think I don’t know i do. It hurts but it’s up to me to be stronger. In my case ladies if your boyfriend lies constantly, keeps his ex photos and when you tell him remove it and he refuse, has her constantly calling the house and cell and calling each other pet names or going places with her and lying about it, HE IS NOT THE ONE FOR YOU. I am slowly recovering from all of the above mentioned and it feels good to move on.

written by Karmin, 24 October, 2011

Once the writing is on the wall, we have choices to make. We may not like the alternatives, but in the end, if we make the right decision, we’re all the better, all the stronger, all the wiser. In short, ladies and gents, PLEASE BEGIN TO LOVE YOURSELF MORE. BE BRAVE ENOUGH TO MAKE THAT PAINFUL DECISION THAT WILL ULTIMATELY BE BEST FOR YOU.

Our lives are as vapor and tomorrow is not guaranteed. We are given many opportunities to love. Stop allowing yourself to be the victim and start making YOU your priority.

written by kpeg, 01 November, 2011

when somebody really loves you, gives it all for you you already told him that situation it’s hurting your feelings and but he seems not to care about it. What i think you should do is to talk with him seriously make him understand that this situation is making you crazy and if he does nothing, he doesn’t deserves you there’s lots of people looking for somebody like you and im sure you will find somebody to love that really cares about what you think and feel.

written by WeRescuedOurPupAndEachOther, 10 November, 2011

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year almost and we live together. We adopted a rescue pup in the first half of this year together and he already has a 4 year old Huskie. I love him, love the dogs, and we have become a family. Recently, I have gotten several threatening voicemail messages, seemingly coming from an ex of his or someone who wants to be with him. We decided to ignore them, unless they continue, but, behind my back, he went to his ex’s house and confronted her about it. I appreciate what he was trying to do for me, but he lied about being there. When I confronted him, he told me why he was there, that he didn’t want me to get upset that he was going to see her, and I let it go. He has never given me reason not to trust him before, and so I have no reason not to now. Quite soon after that he asked for some space from me, stating it had nothing to do with anyone but us, and it was just space for him to sort things out, as our relationship has had a few stressors put upon it lately by both outside sources and ourselves. We took the space, and are not speaking or seeing each other (I am temporarily living with a girlfriend, until we figure things out) but I am worried, even though we discussed that we would not see other people, that this has something to do with the ex he went to see. We never had issues before that, the stressors came on after that, and out of nowhere he wanted space.

What do I do?

written by Warn him, 22 November, 2011

You know, it’s sad yet amusing how we women give so many chances.

One of the first things I did in my rel. Was warn my bf about how bad I’ve been played throughout the years, how much I’ve come to resent the men who have cheated on me, and how much resentment I held for family members who did it to the women in my family. I feel there are more women becoming single everyday because men cannot seem to prove themselves faithful.

Warn him. Ladies the grass is not always greener on the other side, but if you choose to end a current rel and hop the fence, put warning signs up and let that guy know not to cross x,y, or z. This is now a psychological thing, as when you say your warnings out loud, YOU hear them out loud too. If you know your self-worth you are able to tell those how to treat you and won’t accept anything less.

I too am in a relationship and have had the "why are you still contacting exs" talk. Ive never really been into checking phones but I just could not ignore my gut feeling. So I did it. After telling him that contacting one particular ex would cause problems, he did it anyway. So now, it’s no more talking....I am now a player in this game and will soon get out. I am not the girl to cross nor will I put up with yet another dirty dog and if that means that I’ll only have relationships in the form of friendships, so be it. We are all able to get out of situations and if you (in your gut) are being told to leave....LEAVE!

written by annoyed, 23 November, 2011

so much anger towers men acting like men r the only ones who cannot be faithful or cant have relation ships with an Ex i can understand being safe an cautious but geez if u clamp down on someone to hard just because ur to insecure about urself or u cant even trust ur partner over something so simple as that u need therapy.

written by that kinda men got low morals and no soul !, 06 December, 2011

recently i find the history on MSN, my blank poor ugly BF contacted his ex, seems a little sweet, and he lied to me before, he told me never contacted others gals, but now... let me find it!!! and he explained he was drunk in that day when he was on buz travel. i dont know should i forgiven him or not !lie lie lie !and i think in this case, happened first time, there will be the second time happened... or 3rd time... MAN ARE DOGS.

written by SurvivouR, 13 December, 2011

I just recently found out I was pregnant.... which in any normal situation would be great news... but the problem is is that my bf (whom I stay with) is still in contact with his ex girlfriend. I have not told him I am pregnant yet because I am scared that he is going to want me to get rid of the baby. I havent confronted him about communicating with his ex because I dont want him to kick me out and I will not have anywhere to go. He deploys to afgan in January so Im trying to stay calm and cool but every time I see his phone log that he has been communicating with and read the emails that he sent to her talking about he still loves her and how he wants to work things out...it upsets me so badly. He continues to deny that he even communicates with her which is an insult to my intelligence. She does not know about me but I want to call her so bad and tell her what he has been doing to the both of us but again i am scared of being out in the cold lonely and pregnant. I am just praying and asking God to keep my mind at ease and provide a way for me to get out of this situation. My heart is hurt so badly from this but Im trying to stay positive and focused for the blessing thats growing inside of me... please keep me in your thoughts and prayers.

written by Idk what to do!!!, 08 January, 2012

Well I’ve been with my bf for over a year, like many others I am pregnant also with his child. Well at the beginning of our relationship he was talking to his ex do I told her to leave him alone, and I talk to him and asked what’s going on? And he said nothing were just friends, I said okay but about 7 months pregnant i had one of my friends call me and say hey i see your bf over here with his ex at the park, i believed her but i didnt want to so she took a pic of the two of them together and he was all over, i asked him about when he got home and lied and said i havent talked to her but i had proof on my phone and i showed him, he just walked away. Well i left that night to stay with my mom and he told me that he went to wish her a happy birthday, I said okay and let it go. " since I am pregnant with his child" but later in our relationship one day before I have our baby I get this feeling like I should go through his phone, and I find that he was asking her to go out to a party with him and that he could take her home afterwards. "btw we live together and I didn’t know anything about the party". She said sure come pick me up, well my bf told me he was going to his friends house and I believed him at the time. After I look through his phone I ask him why the hell are you still texting ot even talking to her? And he lied to my face again saying that he has not talked to since that he saw her to wish her happy birthday. Well now that I had the baby I’m here at the house with our baby girl and he goes to work but will stay out all night, I look at his phone and nothing is on there now " I think he figured out he has delete button" nevertheless I need help on what to do!!! I’m in to deep now to leave him I love him with all my heart. I used to think if uoh loved them that much you can get through anything, I take it back I’m basically raising our baby girl on my own he doesn’t help with her and he goes out all the time. Plz someone help me!!!!

written by jz, 14 January, 2012

I’m sorry to hear what you are going through. I was in a similar situation. I am now on my own and happy. I know it’s hard but only u can change things. You can’t change his actions, or control them. One day he will regret it, when ur not there anymore. God be with u and your baby girl.

written by Guest5, 23 January, 2012

I’d just like to say thank you to everyone for sharing their stories. Also, I’m sorry to read about so much pain. I’ve been in a relationship I don’t trust for too long. Even after seeing proof of sexually explicit flirtations with ex-girlfriends, I convince myself it’s nothing, because it wasn’t physical. We had discussed how I feel about sexually suggestive remarks to other women, but he never agreed to stop, just said it means nothing. There is someone out there for him who won’t be hurt by his actions, but I am not that person. I am reaching for the courage to do what is right for me. Thank you for listening.

written by DUMPHIM, 24 January, 2012

Sorry but you need to dump him. He doesn’t respect you as a human being and he is not a decent person.

He has no regard for your mental well being and he is disrespecting you.

Dump him NOW

written by hmph, 31 January, 2012

So my bf and I have been together for 1yr and 8months and we live together. We are planning a trip to another country as well but... A while ago he went to a friends wedding and kissed one of his friends that was a girl. This man has been cheated on and said if I ever kissed anyone it would be over. I forgave him. Not her and asked him to tell me whenever she contacts him and to not reply til I am over it a bit.. He promised he would tell me and he never has unless I say something. I get a feeling that i HAVE to check his phone and i find texts from her and they all end in XO which I HATE and we got in a fight I told him I didn’t believe he told me when she contacted him and he lied to my face saying he has told me EVERY single time she has and I know I was being sneaky but there were at least three times she did that I SAW that he didn’t tell me.....
WHY????... (after he told me he kissed her he said it made him realize how much he loved me.

written by Clare Bishop, 27 February, 2012

I left my husband of 18 years to be with a man I met at work. My feelings were incredibly strong, so I ignored my instincts. I moved 200 miles away from home to be with him, my husband got custody of our son so I have to travel every other week to see him. When I met my new man I was aware he had been seeing a married woman at work in secret for 8 years. He even told me who she was. When we are apart I always have niggling doubts in my head...is he with her, is he texting her...etc. I know how good he is at hiding it because he didn’t get caught out all those 8 years. I trusted him, moved in with him, gave up my whole life and job to be with him. He still works with her but is giving up his job to be with me so say. He has leaving do’s coming up and I wasn’t invited to either of them. He asked me when someone else at work asked why I wasn’t going. Then, he told me his ex would be at the other do...she then cancelled and I was invited. This made me feel like second best even though he said he was giving up work to be with me. I gave up so much to be with him I wanted to make sure he wasn’t messing about, so I checked his phone. I found messages saying they would have to meet up sometime somehow...unfortunately I questioned him and told him I looked on his phone. He explained they were work related meetings. I still don’t get how they could be. Why didn’t she email? Also another message said "im on my own until sunday’. Now he is so angry he hasn’t hardly spoken to me for a week, and all intimicy and affection is gone. I explained why I felt insecure, apologised, begged, wrote letters...texts. He doesn’t seem interested. Now I have lost everything including the new life I thought I had.

written by STARBELLA, 14 March, 2012

Its really comforting but sad to see so many people in similar situations to me. I have been living with my boyfriend for 4 months now and recently discovered messages on his phone from a girl he was romantically involved with in the past. Ones like i love you, i miss you (if im aloud to say that) from her etc. Also ones from him like im not over her yet haha etc (referring to me). Because i found messages i cant confront him because at the moment he is in the wrong for also disrespecting me verbally and im staying at my mums and i have done nothing wrong. Its so hard because i cant get an explanation about who she is or even find out why. I have walked away but i just feel like i wont be able to stop obsessing until i get that information. Its driving me insane! Despite these messages ive also found ones firm when we first started going out like –
her- how have you been?
him- good gorgeous ive been seeing this girl for a few weeks things are going well
her- thats good etc

then a few weeks later on valentines day there was one from her first say happy v day then he replied with happy valentines day beautiful......

so contradicting who she is!
anyone have any ideas???

written by brakeuporshakeup, 22 April, 2012

Hey there.
My boyfriend lied to me when we were not together. He continued with his lies a little in the beginning. The biggest lie was that he was in touch with two of his ex girlfriends(Writing with them & he even met up with one to officially tell her that he is committed, cause he never was before and always cheated on her). By talking to him I made it clear that he has to decide which one he wants, or he will NEVER be happy and DIE ALONE. I made him see my point and he ended up being a good boyfriend(still is). Problem is he has been using lies all his life to get out of situations, which means for him it doesn’t feel wrong to lie. It’s like a protection shield. And what I think guys often do is generalize. So tell him clearly who you are and how you want to be treated. If he cannot give you what you need, than tell him that you are no longer interested in being a relationship. Men are interested in independent women, they love them more than anything(tell them the story about the good house wife, the angel sitting at home going to church on sundays [spice things up like in a role play – twist yourself to be his mis perfect – LISTEN]). So to make things clear, you have to observe him for 2 months to find out when the lies occur and to see if they really hurt you, or if they just don’t go with your usual everyday life(morals). Sometimes you need to understand the guy and where he comes from. I compare it to a woman and her mood swings, she can either focus on controlling them or just letting them go. And that is exactly what happens with guys to, they do often forget to think before they act. Make your values clear to him, and make him feel he can trust you and that there will be no more jealousy. Try to be non jealous for at least 5-6 months and after that you should have him on the hook. Worked for me!
Happy hunting for mr. right!

P.S. Stay hot, he’ll thank you forever and never let you go

written by Mer, 24 November, 2012

I was in a relationship... went to Maine to visit my mom. Found pictures on his tablet of his ex/girlfriend in his boxers and t-shirt. he came clean and said she stayed with him while I was in Maine. Prompted me to contact an ex-boyfriend (out of spite..) and now we are happily together again.. all I can say is, KARMA IS A B****

written by Mer, 24 November, 2012

I was in a relationship with a guy, and I went to Maine to visit my mother. When I came back, I was looking at his pictures of us on his tablet... I stumbled upon pics of his ex-girlfriend in his boxers and t-shirt in his house. I found out she stayed with him while I was in Maine... prompted me to contact an ex-boyfriend (out of spite – may have been wrong, but whatever!) I am now back with my ex-boyfriend and happier than ever! Thanks to him!!!

written by ladyLove, 24 December, 2012

So I have been with my bf for abt 2 years and we just had a baby together in October.. so I was going through his texts on his phone and I found a text he tried to erase sent to a area code from canada.. & it said from him-" It would be amazing if it was with you ,... I Love you"... I instantly knew from that area code.. it was his ex he was testing from Canada.. they were together for 5 years before me.. they were gonna get married and so on... So when o confronted him.... He was pissed I found out, and wouldnt really give me a reason. So I called her , and she said that there just really great friends and been talking on and off for the last 2 years me and him been together.... She was basically trying to he my friend. Told the bitch to move on.. and leave my man alone. He then tells me he is in love with her and my baby we just had. He broke my heart so bad........ I couldbt believe he was telling his ex another woman that he loves her and that we just had a baby together.. dude he hurt me so bad... So few days after that happened he said he was so sorry.. and he has been making it up to me by showing me so much love... But that doesn’t fix my feelings. I feel like every time he tells me he loves me... Is a lie. I don’t believe him.. he basically killed it for me... but now I monitor his phone, changed his # and he tells me he’s sorry once in awhile.. I just wish I could get over this and move on like he wants to.. in our relationship... But its like I don’t know how.. Just that keeps running through my mind him telling her he loves her...

written by Detroyed, 04 January, 2013

I’ve been with my bf for almost 3 years and the for the last 8 months we have not had sex. I had a cervical cancer scare and on the day of my biopsy he didn’t go with me but instead was texting back and forth with an old ex. He lied about it and then a couple of months later I confronted him again about it and he said they are just friends and he’s going to connect with whom ever he pleases. I asked him not to but he just blows up. Now he IM’s her on FB and I blocked the number from his phone for 6 mo. now.
I’m tired of being rejected for sex. I know he’s interested in sex...always jerking off, sometimes while I’m in the bed, watching porn and now these secret contacts with his ex.
For some reason last night he blew up about it and gave me an ultimatum that either I unblock the number so he can call her at will or he’ll move out. F@#$ you and I don’t care about your feelings. If it bothers me, too bad. I have a problem.
Well I don’t think it’s me that has the problem. If they were just friends then why is he so secretive about it? Also over the summer I found a series of emails between them setting up some time when she’d be in town. He denies that they ever met up but still with urgency wants me to unblock the phone. They were texting all the time before the number block and I know it’s still going on in email and IM on FB.
He’s moving out as if he can’t respect my wishes then he’s putting her over me and that’s disrespectful. It seems ridiculous that we’re breaking up over this but I’m tired of being thought of last, yelled and lied too and now some stupid old GF that is overweight and has 3 kids and is a grandmother is the last straw that leading him astray. I’m shaking my head in disbelieve. Suggestions?

written by Maikekulanakea, 13 February, 2013

My boyfriend & I have been together 8 months. I moved cross country for him, changed my number, left my business, family & friends. He told me the whole time his XGF was no longer contacting him & he admitted she was sending pictures, but he didn’t reply. A month later, I found out I was pregnant, he said she was leaving him alone, but she wasn’t. Then I gave him a final ultimatum. I said if he wasn’t "Good" while I was gone on vacation, it was done. He talked to his ex everyday, I got access to his phone records & saw that they have been talking on the phone and texting on average of 600 times a month. EVEN while I was Pregnant. He says he’ll stop but this is the 5th time, I have asked and caught him lying. He never admits to more than I know. I don’t know what to do... Move back home? Abort the kid? I’m young, I could have a new life with someone who cares ENTIRELY about me... I don’t understand Why I want to give him a chance? What he’s capable of... being so sweet & loving all the time, and all those texts are going on... I know it’s bad. Every time I tell myself... One more thing.. all I need is one more thing to put me over the edge... But why hasn’t this stuff already? I don’t trust him far as I can throw him. Even when he’s sitting right in front of me, I can see that he’s texted her 5 AM, while he’s still in bed with me.. and he says its WORK.

written by theexgfincontact, 14 April, 2013

I’m the ex girlfriend my ex doesn’t want to break contact with, even after enforcing it through attorneys, not a court order yet. He has a girlfriend that he says he will marry next year but he still won’t leave me alone. He’s lately taken to coming over my place in the early hours of the morning and I have politely asked him to stop. He says he doesn’t want to loose me in his life and that he loves me, will always be there for me. He’s really the kind of man I would like to have as a husband if it wasn’t for his cheating and selfishness. He’s intelligent, very focused at work and moving up the ladder quite fast, very dedicated but he sucks as a partner. Because I still love him, I find myself fantasizing about getting back together with him. We broke up a year and 4 months ago. When he calls we don’t spend less than 30 minutes on the phone at one time we were on the phone for 4 hours, talking about what went wrong in our relationship. This is what we talk about mostly when we talk and seems like we’re slowly working things out although there’s no official commitment to this. Slowly we’re peeling off the painful layers of our breakup. I don’t know and don’t understand what this is all about and would like some advice on how best to handle this situation as I don’t want to get hurt again. I still love my ex very much