Past Comments – My boyfriend constantly lies about using pornography

Comments (56)

ms. know-it-all
written by crazyinlove, 05 December, 2006
I am twenty four years of age and my girlfriend is twenty eight. She always says that because she is 28 and I am 24 that we see things differently. But at the same time she will call me out on something I did but when I catch her in the act she automatically looks at me what she does is okay... My biggest pet peeve about her is that she always tells her friends about all the arguments that we have gotten into, and thinks it is ok. But when I talk to mom about my problems and I always tell both sides of the story, she right off the bat catches an attitude.
written by beyza, 01 February, 2007
I would rather have boyfriend who was into porn then a sleazy boyfriend who was out every night with his pals visiting strip joints! Why not join him? What is so wrong with him watching something he cannot touch, feel or smell? It’s harmless.. the fact that you are angry makes it even more dirty for him, hence his lies. Its not the women in the porn, it is what they are doing in the porn. Sex is dirty, fun, naughty and thrilling – its exciting... I think you should just watch it with him, have sex during, laugh then turn it off. After the intimacy he is still in your bed and you are in his arms... why create the scenes or make your own porn... that way you get to watch it but please ensure it does not get into wrong hands and no copies are made.... The rest enjoy it life is tooooooooooo short to be upset over such things. Trust me, try it you will understand him a lot better if you show interest in it yourself.
my husband watched porn
written by kjp, 16 February, 2007
Last year my husband was watching porn behind my back it hurt me cause for all this time he acted like he didn’t watch it....racked up his credit card to like $350 on it I never knew till we moved in together and I found it in the move. I don’t understand why he had to watch it, if I did anything he wanted? Now I feel like this whole time he lied about it what else has he lied about and I feel like I don’t know him. Now I don’t know what to do.
my boyfriend did the same thing
written by dfg, 26 February, 2007
I feel the exact same thing as you "kjp". My boyfriend told me he never looked at it and had no interest in it. Then I found out he started looking at it behind my back on the internet when we got it. Now I don’t know what to think and it makes me question who he is and how many other lies there are. I cant explain why I dislike pornography so much, other than I feel it is morally wrong and that sex should be between two people who love each other. I’ve read a few reasons why women tolerate it and I cant begin to understand.
Tired of the Porn
written by nmk, 07 March, 2007
I also do not understand it. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4.5 years. I’m only 23 and he’s 24, I’m am a very attractive young woman who loves to be intimate with him. I’ve know that he looks at porn from time to time but lately I feel it getting worse. He is constantly looking online and deleting the history, I find it on our cable bills; last night I even caught him masturbating to a playboy. I’m always there to satisfy him even if I’m not in the mood and never turn him down. Why does he turn to these things? Porn does not belong in our home and I feel so insecure that he views it. I feel like this is the beginning soon he will think these extreme sexual behaviors are normal and will demand that in our sex life. I also feel like when porn isn’t enough, he will turn to someone else. I’ve asked him to stop and he says he will but of course never does. I don’t go to anything but him to satisfy my needs and feel like he should respect me in the same way. Porn is cheating no matter what, emotionally and physically.
i understand you
written by romaisa, 23 March, 2007
A man using porn has no ability to commit to a normal relationship. I have experience of this and I hate how this has made me feel. I do not feel I can ever have a relationship with him ever again.
written by NLH, 22 September, 2008
I feel exactly the same way. I have caught my husband a few times but he HIDES the pornography. I honestly think its the lies more than anything. Things have gotten worse since I had our first child, who is now 2 years old. I always find myself thinking, is she really more attractive than me?
I offerwed to recreate scenes that I knew he had been watching and I have also been actively increasing our sex lives over thje past few months. We talk about the last time I found the pornography, and only a few days ago did he say that he had ‘definitely not’ watched or looked at anything since the last argument. However, I have installed a ‘key logger’ on the computer and I know for a fact that he is lying to me.
Does he really think I’m so stupid to totally trust him after all the times I’ve caught him (way over 10 times now). I did tell him that if I caught him again that I would leave. I love him dearly, but I simply cannot trust him to stay with him.
written by kinkajou, 14 April, 2010
I know just how you feel. It’s like if you like looking at those porn stars all the time why don’t you date one and leave me the hell alone. I am a sexual wildcat and it still doesn’t matter. He is cheating with his eyes and I hate it. They say men are "wired" differently. Well, the internet wasn’t around when humans evolved so how can that be? Excuses and BS. Sometimes I feel like I should forget men all together and be a lesbian.
written by asian, 27 June, 2010
to think i was the only one facing this... I’m so sad too to find that my bf lies to my face about watchin porn. i wonder how he’d feel if i were to lie at his face about something... these type of guys think they are all mighty and can get away with everything.. what goes around comes around
written by dja, 24 July, 2010
Unfortunately i am one of these guys,i lied about money to my fiancee then she found some porn on the computer.We have been through some tough times and thats when it started but i ended up addicted to it.Iv never physically cheated on her but i no iv been cheating on her emotionally.We split up a few months back now when it all come to the surface.I had no reason to do it all as she was perfect in every way for me and i really truly loved her (still do).We both lost in this and the hardest thing for her to understand is why,but i have no answers.I just want any guys out there who read this to know that its always best to be completely honest no mater how bad the reaction might be,if your honest then theres always the chance of working things out.I lost the love of my life and will regret my actions for the rest of my life.I hope this helps someone out there and stop a great relationship from falling apart.
written by djmsblonde, 12 November, 2010
I have been married happily for 8 years , I always knew my husband occasionally watched a little porn. Im not sure why, but I guess I allowed it. Recently I saw on his cell phone at least 10 or 12 full length porno flix. I felt that was taking it too far. ( porn on the go?) I brought it to his attention that I was uncomfortable, and fed up with this " normal guy behavior" Turns out the problem was greater than I had ever imagined. He became defensive, called me " insecure" and paranoid etc. After arguing about it for a few weeks. He admitted it was wrong, and did make him feel dirty or sleazy, and promised never to use it again. We were intimate a few nights ago and he lost his erection.....for the first time in 8 years. I think that porn has a lot to do with it. I researched it, and it can lead to erectile dysfunction, so bad in fact in some men from over use, that they no longer can perform with a real woman, even with medication. Some men wish they had never started this vicious sleazy cycle of self satisfaction, and over stimulation that only leads to desensitization. I have no idea if we will ever recover from this, I feel so lonely and depressed, and betrayed. I find it very hard to go back to the way we were. If we do stay together it will never be the same. PORN has no place in a committed mans life. It will only lead to bigger problems, and keep him from fully enjoying the love, and passion of his real flesh and blood woman.I do view this as a form of cheating. Time to grow up and be a real man.
written by Ddf, 15 November, 2010
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years and we recently just moved in together. A Few times he went soft during sex so I Googled the problem and porn addiction came up. I asked him how much he watched porn and he told me it wasn’t often. After these problems persisted I demanded to know why such a young guy was having these kinds of sexual problems. He then admitted he was addicted to porn. It hurts to know he lied to me for so long and it hurts even more to know that I wasn’t enough. I’m unfortunately stuck in a lease so I’m trying to make things work. He’s trying so hard make things right, but I just don’t feel the same anymore. How can I trust him and why should I? I’m not an ugly girl, but right now I feel like the ugliest girl in the world.
written by Stuck in the same boat, 08 February, 2011
My fiance and I have been together for 2 years, and in that time have had a baby girl, and moved his and my children together, and have tried to create a life together. Then, I found out he was looking at porn when we had gone thru a rough time together..I threw the magazines away and I figured that was the end. I had told him that I wasn’t interested in it, and I felt like he had no reason to be looking at slutty ass girls now that he was a family man. Single what you want, but not when you are engaged to be I thought he had stopped..then I found out 3 months after I had our little girl that he was still into it, he had rented movies on the cable channel and when the bill came I found out and I was pissed..for one he continued to lie to me, and was doing it while I was sleeping RIGHT NEXT TO HIM!!!! How insulting..and I was devastated. I was so upset that I didnt know what to do, needless to say we worked it out and he promised never again..that he didn’t care anymore about that. He did it because we weren’t having much sex (after just giving birth via C-section) I wasnt in the mood for that.

Well, last night I was checking the history on the computer (trying to find the link for the shoes for my bridal party as we’re getting married in April) and I found porn sites..I was so upset, confronted him, gave him back his ring..I cant be with a liar, and I won’t marry somebody lying to me..I dont deserve it and wont tolerate it..we were up till 3am talking about it and trying to work past it. I asked him what else he had done (knowing that when you find one issue, there’s usually more that are hidden) and he promised nothing. He had only looked on the computer and he wouldn’t do it anymore..( I changed my laptop password, so he wont be using MY computer to do that shit)...then today I get the cable bill..and jesus man what do you think I find?? He was renting movies just last month and the most upsetting thing..I gave him a chance last night to come clean. To tell me the truth and be honest about it. I told him just tell me what else you’ve done and I won’t be mad..let’s get it out in the open and really move forward..and he lied right to my face saying he had only looked on the computer. So now, while he is at work I am sitting here upset, angry, and I dont know what to do. It’s the saddest thing in the world because I love him so much and he’s a wonderful father and we have created a good life together, but I cannot and will not tolerate this kind of behavior. (Mostly because I told him before, if he wanted to watch it just let me know upfront don’t hide it and lie..even though I won’t participate I just want to know what’s going on, and he continued to lie.) I guess I don’t know what’s going to happen. I feel like I’ve been betrayed in the worst way possible by the man I’ve givin my life’s a really shitty feeling. Anyway thanks for letting me know im not the only one out there going thru it and I hope that somebody else can read this and not wait around like I have..I feel like I’ve wasted the last year of my life...I stayed and trusted and believed him and for what? so he could slap me in the face and keep lying and sneaking and hiding shit behind my back..not a good way to start a marriage and a brand new life together.

written by dahh, 21 February, 2011
I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost two years about 9 months ago I moved in with him. I am now 35 weeks pregnant and I just found out all he does on his free time is watch porn behind my back and it hurts me A LOT!!!! I cry every day because I barely turned 18 and I’m now pregnant and I never thought I would be the one going thru something like this. It hurts....I sometimes wonder about it and I blame my self for it very much for. What I’m going through right now because before I was pregnant and before we even thought about moving in together, I knew he watched porn all the time and one day before our first valentines day. I found out he went out to a nasty ass strip club and while I was at work and that night he took for ever to pick me up and I didn’t find this out like 4 months after it happened....I knew he was that way and that’s why I think its my fault and I can’t do nothing about it! I’m pregnant and I can’t only think about me! My baby girl will need a dad! I DON’T REGRET MY. BABY AT ALL!!! She’s what keeps me going everyday!! But I wish I I could go back in time and left him since the beginning now its too just hurts so bad because I love him so muchhhhhhhhh! Its one of the worst feelings! It makes me feel like I’m not enough for him!!!....
written by lmg5487, 11 April, 2011
Yeah, I found out my bf of one year and nine months has been looking at porn on MY computer. While I’m working 12+ hour days and he’s at home doing nothing! And then he’ll sleep all day and not be tired enough to sleep at night and watches it while I am sleeping. We live together, and I am paying for EVERYTHING, working everyday to keep us here, and I feel like I’m not good enough or doing enough as it is and I find this shit out. I asked him about it the other night because I checked my history because I didn’t expect to have found anything because we had just had sex that night. But low and behold...I asked him about it and he said, no he’d not been looking at porn and I asked if he was lying and he said again, no, that he was looking on some "guy sites" and the porn websites popped up. yeah, whatever, because I still found him looking today, even though I was working and sick with some type of infection. Why do guys lie? He knows I have low self-esteem as it is, but now I feel like I’ll never be enough for him. I don’t know what to do. I mean, I know I’m not the best looking girl in the world, but why lie to my face, more than once even when I brought the computer history up?!? Now, I don’t even want to go lay down by him because I’ve been so upset and feeling so low about myself.
written by fedupwithlies, 08 May, 2011
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year now. I realized he looked at pornography when we first started dating. He told me he only looked at it seldomly. Now we are about to hit our anniversary with him lying to my face that he looks at webcam girls. I saw his history (I know, bad) but found he is a subscriber to porn sites and looks at alot of webcams whenever he has a chance to be alone. His phone and his laptop we share are filled with movies and pics. I told him it was alright to download them but not to the extent he has done. Also, my other issue is facebook and him adding pretty girls and liking pics which they are in bikinis and such. I love him to death but idk, he lies to my face or tells me its not a big deal. I find him selfish at times when he wants to pleasure himself than us making love. I feel so unwanted sometimes and I hate feeling like that. He is a very sweet guy, he tells me I’m "the one" and such but I feel there is a fine print to those sweet nothings.
written by jennifer4096, 10 August, 2011
ive been with my boyfriend for 3 years I love him so much but hes addicted to porn and dating sites, im so confused hes a great guy but he doesnt think he has a problem should I leave him?
written by LindaM, 15 August, 2011

Every relationship is different and for those who are okay with their boyfriend, fiance, or hubby watching porn, more power to ya.
For me, it hurts, it’s disrespectful, and yes, I will admit to low self esteem.
My boyfriend has been looking at porn, (behind my back), every since we got together 11 years ago. He claims he loves me and he just wants to make me happy, yet, it has caused many bad arguments, lots of tears on my part, many lies, broken promises, even splitting up once. He will stop for awhile, but before I know it, with some searching and spying, I’m finding him right back at it.
The so called "experts" say that men sometimes do it because of the fantasy aspects and that many women aren’t into wild sex. I used to be a VERY sexual woman, willing to try new things, different positions, etc. Every since we’ve been together though, he has had "performance issues" in the bedroom. He is a Type 2 Diabetic and claims that causes him to not be able to "get it up" at times. In the last few years it has gotten to the point where we don’t have sex. I have tried lots of different things to get him "in the mood", yet he shows no interest because of his medical issues, (so he says)... I went all out one night, with the sexy lingerie, heels, candles, and tried seducing him when he came out of the shower. We got down to business only to have him lose his erection. I was devastated! He said it wasn’t me and still says that to this day, yet he has ZERO interest in me! That lack of interest doesn’t stop him from looking on porn, now on his phone, where it used to be his computer. I know there are those who would say, "he is only looking", not going out and cheating, but the fact that he isn’t interested in me at all sexually has my confidence in myself as a sexy, desirable, woman at rock bottom. I don’t know what to do other than continue to be lied to, hurt, and rejected by him in bed or cut my losses?
written by missa, 19 August, 2011
if your self esteem is suffering- u have love yourself- leave- you will find someone who will have interest in you and make you feel like the woman you deserve to be and feel like.
written by Lucie, 21 September, 2011
Im having the same problem. My partner and me have been together for two years. Last year i miscarried our baby. And i couldn’t have sex with him for a few weeks after. I then went on our computer and found so many porn sites in the history. I was distraught. I felt so rubbish about myself and the situation, and he told me he couldn’t bring himself to want sex either because of it. Which was clearly a lie!
I confronted it, and he swore to me he never did anything he was looking for sexual ideas when we finally have sex again.
I didn’t initially believe it, but he could see my upset in it, and he promised on the baby we lost he wouldn’t look or do anything to comprise my trust.

Two weeks later, i caught him closing the laptop when i came home, he again had been looking. Its the promise he made that has destroyed me. Not the porn issue, although it does hurt to know he likes it. But he broke a promise made on our baby. He has told me and promised me now so many times he does not look, but i just can’t believe him. His phone history is always clear when i have been to work. He takes a while to ejaculate when we do have sex.

I just don’t know what to do.
written by Virginia Lopez, 04 October, 2011
My heart goes out to every woman on this page who has a man in her life that she loves who cheats on her with porn. I think it is a big excuse that men use, that they are wired for porn, are visual creatures or that they are MEN so they need it. The reality is, is that porn destroys relationships at it’s most vulnerable, private and sacred place--the sex life. Men are making excuses to have their cake and eat it too. They want want a wife or girlfriend at home but then they want to fantasize about whores. ANd yes, porn stars are whores, not adult film stars. They get paid to have sex with a stranger--but even worse--it’s recorded. I am not sure why it’s not illegal, like prostitution is--because it is actual prostitution.

Mainstream porn stars are not real women. They are enhanced with implants, make up, photoshop and lighting, other cosmetic surgery and let men do a lot of things to them that do not really feel good to any woman,but it make a male audience get off.

If men are getting used to seeing this crap--- like this is what they are entitled to in bed, then they will not be happy with their sex lives with real women and real women’s behaviors during sex.

It is sad and it is hard to believe but we have to start LEAVING the men who keep lying and refuse to stop or get help. Men will change overtime if they realize they cannot have their cake and eat it too. Nobody can.

My cake would be about three different muscular, handsome lovers and none of them would get jealous each other and each one would do me exactly right just like how I want it.

But no man would allow us ladies this--they want us all for themselves. Well there is a trade off for that. Because as women, we were actually designed to have more than one lover at a time. Men only have so many times they can do it and so many orgasms. Women are multiple orgasmic and we don’t have a refractory period.

Just remember men are brainwashed to think they deserve a good wife / girlfriend at home who is loyal--but they also say they deserve to watch porn and get off on prostitutes. Double standard. Ladies we could own them right back if we all had the guts to just leave them where you found them and move on to another, better lover.

I hate this PORN EPIDEMIC we live in. I wish it did not exist and wish that women would not be so vulnerable to have to work in the sex industry. In the end it destroys all women’s lives.
written by seh, 19 November, 2011
I have been with my bf for 6 yrs we met online in an internet chat room, met in real life after a few weeks, and have been together ever since. Ever since we have been together he has watched porn, downloaded, lied to me about it says he’s uncomfortable watching it with me, Says it’s a guy thing. I have always been bothered by his time consumed with it, whenever I leave for work, knowing this is how he spends his time until he has to go to work or on his days off he’s online surfing for girls. I try to rationalize it, try to think everyone needs their own time and space but it gets to me, always has. Sure I enjoy on occasion looking at a few but not everyday and never to replace what we have I would rather turn to my man not a fake person or fake situation. I have asked him to stop only to be told about my insecurities etc typical guy excuses so they can feel better and not deal with the true problem. 6 yrs is along time to deal with this same re-occurring issue, and I tire of the same exhausting argument. I feel it is a betrayal and cheating, I want a real relationship with openness and emotional output. I get sex when he feels like it, and I want the closeness but revert to feeling used knowing how he spends his time not thinking of me only his needs, for visual sexual gratification instead of sating what he could have with me, we have great sex but not enough emotional communication he tends to close off try as I might I cannot break through unless we argue then his true feelings come out...but the same excuses come says Oh I just watch because I’m bored blah blah You are the one I come to bed to every night (only after looking most nights)...I call b.s. real sex is much better,real feeling, and commitment, trust. any advice? when someone has an issue like this and knows it bothers you yet it doesn’t help them to stop what can you do but leave? I love him but hate him in the same light for making me feel less.
written by crushed!, 22 November, 2011
I just caught my husband looking at
graphic photos of women and closeups if them squatting and spreading there vagina!!!! I was shocked, angry and CRUSHED! I am and Christian, and he "goes to chit h with me" and claims to be one. I WILL NOT tolerate such behavior in what I.want to be a Christian home. Furthermore, it IS a form of cheating! My body parts should be the only women he should be looking at, lusting, and I also know he has been relieving himself!!!!! Now I know it will never be the same. Trust is gone. He betrayed me, and now I sure he has been.visualizing these other women while making love to me!!! You cannot dismiss those pictures from your mind when u constantly put them in there. I will never trust again and I’m leaving! I will always think he sees them when he’s with me. Furthermore now I am suspicious of everything he does. Looking at porn is an open door for the Satan to come in and take it farther than it should go. Next, he’ll be cheating with a real whore. Get out ladies..... Unless there is TRUE repentance to God on his part....notice I said, "True." Not just something to appease YOU. Now I repulsed to look at him, let alone touch me! I cry everyday and my heart feels like it has been ripped out! I went into this marriage thinking "forever", me and him....not me him and a bunch of slutty women!!! IT’S OVER!!!!!
written by tnnhgf, 30 November, 2011
If you wish to marry a man who is not in into porn, you may want to go to the moon.
written by ive been there, 30 November, 2011
Yeah I’ve been in the same situation. I’ve only been married to my husband for less than a year and he told me he didn’t watch porn or had interest in it. But one morning he came from the restroom hard and told me it was because of me and when he sees me he gets hard then he had sex with me well later that day I found out he watched porn and had been since we’ve been dating. He lies and now he doesn’t watch it or so he says I can’t trust him my heart is broken and I honestly don’t know how I can be with him he chicks out girls in front of me and denied it until one day I made him tell me the truth. If he’s not happy then why are we together he says he loves me and he’s change but I still don’t trust him and o have so much anger in me. I’m going crazy I don’t know what I should do.
written by tx88, 08 December, 2011
I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost two years, we’ve been living together for a year and a half. Everything was going great, it had been the best relationship I’ve even been in. Then one night when he was out of town I started cleaning and found a folded up piece of paper in his night stand. It had almost a dozen names written down, naturally I searched them and ended up looking at half naked women. I found four more lists regarding the same topic. This coming from a man who swore up and down that he never watched pron or never would because "he has the real thing" and didn’t "need" it.

When I brought it up to him he gave me some big lie about how they were from years ago but he forgot to get rid of them. After a long talk, lots of tears and him promising me he was telling the truth I felt like I had to believe him. That is until a week ago when I found the word "porn" searching in is phone. His brilliant lie was "predictive text" must have done that.

I’m so hurt over the lies, so betrayed that he looks at other women; I don’t want to look at him, I don’t want to talk to him or even touch him. He reminds me of the man I feel in love with, the man I would do anything for. When I look at him now, I see the man who made me feel like I am worthless and that he doesn’t have enough respect for me to tell the truth. It’s a tricky thing when you love someone and are hurt in a way you never that you could be.
....wishing I could find a way to feel like myself again, but that has been taken away.
written by emilie, 24 January, 2012
I uncovered his porn addiction four months into our relationship. While he was snowboarding in Tahoe, I was just messing around on his computer. I came across thousands of pictures, and half of them were of his ex girlfriend (who was a burlesque dancer and now a porn star). And thousands of links to pornographic cam sites etc. but the worst thing I found were sexually explicit pictures of me. That I had not given him. Two months prior I apparently left my gmail open (because I trusted him), and he abused that by going through my sent messages and downloading the pictures I had taken when I was 19 years old and sent to my ex boyfriend. Complete and utter horror. Our relationship has been shit since January 5th, 2011.
He wanted to get better. He even installed K9 on all of his computers and let me put different passwords on them. I became so vindictive and just plain mean. I made him feel like a piece of shit who didn’t deserve to breathe the air. I completely destroyed his sexuality. It made me feel better that he hated himself for being a such a vile bottom feeder.
But then I discovered he was still doing it. He was taking "loopholes" as I like to call them. Surpassing K9 but putting keywords like "artistic nudes" or going on sexually explicit blogs (hotgirlsdoinganything). So then I added keywords on K9 that would block those sites,
eventually things got so bad that I started to inflict physical harm on myself (I had been doing this since 04) just so that he would pay attention to me, and feel sorry for me. He said go to treatment or we are finished. Things got a little better because we were in couples therapy. There we promised each other if I didn’t indulge in my addiction, then neither would he. I believe he kept that promise.
I was in treatment for four months and then moved in with him again. When he went away for a thing for his business school, I logged on to his Facebook and he recognized the ip address and he found me out. That was January 6th. I thought things were going ok though. Then yesterday he was complaining that his elbow hurt and I joked and asked if he jerked off too much. He then got all defensive, and that is a sign that he is lying. So I dug a little deeper and he eventually reluctantly told me yes he looked at porn again. my heart sank. Things made sense now. sure, the sex has lacked passion for a year now (although it is still the best of my life), but in the last three weeks I have noticed a difference. He avoids looking at me during and he seems to have lost his appetite of being intimate with me. Then this past week he hasn’t gotten fully aroused or stayed completely "with it." Two days ago he couldn’t even get it up.
I have extremely low self esteem as it is due to traumatizing events in my past, but then that I picked the one guy with the one addiction that I cannot tolerate? Mind baffling.
Yesterday when I found out I was so scared that I was going to lapse as well. I begged him to come over. He did and he didn’t say more than two sentences to me. This morning I felt so ugly and disgusting that I asked him to show me I am still his number one. He was sighing and huffing and puffing but he did. And it was aggressive. After, he went back to the silent treatment.
Why am I being punished for something he did? But yet I keep coming back for more. It is impossible for us to let go of each other. We have accepted this endless cycle of lies and hurt.
Sorry for rambling. I am beside myself.
My heart aches for every woman who has a similar story.
written by pissed off, 29 January, 2012
I have been married for just under a month. My husband and I have sex a lot. I found out he has been watching porn so I confronted him about it. He reckons he is masturbating to me not porn. He deletes his history on his computer heaps. But I have found a way to find out if he has been on porn sites even without the history. I told him that he may as well have cheated on me because it is the same thing. I am already thinking about leaving because he just keeps lying to me about the porn and a few other things. Does anyone have any advice of what I can do???
written by pissed off, 29 January, 2012
Oh, also we are TTC but now I am having 2nd thoughts about that. I also told him that masturbating might affect with me TTC.
written by soooolost, 04 February, 2012
Dear pissed off. I am in the exact same boat and I don’t know what to do!!!! We’ve been married for a little over a year now and together for over 4 and I can remember so many times he would swear in my eyes that he never did it! I don’t know if I will ever trust him again. What do I do!?!?! I’m soooo lost!
written by Evsy, 07 February, 2012
I’m finding it very hard to trust my partner. We;ve been together for nearly 5yrs and have 2 wonderful children, the only thing is he keeps lying to me about PORN and it’s driving me crazy !!!! He tells me he doesn’t masturbate over it so my reaction is then why do you even watch it?? He’s promised me time and time again that he will stop but he never’s not the fact that he even watches it that bothers me, it’s the fact that he lies about it that get on my nerves, I’ve even gone as far as to offer to watch it together to try and spice up our now practically non-existent sex life but he tells me no! it will make him feel how does he not understand how I feel when he wants to watch it on his own ?? I’m at the end of my tether and am really starting to consider leaving things there and calling it a day, but I really do genuinley love my fella more than words can describe...Oh what to do ???
written by Lynne O., 10 February, 2012
3 months ago I caught my husband of 25 years watching online porn. After frank and tearful discussions and him begging for a second chance, I have decided to let him prove that he will stop. However, it is not easy. We are a happy couple with an active social life, and we have a great relationship and very healthy sex life. This is why I was so blown away by his actions. He admitted he has been seeking out porn for at least 10 years. After reading other spouse’s blogs I realized that the common denominator in most situations was lack of sex and loss of interest, as well as the husband saying the wife has "let herself go". Well our situation is different. I am 49 years old and take great care of myself. I am 5’8" and weigh 127 pounds (after 2 children). My husband is constantly told by other men how incredibly hot I am and how lucky he is to have such a great wife. Again, I don’t get it. He told me he only loves me and that the cyber "girls" mean nothing to him. I would beg to differ. They HAVE to mean something...otherwise why would this continue?

Bottom line is that my self esteem is deflated and its going to be a real process getting it back and learning to trust again. We have set up therapy "sessions" (just the 2 of us) to openly discuss our relationship on a weekly basis. Communication is the key. I also tried to put how I feel into perspective for him by creating a scenario where I was secretly online with other men for 10 years while scantily clad or naked and he caught me. Could he forgive and forget? Would he look at me in a different light than before? Would he question everything in our relationship and feel insecure? Of course he would.
written by Lauren111, 18 February, 2012
haha you all have to be the most insecure women ever. He looks at porn because EVERY guy looks at porn. All his friends, work friends... everyone!! I feel sorry for all your husbands to have someone who judges them for doing something every guy does, and make him fee bad over it. When your husband eventually tires of all your controlling ways he will find a girl who will accept him for what he likes. If i met your husband i would watch porn with him and convince him to leave you. I have a husband of 10 years and he has never lied, cheated etc...
written by Very Freaking Upset, 31 March, 2012
My boyfriend of over five years is amazing. I love him and everything’s been pretty much perfect until yesterday. I’ve been upset at him a couple of times for how much porn he has. I was just like this much is too much, what the hell? Yesterday he showed me a video of my best friend undressing in our bathroom. He was acting all freaked out like someone had bugged our new apartment. He let me call her and tell her. He let me call my mother, asking for advice on what to do. She told me to visit the police station in the morning and file a report. He got very very nervous. He said that he wondered if someone broke in to get the little camera (which I couldn’t find) then they could have uploaded the video from his computer and he’d get in huge trouble. I told him that he showed me the video and that I trusted him and it was fine. He started like...shaking visibly. Super suspicious. Then while I was looking through this site to see if they uploaded any of me or him in the bathroom he said that it was probably time to tell me the truth. He videoed her. In out bathroom. Undressing. Two months ago. I don’t know what the fuck to do. We’re liberal and smart and young. We have had a great relationship. We’re saving for wedding rings for fucks sake.

I called up my mum and told her that it wasn’t my friend in the video so that she wouldn’t tell my whole family and negate any future support in this relationship. I want to give this a chance still. He fucked up super bad. He’s been watching a lot of porn and I think it’s convinced him that this behavior is okay. Also, it’s a sexual subject, so people always want to hide that. I mean, who doesn’t switch to a different tab if someone comes in the room and you’ve been looking at porn? I’ve called my best friend and made him tell her. She is EXTREMELY forgiving. They will be talking more soon. So, there are two videos of her and three of me. This is fucking horrible. He’s trying to get them down. I’ve seen his e-mails asking to take them down. Apparently he was just making gifs and they got uploaded accidentally. I don’t trust this. Also, this does not excuse the fact that he put me up online which I’ve always always ALWAYS told him not to do when I let him photograph me. AND HE SPIED ON MY FRIEND. NAKED! With a hidden camera pen. I made him bring it to me and I broke it in front of his face. He has seriously fucked up. This is his only fuck up though. I love him and I want to counsel him and save this amazing love that we have. If I break up with him he’s going to spiral down and I don’t want him to. But this is lying and spying and porn obsession. I don’t know how I can do this. I don’t know how to help a person that I’m so close to with a problem this big. It’s not just me that has to forgive him either. He got her involved. The only other person I love as much as him.

Why did he do this? He’s ruining our lives. He has to see that. I know that I need to think about what’s best for me, but I’m invested in him and am going to take him into account since he’s such a big part of my life. Advice would be appreciated.
written by lucy2005, 29 May, 2012
This may be a stupid question, but have any of the men kept their word? I know my husband looks & he does have a medical condition, but does any1 think looking with him might change things?!!
written by lucy2005, 29 May, 2012
Lauren111 so are you ok with your man watching porn, & do you not think this is any type of cheating?
written by it is the lie, 07 June, 2012
Men watch porn when they are insecure about relationships. Some have addictions to it. It’s a vicious cycle.
I mean if you got rid of porn the problem would be the lying. Deception. Betrayal.
Many people seem to think men need porn, in fact if we were floating about in the 18th century some would argue they all need mistresses. Neither of these arguments are based on fact but social conjecture.
I have been in relationships with and without porn, but when porn was there it was honest. Most women are asking for just that honesty.
And yes Lauren people lying to you makes you insecure.
I don’t like porn, because that also makes people insecure, consciously or not.
it’s about a loss of trust.
It doesn’t matter if everyone is doing it, to quote my mother, "if everyone jumped off a cliff, would you?"
My advice ladies? Dump the liar. Find someone who will be honest.
written by :P, 14 June, 2012
First off, I’d like to say that it’s a relief to find others in the same situation. My female friends are typically single or lie to themselves about their significant others. Obviously that is not where I am at...
My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 and a half years. We started dating when I was 17, he was 23.
At first, the porn sites started coming up when he was using his computer in front of me. Every time he’d go to google youtube, youporn would come up. It gave me the most horrific gut reaction. I didn’t mention it because I didn’t feel it was my place so early on. Around a year in I moved in with him. He always acted really fishy when I asked to borrow his computer and when I’d wake up in the morning he’d be sitting on the floor across the room on my laptop and immediately delete the history before I could get to it. I explained to him how I know what he was doing and that it hurt my feelings. He kinda just ignored it and called me a bitch.
Long story short this continued and then he got more sloppy. Every time I went to use his computer (I stopped asking after a while since he didn’t ask with mine) there would be porn and dating sites on it! I kept asking him what’s going on with it and he’d lie and say someone was phishing his computer. Then he started leaving youporn typed into the search bar....again, someone phished him. Whoever phished him even went as far as to type it into his 2nd computer too! Imagineee thattt. What was even worse, he gave a couple’s sex page my email to find "hookups"! UNBELIEVABLE!!! How dumb does he think I am? He knows I’m not like that and I will not accept that crap.
Just tonight I dropped my cellphone on his laptop and a profile on some porn site comes up. I told him to stop lying to me, I’ve had enough and I am not stupid. He accused me of spying on him and someone hacking his computer...he even went as far to say that he didn’t use it at all today. Not the case since his email was up...
I love him. He’s an amazing man but I feel he has an alter pervert-lying-asshole alter ego. I will not leave him, I know he is the one, but I am so hurt and I don’t know what to do.I deserve respect but I am so exhausted over the lying. You’ve been busted! Admit it! You know?
What’s a woman to do?
written by Confused!, 09 July, 2012
So, I’ve been dating my boyfriend for about 9 months now. I love him to pieces and I simply could not imagine my life without him. In the past I had a very bad relationship which made it very hard for me to trust somebody again but I love my current boyfriend so much that I’ve learnt to trust him. However, recently I’ve been finding porn on his laptop, even though he’s promised me that he doesn’t watch it and only wants and loves me. Its not only porn that I’ve been finding but things like ‘is thinking about other woman wrong?’. This has completely destroyed me and I couldnt bring myself to want to look at him or even touch him on the day I found it. Now, he doesn’t know that I know and when I’ve asked if he watches it, he has been lieing and saying he doesn’t. How can I trust somebody like this? Watching porn in my eyes is emotionally cheating and just the thought of him looking at other woman, breaks my heart. I feel like it puts the wrong image of a woman in to a man’s head and I feel like my image/body is just not good enough. Should I confront him and tell him how upsetting this is for me, or should I just move on? Is a liar really someone to be in love with? :/
written by Tashax, 17 July, 2012
I’ve been with my fiancé for a year now. I agreed to his hand in marriage after 1 year, I know it seems quick but I genuinely do love him. We have always gotten on well an live together as well. I’m still quite young- only 21 as is he. Ive never had a previous relationship where porn has been an issue- until now. We used to have an amazing sex life and would be doing it most days, often more than once if we had the time! He was getting sex regularly and I always tried to show him how much I cared for him. It’s only recently over the past two months that I noticed him watching porn. I came out of the shower On the night of my birthday and he was sitting on the couch wanking to a porno! This crushed me – I felt betrayed and hideous and it ruined my birthday night. Why would he need to do this when I was in the shower and right there with him I thought!? His excuse was he gets horny when I’m in the shower and needs to get himself off!!???! This pissed me off with the thought of him watching naked sluts whilst I’m showering in the room next to him!! It makes me feel like I’m not good enough and takes my confidence away completely!! I also see it in his phone everyday and I know he watches it most days when I’m at work or the gym or wherever I am!! He tells me he feels no physical or emotional attraction to these woman and that he only loves me and uses porn to get off when he is horny. Fair enough! It still hurts me inside and makes me dislike him and I don’t want to have sex with him at all anymore! I don’t know where it is going to go but at least I know I am not the only one feeling like this!! People say men all watch porn! Well maybe they do but they do not think about how it makes their partners feel....
written by Bat, 17 July, 2012
Oh So, I’ve been dating my boyfriend for about 9 months now. I love him to pieces and I simply could not imagine my life without him. In the past I had a very bad relationship which made it very hard for me to trust somebody again but I love my current boyfriend so much that I’ve learnt to trust him. However, recently I’ve been finding porn on his laptop, even though he’s promised me that he doesn’t watch it and only wants and loves me. Its not only porn that I’ve been finding but things like ‘is thinking about other woman wrong?’. This has completely destroyed me and I couldnt bring myself to want to look at him or even touch him on the day I found it. Now, he doesn’t know that I know and when I’ve asked if he watches it, he has been lieing and saying he doesn’t. How can I trust somebody like this? Watching porn in my eyes is emotionally cheating and just the thought of him looking at other woman, breaks my heart. I feel like it puts the wrong image of a woman in to a man’s head and I feel like my image/body is just not good enough. Should I confront him and tell him how upsetting this is for me, or should I just move on? Is a liar really someone to be in love with? :/
written by SadAboutPornUse, 03 August, 2012
I have been with my bf for almost 5 years now and have been lately really struggling with the issue of his porn use. We lived together during years 3 and 4 of our relationship, but, due to our job situation, spent a big chunk of this last year apart. I visited every weekend and would be ready to jump him when I walked in the door (feeling sex-starved) while he was often not interested or only sort of into it. Something that was always confusing to me as we grow up hearing about the insatiable male libido.

One weekend I came up a bit early as a surprise. When I walked into his room, his laptop was in the middle of the bed with a tissue box. When I moved the mouse, there was a POV video of a woman giving him a blow job. He saw this and came over and shut the laptop. I was a little upset at the time but didn’t make a big deal out of it. We had been apart a lot and this was a normal guy behavior right?

The next day I started reflecting on our sexual dynamics a bit thinking of how I always wanted it and he never really seemed to. Then I started thinking about the times we did have sex. Even when he could get a good erection, he could never maintain it, regardless of what I did to stimulate him. That caused me to wonder how often he’d been masturbating to porn. When I checked him computer I found 20 GB’s on his laptop and more on his external hard drives. I then checked his internet history and saw that he had been regularly going to websites in addition to using his own stash a few times a week. I also noticed the dates of the videos in his collection and most were downloaded during years 3 and 4, when we had lived together. It’s like as soon as we moved in together, his interest in porn women shot up while his interest in me dropped off.

I have since moved back in with him. I tried to talk to him about the porn. Mostly I wanted to know what he got from it and if there was stuff he wanted to do with me that he was going to the porn for. I wasn’t upset with him but the conversation clearly annoyed him so he cut it off with "I’ll quit. It’s not a problem." I wasn’t sure if I believed him, but I hadn’t asked for this promise. So, I thought if he said this on his own, maybe he was really going to do it. Because it was only the video porn that bothered me, I bought him a subscription to Playboy to help support his efforts to quit the super-graphic videos.

But of course, his promise was a lie. I left for four days a couple of weeks ago and when I got home I found out he had been on a ‘porn binge’ while I was gone. He had visited multiple sites everyday. He was doing morning and afternoon sessions that lasted hours! This is the same man that can’t get it up for me when we’ve been apart for a week?

My bf insists that the porn doesn’t impact our relationship and I’m confident he’ll never quit. It’s a very accepted behavior by society (just like going to whore houses and keeping mistresses used to be, just like women wearing burkas is in the Middle East is, and just like bigamy is in certain cultures). Society isn’t telling him it’s wrong so my objections fall on deaf ears. I just look like a control freak of a gf (something other men have called me simply bc I dislike the porn use). Porn is infidelity, you just can’t get illegitimate children or STD’s from it. While I do think men see something wrong with porn use (evidenced by the fact that they hide it and lie about it) but if their culture at large doesn’t tell them it’s wrong, they will never feel pressure to stop. And, unless we all decide to be lesbians, we will have to accept men that are willing to put porn before us.
written by Dude’s perspective, 09 August, 2012
Uhmm @Sadaboutpornuse you are very wrong. You do not have to "accept men that are willing to put porn before us". That is ridiculous. Your boyfriend is a peice of crap, straight up. To all the other ladies out there, Please, Stop settling for less than you deserve! No matter who you are, or what you look like, there is a man out there that will truly love you for who you are & be ttracted to every part of you. Submit yourself to God first, not a man. I’m sorry but what you have is not love. It’s a selfish, desrespectful, onesidesd relationship. Coming from a dude, you deserve better, so stop selling yourself short and settling for someone who is DEFINITLY not God’s best... Just sayin
written by bb39, 10 August, 2012
I’m so happy I’m not the only one! My boyfriend and I have been in a long term relationship. He recently has started acting weird with me. I feel like I have had to beg him to have sex with me. It isn’t normal we are a younger couple. Im 19 and he’s 20. I recently found porn history on his cellphone. When I confronted he had the nerve to blame it on his friend. Really! Why would you let another guy use your phone to look at porn. I was so angry! especially, because i found out it was a lie! He knows im not the most confident person in the world ,because growing up I was always the overweight kid. When we first started dating he was so respectful. He took down all the pictures of the girls in his room. Then he pulls this shit! He knows how i feel about it. Now I feel so betrayed. I thought he loved me,I have always had eyes just for him and I thought he felt the same way.. I have nothing but anger towards him. I dont think I could ever touch him the way I use to. I’m so tired of people making excuses for these guys. Its not the way their wired its what society has turned into. And shame on these woman that have no dignity and respect for themselves. We are broken up right now. He’s begging me back. Honestly in my heart I just don’t think I could forgive him. I’ve given my all to this guy and he turns around and breaks my heart. I’ve never felt good enough and Now I especially don’t. I feel so lost & hopeless. I’m trying to find forgiveness,but I just don’t think I can. I was SO in love with him. Now i just see a sleezy guy.
written by Nikk, 19 August, 2012
I know it’s hard to accept but generally... men like to look at naked women and if you don’t express to him you’re not comfortable it will probably happen, it’s as simple as that.

I know it sounds empty right now but this DOES NOT necessarily mean your man isn’t attracted to you anymore.

I’ve concluded after many conversations (fights) with my wife and talking with other guys that the root of this problem is caused by misunderstanding of how a man’s mind operates.

Men see objects rather than a real people in porno. It’s more of a fantasy to us and no love emotions are even activated in the process, whereas a woman views this as her man sneaking around to see another woman in the nude.

It’s not the best way to put it but it’s kinda like a guy who’s into hot rod cars, he LOVES his car, but also like to look at other cars too. A car guys first thought usually isn’t "how would MY car feel about this?" even though it should be because your heart belongs to YOUR car after all. Problem is guys aren’t naturally wired to think like that. Our instincts say to "look at THAT car" and we look because it feels good to satisfy that basic thought. Now the kicker is we have the capability to resist that urge but unless noted we don’t naturally. After all we love YOU, we don’t intent to hurt you, have to lie to you, or lower your confidence.

Women look at watching porn as if we were EMOTIONALLY (love) involved with that woman in the porn. This is where I had a hard time with my wife. It’s damn near impossible convincing your wife that the woman in the video you were looking at sexually, doesn’t mean anything to you.

When a man is confronted with something like this we get defensive even when we are irrational because it’s embarrassing. Also when asked questions like "don’t you like ME anymore?" we become defensive because we DO love you and because we are operating on a different emotional level when discussing this stuff we get frustrated (yep, just like a child).

In my case my wife felt betrayed by me watching porn. I was hiding something and breaking our trust. She explained she simply wanted to know what I was looking at, no matter how "kinky".

Secondly because I was trying to be discrete about watching porn, in her eyes I was breaking our trust.
Of course that’s not how I saw it it and I spent much time playing down something that really bothered her. "Whats the big deal, the women in the video aren’t real. You shouldn’t be mad."

Our solution was to make a rule: I can watch whatever porn I like as long as I am honest and disclose anything I look at no matter how embarrassing. Without being judgmental or upset she can tell me if something I’m watched is making her uncomfortable which I will then stop.

It’s worked great. Now I can be completely honest and upfront, there’s no more of that sneaking around behind her back feeling. We’ve renewed our trust, her self-confidence is high, and our love life is better everyday!

written by KristiK, 14 September, 2012
My boyfriend was supposed to come over to my moms and carve pumpkins but instead he went to buy porn and watch it then go do some pumpkins when he was done with his deed... now it is 7 years later and i am still finding shit everywhere.... Then he tells me tonight I’m a man.... oh my god so what? I don’t know what to do its been a fight for 7 years already... yes off and on.... but he always lied... and still lies... why??????tell the truth i will never add up to those women... EVER...
written by...., 23 September, 2012
What a stupid world we live in. The internet has made porn so readily available and is destroying lives and relationships.
I have been with my partner for 6years. It is not so much the porn but access to willing women. Online masturbation, the thrill of exposure. In the end the lies are the killer! Struggling to get it ip, last long enough. What happened to love and trust. It has gone in a world of technology, online relationships commitment and people are more self absorbed than ever. I wish you all find happiness amongst the pain.
written by Unknown, 02 October, 2012
I feel pain too, my ex came across as the most wonderful man ever, proper gentleman. I then found out he had been masturbating to porn as well, had downloaded more stuff too. The downloading part is the worst especially after you have slept with them, the hunt for new fantasies would suggest you are not enough. He did stop for me but I still couldn’t handle it, we have been split up for 3 months now and he’s started doing it again, that hurts considering he lost me because of it. It is a sad world we live in. I don’t think he knew what effect it would have on me. I honestly didn’t know it was coming.
written by unknown, 08 November, 2012
My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 2 years and for the longest time until reading these posts I have thought that I was the only one who does not like porn. When my boyfriend and I first started dating I found pictures on his phone of a random girl from our area and his ex girlfriend. It did bother me which he saw and deleted them. A little later into our relationship I went to use his internet on his phone to google something and when I clicked the browser the site he had been on (porn) came up. I told him, nicely, how that bothers me and makes me feel insecure about myself. We were having PLENTY of sex, trust me. Countless times a day. He told me he would stop looking at that because of how bothered I was. After knowing him as a liar, I actually believed that he would stop for me. He kept doing it behind my back and hiding it from me. A few days before our year anniversary I looked at his phone while he ran inside, out of curiosity since anytime I would go to use his phone to take pictures of us he would snatch it away from me and put it as far away from me as possible. When looking at his phone I clicked on one of his messages, from the kid who was actually running inside with him while I sat in the car. While looking on there I found him and his friend talking about him cheating on me. Him saying how he hopes she wants to blank him like he wants to and his friend saying that he better do it. I was so hurt by it. He lied and said it wasn’t him or that there was no girl. He tried keeping me for about 3 days, and then went back to himself. Still to this day I’m bothered by it and don’t know who the girl is. Makes me feel like his loyalty is to her, not me. Lately he’s been looking at porn sites and trying to hide it still. It makes me feel like he has no remorse for what he did and will do it again. In the clutter of all the porn he’s been viewing I found the site "Ashley Madison" which is a site dedicated to people that are already in a relationship looking to have an affair or cheat. I don’t know what to do, or what there is left that I can do. Porn can ruin relationships, so why keep doing it?
written by Chaz, 25 November, 2012
I’ve been away for the weekend to come home and find porn sites on my partners phone, also from his history he had searched a local whore house, then looking at the individual ladies and their costs, I have no proof whether he actually done it or not and after week of just asking him to be honest his finally admitted to looking at porn for ages, he is now begging to stay with me!! Now I’m not that fussed about the porn but looking up whores is a different matter , he has not been having sex with me although i have wanted to, I’m blonde pretty and look after my self and he states he still fancy me , but he can’t if his looking at whores right?? he said it was curiosity !!! Wtf why would you be even curious ???? 3/4 of me wants to leave him but I’m so unsure ( all of our friends male and female have been shocked that he even looked) any advice would be great!!!!
written by cammie, 27 November, 2012
So reading all this makes me believe my love will never stop.
written by survivor_of_mass_destruction, 28 November, 2012
Looks like lot of women are having problems over "why men watch porn?" I saw a logical explanation above which is an awesome defense to us, men. I have to tell you that I’ll bet all the money my whole family ever earned (which is quite big) if y’all, females can find a normal guy who doesn’t watch porn and masturbate. And I saw a Christian woman’s comment who said she cant tolerate that kind of behavior in her religious house, and now this idea came to my head, did really Jesus said that a man cant watch porn and masturbate? So anybody like to accept my challenge?
written by Annie Wilson, 29 November, 2012
After 9 years together I have finally realized that my husband will never stop lying about porn or stop disrespecting me. What do I do? Stay for the sake of our 3 daughters or tear their hearts apart and leave their disrespectful lying father? I have no respect for him and his childish behavior has ruined our marriage. He makes me sick and I will never trust him again, watching porn is one thing but lying to my face time and time again I will no longer except. To all the wives out there hurting like I am do not give him the power to hurt you, all men watch porn but only pathetic weak men lie about it.
written by Horny male, 05 December, 2012
All these women are absolute prudes no wonder your man watches porn because all you idiotic women aren’t giving your man the sex what he needs or desires. I watch porn with my girlfriend and she is fine about it we been together 7 years and regularly watch porn together and it makes out sex life and relationship a lot better because we don’t hide anything from each other and keep our sex life spiced up by re-enacting porn scenes and positions in the bedroom our sex life and relationship is great! Stop thinking that people having sex in front of a camera is so bad. I feel sorry for the males who have such stuck up miserable wives and girlfriends.
written by Annoyed_Guest, 30 December, 2012
What is the guy above talking about? Women are moaning because their boyfriend is getting off on someone else not because they are having sex infront of a camera.
written by overit3, 03 January, 2013
See all of the above for my story...been together almost 6 years... 3 kids...still having issues with this shit im at the point where I don’t trust him at ALL and considering leaving. It’s been on going, on and off sex issues because of it. My self esteem is at an all time low. This is killing me.

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