Past Comments – My wife left me after 25 years of marriage

Comments (81)

Ask you wife
written by Eyes, 26 November, 2006
You might want to ask your wife exactly why she wants to move on without you. Ask for a "frank" answer. She may or may not give it to you. But the key here is that you truly LISTEN to her answer. It may be difficult to hear. Most people don’t hear the answer given...
written by Susan H. USA, 15 January, 2009
Maybe you could look back and see if there were hints that she had given to you over time? Did she feel ignored by you? Did you grow apart from one another? Just questions. I don’t know either of you personally, so I can just guess. I am having problems in my own marriage. I will pray for you and your wife.
written by Devestated in Ky, 26 May, 2009
I married my wife 18 yrs ago. She had 2 kids from a previous marriage and I raised them just as they hit 18 yrs old last month. Both graduated. We have a 14 yr old together. Last week I got dropped a bombshell that she doesnt love me anymore even though I felt this the last 15 yrs. I feel like I was scammed to raise her 2 kids and her sister has lived with us for 10 yrs and now I am being asked for half my retirement and child support. I think I was taken for a ride. This has devastated me.
written by Alice R., 22 July, 2009
Boy. I knew I wasn’t alone, but your memo hits home with me since I am going through a very similar time. My husband decided to ask for a divorce 3 months ago after almost 25 years of marriage and 4 children. I knew we were having problems, but I truly felt most were financial, etc. I worked from home to be with our children, but the youngest is 7 now; therefore, I had been planning to go back full time this year, anyway. We weathered so many things in our 27 years together from burying our first child as an infant (heart problem) to having one of our other children having a chronic illness. We were always admired by friends, etc. as being so strong,etc. I knew we had a very strong marriage at one time. My husband admits that he truly was in love with me for many years. I would say that over the last 5-7 years we have grown apart. I truly felt that it was a part of life where we were running around trying to make ends meet and raise our children. I knew it wasn’t great, but I never felt my husband would leave. He is there for the kids. He misses being with them as he was, but he is not in love with me anymore. I hate knowing this. Also, he has been in contact with an old friend who he believes he could have a great future with. I consider this an affair even though he did not at first. It is an emotional affair. I know they haven’t been "together" since she lives far from here, but I know they are in touch all the time now. That hurts most of all. I would give anything to make our marriage strong again, but I believe my husband decided this long ago, and he has no interest in going to counseling. He did for the kids, though. It’s hard to hear others say that you need to move on. I am having an extremely difficult time myself. I hope and pray that you find what you are searching for in your life. It’s so hard after so many years to have such a huge change occur. I hate it myself. Good luck to you. A
written by John L, 15 September, 2009
Wife comes home from night class with blouse messed up and pants unzipped.. Wonderful
written by Gayle p, 15 April, 2010
I am a wife who is planning on leaving in 2 years. When my youngest graduates high school. My husband will never understand what makes him a bad husband. I am tired of his hiding debt and barely working (he is self ‘employed’). I was forced into being the breadwinner in this family. The kids needed a home and health insurance. But it is more than that. There is no warmth or kindness in this marriage. He walks in the door and my stomach gets in a knot. Wondering what he is going to yell at me for. I have told him all of this time and time again. But I am sure he will also be surprised when I finally leave him.
written by sad dad, 31 August, 2010
been reading, thought I was only going thru this. Started four years ago. last daughter left. my wife and I were empty nesters. For three months it was like high school all over again, then it happen. She found out that one brother had cancer, her abusive parents tried to get back into picture, her other siblings have always made her the "mom"... Started having panic attacks, got worse, started to go to therapy, got on anti depressants, but started to drink, heavily, got to point for two years she finally had total break, tried to get her to rehab (never forgiven me for that). for last two years, she has stop drinking, stop her medicine also 8 months ago. was really getting better.. Did I say for first two years very abusive to me.. emotional etc. we are in joint therapy with her dr, and one for both of us. Her has said she needs to break from everyone.. me... her friends, family, 3 daughters (1 hers, two mine)... oh been together 15 years married 8... No intimacy for two years, no doing anything... she goes into bedroom when home but spends most at our vacation home. 4 days a week. finally I told her that she could not be alone so much and it was hurting all..Told her since she has stop medicine total recluse... she told me it was me... ok.. I admit I am somewhat of a "protector"... but I am working on it. This saturday she blew up pack and left. no word.. I have been talking to my brother in law (thank God).. shes okay,.>>> I miss and love her so much, I miss all the good times we had, I know I can’t "fix" her and she can only do this on her own, But I still hurt. I wish I could make sense of all this... More but I think I have rambled on long enough. Thanks for this
written by RPh with no cure, 24 September, 2010
I have had a lack of intimacy with my wife for almost 10 years, since her breast cancer and hysterectomy. While I have a respect and understanding for what she’s been through physically and emotionally, it’s been difficult to maintain any level of intimacy or connection to her and now I’m finding this with someone else. How to I end my marriage, which has been strained for years with no sex, drug use on her part, and money problems, to move on to a new life with a completely different exciting person that brings the life out in me, when my current spouse won’t let go, threatens to cause me financial/employment problems with my new lover, simply because she can’t let go of me, even though I’m dying a slow miserable death with her.
written by Daughter of broken family, 06 November, 2010
My Mum left my dad, and me 1 year ago, with my elder brother. My WHOLE WORLD fell apart. My farther is a stockbroker and the market had had the biggest crash recorded in history. He started to get depressed, mum got depressed and then spent money that we didn’t have, and my brother was at boarding school. Me i was 8, and started growing away from my dad, and closer to my mum. I didn’t know who my dad was anymore, he was just so angry and then distant from us. After a year, we all went to live with my brother in his town and he stopped being a boarder. He was 13 and i was 9. The market went up, and everyone was happier now, we got a lovely big house, and mum and dad stopped fighting. Then mum had her midlife crisis and joined life line. She then devoted all her time there, and i was seeing less of the mum who i looked up to, and more of a independent, its my life woman. She had to go away for lifeline trips, to sydney. and one time someone went and said " hey baby" on the phone when i answered it as the same time as mum , and she whispered " not now". It troubled me for a while but i let it go. Then she asked me to go with her and that she was leaving dad, and i cried and thought if i said i would go she couldn’t. but after no warning she did. and left dad heartbroken, and me with a person i didn’t know. After that, things got worse. dad thought he could " win her back" but she was just on it for the ride. And then broke his heart again. And ride him of half of his cash, and my brothers happiness. My brother was a teenager and kept being thrown back and forth to mums and dads. He turned angry and aggressive, and locked himself away in his room. Me i was devastated, she left me, her youngest daughter, with a stranger and a brother who i didn’t know. I felt alone, scared, confused as though she didn’t love me anymore. A couple of months later my dad had a stress induced attack, and all i got was a message form the answering machine saying my dads in hospital. And i knew that he was all i had left so i got on his bike, and rode in the direction i thought the hospital was in. After asking for street directions, i finally got there, and there sitting in a hospital bed, was a sad, depressed, empty man with a drip in his arm. I could not handle all this sadness around me, so i started getting really depressed. after 1 month i was taken to the doctor.I was found 5 times crying in the toilets at school, and my teachers all saw me going down hill in class. I was put on medication, which at a stage i was tempted to overdose. Especially since i knew where dad kept his, and his were 20 times more powerful then mine. Dad got more sad, with all sense of happiness gone. Mum kept on draining our money, and my brother was staying with her. And dad was all i had left. So we battled on. He always tried his best, cooking every night, tucking in bed at night, trying to understand that at a all girls school, its harder to make friends. But my mum always knew what i liked. though dad tried so hard, it was never good enough in my eyes. after a year of reading " queen Bs and wannabees " books and starting to pay back the debt, and selling our house, we are starting a fresh new start. though we are 2 family members down. I havnt forgave my mum, and probobly never will. I dont look up to her anymore, my dads my hero now. He never gave up on me. And i will love him forever for that. All the screaming and crying nights, and me yelling for my mum, have gone. Dad and will be okay. But just so ALL YOU PARENTS OUT THERE THINK ITS ALL ABOUT YOU, THINK ABOUT YOUR KIDS, ABOUT HOW THEIR LIFES WILL NEVER BE THE SAME OVER JUST ONE OF YOU GIVING UP. BECAUSE MY DAD DIDNT, HE KEPT ON FIGHTING. AND I THINK THATS AT LEAST WHAT YOU OWN YOU CHILDREN AS WELL.
written by Momma5+1, 07 November, 2010
My h left me on Mather’s Day last year. I was pregnant with our 5th child. I thought he was my best friend and hero. We held hands every night as we fell asleep and said I love You at the end of every phone conversation. He has turned into a monster-a selfish, lying, coward I cannot even recognize and a lot of his lies are about me which hurts even more than his new woman.
I am not sure how much to tell the kids. Do I tell them that it’s not me keeping their father from them like he says? Do I tell them we have to move, but I don’t know where? I’ve been a stay at home mom for years and daycare costs more than I could make. With my Masters (which I have) I’d have been making 80+, but now am reduced to below poverty and no medical benefits. What do I tell my kids about some of this? How do I explain to my last, who is so much yonger than siblings, that his father left because he’s an idiot, not because of the baby? Do I tell the kids we have no money because their father often doesn’t pay us and his job "changed" so now he makes less than 1/2 what he did a year ago? Most of the time I hold it in, but some of this I feel they do need to know.I feel the court system has also hurt women in my situation. And for the men out their who have been left...I don’t know what to say to you either. If I knew some way to protect victims of abuse etc, I’d say leaving shold be a crime for the agony it causes. The most I can say is that abandonment is a form of abuse. The shocking thing is that it is caused by someone you know and love so much, but isn’t most or all abuse caused by people the victims love? Gather strength and know you spouse broke his/her vow to God long before breaking it to you.
Daughter & Other Children-You need to know that my children and my faith in God are what got me through this. Daughter, your father loves you more than he can say. You probably kept him going through the worst time in his life. Children are a gift from God and although some parents are willing to sacrifice their children’s happiness for their own, many are not. I am sorry you had one selfish parent. Do not lose your faith. You are God’s child too and He knows your pain. My kids mean the world to me. I am not perfect and know I am making mistakes, but every day I try to do better and ALWAYS let them know I love them and will NEVER leave them.
You are all in my prayers. God Bless...
written by Robo, 05 December, 2010
My wife left 1 year ago after 14 years married. I met her when she had a son of 1 he is now 16 and the last 2 years bought nothing but trouble to the house. This caused friction between me and wife if i tried to discipline step son by grounding etc, she would go against it. It got to the stage i felt i had no control over the family home and the stepson could do whatever he wanted. We also had 2 other children from the family who the wife would discipline but not the stepson. I feel she left with all the children because of the step child. Or was i the security until he reached 16 years of age. ?? 1 year on and still missing the family unit and the ex wife.When we split it was all sorted amicably however the last 10 months she has turned very nasty with words about the last 14 years (ie she felt trapped) since she has been gone she has totally turned full circle and does everything she stated she would not do. Well any ideas or similar out there. From lost and confused.
written by johncornwalluk, 06 January, 2011
My wife left me six months ago, she drove 200 miles to my eldest step child’s house to bring our 2 youngest sons home after a short holiday. She rang and said she wasn’t coming back, the night before over a romantic meal she told me how I was the love of her life and she had never been happier, we had been together 13 years and she left on Friday the 13th of August!!!!!
written by Robo, 07 January, 2011
John, I never believed it but been a year and it does get easier. ROB
written by johncornwalluk, 08 January, 2011
Thanks for the kind words, i hope your right as this is hell
written by Foreign Affair, 20 January, 2011
I thought I would add my most unusual story to the list.
I am american , my wife is german. We met while traveling 10 years ago and our relationship began as emails then chats, then calls. Some international travel and connections and we decided to get married. We got married in Germany but for the first year we lived apart while I got my things together to move there. We got pregnant and had a baby, she moved here for 10 weeks and then she told me one day she was flying home and left me here to move home with her parents. During that time my father was sick and passed away. So with all of that I had decided to write off the relationship. 9 months later she began to call and asked me to get back together. I never would have done it except for our daughter. We had three beautiful years together. We rarely argued. Did many things together and all seemed to be (to me) just about perfect. Except for one thing. Her parents lived next door and her mom did not like her being married to an american. This past Thanksgiving I flew home to take care of some business here and see family members. While here she emailed to say she did not want me to come back and was thinking about our relationship. Since Thanksgiving there has been only a couple contacts with no light at the end of the tunnel.
I have given up two career positions for her, sold many of my belongings and given up friends and family to try and keep things together but despite all that it does not appear to be working. I am at the end of my rope.I I guess its time to find another job and start all over. What a waste of 10 years.
written by CD, 22 January, 2011
After 26 year I think that a lot has to do with alcoholism or substance abuse. You can persevere with you husband and he says you is what he wants but there seems to be a factor in all marriages the pushes that final button. When u have no kids at home no communication that means anything u feel like saying what the heck? I always think u have to think back about why u got married and how u felt to begin with. Sometimes it is just to easy to let go. Think about how u felt when u married and why u fell in love and see if there is anything left there. Alcohol and other things seem to get in the way but if u address the real problems u could have a happy rest of your life.

written by sad dad, 21 February, 2011
It’s been six months almost since she left. No one would believe me on my story. Since she left.. she filed 1 week after wanting her new life. Her attorney left practice, the new one she got passed away. My (was ours) therapist died ,She got a new attorney and her new attorney’s best friends wife passed. Her attorney now is trying to play games and she’s listening. Early this month my stepdaughter got married.. I gave her away with her father. I paid 100% of wedding. It was very strange seeing her(ex) and not being able to be next to her. I know now that she has no feelings what so ever for me. I sit home and think. I am reading he bible from front to cover. I know that it will get better but right now life is hard to bare. I thought about meeting someone and even started talking to an old friend but she was wanting more than I could offer her right now. I have to get my life in order before starting a new one. I know I’m just rambling on but somehow it seems better writing this. Physically my ex looks the same but it is a entirely new person inside, I never thought someone could change so much. IT HURTS....
written by lokito, 28 February, 2011
My wife left me in 2006 after 17 years of marriage..3 beautiful kids..she picked christmas to drop the was the most painful experience ever...we had our problem but who doesn’t..she was a good wife, mother and my best friend and I still miss her but it’s true what they time is a great healer...i have my bad days but I’ve learned to live with this agonizing pain...
written by Carl love, 14 March, 2011
I married my high school sweet hart when i was still 18 and she was 16 we had our first son before i was out of high school i always thought we would be together after 21 years of being married she told me she was not happy any more and left me yesterday my 21 year old son got upset and my 18 year old son too and they both left i don’t know what to do we have been having some problems with money and were burning threw our savings now it just feels like i have lost every thing including the one thing that kept me going. every thing i have ever done was so that i could give my family the best and it feels like i did a piss poor job of doing that at best. god im sad i hope this don’t feel like this forever
written by sad dad, 20 April, 2011
Went to mediation today. She looked the same but I don’t know who was sitting across from me. Would not look at me. My attorney told me that I need to start my life. It’s hard. Have to go another day. She always told me that she was independent and didn’t need anything from me. (no children).... Wow.... what a difference today..... Part of me is upset, part is hurting, part is sad.... very mixed emotions today.... I Want to free... free of hurt pain guilt.... one day I will be, thanks to God...
written by solo in texas, 04 May, 2011
7 months ago my husband of 25 yrs left without warning to be with someone he knew in college that found him on facecbook. He only became distant with me for 2 months, during which he as heavily involved without my knowledge. He was my constant companion – even telling me just a couple of months before he left that he was so happy that I was his wife and that his life was so blessed because of me... So many say that their relationships were distant and growing apart. He never once gave me a clue that he would do this.I still cry every single day and miss him so much. Our grown children are devastated as well. Sometimes I don’t think I will make it. Am a strong and talented woman, but damn it – he was my best friend. He just left and never spoke to me again.
written by mauricio, 23 May, 2011
there is so much to hurt after a separation,there is so much you can out there that will make you feel worst. so try as hard as you can to not lose your self. keep in mind that its not the end of you,its only seems as if it is but try to surround yourself with family and just let it out. if not get out of the house push yourself to do so. and slowly breath in life as it is your own.steps forward not backward ever. walk away from your old self and be that person you know that you know you are.always keep your eyes open to receive the lords blessings he will find you and only he will be the one to pick you up from your despair.avoid love poems love songs.try new physical activities.its ok this heart ache comes and goes.....but remember see yourself in the future where do you want to be.what do you want for you love yourself treat yourself with respect.things are where they are for a reason so learn your lessons well.and move forward.there is nothing worst than in this life than heartache but.there is nothing better than to live though it.
written by sad dad, 09 June, 2011
Well since I first wrote been nine months. We finally signed the papers yesterday. What a ordeal. We agreed at mediation then she changed her mind. would not show up for any court hearings, got sanctions... finally I told my attorney to just get it done. I agreed to her demands and gave in. I just want this to be over. I now think I can start to live life again. I have turn my life over to God and he has answered. I have a great network of friends. I lost some family (hers) after she told them (since not seeing them for months) she wouldn’t be involved in their lives unless I wasn’t. It hurts so much since I was godfather and uncle to their three children. I miss them so much but I can’t make someone to be around, like her they have chosen. Maybe one day I will see them again. Only time will tell.
written by UpsideDown, 20 June, 2011
I’ve been married to the same woman for 25 years. Despite 2 prior episodes of marriage sabotage, I took my wife back again 10 years ago. She and I, and our 3 children, were crazy happy (so I thought) until 8 months ago. While I was a way on a business trip, my wife checked out on me emotionally and physically. She said she was confused. This went on for a few months and she finally moved out. Since she’s moved out, she comes in and out of my life at her whim. She is in effect living 2 separate lives... as best I can tell, I am now her "affair." I never know what she’s doing, she is distant 98% of the time, loving the other 2%, and still gives me the same line, "that she is confused." I know I am being an idiot, but I love the woman and have believed for 20 years that she is bipolar. My logic side says tell her to f’off and move on with my life. Unfortunately, that part of me isn’t running my life right now. When I pull away and shut her off, she cries about how I am giving up on her and our marriage. She is having a grand time, and I am in hell... stuck in limbo.
written by X2, 14 July, 2011
Hey upsidedown, you’re right, you’re a refuse for her.

and, she’s manipulating the situation. Drop the bitch. you don’t get to vacay away from your life and come back when you feel like it. that’s what children do.
written by ILL A., 26 July, 2011
I see that’s going around upside-down, my wife of 15 years told me the same crap I’m confused we need a separation, then s couple days later I want a dissolution BUT she still wants to be cool like everything’s all good I’m like REALLY like I’m supposed to be happy @ a time like this!!
written by So Sad, 30 July, 2011
My wife of 15 years left me with no warning on April 30th this year. We have 3 lovely children who I adore and the pain and emptiness I am feeling is unbearable. Is she a totally different person?? Can that happen to someone? All my plans, hopes, and dreams of our future together have just gone as she walked away. Does it ease in time? Because at the moment it hurts more than I can ever say...Every time I shut my eyes I see our youngest son’s face smiling...Although I see the kids it’s not as enjoyable at the moment without my wife being with us. I have tried everything to get her back with no luck at all. It hurts so much.
written by Richard Mulholland, 31 July, 2011
My American wife of 15 years left me 2 weeks ago, and then returned a week later and took all of her possessions to share a place with a female friend. I was her rock over all this time – helped her raise her now 17yo daughter, stood by her every time she needed me. Last night, I decided to investigate her computer (one of the few things she didnt want), and lo and behold the iphone backup txt msg file revealed an affair which started several months before she suddenly up and left. It was so sudden – one day she was loving, the next she hated me and left. This all coincided with her admitting feelings for this other man (an Indian national). Hopefully I can move on from this. Gutted.
written by saddad, 31 July, 2011
Now 11 months later. I am finally divorced. It happen on my birthday. I still hurt from it all but I have found a new life. Not with anyone but with God and friends. I am doing things that in the past would not be in my life, giving to others and enjoying it. I don’t know when I will share my life with a partner but now I know that I have to be me. I hope that soon I will but it is okay. For all those with hurt, It will be okay one day, trust in GOD and yourself.
written by Confused heart, 05 August, 2011
I was married for 25 years, my husband was emotionally abusive to my children and to me. He was a good husband and father but had a horrible temper and we had to walk on egg shells to keep him happy. I tried to divorce him 2 years before and he got totally angry and told me that it was great but he wasn’t moving out of the house then my 10 year old would cry every day because we were getting a divorce so I had to go back to my then husband and ask him to stay married with the condition that he would go to marriage counseling. We went to marriage counseling once and he went to individual counseling once. For the next 2 years he changed some but you could see that his temper would come out and I think I had reached the point of no return specially when it came to my children, who were upset that I stayed with him for so long. So I divorced him it was the most difficult thing I had done in my life because I loved him. It was the worst divorce ever, he told my children horrible things about me that I had left him for somebody else. It was so bad that my children chose not to speak to him. He told my oldest daughter that he hoped that she died of a horrible death, he was mean. I have a 27 and 16 year old that won’t talk to their dad because of all the emotional abuse. The 22 year old talks to him sometimes To this date he is still not over the divorce and very bitter about it. Not very long ago ( 3 1/2 years later )He wrote me a letter asking me to forgive him and that he still loved me and that if it wasn’t here on earth, we would be together in heaven but later on he sent me another letter telling me horrible things but that he loves me. Here comes the difficult part for me. Most of the time he treated me like a princess and would do anything for me and then he would ‘be really mean to me and wouldn’t speak to me until I apologized ( even if it was his fault). He was very possessive and wanted me only for him. He would tell me that I worried about my kids to much and they were going to leave us anyway in the end it would be only him and me. It is very confusing when somebody treats you so great and the all of a sudden this person is really mean to you. I thought I was crazy I have this great husband and the people around me and my children are telling that is not a healthy marriage. I re-married and have a wonderful husband who I love very much but I still love my ex-husband. I think I will always will. I question my decision about my divorce now less than before but I still wonder if I did the right thing.

written by JCS, 15 August, 2011
My wife has left to find herself, she is not happy with the American Dream we have. I don’t know what to do. I am lost and confused.
written by Mikey, 19 September, 2011
I am one of the unfortunate victims of a wife with severe Narcissistic personality disorder. I stayed in this marriage for 25 years, because I didn’t want to only see my kids on specific days. I would have torn me apart, so I put up with years of emotional abuse (yes, men can suffer emotional abuse).

Now that our kids are grown and out of the house, it’s just me and her. Her condition has become worse (this condition becomes worse with age) and my life is a living hell. Unfortunately, the only advice I have received is to end the marriage, because NPD usually has no cure.

I only found out about NPD in the last year. I always thought something was wrong with me, because she always put me down and degraded me. Now, after knowing more about NPD (a therapist I consulted confirmed that she had this), I realize that it was the disease talking (it is a disease of the mind).

People with NPD usually had extreme emotional trauma as children. In my wife’s case, she grew up with two parents that showed very little love or care and there was constant conflict in her home.

While I feel sorry for her, living in this situation with her is more that I can take. This is a real unhealthy relationship and I realize that I need to get out.

written by kmical, 17 November, 2011
just found out my husband of 28 years has had 3 month affair with a woman whose husband died 3 months previously. Feel like my heart has been ripped in 2 I loved him so much. He’s now back, after 4 days but can we work it out?
written by 100% Disabled Veteran, 06 December, 2011
I am sorry to read that so many others are entrapped or nearly destroyed by their ‘so called’ spouses. Unfortunately, I find myself in a most confusing ‘boat’ of sorts. Spoken as briefly as possible, this marriage is into its 11th year. For the last 7yrs, I can count the number of times we have slept together...ALL of them initiated by me....never her. In the past I’ve confronted her with different questions like "...why do you do this?" Each time she said it was her fault and would change. (Leopards DO NOT change their spots...believe me, because nothing ever changed except to get worse and worse until now we are teetering on the brink of separation (literally) today. Last night she said she wants me to "forget the past since it can’t be changed and start over with a clean slate." I can’t (and refuse) to do it! Dang, I’ve been a "model" husband (no exceptions) the entire time, and without my income she’ll have no choice but to live on the streets or find another in a hurry (that’s going to be hard to pull off, for her, seeing that sex is strictly taboo). I don’t why in hell I just don’t get up and leave. She’s spent my savings, maxed out the cards...etc. Last night I accused her of using me as a Sugar Daddy (without the sex...but rather, I am supposed to be sexually satisfied in knowing she will never mess around on me (her words, not mine). ((For those wondering, though I am 100% disabled it is from Panic Attacks with it’s not like she has had to wait on me ‘hand and foot’ (actually, it has been more like the opposite). She doesn’t want the marriage to end (and when she says that I, of course, immediately say to myself, "Of course you don’t want your "bread and butter" walking out the door!" She wants all of the securities that come with high incomes, and she wants full access to every penny. Sex? Hell no! For years she just ignored me with statements like we have all heard and grown to abhor, so I won’t bore you with them. If we divorce, she is 100% aware she will not be entitled to one penny of my incomes and thus "on the street." Should I give a hoot at this point? My mind tells me no...but it’s a 55yr old brain so it may be misfiring or no longer functioning correctly. (for the record no alcohol, gambling, drugs or other ‘irritants’ have ever existed in this marriage). However, her first two relationships were with "hard liquor" drinkers and wife beaters...she left both of them, but only after years and years of being with them. I’ve never laid a hand on her or any other woman. It tics me off to no end to think that I am just a source of "financial safety & FREE medical"...but I can’t find ‘one lick’ of anything else holding this relationship together. (Everyone, TY for letting me ‘dump’...may you all be blessed for the torments cast upon you by ‘seemingly’ horribly selfish ppl, and other ‘nuts’ like myself). I laugh as I die inside... ironic isn’t it?
written by Betrayed and hurting, 01 January, 2012
Last March, my wife of nearly 25 years told me it was over. I was in total shock and disbelief, and still am even after 10 months. As far as I could judge, I thought we had an excellent marriage. We always shared all of our feelings. Great weekly quality time spent together. Very many happy moments and common interests. A nice home. Two grown kids in University doing very well. We traveled outside the country several times a year. Good jobs. A neatly planned retirement. We were to travel to Greece last May to celebrate 25 years of marriage. We both were looking forward to this event.

I still don’t understand what happened. She went skiing with her friend in January who decided to invite her lonely brother with them. I could not go. A few weeks after that, it was all over. I discovered she lied to me when she said she was going to ski with a few friends from work a few weeks after that when she secretly went over to her friends brother’s place instead.

From then on, it was all downhill. She gave me very little explanations. She completely changed towards me as thought I was the one at fault. She told me she would go to his place on Weekends and come back to our house during the week. She would stay in our bedroom and she told me to sleep in the basement. I told her because of this situation, she should leave. She did not want to. She didn’t want to let our respective families know what was going on although our 2 kids where well aware of everything. She went on a shopping spree buying close to 10K worth of clothes in just a few weeks. She bought a new car. Went on a trip with her new boyfriend for a week. This was really mean and cruel to me and to the kids. The in laws who eventually found out, could not understand her behaviour. She moved out in June. What hurts the most is, how can someone who I was married to for nearly 25 years + 4 years of dating treat me so unfairly when all I ever did was to love her and do my best to make her happy?
written by screwed up, 22 January, 2012
Was divorced after 27 years. I ended it, had an affair and now think I must have been crazy. But my ex was a gambler, terrible provider and wife beater. I was forced to be the provider for us and our 4 children. Think when youngest turned 18 I just didn’t care anymore and what I did, didn’t seem to matter anymore, nothing did. I was upset about so much and still am, especially not keeping custody of great nephews and they wound up in foster care and later adopted because our marriage sucked. I’m remarried, but in my mind nothing has changed, I still relive it everyday, which is totally unfair to my husband now. I hate my life.
written by Machine, 01 February, 2012
Hey Betrayed and hurting it sounds like your wife fell in love with someone else. Sorry to hear about your loss but it happens. Everything in life is only temp nothing is for ever except death lol. Unfortunately marriage does not come with a guarantee. Time is the only cure to get over a loss. You need to forgiver her and endure your hurt and let it burn. Just let it burn the hurt and pain and let her go. Let your hurt take you where it wants to take you just don’t kill yourself. Most people don’t fight the hurt and pain and take drugs and alcohol to numb the effects lol. It sets the problem aside for awhile however your still dealing with it. You will never be able to figure out a woman forget about it.She did what she had to do for herself. You should accept that and show her you are happy with her decision. Like I said it’s going to burn for a year or two just accept that and look forward to your new life when the hurt stops. Look on the bright side your now free. You need to join a gym and take a multivitamin everyday. Get yourself on a proper diet.Find a hobby or fulfill a dream. You need to perform proper maintenance on your body now because it’s going through a lot of stress. These things will not help you forget only time will. However they will lube you up and get you on a pattern that you can grow from.
written by 2517, 03 February, 2012
Allow me to carve my initials here. I met my wife in late 2003 and we married in 2007. Her family boycotted the wedding at the last minute because I did not share their religious beliefs. Her mother, who stayed with us a few days before the wedding stole the wedding license before the ceremony. We still had a ceremony, but were legally wed the next day. Suzi’s behavior literally changed overnight. The abandonment of her family hurt her profoundly and although they reconciled, she never recovered even in her late thirties. Her warmth and nurturing nature that had drawn me to her became sporadic. Her focus shifted nearly completely to her two daughters. Memory loss, irrational behavior, endless circular arguments followed. Simultaneously, complaining that I worked too much and recognizing that there was barely enough money to sustain us even as she did not work. I found she was hiding money (child support)in a separate account even while participating in a joint account and a written monthly budget. The layers peeled like an onion. She is obese and I am an athlete. Although I was frank about my dislike for her lack of fitness I supported her in many endeavors of hers. Although I knew the root was psychological, I underestimated the depth by miles. She was quickly discouraged. She was taking advantage of my nightly work schedule and working weekends to binge at buffets with her kids. Then after years of giving her the benefit of the doubt when her stories didn’t make sense, the onion just unraveled. Her lying was to the point of being pathological (my father psychologist’s words not mine. Even when confronted with flagrant, irrefutable proof, she would deny everything, twisting, distorting facts masterfully. We found that she had tumors on her thyroid gland. Her behavior was so bizarre that I encouraged her to be tested for associated diseases, but everything was normal. She was just fat supposedly. She also only has 1/2 ovary and severe sleep apnea. I think much of her behavior was due to the sleep apnea. I witnessed her cognitive ability was excellent when she used a breathing machine. And I had never seen her so energetic after getting enough sleep. I was relieved to see her sleeping so peacefully using the machine. But she refused to use it because she said it felt like she was being strangled. It just went downhill from there. I was the only partner she’d had that had been able to give her vaginal orgasms and we still enjoyed excellent physical intimacy despite my having to wear earplugs to sleep. One winter night I came home to a completely emptied house. That’s a whole novel by itself. But it involves listening to her lie to a therapist and waiting nine months in my empty house for her to come back as she came by at her whim for visits. Pacing in circles in empty rooms. Wait, it gets better. She came back. I helped pay the credit card debt she racked up (and also supported her before we married when she went to college.) Her daughters are both emotionally disturbed. Her oldest is a high school senior and off the wall nuts. Threatening me with implied violence one minute and bawling like a baby the next. After two years she left again. I found she was back to hiding money again, I had a angry reaction, things calmed down for several weeks. We had a counseling session scheduled, she blew it off to tend to her now adult daughter’s increasing meltdowns. Same scenario: Another ambush when I get home from work. Everything is gone. That was Nov 15. Two weeks later, I was forced to euthanize my horse, my friend of over twenty years, partly due to financial instability she caused when she took money from our savings before she left. I certainly made some mistakes, but crazy people have a way of making you crazy. Apparently, there’s a certified letter at the post office from her.
written by Reply to all, 17 February, 2012
I have read some really sad real life stories here,humane nature is always evolving (or changing), we all change by time (either positively or negatively). I am not an expert on the marital affairs but I would suggest you to get over the bad episode just like the good one. Spend most of your time keeping your self healthy and read more, be little religious, or even try yoga or meditation, do some philanthropy (not by money) but by physical service (without expecting any reward), just do it. Hope life brings more positivity as it goes by. Cheers)
written by 100% innocent?, 28 February, 2012
I’ve read all of these very sad stories, and I am sorry for your pain. The common thread through most of them is the total lack of personal responsibility anyone seems to take for the other person leaving. I find it very hard to believe that people, partners who seem like they were decent enough people to love and raise their children, can be in an ideal, wonderful relationship with amazing, exciting people and then *poof* they turn into different people, monsters really and run away heartlessly to spend every dime and laugh at their victims.

I have had my heart broken and I have in turn broken hearts. I left my first husband because, and I’m sorry to say it, he was really really boring. He is a great father and husband now to someone who seems like a very wonderful woman. But when I left, he was devastated. His family thought I had changed and become a monster. They thought I was after his money. We sold our house and split the money. True, I wanted out but it was our house. No kids. I devastated my second husband and left without any interest in reconciliation after a few years because he wouldn’t stop drinking. After I left, his story was so heartbreaking. I didn’t give him a chance, he was a wonderful husband and provider...but the flip side of that, my side of that was that I had a new baby and I was not raising him with a drunk who was becoming increasingly abusive. He’d had his second chances while I was still in the house. There are always two sides. He drank because I ironically had become the boring spouse, spending all of my time focused ont he baby. Whatever it was, whatever broke up my marriages, it didn’t happen because of only one person becoming one thing or doing one thing. Together we didn’t work. Could we have tried to work it out? Maybe. I lack the sticktoitiveness to try. Life is short. Make the most of every minute. Heartbreak has been shown to have real physically devastating impacts on the body. Healing isn’t just a euphemism. Take it seriously and take your healing seriously. Get well and get healthy.
written by NeglectedMy Wife, 09 April, 2012
As I sit here in my office reading this comments and cant help but to admitted that it helps knowing I’m not alone in the way I feel. My Wife left me after 6 years, three days after valentines. The last month of us being together she felt so cold that I even thought she was cheating on me. When she decided to drop the bomb, she told me she had stop loving me for the past 4 months. She felt like I had neglected her and that she felt that her future did not matter to me. That’s not the case but I did a piss poor job showing it. After leaving, we hung out with our daughter like if nothing has ever happened but yet at the end of the day I was going back home by myself. It seamed that I felt worse at the end of the day of spending time then in the morning. It was like a drug that you know its bad but you have to get a hit one more time, after the high is over you feel worse than if you had not token that hit. Now after a month I realized I’m better off staying away from her until I can keep my self in balance. I know it’s going to hurt my 4 year old daughter and that hurts the most. I will try to some kind of way spend time with my daughter with out seeing my ex. I feel better now that I realize that I cannot change the way she feels about me but I can change the way I feel about my ex.
written by Soul mate, 23 June, 2012
I was married for 21 years. My husband loved me one day and the next day divorced me and remarried after 3 months when our divorce got finalized. During my marriage for years I tried to be figure out why he was discussing our personal relationship with another woman. I demanded that he not discuss my personal life to anyone but he never listened. I always caught him in lies. He had a coworker that he communicated more than with me. Well to make a long story short he beat me to it because I was going to give him the news that I was fed up with his infidelity and telling me that you can love someone and don’t have to have sex. Wow I am at peace now! If he thinks that going to church is going to save him think again. He has sinned royally! There is no respect for anyone everybody just does whatever and don’t repent.
written by big bopper, 01 July, 2012
My wife decide to drop a bombshell on me last Monday night.She decided that after 20 years of marriage she wanted to part.The reason i got was we have drifted apart and she wanted some me time.She says she as been feeling like this from Feb onwards. I asked her if she wanted a divorce she said no day later she said yes.She as never been a drinker but as found a couple of single friends who do a lot of going out and getting drunk.She is really close to one of them and even my kids have past comment on this.She says their is nobody else and i do believe her as she is still in my house and i’m sure if their was someone else she would of moved out to be with them.Does anyone think i should throw her out so me and the kids can move on.I have this thing going round my head that while she is here i still might had a chance.I do know that she wouldn’t be able to stand on her own two feet financially if i did throw her out.I am well and truly gutted about this and have taken the last 5 days off work because i need to be here for my children.
written by Another one, 25 July, 2012
I can’t believe I’m reading all of these... my perfect beautiful wife, perfect marriage, perfect daughters, and perfect life all disappeared the day after our 21st anniversary. We did everything together. We’re both professionals and I supported her in everything she accomplished – I even learned how to be the chef... and got damned good at it. Then, it just turned somehow. She starts with those awful words, "I never thought I’d be saying this, but..."

It’s like she became somebody else completely. At first she tried to say that I had changed somehow, but after a couple of months finally admitted that, "I guess I just changed too much..."

It’s now been 5 months, and I am still in hell... I thought being a very steady husband and father is what my role was in life, and how I defined success.

How do women change like this?...and what do vows mean. Nobody’s been able to answer that one for me – even many clergy.

written by wifegonewild, 27 July, 2012
My story is the same as all the others. Married 28 years, 3 children, youngest 17. Separated 7 years ago but tried to work things out for the kids. Noticed a pattern of her working more, volunteering at church every chance she got, shopping more, especially for sexier panties etc., just not being home as much. I had suspicions but since she was very involved in church, I didn’t think she could be living a lie. Now I find out she has had several affairs. She was also going online chatting and sending photos of herself. I got her password to her Facebook and email and everything was right there. I sent copies to her pastor at church. I still loved her and we were going to counseling when I caught her texting a male friend things she wanted to do with him.
I said enough is enough. Filed for divorce and now she is going out every night. I even found out she is in on a dating website looking for more "friends". I hurts when the one you love and dedicated your life for decides she doesn’t love you anymore. I got my court date today, Sept. 4th. Looking forward to ending this ugly chapter of my life and live life to the fullest. One door closes, another will open up.
written by Aloha, 30 July, 2012
Married 17 years. Together 23. She dropped the bomb 6 weeks ago. Separation so she can "find herself". Terms were for me to seek counseling. To temper my anger. She led a life of trying to work things out and she is tired. 4 months ago she took a trip with her girlfriends. Met up with single guys at a bar. One of the guys she has been keeping in contact. Since she left to where he lived twice. Another trip planned tomorrow. This time she ran out of excuses to go and taking the kids. She is in denial about her emotional attachment to this guy. Life was good for her. Yes, as with most relationships there were ups and for her fatal downs. She has checked out of this relationship. In denial about her affair. He is single and much younger than her. Has been living with her mother. I have and continue to care for our 3 boys. I am reluctant to let her take them on this trip. She may leave them to be with him. Not may, will leave them. This is pathetic. I am learning every day to move on. Divorce seems like the best solution. Just these damn feelings get in the way. My goal is to minimize the damage that has already set in and limit life in limbo. Is this even possible?
written by gotta keep strong, 05 August, 2012
This is crazy. It always seems to be the woman’s decision. exact same thing has happened to me. been together for 12 years sense i was 21 and married for 4 years. Then out of the blue she tells me she wants to separate as she doesn’t love me like she thinks she should and thinks we need time apart to see how we feel.I moved out and in the space of a week she says she doesn’t feel anything for me at all and it is definitely over. She says its been building on her for about 5 years now (nice of her to tell me and open up if there’s a problem). Now we have 2 kids of 5 and 3 which just makes me wonder why we got married and why we had our second child. She swears there is nobody else and she just wants to be on her own which i do believe, but in the space of 9 weeks she keeps chopping and changing her mind about taking me to court to get the house which she couldn’t afford anyway and now i’m buying her out. How the hell can your life go from being what i thought was so perfect to being the most unimaginable and painful experience i’m probably ever going to encounter in such a short space of time. How are you supposed to get over something like this?
written by Lost in love, 06 August, 2012
I have been reading these stories in hopes of finding a way to deal with my pain. My wife of almost 27 years told me she did not love me anymore. That was 4 months ago. To this day I hold onto hope that she will change her mind, but things just got progressively worse. She is still at home, but just seems so far away. I’ve started seeing a counselor, but I don’t think it will help me get over the pain of losing the one person who means the most to me. Everyone says time heals, but I’m pretty sure that time just means more time to feel the heartbreak. I am so scared to live my life without her. How can my life still have meaning? I know now that I did not put the effort into making her feel loved everyday, but I just want that chance to really show her what she means to me. I will continue to exist for the sake of my kids, but I won’t really live life without my best friend by my side. I pray for all of you, but wonder what a mixed up world we live in and how cruel love can be.
written by rat in a cage, 24 August, 2012
You get a general understanding of everyone’s view here. the ones who leave and those left behind. I lost my significant other because I would not keep giving into what she wanted. The problem for me was that there was always something more required and I don’t believe you can keep throwing things at a problem to quench it. I also believe that you have to be happy with yourself and with your life or you may never be happy. She left because it was also easy for her since her life of moving from life to life started long ago based on childhood and lifelong depression and medication problems. It was also made easy by the American justice system to allow her to take our 3 year old and get support for doing it. Despite custody battle the man rarely wins and she is rewarded for her actions. My point is that this system makes it easy for half of us to do what we do and IF IT DID NOT the statistics would change radically. I want and love my child and financially supported my family for years happily. When people disregard the traditional institution of family / marriage and the law gets involved in this way, what value does it hold anymore? When you decide to leave a union and disrupt the life of a child with no real emergency besides being bored then you should be completely responsible for losing primary custody of your child and the laws should not get involved under these circumstances. Learn to commit to your family, you chose it! Life is not all roses and when you understand that you begin to move forward together.
written by This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it , 01 September, 2012
I’m new. Life is challenging after 25 years. I’m in the progress of mega reading! I just want to add my name to let you all know I’m reading your valuable and heartfelt feeling about your positions in life. I am in the ship. Ships are bigger than boats. bean
written by This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it , 10 September, 2012
Yes, After 23 years of marriage and living together for the 2 years before. I finally had to make the decision of filing. I could not handle the drinking, which was totally out of control. He did not think he has a problem. I warned him so many times in our marriage of that his drinking caused conflict in our family. He just did not understand. We have twin Boys that will be 18 years old on September 14, but still in high school. One will talk with his father, the other one will not. We all have so much anger towards him, because he would not even try to get help.. I hopefully will get through this, but it seems like no ending pain. I come home from work and just cry for like a hour at a time. I still love him, but he is not the same person I married 23 years ago. I truly hopes he would get help for his alcoholism, but I think he really does not think he has a problem, even though his mom and brother had told him, he just does not want to do it. I really did not want to file for a divorce from him, I thought we were going to grow old together. But his drinking was taking a toll on the boys and I so I had to make that decision to file. That was the most worst traumatic day of my life. I feel for everyone on this comment page, whether you were the one that filed or the one that was served.. This is the most awful thing a person has to go thru in there life of the marriage..
written by Sadness, 17 September, 2012
My 23 year marriage ended 8 months ago. My wife told me "I love you but I’m not in love with you".
Seems she is ‘searching’ for herself now. Hurts like nothing else I’ve ever known. However, I will do well in the years to come after I have healed my heartbreak.
written by beautyfrompain, 30 September, 2012
I have been with my husband for 17 years now. We have three children together and one from a previous marriage. We have been through everything imaginable together and have always stuck by one another. Although, he is a very Moody man and we all tend to walk on eggshells around him. He has always been a good provider but 2 years ago he got laid off and it put tremendous strain on the whole family. Our biggest problem is work and finances as work is not steady right now at all. We have always been best friends and have always been close and loving for the most part. Since he got laid off we have fought more than usual being that before that we really never fought very often. The was a period for us when we would not be intimate quick I blame myself for because I had become emotionally detached because he began drinking heavily. Just recently about 4 months ago I opened my eyes and realized that I love this man and don’t want to lose him so I began to go out of my way to take care of him better emotionally and sexually and things started to get really great between us. Let me remind you at this time we are in a serious financial situation that caused us to have to live in a very small apartment until we could afford to get into another home. He comes home one day and tells me we are moving into the worst part of town so we can save money. There was a disagreement due to my fear of raising the children in that kind of environment. He went to a class on this particular night, came home drunk and was absolutely out of his mind not himself. He said he talked to someone that told him if I didn’t make agree with him on his decision to move then to take the kids and leave me and my son (from previous marriage) on the street and that I was nuts! I ended up doing as he wanted be wise I had no other choice. Now a few months later we are trying to get along and everything seems OK then work slows down and he starts worrying about how we are going to make ends meet. All of the sudden for no apparent reason he tells me one day, "I love you bit I’m not in love with you anymore so you need to move out, I’m done." Now in all honesty if I was doing anything to cause this I’d be honest but I’m just floored! I am crying asking what have I done wrong and he can’t tell me. 2 days later after I am racing my brain to figure out what to do he says lets work it out, I really love you. He’s cold to me, doesn’t want sex, hardly talks to me and I am beside myself with grief. I’m confused and don’t know if I should stay and risk being hurt over and over or if I should leave and not look back or maybe separate on a trial basis. But at this point I don’t even think a trial thing would work. Someone please help.
written by JBuck, 01 October, 2012
My wife and I married last July and gave birth to our first and only daughter in November of 2011. Now the hard part (and it’s something I notice most people aren’t doing on here)...admitting where I failed. I had two back surgeries a couple years ago. Actually that’s how I knew that I truly loved my wife. For the first time in my life when I went thru something major, my wife was the only person I wanted by my side, and she wanted to be there. Unfortunately I ended up with an addiction to pain medicine which combined with the pain I was in due to back problems, caused my sex drive to virtually disappear. After 2+ years of having to go to bed alone and feeling like I was not attracted to her she finally gave up and left me 2 months ago and took my 9 month old beautiful baby girl and my dog. I didn’t just lose my wife, I lost everything that matters to me including my best friend (my wife). The good news is that it caused me to see my problem and start taking action. I’m now going to the gym 6 days a week and am in the process of quitting smoking as well. I’ve done everything I can think of to get my wife back but I don’t know where the future is heading. All I know is that I miss my best friend/wife and that it’s ripping my heart out not having my daughter with me. I pray every day that she finds a way to forgive me and give me another shot at her heart because as I recently told her, my heart has always belonged to her and will always even if she chooses not to accept it. I know this sounds strange but I grew up a product of divorce and I truly feel that we owe it to our daughter to never give up trying. And ive already decided that if that means I have to live alone for the rest of my life, that’s what I will do so that if the day ever comes where my wife starts missing me, I’ll be there for her. True love doesn’t come around every day and it requires a lot of hard work, dedication and sometimes it requires space and time. I have read a lot of books about this situation but the one thing I read that I want to share with everyone is one, not your mother, father, sibling, friend or therapist knows when enough is enough. If you truly love someone you never give up fighting for them. I think it’s sad the society we live in these days where people drop and change spouses like underwear. Thanks to all who read this.
written by Man, 10 October, 2012
Me too. Wife left taking the kids almost a year ago. Eldest was 16 and youngest was 3. I had been their home parent for their lives.

She promised that she wouldn’t prevent me seeing the children, that I could call and come and go as I wished. Lied of course, but I believed everything. My kids are now using solvents and alcohol. My wife had psychiatric and substance abuse problems before we were together and comes from a difficult, troubled, fractured and self destructive family. Mine is close, supportive and loving.

How did your life work out?
written by I played the fool, 12 October, 2012
This all sounds so similar. I married my wife when she was 18 and I was 21. She was a cashier at K-Mart and I was a law enforcement officer. We have 4 GROWN kids with grand children. She left me for her male high school best friend. I ALWAYS THOUGHT *** I *** WAS HER BEST FRIEND! I am such a fool!
written by DW, 24 October, 2012
Lots of similar stories, mine is the same. She found her high school boyfriend on facebook after 25 years with me. My question is how do you get over it?
written by trini, 28 October, 2012
Sometimes these long marriages that break up, were either one person settling and never telling you about it or just growing apart or definitely a 3rd party or all of the above. Usually the party that walks has just been timing it...for a while, especially women. I was only with my husband for 9yrs and we took up most of our 20s with each other. There were so many hurdles I thought we had crossed.
However, sadly, for most of the years I was just being a good dutiful wife but was very aware that I had no real connection to him and vice versa. The newness came back for a bit once we either attended MC, had a huge fight and then made back, or a reconnection trip. But, we truly are not compatible.

I also finally had enough of his behavior and my lack of connection to him. I asked for a divorce 2days after our 9th anniversary and he cried a lot. He appeared to be very hurt. He still begs to this day.

I was also talking to a gentleman who has been married 24yrs. This was his first ans-"i’m kind of married; we’re having some issues...but it’s pretty much over." A month later we chat again and he says "look, i care about my ‘current relationship’, but i don’t love her yet i don’t want to hurt her. I also don’t want to suffer financially." The man cannot even say wife, marriage. That was me and I’m about 17yrs this guys’ junior. He said so I’ve decided to stick it out for good, or wait and plan, then leave. There are so many hints people drop that they want out but sometimes we just don’t see them.
written by DW, 30 October, 2012
Same story as everyone else. I just want to know if the pain ever goes away
written by Yggdrasil, 02 November, 2012
Last year my wife {now ex-wife} of seventeen years informed me by text three days after my younger brother died tragically that she was divorcing me. Really? By text? The week my brother died? Wow! The following month my father died. My mother died two months later. My two sons were devastated. In a blink of an eye they lost their entire family. True, my marriage was not perfect. But I was very proud of it. Together we had accomplished much, experienced much. We had lived and traveled all over the world and done more than a dozen families could in two dozen life times. Family was the center of my life. To have a wife just walk away was unthinkable. I am thankful my two sons stay with me. She speaks with them on occasion, but only about casual topics of her choosing. I am also thankful I got the house, although it is not finished and she took the truck and all my tools, leaving me in a bind. Divorce is not cheap. Neither are tools and home renovation projects. It appears my ex-wife will never admit to the damage she caused. In a six month period of my life I buried a mother, a father and a brother and lost a wife. When her family expressed disapproval of her actions she cut all contact, leaving them as hurt and confused as me. None involved understand. In truth, none care any more. My ex-wife virtually threw herself out the door and out of our lives. She deliberately sabotaged her relationships, burned all her bridges. She transformed herself into a human "tornado" that left a path of human wreckage in its wake. Forgiveness is not an option. What frightens me is how she changed before she left. It was her eyes. I remember one day looking at her and thinking "they look different." It was like looking into the eyes of a stranger. Very unnerving.
written by TdK, 21 November, 2012
I simply cannot believe what I am reading... I thought I was alone. My 22 year wife (the absolute perfect wife and partnership – two professionals, 50/50, sharing,exploring, supporting, etc.) just flat changed. (She even told me when leaving that I was the perfect Husband and Father.) At about 42, she started to become someone I didn’t even recognize – it’s like an evil twin was put in her place. She stayed for another year (after the initial ‘dropping of the bomb’) but it honestly didn’t matter what I did after that.

She moved out and we are now divorced (most of a year later.) Cost me thousands and thousands and thousands (of the most ridiculous money I have ever spent in my life.)

Since then, the exact same thing has happened to my very good friend – his marriage was the mirror of mine.

I am left with... "What the hell has happened to women?" I don’t expect them to be the 50’s model, stay in their place, or any crap like that... never have – we are/were complete partners. "How can you just change your core values?"
written by as, 02 December, 2012
I’m a wife wanting to leave after almost 21 years of marriage. There are always more reasons for leaving that are actually spoken. Wounds are inflicted weather it be emotional or physical and they are tolerated for a long time before a woman comes to the conclusion that nothing else will help the marriage. My case, when my husband cheated on me 6 years ago and denied it to my face therefore not only cheat but lie pretty much destroyed the love that I had for him. I’ve stayed because of children and thinking that God would heal this marriage. I learned God did not destroy the trust my husband did and I really don’t know if it will ever be the same or even better. When my husband cheated I truly mourned the man I married and I feel like he is gone and I’m stuck with this weak man who could not be strong enough for his wife and children and make a better decision in staying loyal and faithful. So I am resentful at times. Most times I deal with it and have deep emotional scars I hide well, but every year at the time he was caught I subconsciously become truly sad and angry at him. I don’t realized it until I think about why I’m feeling hurt and frustrated. I don’t want the marriage to end but I don’t want to feel like I’m married to a stranger and always wonder is this all there is and did I make the right choice in staying? I sometimes feel like I should have left along time ago. He is a good man who made a mistake and he’s always home and takes care of us and kids but I can’t help feeling that my love for him truly did stop the night he lied to me. He betrayed me, I’ve since forgiven him for that but I think I can’t deal with the fact that he continued to lie to me for days and I wonder if he had admitted it before being caught if that would have made a difference. I love him but I do not love him the way I used to. It’s like we’re roommates and I really don’t want any more then that. Sad but when the one you put your trust in and gave your love to betrays you the damage is more severe then ever thought possible. The marriage is just a marriage without the feeling of being truly loved since that was broken.

written by Wise old man, 24 December, 2012
I have been reading all of these stories and it makes me wonder if too many people get married for the wrong reasons or maybe they get married too early on in life. It saddens me to read about so many people living massive chunks of their life’s in such despair. Yeah I am also in the same boat twenty five years of marriage some days great some days terrible but I accept my marriage because of the wonderful kids we have together and although it is not perfect we still love each other although I am sure there are better options for both of us!. I believe the problem today it is just too easy to pack up and get divorced. If people where forced to work out their problems many of you would still be married! For the folks that are separated here I can say I was separated for a year and loved it however it did remind me of who I genuinely loved, and that was my wife. I am not going to lie and say that things are perfect after I reconciled but they are better and I believe my marriage is like all marriages you both have to work at it for it to last. And also there is no such thing as a happy marriage I would have to say there are satisfying marriages but I have never seen a truly movie quality happy marriage once you start peeling back the onion!
written by Katherine2013, 25 December, 2012
I have no doubt in my mind that people get married for all the wrong reasons, most of the time. It’s unfortunate. In this case, it sounds like this man never knew his wife to begin with. It’s really a shame that he had to find out after 25 years. At least he’s found her out... he found out that she’s not the person he thought she was and maybe now he can move on with his life. I think that the very best thing he can do is to stop asking her to tell him why. He should just discuss as little as possible, the children, the necessities, then let the rest go. She may come around one day, but by then, he’ll probably see it all from a new perspective. Time and distance can do wonders for our perspective on these things.
written by darren 223, 30 December, 2012
Hi guys devastating news. Happened after 21 years. She just switched off and she’s gone. I find that very hard to handle. Thanks.
written by ted409, 12 January, 2013
when me and the x first got together it was heaven. we lived together for 5 years before getting married( because i had health issues and wanted to make sure she had something if i died.
anyway the last 5 years i became the whipping post taking all the x s anger. on top of that she was out every friday nite getting drunk with her friends. she was in such a rush she wouldn’t even take time to eat just change clothes and leave. so i so used to her not being around i was just living with another person.
after wed been married for 14 years she got mad about something and split. i changed the locks and filed for separation after she filed a restraining order. so then after i filed the separation she filed for divorce and i was glad to get it over with. "you don’t even know who i am why should i care if you leave"
is how it is
now 17 years later i’m finding that single women act just like my ex did so i don’t spend any more time on them than they spend on me. its not the worst thing in the world being single
written by Lost and Hurting, 13 January, 2013
So after a year of dealing with my wife’s ISSUES she tells me that she isn’t happy and wants out of our 13 year marriage. I will admit we have not always been perfect but we knew how to work things out. We separated 6 years ago and came back to each other knowing this is where we belonged. I don’t think she truly ever healed from this though as she refused counseling so we could resolve our issues. I love my wife more than anything in the world and we have three school aged children together with youngest being 9. It’s killing our kids and youngest is acting out in school. She says that I am controlling and overbearing when after her Issues of emotionally cheating by sending pictures and having sexual conversations with other men, I was just trying to know what was going on in her life. So now living in hell having her not talk to me, not look at me, not hold me as it was just a week ago. It feels like my life just ended everything I worked for all my life, is slipping through my fingers. She says there’s no one else and I believe her. I just want US back and would give anything to have her just give me one more day!
written by Schwannson, 17 January, 2013
Yeah, yeah, yeah,,,,,,it’s always our fault when they aren’t satisfied. they waste and spend too much money and create debt, they don’t give a crap about our feelings, but we’re supposed to tap dance around theirs. Massages, quiet candle lit dinners, taking a walk, a couple of vacations a year.........and it’s never good enough and when you catch them cheating......they say you are controlling and don’t understand, and blah, blah , blah.....and it’s not you...and lie about the text message on the phone that say "you looked so hot last night" , and "when u gonna be my baby", etc. etc.

Listen, when a woman does this stuff, you stop allowing them to benefit financially from you. You document everything in a private place that she can’t access. You document, and if possible record her yelling in front of the kids, and you set her up, and/or hope you are in a state where custody is automatically 50/50 if both parents are good caregiver (most whacked out right wing states give everything to the women including the kids.).

So, there are plenty of hotties out there, you just have to tell them they are attractive and ask them if they would like to spend some time getting to know each other better. It works. Maybe only out of 10 times.....but it eventually works with a nice lady. So, start treating her the way she treats you. Because it’s a matter of time before she screws you, and you don’t want to be 65 or 70 when it happens. As a matter of fact, you could probably spend a little time with some hottie’s and eventually decide on a more age appropriate gal that’s financially stable and actually treats you well. That’s the new reality, and the quicker American men start to realize that chronically unhappy woman are permanently damaged, the better we men will be.
written by bob the builder, 20 January, 2013
My wife left me 12 months ago after 15 years. it will be the biggest lesson i will be taught. I asked her for reasons and she gave loads of small stuff that was my fault. I f..cked up. So did she. It takes two to make it remember that and one to break it. We are all here reading this blog to try learn and make ourselves better people. My advice is truly search your sole for where u went wrong and learn from it. If u have to calm down as a person take up meditation. Peace.
written by OHHHHHHHH, 20 January, 2013
My advice especially to the men (women too can use it as well): 1. Never ever date, lure, entice, manipulate, flirt, engage, have a relationship or marry a divorced woman, or a woman with children or just a woman who wants to cheat (and for the woman do the same to men). Why I advice that, because such relationship damages the children and your fellow man or woman. You ask how, when a mother or a wife (or a father or a husband) finds that there is a market for them outside, then especially women suddenly the father of their children become a replaceable shoe, they can get his wallet, and try other men who pays or offer more. That means, they become willing to ruin their families for their personal gain as the media dictates to them (they deserves better, he is abusive and there is more and better market for divorced and experienced with kids and see many examples of more successful people who did it and never regret it. So when you date, lure, entice, marry such a parent (regardless of the one-sided full of lies story you get fed by the person). The true story is the untold story in the eyes of the children who are forcibly alienated mainly from their father. do you want a solution to help any of the above victims of a spouse who left suddenly? Then do your part and avoid such candidates for the sake of the children. Such candidates when realizing the grass is not green outside, they would become more rational and think before getting into any relationship and especially before breaking a relationship. (The usual stuff: he is alcoholic, abusive, lady, boring, does not make enough money, does not make me as happy as another does, etc......). All such stuff where already in the partner before they met and they were acceptable, then why now all such stuff becomes terrible because another candidate is better now. If these parents remain single and never find another partner, that is not your problem to save them and get yourself into such relationship. Stay out so the children would have better relationship with their BIOLOGICAL PARENT. When you get involved, things get complicated for the biological parent and if any reconciliation was possible, it becomes impossible now because who wants a cheater except those losers. Stand up and raise your requirements and demand moral partner only who never ever broke such a serious promise of persons (That is relationship which is much higher than property contracts yet most would easily break person’s contracts but never a property contract that easily even if other cars or homes are more attractive. So do not contribute to the already problem, live single and chaste, but not with an immoral partner regardless of whose fault. You are not a savior.
written by Anand, 23 January, 2013
My wife married second husband with out giving me divorce. More than 7 years we are living apart she does not come back. And she got married another person what to do now
written by Onemorecase, 25 January, 2013
thumbs up OHHHHHHHH!. Excellent advice.
written by no mo marriages, 26 January, 2013
safety. security. trust. love. all illusions, each and every one. look back on the past. you will not find life there. look ahead to the future where true happiness exists. you will not find life there. life is here. right now. you thought you had a free pass, a way of escaping the devastation of now, of desire and longing, of your thwarted will and inexorable regrets. you were mistaken. you had it all planned, all buttoned down and rolled up. you thought the ring would function as a lock. you thought the relationship would fill the void left behind by all your previously failed relationships. you thought you could borrow a self to make your self whole. you thought you had won; you thought you had solved it by saying ‘i do’... but you did not. and i did not. and together we created a negation. i will no longer negate life with you. that is why i’m leaving you, after 24 years 3 months 7 days and 12 hours of deceiving each other. what killed the marriage? the notion of marriage.
written by stayen alive, 07 March, 2013
Hullo everyone, I will say right off the bat, most will not like what I have to say, but please... think and consider...
I have been married for only 2 years and already have had a rough go. we were both happy until we got married and then something wacko was going on with emotions between us. It was as though something (feels like heaviness in emotion like a heavy blanket) smothered us. A good friend told me that MARRIAGE IS THE MOST STRESSFUL THING IN LIFE. I’ve noticed with my wife, that she gets this preemptive thought of how things should be, then when things don’t quite go exactly that way, the world is a loss to her and I’m destroyed with depression and she with misery. I have my issues too that don’t help at all. In fact I’m struggling with depression.
When she’s mad at you or doesn’t talk, its because your not living in her reality. She feels it is your fault but it is her own insecurity. She needs you to "die" for her and rescue her like those old farytales.
All of this drama and she says in the end that she still loves me. It kills me to dig into my heart to express all I can! AND IT HELPS HER. Seems like the better I feel the worse she is and the better she feels the worse I am. SOMETHING ELSE IS PLAYING HERE. cause when we painfully express what is going on, we get closer and feel like we conquered something.
I did some research. psychiatrists can help you manage problems but there is something much deeper!! A root or roots from both your past lives that anchor and drive you away and gets worse with time. ONE of these roots is FEAR.
I’m reading a book called "FEAR overshadowing your life" by Be in Health Global.
I’m noticing a difference already. It’s an ongoing "inside" battle, I don’t have 25 years of marriage yet. But I’m hopeful and not going to give up the fight for her.
written by Stanley Ong, 08 March, 2013
Hi, everyone,i being merry for the past 10 years. i have some good and bad times with my ex that she had left 2 months ago for someone else. we worked together with our business and she has taken the whole business away with her but i get to keep my son.she say she was bore with me and wanted to leave i tried very hard to make her stay without success. 3 month before she left one of my employee did told me she was seeing someone but, i chose to believe my ex and so the employee was sack my her.i really felt guilty for what happen to my employee. she only visited our 10 years old son for 3 times since she left 2 months ago.i m jobless now since she has taken our whole business.i feel life is so meaningless without her and our son miss her badly. i do hope time can cure for me and my son. what should i do?
written by Stanley Ong, 08 March, 2013
Hi, everyone,i being merry for the past 10 years. i have some good and bad times with my ex that she had left 2 months ago for someone else. we worked together with our business and she has taken the whole business away with her but i get to keep my son.she say she was bore with me and wanted to leave i tried very hard to make her stay without sussess.3 month before she left one of my employee did told me she was seeing someone but, i chosed to believe my ex and so the employee was sack by her.i really felt guilty for what happen to my employee. she only visted our 10 years old son for 3 times since she left 2 months ago.i m jobless now since she has taken our whole business.i feel life is so meaningless without her and our son miss her badly. i do hope time can cure for me and my son. what should i do?
written by Alant, 11 March, 2013
My wife left four days before Christmas 2012 without any warning. All I got was a text. I came home to an empty house. She had taken our two young children. It’s now march and I’ve had no contact. I miss my children so much but the love I had for her has turned to pure hatred.
I never thought she would ever treat me like this. I’ve realized life goes on.
written by Ziggy, 13 March, 2013
If your spouse had an affair and ended up marrying their lover, how do you deal with the lover every time you see him/her at your kids games, shows, school functions, etc? (I mean without having to go to prison because you have to raise/take care of your 4 kids by yourself)Think about future relations before you cheat!
written by es, 18 March, 2013
I am sorry to hear all your pain. Your stories bring tears to my eyes. May I recommend reading the "5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. Maybe within this book you will find some reason to the madness, perhaps even reconciliation. God bless!
written by sheisgone, 03 April, 2013
Wow, same thing happened to me last week. We have 6 kids and they are all with me. The sad thing is that I find myself thinking about her less everyday do not even cry for her anymore. She was my best friend and lover for 27 years.
I speak to God daily to help me get thru this and He does.

I wish everyone good health and happiness in the future.
written by MindOnFire, 04 April, 2013
A few thoughts to the men asking what happened to the women...well it is all about leadership....thoughts from the Bible.

Adam was standing right next to Eve when she was talking to the Serpent (we know this because after she ate the apple she gave it to Adam)...He stood there and just let his precious gift from God walk into Satans trap. Adam ignored God, Eve was just being a loving wife wanting to give her husband something good.

Sara got tired of waiting and convinced Abraham to sleep with a maidservant...He ignored God and caved into his wife.

Lot’s wife (she is not named) ruled the roost. Lot did not know how to lead. When God’s angles told them not to look back as they escaped Sodom, Lot’s wife did. ignoring God and Lot. Interesting thing is we know she turned back only because she was in front leading Lot...

Men... if you honestly look back at your struggles you might find that while you were following your wife...trying to make her happy, listing to here cry’s, maybe what we should have done is simply lead. I am sure that there was a time during the divorce, when you finally "gave up" that your wives started to come back...thats because women in marriages are designed to follow their man, who is supposed to be their leader (not controller...partner). So when men are weak, women will make their own choices. the first three women in the bible did it and made choices that they regretted.

interesting to note....Adam did not have to eat what Eve gave him and Abraham did not have to sleep with the maid servent.

Where are the Men!

After my wife left (a 6 year process) after a 22 year marriage i finally realized i was not leading her...i was trying to make her happy. Unhappy women need strong men to lead them, they don’t need weak men focused on trying to make them happy.

If your marriage has drifted it is likely because husbands your wives stopped following because you stopped leading. Recognize your lack of leadership, ask for forgiveness as you have forgiven (means you have to forgive first) and start leading in a loving way as James points out in the bible. It may be too late, your wife might look back and turn to salt. But she just might realize that she stopped following also and if you lead her maybe she will follow again.


Other Options:

  • View all tags (specific issues)
  • View all questions listed by topic (broader focus)

I have my own question to ask

Truth About Deception – back to our home page.

 Original Article