Past Comments – I got caught lying to my girlfriend about female friend

written by Unhappy, 01 November, 2006

The same thing happened to me. My boyfriend has a female friend at work whom he has lied about seeing in the past. I caught him lying again and he is very angry that i have been checking up on him. He swears he is committed to our relationship but I find the lying makes me distrust him and I cannot move on from it.

Take her with you.
written by..., 14 November, 2006

I’m the girlfriend in an almost-identical scenario. I find that there is much more fear of *the unknown*. How about having your friend & girlfriend meet over dinner? If there’s nothing illicit going on, you’ll have nothing to worry about. And maybe they’ll even be friends!

As a woman
written by Tula, 07 January, 2007

As a woman, I can tell you that emotional affair and "very close non physical friendship" (for five years?) just don’t match well. It is a virtually unbelievable combination.
Your girlfriend may be thinking she hasn’t had the truth from you, and that can more disturbing than the facts themselves. She might also be trying to deal with moral issues concerning your having an affair with a married person... I would, because I’ve been through a similar situation.

If this be case, how about trying to tell the whole truth, and see how she reacts then? You may be surprised. Honesty is essential in these matters.
It may probably help her steady herself once she knows what has been going on. And it is also fair for her. Maybe she could even accept your friend then (fear of the unknown as another person said). Let her know. And remember: Truth sets us free.
Regards and good luck.

written by cindy123, 25 October, 2011

I am a female, you are now in the situation to CHOOSE, either your girlfriend whom you decided to spend your lifetime with OR your friend that you spent your past 5 years with. But recently decided that she is Only a friend.
Your girlfriend has full right to be upset from such triangle, she has a deep feeling of lack of APPRECIATION for her as a partner being in your life and lack of RESPECT for the relationship, as it should be the most important from her perspective.
Once you chose to spend your life with her, this means you are ready to put off many things to make this happen and succeed, you cannot take everything in life, being single is not equal to being in a relationship, sometimes you must make choices, and she made her needs clear regarding what is unacceptable for her, so more arguing instead of taking an action to cut your friendship is considered a continue of hurt.
The choice is yours, a friendship, that is unacceptable by a life partner, so this means ending with only the friendship, or the Life partner without the friendship.Or The final solution is Another life partner who can accept, or in other words tolerate the friendship. Think well and Good luck.

written by cindy123, 31 October, 2011

looking to the dates, I just noticed that my reply above is too late, but honestly I would appreciate if you can update us on your story, and what happened. Hoping it was for good.

written by thegirlfriend, 12 December, 2012

Having been in a similar situation with my boyfriend, I’d like to point out that your female friend is an adult and you are not responsible for being the one she goes to, particularly if she is clinically depressed. The fact is, you have an emotional bond with your friend and it is upsetting your girlfriend and I don’t blame her for feeling threatened and insecure. Your girlfriend has discussed her feelings with you, and you are choosing to ignore them. My boyfriend had two female friends that he was close with and he chose to lie to me about his contact with them and, over time, it led me to finally break up with him. It was a painful thing for me to do, because I loved him and overall, he was good to me. But, I had tried discussing with him how his friendships made me feel to no avail. It was his decision, in the end, to hide his friendships from me. Lying and hiding the truth is a form of disrespect and shows that you don’t fully appreciate your girlfriend or the relationship you have with her. If you did, you’d not be emotionally pulled to your female friend.

written by Lying guy, 18 March, 2013

I have lied to my girlfriend for 18 months. I lied to her about working with women. I told her there was no women. I have had an emotional affair with a coworker at the beginning of the relationship. I have lied to her about other coworker after that. If there is an attractive women that I work with I will not say it. But she always knows when I lie. She say because I lied to her about those women I have made them more important than her. I have not had a relationship with them. But I did wanted to pursue one of them before we got together. I just lied to her again recently about another co- worker. I’m trying to figure out why I do it. I’m sick of lying to her. I want to resolve this with her but don’t know where to start. Help I do care about her and want to be with her.