Past Comments – How do I know when someone is flirting

Comments (24)

written by tan, 14 February, 2008
The issues me and my boyfriend have now and had for a very long time is, he says he loves me and we are o.k.---until we are with other people or and event when he distances himself from me, and is very deliberate about this. He will always become fixated or give long eye contacts, smiles to an attractive woman. He has sat right next to me when this happens, and will get so caught up in the stare, she will respond and the smiles and long eye contact happen. The strange thing is it could be anybody, my sister, my daughter, and his own niece! They are all beautiful women and in there 30’s or 40’s. This seems like a habit or something because he continues doing this, even though we fought about it before and how much this hurts me. I can see him change towards me almost immediately when an attractive women is around. Not to mention the time he took his arm off me just as my sister came in the door at my parents house. I don’t understand as I think he loves me, and we all look, but his whole personality will change. He is very distant to me and very focused on the other woman, who ever she may be at the time. I have to wonder how he is, when I am not with him.
written by Deep Blue Water, 05 February, 2009
I have been with exactly the same type of man for 2 years and it is still painful – but when confronted he always says it’s my own insecurity. Not true! He becomes totally obsessed with the staring until "she" stares back then the smiles & the flirting. Same thing also: He lets go of my hand or distances himself whenever there is an attractive woman nearby. I’m ready to leave him because he is also a pathological/compulsive liar – constant lies about everything. I’m beginning to believe he is very sick, a really toxic person & I should let go; two years has been way to long to hope for a change in this behavior. Oh yes, he is very good-looking and I think he wants every woman on earth to fall in love with him.
written by another victum, 27 April, 2009
I’m with a man that is very good looking and he knows it. He has to be the center of attention and if there is someone, such as a friend of his that is as good looking as he is and a girl pays more attention to his friend, he has go do something to make sure the attention ends up on him solely. He has flirted right in front of me on many occasions and as a normal person would wonder, I wonder what he does behind my back. He swears he loves me, wants to marry me, but I of course can’t see a future with us with him behaving in such a manor. I think he wants the best of both worlds. Cake and icing to say! Why not just stay single and mingle if your so into yourself, instead of dragging someone into your hurtful behavior.
written by ..., 18 September, 2009
I have my same problem and I had been giving out hints to my husband and to the girl he seem to flirt with and I would say out loud to both of them I don’t it like when some one goes behind my back.I would tell the girl that seem to move in with my man I told her if any woman messes with my man I will kick some major ass and I said that to her in private.They would have more in common when they talk and at the kitchen table I would see them touching each others feet together he would have it on top of her feet and I can see it plane as day.I don’t say a word to them and it piss’s me off .If there is some thing going on it will be known and there will be hell to pay with this girl I will kick her to the curve for sure.He would get all bubbly when she is around.At one time we were playing a game at the kitchen table she decided to sit mighty close to him in front of me and one time on the couch the same when I laid down to take a nap but I pretended to take a nap and had the door close a little.So should I confront my husband about this I had been really wanting to so bad and I have my really good reason for this I’ just think its to private to put this out there there is more then meets the eye with this girl.I just feel like there are more going on then I what I don’t see.Please give me some advice.Thanks
written by nhragal70, 04 March, 2010
I know just what you all are talking about. I live w/one of them male stuck on himself guys. Everything seems to be our fault. "NOT". We all get so tired of their "BS" & they expect us to take it. No not in this lifetime. Smile girls, We are way better then that.Someone out there will love & care for you all. I’m getting over that hill. I’m too old to go chasing after someone else. Keep ur heads up & be strong. We will over come...smilies/wink.gif
written by What is up with this man?, 21 March, 2010
My (ex) man did this: Before we met, he was into a girl (who was a lesbian with a girlfriend, and was 9 years younger then him) he had feelings for, he acted like she was his girlfriend even in front of her girlfriend and her girlfriend would get hurt and jealous by the way they acted, he would tell everyone he was in love with her, she just strung him along and used him to do favors, but would refuse to date him, but offered to cheat on her girlfriend with him (he declined). When I came around she gave me dirty looks and would be super rude to me, and started calling him every day to "talk" and cheated on her girlfriend with a man and then called him to let him know her relationship was over with the girl. He would let her be rude to me in social situations and then ditch me at events when she was around. I finally got so mad about it that he limited his friendship with her after about 3 months of fighting about it. Then he became fixated on another girl who had a boyfriend and a baby (by a different man from the boyfriend) and he would call her all the time and invite her to events and make excuses to meet with her alone and console her about her problems with her baby daddy, and flirt with her on the phone in front of me, and act like her baby was his baby when they were together, and again ditch me when she was around at events. Again this girl was a bitch to me, although I tried to be nice to her. I thought, wow, she must be a real good friend he’s known for a long time, but he had just met her. I put up with this for about 3 more months of fighting about it. He changed his behavior by limited his interactions with both these girls, but the first one would still try to get him to do stuff for her and be super rude to me at events. And he would be nice to her while she was rude right in front of him to me. So I left him, even though I was in love with him and other aspects of our relationship were good. It just felt so manipulative and disrespectful and I couldn’t help but feel he never really loved me but was still in love with that first girl. When we first met he told me he loved her and I could never see why he wouldn’t defend me and our relationship to her.

Well, when I left him he told her he couldnt be friends with her anymore and we ended up getting back together and moving in together, but I ended up leaving him after about 6 months, even though that time around he really tried to reform and make me his first priority. I just couldn’t let him into my heart because the foundation of our relationship had been so broken in the beginning. I kept waiting for him to form another unhealthy bond with yet another woman who was going to "need" his help and disrespect me and our relationship.

To this day he still believes that I was jealous and insecure, and that he did the best he could. I guess in some ways he is right. If only he had defended me to her, just once, I would have been able to believe he loved and respected me. But to this day he still defends her. As soon as we broke up he became friends with her again.

Oh and he would get super flirty with woman when he was drunk too. Touching legs and hands and stuff right in front of me. The woman would look over at me all uncomfortable and like "isn’t your girlfriend right there?"

My questions is, was I right? Was he never going to be respectful of me? Was he always going to have to have another woman on the side like that who was a problem case that "needed" him? Or should I have forgiven and forgotten because he made an effort to stop....he stop speaking to the first girl altogether and to the second only on the internet. And he stopped drinking too after I broke up with him over another drunken flirting incident right after we moved in together.

I really miss him. He was a good partner in other ways.
written by Confused Wifey, 26 April, 2010
I have recently had an issue with my husband flirting. I am almost positive it was more than that but he claims it was just flirting. (Not that I’m ok with that either) He is a manager at his job and one of his co-workers (a 22 year old blond, single girl) started texting him. At first, I really didn’t think anything of it and then I noticed that he was texting a LOT. Way more than normal and every time I looked, it was her. Finally, I was fed up and I just knew that there was something going on. I confronted him about it and he told me that I was imagining things and that they were just friends. I knew and couldn’t shake the feeling so I looked at our phone bill only to find out that they had texted back and forth over 1000 times in a month. I was pissed! I confronted him with the evidence and asked to see the messages since he still claimed there was nothing going on. He told me he erased his phone everyday, which is suspicious in and of itself but especially for him, being that he never did that before. Finally, he admitted to flirting with the girl via text and at work. He promised to stop it and thus far there have been no texts, however, now she has been promoted to his assistant manager and I am stuck in this awful situation. I can’t seem to shake the feeling that its not completely over and there is still something going on at work. I think this was a little more than flirting and I can’t seem to put it in the past. I obsessively check our phone records and go to see him at work a lot more, just to check up on him. I think this is driving me crazy! Anyone have any input on this situation?
written by Maggi G., 02 June, 2010
Get him gone. He should be focusing on you, who cares if they are friends...Their behavior is completely inappropriate, period.

You most likely deserve better and if she is a ass. manager now how can you trust that there’s nothing going on? I would leave him. 1000 in a month?
No way that is just friends. One of them wanted more, and the other loves the attention which is betrayal in a relationship.
written by moo moo, 05 August, 2011
smilies/shocked.gif
Boys... *says sarcastically* what can you do?
written by goodwill, 23 September, 2011
If only these men would flirt at you too!

Wait I’m also a man! But then women do flirt also.

The only thing I could think of to counter this was to flirt with your flirtatious partner! When your partner looks at you smile seductively. Touch him constantly. Whisper sweet nothings. Show how interested you are to your partner. It would be impossible for him not to flirt back and it would also be good to your partner to know that you are interested at him/her.

Don’t overdo it though. Just ordinary flirting because you are interested at your partner not because you are jealous. When your interested flirt when your jealous tell.
written by bbologna, 29 September, 2011
ok so is my hubby of 12 years requesting women to be in their underwear on youtube considered flirting? Cause I have an issue with this..but he says i should be ok with it? I don’t think he’d be fine with me gawking at another mans package and giving wonderful comments right? Am I wrong to not trust him?
written by blingyboo, 14 December, 2011
My gf and I are in the same situation. I’ve never had a problem with any of her co-workers until about a month ago. I’m gay she’s bi, we’ve been together 8 months. She recently started hanging out with a much older co-worker male from her work. They started going out for drinks because she says, he told her an ex-employee was saying mean things about her and he felt she should know. We are in a LDR right now and I’m moving in with her next month. I just recently got back from visiting her and, she always talks about him. Every time she goes out after work its either just with him or him and another guy. This co-worker has admitted to her that he is attracted to her and would date her but, according to her, he knows she loves me and he isn’t in the right mind to date anyone right now. I did some snooping on her cell phone when I went to visit her last. I found a couple of questionable texts from him. One of which seems to imply a sexual favor in return for a specific holiday gift. He’s always inviting her out for drinks and she goes, but says nothing happens. I did find out that she did invite him over to her house and didn’t tell me until I found photos of him on her phone sitting in her living room. Also there were texts about teasing a third co-worker into believing they’re married and with child. I’m not sure how she responded to him since I didn’t see her reply. She tells me she loves me and will never leave me. And in some ways I kind of believe her. But in some ways I don’t. Because he’s always texting her throughout the day, and she texts him back but usually deletes the texts once she gets them. But to be fair she does it with everyone she gets texts from, even me. There was also the issue of a mans hoodie I found in her house. She says its the hoodie of a friend’s husband, but she borrowed it from the friend and while I was there made no effort to return it. This friend works with her BTW so she could have easily returned it to her. My GF says this man is very unattractive, but extremely sensitive, and she believes he is gay. But what kind of gay man would send sexually suggestive texts to my GF and then tell her he’s attracted to her and really wants to date her but wont because of ME. Also before I left I found another text from him, asking her to attend a concert at the church he attends. I didn’t get to stay long enough to read her answer. So am I being paranoid or do I have reason to be concerned. PS. She doesn’t hang out with any of the other co-workers she used to outside of work anymore.
written by selosa, 14 January, 2012
I always experienced that .... in my ex-boyfriends when there is an attracted girl.. i experienced to be denied as a girlfriend when a attracted girl talked to him the girl said "who’s with u? Is that your girlfriend?? and he said "sort of" in front of me... It hurt me so much but i keep it to myself.. there’s no word from me spoken.. i did everything for him but he never changed so I broke up with him then he beg and said please stay I love you and I don’t know what to do if ever i lost you.. even i love him my decision will never change, I am numb to the pain he caused me and I don’t want to hurt anymore. I want peace of mind.. I want to feel that I was loved in return... he is in need but not in love that’s why he wanted me to stay... I ended a relationship that I will never be happy.. I deserved someone who will love me and make me feel that I am worthy... after a month and until now he wants me badly to come back to him because he realized who i am to him in his life but it’s too late... i moved on.... he never gave me importance when I’m with him... Now I lost my confidence in myself even I know that I’m not ugly because of what I experienced to him that now I am trying to put it back... love someone who will love you and will be contented on you and someone who will makes u feel like your the most beautiful girl/woman in the world even your not...
written by selosa, 14 January, 2012
all men are flirt...
written by Rebeca Siren, 20 January, 2012
Many people, especially in the dating scene must rely on more subtle flirting techniques to let others know of our interest. It involves a fair bit of game playing and body language. When couple do that, I think it is better to Admire and appreciate it, or someone else will smilies/wink.gif
written by jolene, 09 February, 2012
Sad init?>smilies/sad.gif
written by Totty, 21 February, 2012
If a person occasionally flirts with any one other than their partner, they are probably just seeking reassurance about their attractiveness. You can turn this into a positive by having a chat about how to improve your relationship. If they continue to flirt or regularly do so, then this is disrespectful and it’s time for you to get out! They don’t care about you. They are selfish, hurtful and unkind. they want out but are using you as a way of confirming their attractiveness, to others. you get them out of the house on a friday and saturday night and enable them to gain access to other women! A guy I once liked, was always flirting with me, but when I asked him out he said he couldn’t date me as he was the teacher of my adult class! Yes. We are in our early 30’s! So why couldn’t we date? And why flirt if he took that view? The answer is because he is needy and insecure! My interest in him boosted his ego and that was more important to him than anything I was feeling! How odd though, that he never considered how stupid he would make himself look! I was embarrassed i’d ever liked him and began ignoring him. he then sat another class mate, who liked him, directly in front of me and forced me to watch him flirt with her instead! Yuk! What a pig! Where was his pride? He kept smiling at me over her shoulder, as if to say ‘i don’t need you. I have options. I can easily find someone else!’ I hope you feel jealous Knowing I have someone else and you don’t?’ my answer is ‘no. I feel relieved to have found out what a pig you are, at very little cost to myself. You on the other hand have no shame and you have shown that you lack respect for yourself and others! You are a self centered immature prick! You use people to get to where you aspire to be! Yet fail to realize that your bad behaviour is clear for all intelligent, confident women to see. We are not fooled by you. Unlike the poor, insecure, needy creature you are now forcing yourself to live with, now you have to pay for your teenage daughter to attend university! I wonder if either of them notice then when you put your arms around her, you are still looking over her shoulder at me? If she see’s this and is willing to accept this behaviour, that’s her problem! If Your daughter see’s this, she will not respect or admire you. you will become a victim of your own success, your low self esteem and bad behaviour. Your daughter will seek comfort elsewhere. Perhaps with anyone she can get, in a desperate need for someone who truly loves, more than they love themselves.

written by ASHAMEGIRL, 12 March, 2012
I THINK?(KNOW)THAT MY BOFRIEND LIKES MY COUSIN HE USE TO POKE HER ON FACEBOOK. HE CALLED HER EVRYDAY RIGTH AFTER I LEFT FOR VACATION. ONE TIME I FOUND A TEXT SAYING HOW BEAUTIFUL SHE LOOK LIKE A ANGEL. I CONFRONT HIM HE SIAD HE JUST BEING FRIENDLY. THEN I ASK HER WHAT WAS GOING ON SHE TOLD ME HE BOTHER HER TO MUCH HE CALL HER PRETTY AND ALWAYS CALLING. HE SAID HE DOESNT LIKE HER HE WAS JUST BEING FRIENDLY. I FEEL SOO ASHAME LIKE THIS HAPPEN MAYBE CAUSE I WASNT TAKING CARE ABOUT MYSELF NOW I AM LIKE SHOULD I LEAVE HIM O STAY WITH HIM BUT EVERYTIME HE SAY SOMETHING NICE TO ME IS LIKE HE SAID TO HER. WHEN I ASK HIM WHAT HE SEES IN HER HE GET MAD AND TELLS ME TO SHUT UP AND IGNORE ME. WHAT SHOULD I DO BREAK UP WITH HIM? (I BEEN WITH HIM FOR 7YEARS)
written by ego man bore me, 24 March, 2012
Ex enjoyed flirting in front of me all the time, seriously got tired of his insecurities and being needy, as I got to know him within 6 months I realized he wanted to be mothered n smothered, 45 years I mean hardly a man. I saw a lot of manipulation which I hated badly, dealing with sociopath wasn’t fun. Decided to give loser the flick, never looked back yeehaaa. He was conman feeding off females, kicked myself meeting loser online lol. Watch ya funds and ya heart ok ladies a lot of mental cases looking for free meal n bed. Don’t be blind by games. Oh 1 more thing condoms around for reason look after your health as well plenty of stds
written by unknown, 30 March, 2012
Sometimes partner will flirt to hurt missus, manipulation. Ex played those games 24-7, tired of it, left loser, very happy alone smilies/smiley.gif
written by Jara, 11 October, 2012
Relieved to read that there are others going through this. A man who feeds off the attention and affection of women will crush your spirit....I know. Men who deny it (sometime vehemently. " though doth protest too loudly") and blame the woman are cruel manipulators...and they don’t want to give up the seductive feeding frenzy that bolsters their adolescent ego....I know. This type of relationship is like being stuck on a roller coaster....a roller coaster is thrilling for 3 minutes the ups and downs....get stuck on it for 3 hours you’ll be at the edge of insanity. After 2 years on/off dating and 5 years of heartbreak (and sometimes terror) of a marriage with such a man.....i am weak...wounded..but healing...I am off the ride.-
written by Jeanine, 09 November, 2012
Thank you Jara, I am preparing to get off the ride now. I am done, finished and every time I read something like you wrote I am more certain. as a matter of fact one of the worst memories with him was in an hour plus line to ride the latest roller coaster, he just fell in love right there in line and I felt like trapped animal.
written by stumpvillage, 15 November, 2012
Most every one of these comments feels like my relationship. There’s too much to write here, but I’ve been through him flirting in front of me and holding my hand UNDER the table to letting a flight attendant basically feel him up (she knew I was with him but that’s another topic) while I sat next to him in shock.

The worst thing is between the 20+ incidences over our five years together he is literally a dream and I am treated like a princess. THIS IS THE HALLMARK OF AN ABUSER.

It’s taken me 5 years to get it because when I would speak up it always became my fault. A wall would end up with a hole, a flatscreen broken. To keep peace my only choice has been to suffer in silence, hoping things will get better and he will see how good I’ve been despite everything.

I’m working hard not to feel ashamed that I was manipulated by a possible sociopath, because that is his goal. I’m done being crushed mentally and emotionally. Before I met him I was happier, healthier, an independent woman with my own money and my own apartment. PLEASE be wary of men that are good to be true.

I let him get us an apartment that is too expensive. He didn’t approve of my work so I quit to make him happy. He would make sure I had money at first, but sure enough that came to a stop. If I want to go out with friends I need to ask him for money. If I need tampons guess who gets a text message?

It’s not that cash is tight, he is aware that I want to move when the lease is up and now he suddenly wants to marry me. It’s angers me because I genuinely believe he is not capable of love. I want a man to propose because I am loved, not because I am trying to get away. Controlling men don’t want you to get away easily when the fairytale is over. Be careful who you trust. Back to quietly plotting my escape and trying to find a job! smilies/angry.gif
written by This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it , 22 February, 2013
how can i deal with my lover cheating on me

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