Past Comments – I have a great relationship but there is no sexual excitement

so true
written by Guest, 17 January, 2006

My husband and I used to have a wild and exciting sex life. But after 10 years of marriage its a whole another story: BORING!

same here
written by Lori97, 26 January, 2007

My husband and I have only been married a year and a half. In the beginning we couldn’t get enough of each other.. now we both gripe that it isn’t frequent enough. We have gone from daily to bi-monthly. Other than that we have a great relationship. We are both attracted to each other, Its almost like we are too comfortable with each other now.

Passionless
written by Guest-B, 02 March, 2007

I have no say. My wife has decided that sex is a minimal part of the relationship. If I had a dime for every ‘encounter’ the last year, I wouldn’t have a dollar. More than that, when I give her hugs, she stands stock still and doesn’t even lift her arms around me. I try to give her a kiss, and it is never more than a peck that is allowed. Holding hands? hah! Public displays of any kind? Forget it.

And when we do get ‘around to it’ it is mechanical and stale. She is strictly a passive player, I always have to initiate. That way, she gets to accept or reject. I enjoy giving, I just wish I had a more receptive and reciprocal partner! Every touch is seen as a prelude to sex for her, so she chooses not to respond at all. After years of this kind of rejection, am I stupid, a martyr, or a saint?

I stumbled into this site, and haven’t cheated, but I would be easy prey under the right circumstances. We have had counseling, she’s read books, been treated for depression, and spent many a long night talking about these issues. Yet, we still have separate bedrooms. I want a wife, not a roommate. Any advice?

written by Emm, 14 September, 2007

Hey Guest B that’s exactly what my boyfriend would say about me! We haven’t had sex all year and I don’t plan on having any with him. I love him, don’t get me wrong but sexually it just isn’t there! I don’t know how much longer we can go on or how much longer I can go on living a lie!

written by tigger, 29 October, 2007

Sorry to hear about your lack of a sex life, it could have been me writing this. My wife’s rejection of me started 10 yrs ago, after our last child and ongoing depression. I have stayed because of the children, but hope to find love, affection and sex some time in the future. I really don’t think partners who go off sex and are also unable to give any affection either, appreciate how devastating it is. My self esteem and confidence are gone, replaced by a daily diet of bitterness and resentment.

written by Nan51, 07 December, 2007

It is time to give up. If your wife cannot even give you a loving hug than you need to see the truth in this. Her truth is she is not interested in you as a husband and she is not interested in herself as a wife. She let go of her womanly wondrous position. If you did what she is doing to you, to the combined marriage, than it would be a cold silent house. Start hugging yourself. It maybe good for you to find a way that is best suited to you in either getting your marriage intact again, because now you may not feel you have a marriage,or put yourself back in the position you use to be prior to this bombardment of rejection. A hug goes a long way, and she is giving absolutely nothing.

written by Rod, 12 April, 2008

I could have written that one from Guest B. It’s so frustrating being in a loveless marriage. She doesn’t care about sex. At all.

written by moved, 19 May, 2008

Hey I am in a relationship that works for me and my partner he doesn’t enjoy or feel the stimulation of intercourse he says and I don’t like the issues that go along with it. However we are very close and intimate with one another and living happily with out the act of sex.

written by Shocked, 07 June, 2008

I read all comments and I am shocked how many people live without sex. I am also shocked to hear how people substitute other "more important" connections for sex. SEX is GREAT!!! It gives you pleasure, self esteem, intimacy, adrenaline, weight loss... I can go on for ever. I think sex fades over time, which is sad. I feel that people go looking for that excitement other places, and thereby cheat. I would love for someone to tell me what you can do to feel that same excitement with the same partner again. The thing is, I love sex! But most of all, I love how my heart loans for that person at first. Why does it fade away? Why can it not stay forever. I am losing my mind, even though my sex life is great. Its the excitement I am missing. Someone, please help...

written by Question, 10 June, 2009

Um. Is it possible these men that are not interested in having sex with their women are gay?

written by Farah, 12 June, 2009

Read the comments you idiot. the men are interested, their wives aren’t reciprocating.

written by Edith Makhubedu, 09 October, 2009

My boyfriend I have been together for two years and have a daughter, our sex was so exciting after the birth but months later he started to make excuses and making love only once a month unlike weekly the way we used to.

written by Jasmyn, 03 December, 2009

I understand where a lot of you are coming from. I regret to say that I have cheated in the past when my husband and I were apart from each other for over a year. He thankfully forgave me and we’re together again... However, the thought has been crossing my mind more frequently lately. I truly do love my husband, but that spark isn’t there anymore it seems. I keep trying to start, and he’s not in the mood, like, EVER! I miss how it was before, when we first got together it was a daily experience, sometimes multiple in each day. But now, four years to the day since our first time having sex together, I’m lucky if I get some once a month. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to hurt him again... But I have needs too! I’m scared that I’ll do it again and lose my marriage. HELP!

written by Dutch Woman, 30 July, 2011

You should love yourself first, always. And do what makes you happy – so that you can be the best person/ lover/ wife/ husband/etc for the world around you, which means also for your husband or wife. Take responsibility for your life and your happiness and your love!! You will get what you ask for- but ask for it. And be honest. Don’t ask for something while deep inside you want something else. Be truthful- first to yourself then to your partner... First do an inner search and don’t try to change the other. You are responsible yourself for being happy or satisfied. If you are like that – that’s sexy and attractive. Sex is a human need like food and sleep- and all these people I hear above are standing far away from who they really are. They are far away from nature- it’s asking for problems.. Find your nature- get rough and dirty! Enjoy!!!

written by anna1947, 06 November, 2011

Married 40 plus years and the last 30 have been sexless. The first 10 years husband was just faking that he enjoyed sex. It wasn’t that great anyway! maybe we had sex 2 dozen times. I still feel like a virgin. He isn’t gay or into porn, he hasn’t any friends he goes no where, doesn’t use a computer and has little use of a phone.

written by..., 10 January, 2012

We’ve been in a committed relationship for 10 years now, living together for 7. When we were first dating we had sex several times a day. Once living together it was still daily if not every other day. For the last few years it has really slowed down. We are both young in our mid 30’s. He has lost all interest blaming it on medications he is on & his issues with depression. We are lucky to have sex once a month. It has become more like once every other month. I don’t know what to do. I’ve been thinking about finding someone knew. We are best friends & have a great relationship otherwise I just think that sex is an important part of one’s relationship.

written by Khalidd, 19 January, 2012

I believe sex relationship can be renewed, done differently, there are many different ways to do so. You could both travel to some where different for a week, counting it as a new honeymoon. Also acting, yes acting as you guys are meeting for the first time. Maybe acting that one of you is a foreigner, wear different clothes, maybe Arabian clothes, maybe a flight attendant uniform etc etc. Also having a different way of doing sex would also feel different.

written by Ligh My Fire, 23 August, 2012

If you have a brother or sister, no matter how much you love him or her, once you find a mate, you’ll leave your brother and sister and live with your mate. For sex. So, if sex breaks loving sibling relationships, you bet sex will break platonic husband-wife relationships. Then again, some people don’t seem to mind turning a marriage into a brother and sister relationship, or in other words, regressing. So sad. So immature. So rooted in fear of loneliness. Fear. Destroys. Everything.