Past Comments – Events similar to his past cheating have me concerned

written by MelB, 10 March, 2012

Weigh up the evidence and what you know about his character and then choose to believe or not.

Note: the sex issue can be a big contributing factor to men deciding to cheat. Sex is usually the #1 way they achieve intimacy and connection with their partner, so when we withhold it can tell them that we don’t desire them, don’t find them attractive and thus don’t love them -- even if we don’t mean that at all! I’ve been guilty of this for years and when I realized recently (when almost losing my hubby to another woman giving him lots of positive attention) it completely changed my attitude to sex and consequently we’ve been making love a lot more often. Used to be about 5 times a year! Now about 5 times a month.

Anyway, from what u said I personally think he’s telling truth. Just make it known that you need 100% honesty from him, even if ge thinks you will get mad just so you can maintain your trust in him, which is so important in relationship.

Also total cut off from other woman will help heal your relationship much more. Sadly they cannot be friends as it is just too risky. Also speaking from experience. Though I trust my hubby the other woman could not let go of her feelings for him and always attempted to get his attention "as a friend" that I made him cut her off completely – she needed to get some female or single male friends instead of trying to get more emotionally intimate with my hubby. So glad she is gone.

written by smariel, 01 April, 2012

I’m really sorry, I think this all sounds VERY suspicious. Regardless of all these people corroborating his story, it’s just weird. Point is, if he’s trustworthy, he should be honest and open with you. It doesn’t matter whether he thinks you’d flip out, he should not be participating in behavior that you find concerning! Why isn’t he going out of his way to reassure you rather than doing sketchy things behind your back? He should definitely not be calling an ex-affair’s # without telling you about it first, if nothing other than to avoid the possibility of impropriety and to ensure that you feel comfortable. Even if there isn’t an affair going on, what he did is immature and wrong. If, for ex, he had told you ahead of time that he needed to call these people / places, would you have flipped out? Even if you had, why can’t he deal with that. And, if you asked him not to do these things, what would he have done? Would he have respected you? Again, regardless of whether the affair is happening he has been very disrespectful of you. I’m not sure I see how this guy is ever going to make you (or any woman) happy. I know how hard this all is to figure out and I’m sorry you’re in this position. Good luck.

written by Tornup, 05 June, 2012

I’m in the same situation. When I first dated my husband he made it clear that he didn’t want a relationship even though he told me that we were exclusive. We dated on and off for a year and a half and I decided to end the relationship. At this point we were going to be serious or not. So he agreed to be serious and started to introduce me to his friends. After this I found out that the whole time he was seeing me he also had a girlfriend for the past four years. I was devastated but decided to stay with him. Now we have been together for more than five years and gotten married and have a child together. From time to time I would look through his phone and finds that he deletes a lot of the text messages that he text other girls. He tells me that he didn’t want me to snoop and that’s the reason he deleted the messages. Recently I heard a message from this girl asking when he’s coming to see her on his birthday. She says that her husband will be home until 2 so call her when he’s coming. I confronted her and he says she’s only a friend and she married with two kids. He told me that he is friend with her husband as well. Since I always had trusting issue with him I looked deeper in the past phone bill. Come to find out that he often text her sometimes 20 times a day. Even on Valentine day. I brought it up to him again and he denied. I just found out today that he installed a text app so I won’t be able to see that’s he’s been texting her. But I got in and found disturbing text. He text her that he wants to see her but she says she was out with her kids all day and was to tired to get ready. She then text him that she loves him and he replies back with I love you too and then she replies back I love you more. So with that said I confronted him and he says that he’s just friend and won’t owe up to it. He says that if it helps he can have me meet her and her husband. I just do not see the use. Im just so torn in what to do. If I stay how can I get past it. But if he’s telling the truth then am I ending my marriage for nothing.