My wife has cheated on me and treated me poorly
I recently found out my wife was cheating. We’ve been married 14 years this November, but in March I uncovered signs that she was cheating. And when I accessed her phone it was there in black and white on her WhatsApp. Twice. She said she stopped it but didn't.
She even planned to go and move in with this person a few months later. She said she never slept with him but that's not what the conversations say.
We have never been able to have children due to her medical condition, Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, despite multiple attempts at fertility treatments. She has been chatting to other men over messenger and WhatsApp for years and I believe she continues to do so.
I have caught her lying, I have tried to work on our marriage, to be there for her but to no avail. She does not seem to want to rebuild the trust between us. I am completely at my wit's end. Oh, and now she wants space and time to think for the second time at her mother's house, this time when her father is away. I love this woman dearly but the constant lies, deception, secrets are killing me slowly band destroying me emotionally.
I am not one for trial separations. If she wants a separation, then my answer is rip the band aid off and divorce. Separations are for people who want something else and when they don't find it they come back to what they had. I don't believe I should be a consolation prize or someone's backup. I don't think of her that way, but the love I fear is starting to turn to hate with what she is doing.
Separations work for some couples. It can give partners a change in perspective and the space needed to evaluate what they want out of their relationship.
Based on your question, however, it seems like there is a larger issue at stake. You state that your wife has repeatedly cheated on you, lied to you, and considered leaving you. Relationships work best when they are based on mutual trust, respect, and concern (see healthy relationships).
Staying with a partner who does not show concern for your feelings and consistently betrays your trust can take a toll on your mental, physical, and emotional health. Research shows that people who leave an unhealthy relationship generally fair better when the relationship comes to an end.
Many people avoid making difficult decisions about ending a relationship because the loss of a partner causes enormous grief. Ending a relationship, even an unhealthy relationship, is painful. In the long run, however, people who leave unhealthy relationships fair better than those who stay with partners who treat them poorly.
I have my own question to ask
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