My husband is in love with me and another woman
I am currently going through a horrendous time after finding out my husband has been cheating on me.
We have been together for 5 years and only got married 8 months ago. This has been such a shock and I still feel that I don’t want to lose him.
He works away during the week and comes home at weekends, which is how this relationship with a girl from his work started. She is pretty, young and has a very rich father so she is also buying him lot so of lavish gifts and flights to see her.
Recently she started an internship abroad but they are still in touch. She claims to be in love.
Throughout the time since I found out, he has been constantly lying. He is a very unsophisticated liar and I can usually tell. He is being very inconsistent- one minute saying he wants me and next that he doesn’t.
I just don’t understand what’s going on. Or what I’ve done wrong, I’m in so much pain. He told me at the weekend that it’s me he sees in his future and he rang her to end things in front of me. I’ve since discovered that he’s contacted her and apologized and their relationship is still on.
It’s like he wants to have both of us. I know he still loves me but he keeps saying cruel and hurtful things and will not talk to me, especially during the week. Face- to-face seems different, where he softens and shows love. I still love him and want to try to forgive him. But until he ends it with her there is nothing to forgive.
I’m not coping well. I have great friends and family but I suffer from anxiety and this is making it worse.
Any advice would be really appreciated.
Response:
You haven’t done anything wrong. It sounds like your husband is in love with two people—you and the other woman. As hard as it may be to understand, not everyone falls in love with only one person. Some people experience love with more than one person at a time. There is actually a community of people who accept and celebrate this aspect of their lives (see polyamory).
It is possible that your husband is torn being in love with both of you. He may not want to leave either or you – both of you are important to him.
Despite what your husband may want, the important question to focus on is what you want. Do you want to share your husband with another woman? If not, then you should talk to a therapist to help you set goals and implement strategies to make sure that your priorities and needs are met.
Shared values are important in a romantic relationship. If you and your husband are not on the same page when it comes to what love entails, then your pain and anguish are understandable. When you respect your own needs, and take steps to protect yourself, good things will follow.
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