My boyfriend wants to get married but he has a porn habit
I have been together with my boyfriend for nearly two years. This last year, we have been long-distance because he enlisted in the Marine Corps, and we are not married. I am still in college, and have big plans for my future.
A lot has happened in the past year, I was always told that he would change, but I never knew what that change would be.
Before he left for boot camp, I found out he constantly watched porn without me knowing. Once I shared my feelings with him on how that made me feel, he promised not to do it again. He didn’t keep that promise, he only tried to hide it better. He failed, and now fast forward a year and a half of battling with this addiction, he broke the promise a fifth time. It’s obvious he’s not quitting, even for me.
In my opinion, I don’t believe porn is healthy. Others have a different view, but that is my own. The other thing that I constantly hate is how hypocritical he is with it. He would not like me to partake in such thing, and I don’t. I’m not interested in it, I feel like it is degrading to women and one shouldn’t lust over other people while being in a relationship. I have tried to make my own videos and I’ve sent many pictures throughout this past years. We even video chat. But it’s still not enough.
He wants to marry, and I was completely okay with marrying young (we’re 18). He is bound to deploy soon, and I was willing to go to school online so he would have someone to come home to… but so many things have happened since we have been apart.
Constant lying, breaking promises, he has done things that I know for a fact he would not be okay with me doing. It just hurts because of how sweet he talks to me, but when he’s on his own he does otherwise. I know he loves me dearly, but his wandering eyes is what constantly hurts me. I feel like he can’t settle down. He wants someone to come home to, and he loves me with all his heart but he wants to have others things on the side. I find it disrespectful and it hurts, because I know he would die of jealousy if I looked at men the other way, or if my social media feed would include pictures or videos, of half-naked or naked, men.
I don’t want to end the relationship because it’s the first I have had that has been so serious. I have only imagined a future with him, and I have forgiven him so many times, but I know for a fact he won’t keep this next promise and I don’t want to live my life with a man who will not stay true to his word. I don’t know what to do, or maybe I do.
How do I cope with a man who has such wandering eyes? I feel so unappreciated.
Response:
Porn is a serious issue. Research shows that it does harm to a relationship. If you’re already feeling the negative effects of your boyfriend’s porn habit, slow things down.
Feelings of love are the most intense in the beginning of a relationship. Many couples decide to overlook problems and rush into commitments without thinking about the long-term consequences.
Passionate love—the type of love you feel at the start of a relationship—can cause people to ignore warning signs, make commitments they later regret, and it doesn’t last. Passionate love fades with time. So, if you’re already experiencing problems in the first two years of your relationship, it will probably only get worse, not better.
If you can, take your time. Don’t make a decision about marriage until you’ve hit the four year point. At that time, you’re more likely to make the decision to get married (or not) with a clear head.
Your long-term happiness depends on being in a relationship where you feel valued, where your expectations are being met, where you can trust your partner, and where you don’t feel like there are double standards in your relationship.
It’s very difficult to make wise choices within the first two years of a relationship. If you’re already having doubts, give it more time and you’ll be more likely to assess your choices clearly and wisely.
lying boyfriend | problems with pornography | trust issues
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