Lied to my ex about cheating and now he won’t forgive me

My ex boyfriend despises me; I lied to him saying that I had done things with other people when I really hadn’t. I said it to make him jealous. Aw awful as that sounds, it’s true and I don’t know why I did it, to see if he loved me or what but I still don’t know but I regret it.

He doesn’t want anything to do with me, but I want to make things right with him and I know I can change for the better, but I don’t know how I can gain his trust back. He doesn’t think I’m sorry at all or guilty. He thinks I never cared about him but I cared about him more than I’d like to admit.

Our conversations always end up in a fight and it always ends with him saying, "I hate you!" He says I don’t deserve a second chance, which I don’t, but I want to right my wrongs and prove to him that we can work and that I’d never lie to him again, but how do I do that if he won’t even consider trying?

Response:

People, who have an anxious style of attachment, are more likely to try to make their partners jealous as a means of testing them. People with an anxious style of attachment are also more likely to care about their partners more than they care to admit. When problems arise, people with an anxious style of attachment are also more likely to try to fix their mistakes by promising that it will never happen again (see anxious attachment).

If you have an anxious style of attachment, it probably helps to focus on your underlying emotions rather than trying to repair the damage done with your ex-boyfriend. Seeing a counselor and meditation can help you deal with your underlying anxiety.

When problems in a relationship are due to one’s style of attachment, problems in one relationship often reemerge in future relationships. Again, all the more reason to deal with your underlying emotions and not what transpired between you and your ex.

Your ex has made his feelings clear. He doesn’t want to be involved with you. Be respectful of how he feels. Don’t put your own feelings ahead of his wishes. If you push your ex to forgive you, when he doesn’t want to, it only signals how little you care about his feelings.

If you can find a way to take care of yourself and leave your ex out of it, you’ll be better off in the long run.

anxious attachment | lying girlfriend | my jealousy | trust issues

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