I am in love with a man who does not love me back
I’m in love with a man who has recently lost his wife. He is a farther of three children ages 2, 6, and 13. The 13 year old is from a previous marriage. This man is a very intellectual man who seems to have great values, loves his family very much and was very much in love with his wife.
She has only been deceased for 8 months and he decided two months after her passing that he would reach out for companionship. I ended up meeting this man and talked to him online and through text as well as conversations on the phone. In November I was ready to meet him face to face.
Three minutes after meeting him we were attacking one another, we have continued our meetings and it seems like it’s nothing more than a sexual relationship. (He’s only viewed me in night clothing) we make love for hours up to 12 hours at a time. I like him more than he likes me; I’m borderline in love.
About two weeks ago I decided to ask where his commitment level was with me and he said that my feelings scared him and that he discussed this with is therapist, the Dr. informed him that I was temporary, a void filler and the situation was short lived.
I see him maybe twice a month because of his sitter situation but when I’m not around him I miss him, when I think of him I cry for him, when he does come to me I never want it to end. When he shared his feelings and then stated he was also just having "conversations" with other women and one was an ex-fiancé who wants him to move in with her.
This confused me due to the fact that obvious these ladies must care for him on a serious level by offering him and the children to move in and she’s also a "EX" for a reason the other lady just wants him in all ways. I just want to know what makes him afraid and confused about me and I have never asked him to move in with me. I simply want to build something with this man. I really want clarity between me and the other women in his life. I said to him I will stop sending you the sweet text messages, I woncall you and when you’re ready for me you come to me.
I know basically, I was given him permission to give me whatever he saw fit that I deserved. I’m better than what I’m getting but I also love him from the bottom of my heart that it hurts so bad, I just donknow how to walk away from this situation.
Response:
Your question is full of troubling warning signs. He is scared of your feelings for him. You love him dearly, but there is no genuine basis for love, except the sexual encounters you have had. You seem to be preoccupied with him, even though he has made it clear that he is not interested in a long-term relationship with you.
Based on the information provided, this is probably not the first time you have experienced a situation like this. If this is the case, we cannot stress enough the importance of seeking out professional help. Please find a therapist who specializes treating people with borderline personality disorder. We are not saying that you have such a disorder, but it is worth exploring with a trained therapist. Through therapy you can dramatically change the way you feel about situations and find the type of love you want in your life.
Other Options:
I have my own question to ask
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