I am anxious, he is dismissive. Will it work out?
My boyfriend and I are on a weeklong thinking break. He says I donseem happy because I’m always asking for more and always want him to change. He says he doesnknow if the love he feels for me is true love or even romantic love or just platonic love. I’m his first love.
He’s very emotionally closed off because of his family. I love him and although I ask for more from him in regards to being romantic with words, he doesnnot show me romance and I realized I can live with him how he is. I donalways feel like he sees as much in me as my best friend does but that’s because of his inability to express words that are sentimental.
My question is do you think we have a shot here? He’s 22, I am 21, he’s not looking at the future at all but I know one day far off he wants marriage and a family. He’s atheist and I’m Catholic but I can accept that.
I could do more to be a better girlfriend and am willing to do so. But if he is so unsure of if he loves me am I set up for failure?
He tends to overthink things and said all this after I put a lot of pressure on him about our future. Please help me. I’m so sad.
Response:
Based on the information provided, it does not seem like this relationship will work out in the long run. In fact, it sounds like a classic case of a dismissing individual (your boyfriend) dating an anxious-ambivalent person (you).
If this is the case, you are in a toxic relationship. Your needs run counter to each other and neither one of you will ever be happy together.
We have written an article on this dynamic, which will shed light on what you are experiencing.
anxious attachment | dismissing attachment
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